//"So, what's your decision James?"//
James P.O.V
I was asked one of the hardest decisions I had to make in my life, and I still don't know what to do or say.
What is the right thing to do?
This is starting to eat me alive, and I wish I could run from here screaming so I wouldn't have to face this.
Seeing all their faces and eyes on me, I sighed wanting to just rest and not deal with this right now.
I'm tired, and I only want time to think all of this through.
"Guys, I'm really tired. It's been a long day." I was quick to say that, and escape from this difficult decision making.
Even though I know I will have to make a choice either way, and I'm dreading that.
"James, go gets some sleep. You've obviously had a long day. We'll talk about this in the morning." my manager ordered, because he probably noticed that I don't want to talk about this right now.
I got up straight away, like lightening from the couch that I was wanting to get off of and not spend another second on because of the three lads.
The one thing that was on my mind was to get out there, so I began heading to go towards the stairs up to my room where my comfy bed was at that I really needed at the moment.
"Goodnight." the three of them sat, said in unison which made me realize I didn't say anything to them, but I didn't care at the moment.
I turned my head around to face them for a small second.
"Night." I was monotone, but I still gave them a small smile, trying my best.
Which is when I finally moving forward to get to my room where I sleep, so I can be by myself for now.
Stepping up the stairs, and being up already, I found myself being at the location of Connor's room door and not my own.
Staring at it, thinking between knocking on the door to see if he's okay, or just leave him alone right now and give him some space.
Without even thinking this time, I balled my hand to a fist, ready to knock on the door but I stopped myself.
I thought about it for a moment, and I decided to talk to him in the morning, when he's feeling a little bit better, plus I'm tired as well and want this day to be over already.
Really heading to the direction of my room where I am longing to rest my eyes and thoughts, I am now at my door opening it up, making my way into the room and closing the door shut.
Being near my bed, I strip down what I had on for the whole entire day, and put on my comfortable pajamas.
When I was done with that, I was in the washroom now, looking in the mirror, putting my hands up to my face, thinking of all the things that happened today, but then I brushed my teeth and put cold water on my face.
I was ready to go to sleep, where I could go away from this day, but face it tomarrow again, and I'm not looking forward to that at all.
Trudging to get to my bed, I pull the covers and get in there, finally content that I'm in here already and I'm about to go to sleep.
I lay my head down on my cold pillow, how I like it and close my eyes into a deep dark sleep.
Another day tomarrow, another day where I have to make a choice, and another day of me thinking I have to leave Con.
*Next Day*
Waking up is one of the hardest things I have to do in the morning, but I still somehow managed to get up.
Sitting up on my bed, I rub my eyes with my hands, instantly remembering all that happened yesterday.
Going out to the mall with the attractive bassist bassist, going to get coffee with him, that bitchy-ass photographer taking me a photoshoot, going home to get the news that I got a modelling job, and it's in California, and me thinking I have to leave the boys.
Why did it all have to happen like that?
I needed to move and start my day, so I got up and entered the room where the toilet and sink is at to start my morning ritual as usual.
Do my business, brush my teeth and wash my face, and put my hand through my hair to tame it as best as I could.
Knowing I looked somewhat alright, I went out of the bathroom and room to the kitchen, ready for what this day has in store for me.
I was going down to the kitchen to see Brad near the stove, cooking what looks like an omelette with Tristan behind him, having his arms wrapped around his waist.
I bet you want this to be you and Con, but you didn't tell him how you feel, and he doesn't have the same feelings for you.
And you might be leaving him.
Speaking of the blue-eyed boy, I realized he was nowhere to be found near the two boys or the kitchen area.
Where was he?
Was he really not feeling good still?
The two lovebirds saw me standing there, and had smiling looks on their faces as if nothing happened yesterday.
"Morning, Jems." the short curly headed boy greeted me, with a chirpy voice, and his boyfriend smiling at me, making me so confused.
"Morning." was the only thing I could say due to me still processing what happened last night and what was happening right now.
"Do you want an omelette? I can make one for you if you want." then he offered, but I told him it was okay that I could make my own.
"I can make it myself, but thank you." I kindly thanked him, giving him a friendly smile and he did too.
"Okay, but are you sure?" asking again, he wanted to make sure, looking at my face.
"Yeah, I'm sure. But thanks again." I reassured him, with my friendly grin still.
"Okay then." he sounded like as he was bothered that I said I would make my own omelette, which I don't know why.
I pushed that to the side though, and I started juggling whether if I should bring up last night to apologize for it.
But I wanted to say sorry because I feel bad, and I wanted them to know that so I did decide to tell them.
"Look guys. I'm sorry about last night. I didn't expect none of this to happen, it just happened. And now I have to make a choice, I'm sorry I have to make it. I wish I wouldn't have to. But I don't want you guys to pressure me in making a decision. Also like I said, I don't want my choice to affect what we have...our friendship." I poured out all thoughts and feelings, but I wanted to start crying right there in that moment, even though I held the tears in.
"James, like Tristan said, no matter your decision we will support you no matter what. We will still love you, and be bestfriends. If the fans don't respect your decision, then they weren't fans to begin with. So, don't think we are pressuring you. Tris and I just want you to be happy." the lead singer told me all of that, and it meant so much to hear coming from him.
"You will always be our Mchoe." the lanky drummer then said with a a sincere expression, resulting in me laughing and face palming myself, also for the Brummie to turn into a fit of laughter and giggles.
And that's when I thought I couldn't asked for better friends then these two idiots.
So you are just going to leave Connor then?
I need to talk to him, even if he is not feeling well.
Then talk to him.
"Where's Con?" I had curiousity lingering in me but still worry because I feel like he hasn't gotten out of his room yet, and I wonder why.
"Uh, he's still not feeling well. We tried already, and he doesn't want to come down. I guess he's really sick, because he looks terrible." the brown-eyed twenty-one year old informed me while placing his finished omelette into a plate and grabbed two forks, giving one to Tris.
I still don't know why he's not feeling okay, he seemed fine to me yesterday.
I need to see him, and I need to talk to him.
"I'm going to see him." I automatically announced and decided, making the couple widen their eyes, scaring me a bit.
Ignoring the ready egg creation on the plate now, they came near me.
"Man, please don't. He wants to be alone right now, and like I told you, he doesn't look that good." Brad was practically begging me not to see him, and made me mentally question why.
The lanky one of the two agreed with a nod of his head, with saying "yeah, I agree with him on that." that came out from his lips, which had me rolling my eyes on the inside because ofcourse he would agree with his partner.
"Guys, I need to see if he's okay. I can't just not do that, and also I have to talk about this whole thing to him." I explained kind-heartedly because I wanted them to understand.
"Oh, fineee. Only because you love him." the small child was back at it again, with him being annoying saying these things again, with a smirk on his front once more.
The blondie chuckled at that comment, making me roll my eyes.
"I don't love him." I groaned in annoyance, but it looked like they were not falling for it.
"Yeah...sure. Okay then." the short and tall one were joking about my love life, and I have no time to deal with this right now.
"I'm leaving." I was being blunt, and walked away from my irritating bandmates, who were now making kissing noises.
I take that back when I said I loved them, they are just idiots.
And now I'm taking my steps out of the kitchen, going up the stairs then to see the Scottish boy's face that I just want infront of me, ready to have a conversation about me making a decision that could change my life for good.
Why me?