28th June, 2017
Belated Eid greetings, my lovely readers <3
"Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwaa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]."
[al-Hujuraat 49:13]
Chapter 26:
Everything's A Mess
Natasha, did you take me into The Mind Reader on Shamaaz's recommendation? - Anabya
Ummm... Why would you think that? - Natasha
I heard stuff from my Dean. - Anabya
I promised someone not to give out their secret. - Natasha
So it's him, isn't it? - Anabya
Why do I feel like you don't like Shamaaz? - Natasha
Natasha please answer my question. - Anabya
I asked you a question as well. - Natasha
Don't say it, it's alright. I got my answer. - Anabya
But I didn't get mine. - Natasha
*10 minutes later*
He's a good guy. - Natasha
'I DON'T CARE,' Anabya wanted to yell but gulping her emotions, she packed her bag and got out of class.
After the encounter with the Dean and upon having discovered the unexpected, Anabya did not know what to think. She knew humans were social animals and at some point of time in life, you needed to take help from those around you. But call it a negative trait, but she, hands down, absolutely hated taking favors.
She would go on to conquer the world alone but she'd shy away from asking for help. Yes, she had to change that about her and life would have been so much more bearable if she did, but this is how she had always been. And in a way, you couldn't blame her. Because every time you think good about humans, they leave you disappointed.
So when she found out the reason behind her getting into such a reputed institute for internship was Shamaaz, she was left disheartened.
Maybe she was being ungrateful, but she felt so horrible. This was suppose to be her thing, something that she had worked for and achieved. Among all her classmates, she was the only one to have got into TMR and she saw this as a huge success, it had boosted her self confidence.
But now to have found that she had gained that spot because of someone's recommendation, and that someone being Shamaaz of all the people in this big bad world, left her simply disappointed.
Could she not achieve anything on her own?
And come to think of it, the other side of the coin, she didn't know why Shamaaz recommended her. What devil possessed him to even think about helping her when she had been anything but nice to him? A tiny part of her heart softened at the action, but the bigger part was left confused and pained.
Why was life such a mess?
With these thoughts racing in her mind, she reached home to find it buzzing with activity.
"Assalamu alaikum," She mumbled and slumped on the chair, leaving her satchel on the ground and gulping water.
"Waiikumsalaaam! Beee Phop! Sissa! Sissa is coming!"
She squinted her eyes at that and looked at Tammara, who was sitting beside her mum. Her heart picked up speed and wiping her mouth, she waited for her sister to say something, anything.
Was she... could her sister have been finally giving the blessing she had been yearning for years now?
"What am I missing?" She asked softly, blood rushing to her cheeks.
"We have a good news," Nikhat started.
Even before Anabya could react and jump in joy for Tam's happiness, her mother added, "Go and congratulate Aamina, she's pregnant again alhamdulilah."
"Subhan Allah," she breathed, and her gaze landed on Tammara, who was smiling, with absolutely no hints of remorse.
Her sister was really her superwoman.
She finally looked at Aamina who was sitting on the far end of the couch, and walking up to her, she wrapped an arm around her, and said, "Congratulations, Bhabs! This is amazing. BarakAllahu feeki."
"JazakiAllahu khiaran, Bee. Make dua that it's easy in sha Allah."
"In sha Allah," she prayed. "Just yesterday when we went to Meher's Aqeeqa party, Sulaiman was saying he wants a sister. I asked him to pray to Allah, and see how quickly his prayers were answered."
"I hope it's a girl, in sha Allah," Tammara smiled. And that smile shook Bee's heart. It wasn't envious, there was no hatred; pure and the most sincere form of love was reflected in that smile. "Sulaiman would make an amazing elder brother."
"Furqaan said the same thing yesterday. Let's see, but I don't mind anything."
"In any case, don't share this with anyone just yet. I'm not going to tell Zainab also. Let Aamina cross the three month mark and then we'll share it," Nikhat told her children.
"Yes, that's a good decision," Tammara replied, and for a microsecond Bee detected a mixture of remorse and nostalgia in her sister's eyes but even before she could fathom, it was long gone.
And just like that, she felt her heart break some more.
There was so much she wanted to tell Tammara, but fearing she would touch a sensitive spot, she bit her tongue. And so, that night, when every one slept, she did the only thing she knew.
She spilled her thoughts in words.
My dearest big sis,
I want you to know that you have the kindest heart. You're bossy and Miss. Perfectionist at times, but I love you.
I have seen you grow and become a better version of yourself. I have seen you breakdown in life, make some horribly wrong decisions, test all our patience but you've learnt from your mistakes. Life has been harsh with you in the past, but you've always been a fighter. When I see you, I see a woman who is strong, who is in depth in grief and yet so giving, hopeful and loving.
You've been my shield, and have considered all my problems your own. You're the coolest person in my life, and so full of values that I wish to emulate.
I know life is tough, the waiting period is getting unbearable, and everyone's blessings is a reminder of what you don't have. However, I'm sure good things await, you know why?
Because every calamity has brought you closer to the Rabb, made your heart softer and only made you stronger in deen. You're more patient than you used to be and in sha Allah, I'm sure you're passing these tests that come your way.
Bear a little more, my love, for only a little more remains. To fail is human, but to still hope and stay steadfast is Muslim.
May all your pains be replaced with happiness and may all your dua's be accepted.
Love,
Your lil sis,
Bee
***
Two months after that, the only stress in Anabya's life was from college. Which basically meant her life was good, cuz college stress is such a part of life, it's not even counted anymore, is it? Her mum was busy in the boutique which seemed to be flourishing now and at home, time was spent behind Aamina or taking care of Sulaiman.
However, since happiness does not last long, and peace is not permanent, the big bomb was dropped in her life again in the form of desi aunties.
What was up with desi aunties being rishte wali aunties?
Her arms crossed across her chest, she looked at her mum with pleading eyes.
"Ma, please -"
"Not one word, Anabya," Nikhat cut her off. "I don't want you to say something negative and spoil the whole thing."
"If things would happen based on what I said, I wouldn't be here now," she muttered.
"Speak good. You don't know when the angels will say aameen. Yahya is from California, imagine you'll be going there if things work out. Isn't that nice?"
NO IT ISN'T.
"But-"
"There are only 5 months left for your college to get over. Don't even give me that excuse, it's not valid anymore. Only if we get you fixed now, you can get married soon after your studies."
"But what's the hurry?"
"No one's life is guaranteed, who knows if -"
"Ya Allah, fine I'm not saying anything."
Huffing, she walked back to her room and buried her face in the pillow. She was so done throwing tantrums now, she didn't even have the, 'I have one year of college left please not now' excuse left. If some Yahya's mum wanted to come home today and see her as the prospective daughter in law, then fine, okay, she'll sit in front of them.
If it worked, it worked, if it didn't then she'll just continue her life - single and happy.
This had literally become a routine now and she didn't even want to fight over it.
When evening came, she wore the dress Aamina picked for her and spoke the words her mother told her. She behaved like the perfect DIL material and left them with charming goodbye smiles. Two days later when the desi Aunty who had got the proposal said the family had found another girl they were serious about, dusting her hands and closing the box, like it was a rusty article and not an important decision of her life, she walked on with other essential stuff - like her college dissertation and the likes.
However, what she thought was a closed case was only the beginning of a serious matter.
Something was wrong.
Even Anabya, who was so incredibly busy that if she wasn't working at college, or in the field, she'd be working on her laptop at home, noticed it. And it wasn't a trivial case, because something was seriously wrong between her mum and Furqaan.
And for the life of her, Anabya couldn't place her finger on the reason.
"Bhabhi, what's going on?" She asked Aamina one evening, who had just put Sulaiman to sleep.
"What happened?" She asked instead.
"Is there some problem? Mummy and Bhai seem to be really upset. And I'm beginning to get scared, because most of the times, Bhai bends down to mum's decisions. From the past two days, they've hardly spoken and things seem off."
"You finally noticed?" Aamina questioned. "Things have been this way since Yahya's proposal."
With raised eyebrows, she asked, "It's been that long? What's the matter?"
When Aamina seemed hesitant, she nudged her lightly and requested, "Please, Bhabhi, tell me. I ought to know."
Sighing, Aamina replied, "I'm going to be upfront with you, Bee, because neither mum nor Furqaan's going to do it. Through her boutique, mum has developed a really strong relationship with Tanzila Aunty. They've become great friends and the boutique is doing well too, the major share is Tanzila Aunty's in this, so in a way, whatever she says influences mum. The second part of the story is that mum is highly disturbed that whatever proposals you've got so far, nothing seems to work. And she's worried for you. So in that state of mind, Tanzila Aunty made a suggestion and mum has been ecstatic about it but Furqaan feels the exact opposite."
Anabya was smart so when Aamina started, it did not take time for her to join the dots.
"Does this have something to do with my marriage and her son?"
Aamina nodded and Anabya buried her face in her hands, with a deep sigh. She stayed that way for full five minutes until Aamina patted her lap.
"Mum and Furqaan Bhai's fighting over me?"
"Mummy wants to go ahead with this proposal, but Furqaan literally told her that as long as he's alive, he wouldn't let that happen."
Anabya's eyes filled with tears at her brother's love for her and she'd never felt this helpless.
'I don't want to marry Shamaaz, the very thought has me shuddering in disgust,' she wanted to say but she decided to stay silent, for her house was now divided into two parties.
She bit her lip and although Aamina urged her to stay, shaking her head she headed to her room.
She noticed every action that evening and felt ten times more horrible for she was the cause for it. Her brother came home, said salaam and walked straight to his room. She knew it was his habit to eat something the minute he came home, but seeing that his mum was in the kitchen, he didn't bother going in. After a few minutes, Aamina took a tray with a glass of water and some snacks to their bedroom.
This is not how it was supposed to be.
She watched her mum who looked angry but didn't say a word as she sat down to read the newspaper.
"Mom, what's the matter?"
"It's nothing."
Deciding that she did not want her brother to commit the sin of displeasing their mother because of her, she went to Furqaan's room and called for him.
He started an argument, but finally gave in.
"Why are the two of you fighting?" She asked once they were all settled in the living room.
Before they could state their side of the story, she said, "Ma, you want me to marry Shamaaz, right?"
"Yes. I don't think we should let go of this proposal after everything that has happened in the past."
"I don't think we should compromise on deen because we aren't willing to stay patient," Furqaan replied. "Our Anabya deserves someone better."
"Who are we to judge Shamaaz? He is a good guy."
"I'm not saying he isn't a good guy. All I'm saying is that I can't picture him with Anabya. Bee is strict with Islamic principles, she does not need a guy who does not respect her hijab or who is so free in mingling with girls. I don't care how good of a human he is, if I don't think he's a good Muslim, I'm not going to let Bee marry him. Shamaaz is not the guy for her."
"People change over time. He likes Anabya, I'm sure he will change after marriage."
"And what if he doesn't?" Furqaan challenged. "Then she should suffer with a guy who's hardly on the same page with her?"
"You are being unreasonable. You can't wait for a perfect man."
"I'm not compromising on deen. I'm her wali, and she is my sister. I'm sorry, but I will not throw her into a life I know she won't be happy in. And I'm just following the Islamic protocol for marriage, why should I get her married to a man who I'm not convinced is on the level of imaan that we want?"
"If you are her brother then even I'm her mother, Furqaan," Nikhat raised her voice. "You think I don't want the best for her?"
Anabya noticed Furqaan's clenched fist and the pulsating vein in his forehead, his face was hot with anger but he did not say a word.
"Anabya, it's your life after all," he finally addressed her. "Why don't you state your decision and settle the matter."
Seeing her mum's tear stained face, her heart protested but she couldn't betray her brother who had taken a stand for her.
"Ma," she started softly, "Shamaaz is not the kind of guy I can picture my life with. Bhai is right, don't you think? Can we please just wait and see if we have other proposals?"
"I've lost count of the people who've come to our house for this, and you still want to wait when Shamaaz's proposal is the best that I can think of?"
"But-"
"Do what you want. My children have become too big to take their own decisions. Why has Allah even kept me alive? I'd rather die," her mother began to cry and even as Aamina was trying to get her to see light, she walked to her room and locked the door behind her.
Her life was a mess.
***
The next day, Anabya is found in the park with Sulaiman.
She supervised her nephew from a distance, and kept a watch on him while letting him play with other children his age. Anabya realized how fast things were changing when she looked at her little baby nephew, and observed how much he had grown. She was getting old too, she thought, and she was no more a teenage girl acting reckless, now she was seen as an adult required to take sensible decisions.
But was age such a contributory factor? 12 or 22, Anabya still found it extremely hard to take important decisions, and 12 or 22, she still didn't think she had it in her to see her mother upset. It was funny how a big number made you 'big' when in reality, by mind and heart, you were still a kid. Confused, lost, and tired of drama.
Contrary to that, though, the immediate thought that struck her mind was that yes, she had grown up. Not by age, but the instances that life had thrown her way. Life had begun to seem as a long journey of never ending struggles, and that level of pessimism scared her.
Hope is the only thing she used to have, and she was beginning to feel like she was losing it. And even as it was slipping off her fingers like sand, she knew she couldn't let it go. She had to cup her palms and let hope stay, because if she'd fret and try to cling on it and squeeze it by wrapping her fingers around it harshly, she was going to end up losing all of it, bit by bit.
She did not know what she did to receive this, but as if her gloominess was not enough company already, in that moment, her sorrows took a physical form.
If he had gone to Mumbai he should have stayed there. Why did he find the need to visit every 3-4 months?
She looked away when he joined Sulaiman's squad that was playing freely in the sand, what with their toy trucks and sand buckets.
"Maazy!" Sulaiman screeched, and the well mannered boy even got up and hugged his neighbor.
"Yo Man, how have you been?"
"Wonful!" Sulaiman replied, "You know, the cat ran away with a rat!"
"Yeah? Where did it go?"
"There," he answered excitedly, pointing towards the bushes. "Bad cat ate the rat! So sad!"
"I should be surprised by your rhyming skills, but I know whom you take after," Shamaaz laughed and when he looked at Anabya, she knew she should have been a good Muslim and ignored it, but at that moment, all she could remember was the horrible situation at home. So when Sulaiman went back to his friends, she couldn't stop herself from asking, "Why did you help me through the internship?"
At first, Shamaaz looked surprised but he quickly covered up. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You helped me through the internship and didn't even want me to know about it, what's the reason?"
"Is it necessary to have a reason?"
"Yes."
"Then think that I did it for myself," he shrugged.
"Explain."
"Are you only going to talk to me in one worded sentences?"
When she didn't reply for she was waiting for his answer, he asked, "Will we ever have a decent conversation?"
"Doubtful."
"Wow, this keeps getting worse."
"I'm waiting."
"Yo, there's an improvement, those were two words."
The look on her face, however, was enough to stop him from fooling around. "Consider it as my apology. Am I forgiven?"
"For?"
"For snooping... the journal thing..."
"If it was really an apology, why didn't you push that in my face earlier? Why did you hide it from me?"
"'Bya, sometimes people do good because they want to. Not to show off or boast. I can't believe you're having a hard time digesting the fact that I did it simply because I wanted to. I did it for you but I didn't want you to know... So, am I forgiven?"
Anabya didn't know if she was in the place to answer that. Somehow, if she said aloud what she was thinking, the walls that she'd built between them would narrow.
And she couldn't do that.
So, with her back to him, she walked away. She hated it when he was right and she didn't have the right answers.
_____________________________________________________
OK guys so here's the next chapter that has set the stage for loads of drama. Votes and comments would be appreciated :)
So I'm curious to know if you've seen any person/ or you yourself have been in Anabya's shoes at any point in time. And I'm even more curious to know if you're in Nikhat Aunty's team and want Bee to give Shamaaz a chance and hope that 'he will change with time' or are you in Furqaan's team and think Anabya deserves better? In a real life situation, what decision is generally taken in your community/ country. Would love to hear your views in the comments below and BarakAllahu feekum for your love and support :*