27th May, 2017
"...Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron."
[Qur'an]
Chapter 25:
Qadr Allah
It is said that migraine is the third most common disease in the world. And as Anabya squeezes her eyes close, tangling both her hands on her forehead, she sympathizes with every one in seven person who undergoes this.
She had been looking forward to the weekend, more so because she had loads of pending dissertation work to finish but all her plans go flying in the air as she pulls the duvet closer to her.
It's a horrible, indescribable pain.
It's like a demon sitting in your head, and hitting a hammer on your brain. The cells repulse and fight, but they're too tiny to win over the strikes. It is a gory thing to say, but she feels like cutting her head and keeping it aside if she can just get away from it.
Loud noises, honking of vehicles and fake perfumes give her migraines. But today, on a sunny Sunday afternoon, she didn't know what had caused it. Or maybe she did not want to know.
She hated watching her mother upset but she was only human. She couldn't entirely forget the reason why she was rejected the last time and she did not want to be a human doll and be presented to the next family that came over.
She knew things happened this way but she did not understand what the hurry was. If there's one thing she was aware of, it's that from the time she could remember, her mother had hoped for all her children to be happily married. And it's funny in a way, to live a part of Pride and Prejudice. Only a part, of course, because obviously there's no Mr. Darcy.
So what's absolutely worse is the fact that there is no solution to this. Since she does not see her mother's solution of marriage as a solution, she does not know what to do. See, she is not against it, she will get married if she finds a good guy, but where and how exactly is she supposed to find him because she does not want to repeat the steps of the hunt.
So all in all, her mum's persistence had given her a migraine.
"Anabya, how are you feeling?" Aamina asked coming into her room.
"Pathetic."
Her sister sighed at the response, and gingerly pried her hand away from her head, sitting beside her outstretched legs on the bed.
"Here, have this," she said.
"I don't want to."
"It's either this, or a Dolo."
Despite her state, Anabya managed to sit up and took the cup of tea from Aamina's hand. She hated tea, she did not know why, but she didn't like the taste of it.
And what made her so mad is the fact that she loved coffee with all her heart and yet during a migraine, tea was the only thing that worked.
And of course, if it was severe, then she had to pop in a Dolo, and she is one who despised pills.
"In sha Allah, you'll feel better in some time and then once you're okay, please get dressed..."
Anabya sighed at the implication, and Aamina said, "Cheer up, Bee. Make dua and cheer up."
She took a sip, and said, "Despite our lengthy conversation that ended up in an argument, I can't believe mom still called them. What exactly is she going to do if I refuse to leave my bed when they come. What if I do not come in front of them while they await my presence?"
"Mom knows you won't do that," Aamina smiled. "She knows you're too good to insult your mother that way in front of guests."
"I hate it, Bhabhi. I don't want to sit in front of them and act good and daughter in law material. If that's how I'm going to get married, okay fine I may do that too but please not now. I'm still studying, can't mom just leave me alone for this year. What is the hurry for God's sake?"
"I don't understand why you're repulsed, Bee. You of all people are so understanding all the time then what happened? Your brother and I met the same way, you remember that, don't you? Your neighbors informed both the families and your mum and him came to see me. It clicked and we went ahead with it. I still remember how excited and nervous I was that day. Besides, it's not like Furqaan's was the first proposal. I had three other families visit me before that but nothing worked out, and had I held that in my mind and refused to see Furqaan because I was tired and fed up of this, I'd miss out on a brilliant opportunity. Now you see, this is how it works."
"I'm maybe over reacting, but I don't feel like, Bhabhi," Anabya put forth. "I know I said this for Sameer's proposal too but when they came, I was looking forward to it, I was no more repulsed. I was kind of okay when they withdrew. But the other day I found out their reasons for rejecting me and I just don't want to go through the drill again."
"What reasons do you mean?" Aamina asked in surprise, certain that no one had told Anabya.
"I found out, you don't have to hide it, Bhabhi. And I don't know why you'd keep the truth away from me, it's a fault in their mentality."
"We didn't want to dishearten you with their mindless thoughts. Anyway, they were silly enough to let go of a gem, maybe the family that's coming today would be wise in sha Allah. Let me tell you more about Ibrahim..."
Anabya smiled halfheartedly and sipped her tea, swallowing the urge to go back to a time when problems meant only solving sums in mathematics and marriage was a topic that didn't scare her.
***
When evening came, Anabya was in better spirits. Her migraine had subsided, she had lived through the next proposal and was aware of the outcome, her mum was no more mad at her and life, at least for the next week would be normal, in sha Allah.
She knew things wouldn't work with the said Ibrahim's family because the minute his mum had asked what she'd thought of doing after finishing her studies, Anabya had truthfully replied that she'd like to work. Well, no one had warned her that their family were not in support of working women but the distasteful glance she was met with gave her the idea.
She didn't want to think about it anymore and as she decided on what hijab to wear, she was genuinely looking forward to meeting Hafsa and the baby tonight.
She chose a pastel pink hijab and paired it with her favourite black Abaya, and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower. Once done, she walked to the living room. Fresh and dressed, she said, "Mummy, I'm leaving!"
"Bee Phop, take me!" Sulaiman ordered from where he was standing on a couch and jumping to the one perpendicular to it.
"I thought you were coming with mamma and daddy for ice cream?" Furqaan asked his son.
"Come to think of it, I could probably take Sulaiman with me," Anabya suggested, gauging her brother's reaction. "You and Bhabs could go out for dinner or something," she grinned.
"And you can drop me to Tammara's house on the way," her mother said.
"Sounds great," Furqaan agreed and said, "Take care of my son, okay?"
"With my life," Bee replied dramatically, in a much better mood now than she was in the morning. Taking her nephew's hand in hers, she strolled to the bedroom.
"Bhabhi, get dressed, Bhai is taking you on a date," she smiled cheekily and Aamina, who was arranging Furqaan's shirts in the closet turned to look at Bee inquisitively.
"What date?" She asked.
Dressing her son in a white tee shirt and dungarees, Aamina smiled listening to their plan for tonight. And after about half an hour, they were all set to their respective destinations.
In the car, after dropping Nikhat to their Phoupee's house, Aamina turned to look at Furqaaan, her gaze not leaving him.
For a split second, Furqaan took his eyes off the road and turned to his wife, smiling. "What?" he asked.
"I don't remember the last time the two of us went out like this," she replied.
"I think we haven't gone out like this ever since Sulaiman."
"I know right? I'm not complaining though, that cheeky little boy makes our outings a blast."
"As true as that is, I think we should focus on us as a couple too."
"I don't think that's possible once you start having children. After that, everything is about them," Aamina mused.
"But still, going out like this helps to keep the spark alive."
Aamina actually giggled at that and replied, "With you as a husband, Furqaan, I doubt the spark will ever go off. You're too romantic for a mundane life."
"It comes naturally with you, Aamy," he winked.
"And I'd hope it is only with me, Mister," she joked.
"I was telling Anabya about us today and asking her to stay patient, you know, the poor girl suffers more than she lets us know. Try as we might, she does not let us in on her fears. She told me that she knew the real reason for them rejecting her, Furqaan, how sad is that?" She later spoke.
"How did she find out?" He asked, clenching the steering wheel as he thought back to it. His baby sister, so full of love and kindness, so giving and understanding, so kind and humble - they rejected such a lovely girl for such a stupid reason.
It made him so mad!
"I think she overheard. But that's not what I'm saying. She does not want this, Furqaan and I think we should give her some time. She's only 22, I don't know why Mom is in such a hurry."
"She's always been like that, Aamina. She only wants happiness for her children. In sha Allah, Anabya will find someone nice, I don't understand what's not to like about it though. Aren't all girls prepared for it, like the whole going through the selection of a spouse phase?"
"Definitely not all girls, Furqaan," Aamina shook her head.
"You were, weren't you? And even if you weren't, I'm sure that one meeting with me changed your mind," he smirked and Aamina rolled her eyes while smiling.
"My case was different, you know. I actually wanted to get married, Anabya is not like that. She's running away from it."
"She's shy in these matters, I think she'll be fine in sha Allah."
"In sha Allah," Aamina replied, and ended the topic for the time being, knowing full well being a guy, Furqaan wouldn't understand what truly went on in a girl's head.
"So what's the plan?" She asked.
"I don't know, dinner and a long drive maybe?"
"And then?" Aamina asked.
"And maybe go home after that, and have some us time," Furqaan drawled enthusiastically.
"Oh God!" Aamina exclaimed, smiling prettily. "I meant we could have ice cream or dessert after the long drive."
"Dessert? We could grab that on the way, don't mention it," Furqaan grinned and as they headed into the restaurant, what a lovely time they had.
Three hours spent in bliss, on their way back home, she asked Furqaan to stop at the departmental store.
"What do you wanna buy now?" He asked.
"Something, something," she grinned.
He looked at her suspiciously and asked, "Want me to come with you?"
"Nope, I'll be back in a minute," she said, unbuckling her seat belt.
"Ok, hurry up though!"
True to her promise, she was back in no time and upon reaching home, as Furqaan scooped the ice cream in two large bowls, Aamina got rid of her hijab and Abaya.
"Aamy, where are you?" Furqaan called when he heard nothing from her even after five minutes, and when there was no reply, he walked to their bedroom to find her in the en suite bathroom.
He turned the knob and upon finding it locked, he placed the ice cream bowls on the table and just as he was about to get comfortable in bed, Aamina walked out, her earlier tied hair now framing her face prettily.
He was caught off guard when Aamina walked to him, slow and steady, and muffled all his questions.
"What happened?" He whispered, gazing at her.
"I'm pregnant," she replied, and in the excitement of such a wonderful news, neither of them bothered about the melting ice cream.
***
Hafsa's little Meher was a darling, and as she held the lil' one in her arms, Anabya found her heart melting.
"I want a sissa!" Sulaiman said, holding the baby's fingers.
"We'll tell Mamma to get you a sister," Anabya laughed.
"But how?" Sulaiman asked, his eyebrows scrunched in genuine curiosity.
"Allah will send her. He'll drop her from the sky in your Mamma's tummy," she explained and Suaiman cupped both his hands and raising them, he prayed, "Ya Allah! Please put my sissa in Mamma's tummy!"
"Aameen," she said and encouraged Sulaiman to go play with Uzair, who was his friend from school.
"Hey Bee, can I take her for a few minutes? Fadil wants to show her to some of his friends," Hafsa said, coming to stand beside her and Anabya nodded.
"Yes, please," she answered, and just as she gave the little one to Hafsa, Fadil joined them, his friend in tow.
"Congratulations on your little one," Shamaaz smiled at Hafsa and when Fadil extended his hand for him to hold the baby, he shook his head.
"No please."
"Come on, Shamaaz, you won't hurt her."
When he still refused, Fadil knew better than to force him. Anabya almost smiled seeing Shamaaz's hesitation but she was quick to focus her eyes on the baby.
"What exactly do you plan to do when you have babies of your own?" Fadil teased.
"I still have a long way to go for that."
"And here I was thinking you were finally thinking of settling down."
"I am thinking about it, but my girl needs some time."
"Woah! Who exactly is this girl again?" Fadil asked.
"My future wife."
Fadil groaned at his act of beating around the bush and said, "Yeah but who is she?"
At that, his eyes met Anabya's who looked away after shooting daggers at him for the implication.
"Don't worry, I was just kidding," Shamaaz laughed. "Too busy with my new life to think about anyone at the moment," he covered up.
At that instant, Hafsa decided to leave the boys and taking Anabya with her, she showed her to the dining table.
Dinner was a messy affair as Sulaiman insisted on eating by himself and dropping food all over, even smearing the edge of Anabya's hijab with cake. Asking the way to the washroom, Anabya washed and wiped her nephew's face and cleaned her own hijab, and having walked out, she bid Hafsa and the baby goodbye.
She had reached the second floor of the hotel and was just taking the stairs to the first, since the lift had been jam packed and busy, when Sulaiman tugged at her hand.
"What happened, Sulaiman?" She questioned.
He tugged her hand further and when she kneeled down to him, he whispered in her ear, "I wanna pee!"
"Can you wait until we get home?" She asked hopefully and when he shook his head, she looked around at the empty surroundings. While the fourth floor was brimming with people and festivity, this was quite empty, with hardly anyone in sight. Not willing to go back to use the bathroom, she decided to use the one on the floor she currently was.
Muttering a string of duas, she headed towards it and once she had helped her nephew in the toilet, she was washing her hands when suddenly, the lights went off.
Now, there were two deep rooted fears that Anabya bore in her.
One, the fear of new places and two, the fear of darkness.
"Bee Phop?" Sulaiman tugged at her abaya and repeated, "Bee Phop? I'm scared."
"It's nothing, darling," Anabya assured, picking him in her arms and practicing her breathing.
Out of fear, Sulaiman wrapped his arms around her and rested his face on her shoulder. She waited for the generator to start working, and rummaged through her purse for her phone only to find the battery low enough to not support the flash light. Anabya jolted when the wind knocked a tissue roll from the top of a drawer and it landed near her feet, the sound causing Sulaiman to burst in tears.
"Shhh, darling," she consoled, and in the dim light of her phone's display screen, she walked out of the washroom. The pitch blackness touched a sensitive spot and she was slightly shivering, her eyes clouding with tears remembering that they were on the empty floor right now. Hardly making out her surroundings, she bit her lip as she walked in the direction she hoped was the one that led to the stairs.
"Sulaiman, please, I'm here with you, please stop crying," she begged as he hiccuped and cried some more.
Just as she started walking further ahead, trying to figure out the way mentally, she was met with a strong beam of light that caused her to squint.
"Hey, you okay?"
It was probably the first time she was so relieved to hear his voice.
"The lights went out," she informed, and realized it was a stupid thing to say because Shamaaz was holding the flashlight and he knew it for himself.
"I figured that, Bya," he smiled, coming forward and taking Sulaiman from her. "Hey Champ, you okay?" He asked and Sulaiman nodded, timidly.
"Can we please just go from here?" Anabya asked, wrapping her arms around her chest, grateful for him to have taken Sulaiman in his arms.
"Sure," he nodded, and held the phone's flashlight all along. "I'm glad I took the stairs," he said, looking at her slightly dazed form.
"Thank you," Anabya nodded. "Sulaiman wanted to use the bathroom, and we got stuck there cuz of the power cut."
When they reached the ground floor, it was lit with blinding lights. Shamaaz put Sulaiman down and Anabya said, "Thank you."
Without another word, she took her nephew's hand and headed towards the exit.
"Hey, wait!"
Anabya stopped in her tracks and turned around.
"Have you got your bike?"
"No, but I just booked a cab," she said, looking at her phone with only 10% of charge left.
"I can drop you."
"No, that's okay, he'll be here in five minutes."
"But I can drop you, Bya. You literally live next door and I'm going home too, I have an early morning flight to catch."
"But I just booked the cab, it's the same thing," she insisted.
"You could always cancel it," he argued.
"Shamaaz, please," she said irritably. "You helped us upstairs and that's about it, I don't see the point of you forcing me for a ride."
"Why do you always have to turn everything I say into an argument? For God's sake, Anabya, there's no need for you to fight with me."
"I'm not fighting with you! I don't even want to talk to you!"
"But why?"
"I've told you a hundred times, I do not talk to guys freely!"
"But you can sit with a random driver and go home with him but refuse to come with me? You trust him more than me?"
Anabya snapped her mouth shut, turning away from him. There was no point speaking to guy that made no sense.
From where in the world did the topic of trust come?
She did not want to go with Shamaaz, and that was that. She wasn't going to sit here and give him an explanation.
When she say a white cab park right in front of her, without another word, she turned around with Sulaiman and walked towards it.
She did not have time or energy for all this nonsense.
***
The next day in college, as she sat in front of her laptop, preparing for a presentation since it was a free hour, she sighed and looked away from the screen.
Off lately, she had been feeling like her Iman was dipping low. All she did was pray five times a day, and that was not enough. All Muslims were commanded to do that, and it was an obligation. What more was she doing to improve as a Muslim?
She didn't have an answer to it.
Deciding on increasing in reciting the Qur'an and engaging in more voluntary prayers and charity, her thoughts drifted to something else. It was about the question of how much should one try, and how much they should be putting it as the will of Allah. The events these days had led her to think deeper about this concept and to clear her mind and as a reminder to herself, she wrote,
Qadr Allah is one of the most beautiful parts of Islam, and this is the pillar that gives us strength when our world is crumbling down.
It is belief in Allah's Power, that He is The One who handles are affairs, and no matter what we do or the amount of aids we have from the world's treasures, if Allah does not will for it, there is no way it can come our way.
It gives a sense of relief, it is a source of satisfaction that our Affairs are being handled by The Supreme King, for we are not capable of taking any decisions without His help and power.
However, I believe, a lot of us, including me, confuse it with with our own faults.
Didn't get good grades? Qadr Allah.
The Ummah is suffering? Qadr Allah.
The neighbour sleeps hungry while our tables are loaded with food? Qadr Allah.
Too tired to pray on time? Qadr Allah.
Definitely, it is Qadr Allah, for not a leaf moves without Allah's permission, but where is your effort in all this?
What have you done to have things otherwise? What part did you play in bringing a change?
Qadr Allah is not sitting idle and waiting for Allah to handle the affairs. It is making dua to Him, seeking His help, doing your best through His help, and then believing that Allah is The Ultimate Judge.
Also, it does not mean that what you get after your efforts is because of 'you'. It is because of Allah's mercy towards you. He is not in need of our efforts, we our in need of The Ever Living.
She had just finished her thoughts when her phone buzzed with a message.
The Dean wants to meet you in his office. - Natasha
Quickly shutting her laptop, she walked to the Dean and after excusing herself, she was asked to take a seat.
"So, Anabya, you were among the few students who got in The Mind Reader for the internship. As you know, the next semester while your batch will be graduating, your juniors will have their internship. Some of them have even started looking for places so they wanted to know how to apply in The Mind Reader."
"While I'm glad the juniors are starting early, I'm not sure how to answer the question, Sir. Weren't you the one who sent a request from the college on your student's behalf?"
"Why would you think that? We're not in touch with anyone in that institute."
"Then how..." Anabya trailed off, utterly flabbergasted. "Maybe some other Professor?"
"All mails to industries and institutes go only after my approval," he replied. "Well, that's strange. You didn't even send them a resume?"
"I didn't. I only got a mail saying I was selected."
Seeing the Professor's perplexed gaze, she said, "I'll give you Natasha's number, she's the one I worked with and she's a wonderful lady. She can help them out."
"That would be great!" He agreed and wishing him, Anabya left the cabin.
That was so strange, she thought, and as she searched her phone for Natasha's number, she froze in place.
Natasha...Shamaaz's friend Natasha.
Oh no no no, it couldn't be him.
_________________________________________
First Taraweeh starts in like 1 hour but I couldn't begin Ramadan knowing I kept you hanging, so I literally squeezed time out for this chapter. Ramadan Mubarak, beautiful people, remember me in your prayers and may Allah answer all your duas <3 Will meet you after this blessed month and may Allah makes these the best days of our life.
(The thought crossed my mind and I couldn't not share it with you: we're asked to search for the night of Qadr in the last 10 nights of ramadan, the odd ones especially. Please do not single out the night of 27th, as there is no authentic reference for it. Allah knows best and may He guide us all <3.)