"Every little thing I do you're on my mind, the way I feel lately, It's driving me crazy..."
___
All morning, Calum has difficulty concentrating.
Royce has him kind of fucked up.
He almost skips calculus, but he comes in case she shows.
All morning, Calum blows up Royce's phone. The only way she will be able to ignore his texts and calls and voicemails, he thinks, is if she's turned off her phone.
When she doesn't respond and when she doesn't show, he only stays in his classes to be there, present, on campus when she shows up. Because this was Royce. Inside of this new girl who he'd somehow corrupted, was still who he'd met--the princess who cared about her grades.
So in chemistry, when Calum looks randomly out of the window and sees Royce--his Royce--on the back of a motorcycle, he damn near has a heart attack.
And to add to his stress, then he sees she's on the back of Zayn Malik's motorcycle.
And he flips.
And he flips all kinds of shits.
Because he leaves his books where they are and gets up in the middle of class.
Luke looks up from his notes, startled.
"What the fuck just happened?"
Calum lowers his voice, ducking his head. His teeth are clamped together, "I found her."
"Royce? Wait, Cal--Cal."
But Calum doesn't hear. He's already gone.
Their teacher looks up from the lesson.
"Mr. Hood?"
Calum pauses on his way across class.
"Is there something--?"
"Bathroom," he says quickly, with another fleeting look out of the window. The motorcycle's disappeared, now.
But, his teacher nods. There was no way to say 'no' to a much-needed bathroom break.
"Go on, then."
And Calum barely catches all of that because it didn't matter what anyone said, he was going to leave whether or not anyone gave him the green light to do it.
He practically sprints down the hallway, hitting the doors and then the gates of St. Augustine and jogging out into the parking lot, squinting against the rainy afternoon mist as he scours the lot for his girlfriend on someone else's fucking motorcycle.
He hears them before he sees.
"Sorry, but Chris Brown can out-sing Trey Songz."
"Oh, no way! Have you heard his new album? Chris Brown is on way too many drugs, now."
Zayn gasps. "You take that back!"
"Hey, I just call it like I see it--"
"Didn't know you two were such great friends."
And Royce jumps, nearly crashing into the bike and knocking it over. "Calum--?" And for a moment her eyes are wide and shocked and he's happy. He's happy that she looks this way because he's been worried as fuck all day while she's been ignoring the hell out of him.
"Royce?" He mimics, sending a scowl towards both her and Zayn. "What the fuck is this?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?" He grits. "Doesn't look like just nothing, Royce."
"Yeah, wow," Zayn laughs. "Nothing? Thought I could at least be something, yeah?"
"Zayn," Royce grimaces, "shut up."
"Oh," Calum laughs, "so now you're lying to me? 'Cause withholding information right now is the same fucking thing, just so you know."
"There is nothing going on with me and Zayn," Royce snaps. "And just so you know, he took me out to paint, Calum. To paint. We were painting."
Zayn nods. "True story."
"Look at my hands!" She exclaims, showing off the caked colors she hadn't been able to scrub off. "Look at Zayn's!"
"But," and Royce's face comforts angrily at the sight of his realization, "wait just a fucking second..."
She's poked him in his chest--hard.
"You're gonna call me a liar? You're gonna be pissed at me for withholding information? When," she nearly laughs, "just a day ago you were standing outside The Diner with my mom?"
Zayn whistles. "I'm just gonna go..."
"Yeah," snaps Calum, "You should--"
"Calum!" Royce exclaims, "Don't you dare fucking deflect my question right now I swear--"
"What do you want me to tell you, Royce?" He exclaims.
"The truth would be nice!"
"I didn't meet her there to see you, okay! I had no idea you'd be there! I knew you'd freak out--I went to tell her I didn't think I'd be able to--"
"What the fuck are you doing with my--with her--anyway?"
"She--" And he looks off at the empty parking lot. He catches a glimpse of Zayn, fading into the background.
And Calum throws up a hand. "I can't tell you--"
"See," his girlfriend grits, "this is the shit I'm talking about," she growls, as if she had never even had a stress-release today because all that stress looks to be back, "This is why when people tell me you're untrustworthy, I feel like the biggest idiot because you're not doing anything right now to make me trust you!"
"So, you choose now you believe what other people say about me?"
"Never!" Royce exclaims, and the sight of her glassy glare makes him feel sick again, "I've never believed what anyone has said. But now? Right now I swear, I feel like I can't...like..." She shakes her head hard, "Like I don't know what or who to believe."
She blinks back some tears, and now that horrible shit feeling in the pit of his stomach is completely back.
"And," she shrugs, chuckling, "I really, really want to believe you."
He rolls his eyes to the sky. "Royce--"
"No," she shakes her head, "I," she shakes her head again, hair shielding her eyes, "I don't want to--"
And in that moment he takes her arms and ducks, searching for her eyes.
"Royce, I don't--"
"Don't, what?" She whines. "What don't you want me to know, Calum?"
He almost laughs. "Everything."
"Why?"
"Because..." He gulps, "Because, what if I said I was trying to protect you?"
"Protect me from what?"
"The truth," he whispers, "...about me."
She sniffs, shaking her head confusedly. "Why would I not want to know the truth about you?"
"Because," he implores--he really wasn't trying to go down this hole today. Or ever. "Because, I'll tell you and I'm--and you'll--"
"I'll what?"
"Think they're right!" He exclaims. "You'll think all these dumb freaks at this school will have been right!"
He drops his head, noting her silence.
"I'm scared you'll think they were actually right."
And Royce steps towards him.
"Calum," she frowns, "all I've ever wanted from you was for you to be honest with me."
He shakes his head. "You're gonna--" He sucks his teeth. "You're not gonna want to hear this, I promise you."
"You don't know that."
"I do," he laughs, "I so do. You think I don't know you? You think I don't know who you are, and," he shakes his head, "and what you care about?"
"Oh," her eyes flash, "so now I'm like the rest of these kids here, right?"
"Royce, I didn't say that--"
"You didn't have to," she snaps. "I've got the same silver spoon dangling from my mouth too, don't I?"
"I didn't say that!" He exclaims. "But, you've got a reputation that--"
"That?"
"That I don't want to ruin!" He grabs his hair. "Okay?"
And she takes a step backwards, blinking. "What?"
"I don't...If you knew the shit, the people I was involved with, I--"
"You, what?"
He sucks hard on his teeth. "I don't want to tell you 'cause I'm scared. Alright? I'm scared--"
"Scared of what? Of me?"
"No," he ducks his head, long dark hair falling over his face, "It's...There's so fucking much," he says. "I'm--I've always known you were too good for me, okay? But--"
"Don't fucking say that, Calum."
"But, it's true!" He exclaims. "And I--I knew once I became your tutor I shouldn't have. I knew I was about to get myself into shit just by being around you, but I wasn't thinking and I just, just jumped into shit like I always do 'cause I liked you. And..."
"And?" Royce's voice waivers, "And what?"
"And I'm," he gulps, "I'm scared I'm right. I'm scared that somebody else really is better for you, and--"
"Would you stop saying that?"
"No," he shakes his head, "'cause you asked me to be honest and it's the truth. I'm being honest. I'm telling you, and I started and you've got to know that the rest of the truth is gonna be just as, if not more fucked up than this, and," he shakes his head again, staring off across the damp lot, running his teeth along his bottom lip, "and I'm scared that once I tell you you're gonna realize I'm right, too," he gulps, "and you're not gonna want to be with me."
And before Royce can respond to this load suddenly dumped on her like a ton of bricks, and before she can really react, there's a convergence of two very very different people in St. Augustine's parking lot at the same time, completely interrupting the conversation.
The claps startle them first.
"Peek-a-boo. I see you."
And as Calum and Royce both turn, they're met by a damp, smiling face of Emma. She's leaning against Michael's mom's parked sedan.
Calum sucks his teeth. "The fuck are you doing here?"
"Watching a fucking soap opera," she replies. "It's starring a turd and also my best childhood friend," she leans towards them, whispering, "Guess what? You're in it," she grins. "Guess what else? You're the turd."
The heavy footsteps startle them second.
"Dude!"
It's Luke, and he's breathing hard, backpack over his shoulder. "There the fuck you are--!"
And Calum turns around, watching as Luke jogs towards them. "What?" He groans, "I just went to the--"
"Bathroom?" Luke snorts, "Yeah. Right."
"Look, I was just talking."
"Yeah, and you couldn't have told me? Dude, I looked like an idiot sitting in class waiting for you, fucking up a story 'cause I couldn't answer any questions," he shakes his head, "You better fake the worst stomach ache ever 'cause I said you had diarrhea."
"Fine," Calum groans, running a hand across his face. "Whatever."
"Hey," Luke shrugs, "you found Royce?"
"Yeah," Calum blinks, and he keeps blinking, because he's turning in circles realizing that she's no longer beside him. "She's--" He whines, "She was just fucking right here."
"She left," calls Emma. "Duh."
"But--" Calum can't even formulate the words to describe how he's feeling. "But..."
"Why don't I talk to her?" Emma suggests. "You know, from one best friend to the other."
And like that, Calum and Luke both laugh.
"What," Luke's doubled over, "the fuck's she talking about?"
"Shit. Just like always."
"Should've known..."
"Oh, you didn't know?" Emma grins, un-phased. "Me and her go way back. Way way back. We're besties--said that, already."
"Right," Luke rolls his eyes. "Royce would never be friends with you."
"Fine," she shrugs. "Don't believe it."
"Don't worry," he retorts. "I don't," and like that he continues to chuckle, turning to Calum. "Where's she been, though? Royce, I mean. Kenn and Lola have been looking for her all day, man--"
"You mean my best friend didn't come to school?" Emma tuts. "Doesn't sound like her..."
"Could you fuck out of our conversation?"
"Not when it's concerning my best friend, Lucifer."
Calum scoffs. "Just 'cause you know Royce doesn't mean you're best friends."
"But," she taps her chin, "it sort of does, doesn't it? I mean," she shrugs, "she's at least talking to me," she grins, "isn't she?"
"What?" Now, Luke glances confusedly between the two. "Royce isn't talking to you?"
"Are you like, broken-up now?" Emma asks, still leaning against Michael's mom's car. "'Cause it seemed like she was pre-tty pissed when she left you at The Diner."
"What?" Luke is now actually very confused. "What happened at The Diner?"
"Nothing."
"Calum fucked up," Emma sings. "He done fucked up big time."
"Would you fucking quit--"
And Calum is suddenly being hauled away from Emma; there are two giant hands gripping his shoulders because Luke is pulling him across the hallway.
"Dude, I fucking swear I am this close to killing her today!"
"And I'll let you," says Luke. "Promise. I mean, at least I'll get to watch."
And this brings a small smile to Calum's face.
Sometimes, his friend was the best.
But, Luke blinks. "Dude..." He sighs. "Wait, is Emma...right?"
"I--" That horrible feeling is back because Cal is thinking about all the shit he still had to tell Royce. "She's..."
"What the fuck's going on?"
Calum gulps. "It's a lot, mate. It's...god it's a fucking lot."
"What's up?" Luke's eyes are now wide and confused but also concerned. "C'mon, Cal. Lola said Royce's mad at you? And now, you're talking to Emma? About talking to Royce?" He blinks, motioning wildly with his hands. "See how I'm so fucking confused?"
"Okay, first of all, fuck Emma--"
"You know I can hear you!" She calls around Luke's shoulder.
Both boys groan, rolling their eyes.
Luke yells, "Go away!"
"You don't really want me to do that," she sings. "'Cause I can actually help you."
Calum snorts. "Doubt it."
"Help you with," Luke blinks, "what?"
Calum doesn't even get a chance to respond.
"But, I can," Emma replies. She shrugs, "And you don't seem like you're in a position to turn down some help, Cal Pal."
She sure had him there.
But his pride would never allow him to admit that shit.
"I'll figure it out," he states. "On my own."
Emma continues as if he hadn't even spoken.
"Just, do me a favor."
"See," Calum shakes his head, "favors are what keep getting me into shit," he bites. "So I'm definitely gonna say no."
"You mean, fuck no?" Luke asks.
"Yeah," Calum nods. "Exactly. Fuck no."
"Gasp," Emma exclaims, clutching her chest dramatically. "And here I was, gonna help you get your girl back in return of companionship," she pouts. "I just wanted you to go with me to Jesse's party."
"Emma," he side-eyes her hard, "that can't be all you want, I'm not an idiot."
"From you though," she grins, "it sure is."
And she clasps her hands together, "C'mon, Cal," she whines, "Hear me out."
Luke opens his mouth to probably say something similar to the thoughts running through Calum's own head, when Emma does something that fucks all of them up mentally.
She says, "Please?"
___
"I was looking for you at lunch today."
"That's new."
"Zayn told me you were with him."
"Zayn?" Royce scoffs loudly, "That fucking--"
"Yeah..." Paige lifts a brow, as she meets her sister in a place she used to frequent a lot more before she ran off with a bad boy. "He said you were helping him with some art project..."
"Oh," Royce blinks, surprised that Zayn hadn't gone and blown their cover and snitched about ditching to Paige, "Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah, I was. We were."
"Right..." Paige nods.
And an awkward silence falls between the sisters.
"Look, Royce," Paige now slides onto the seat across from her in the library, voices hushed, "I don't like this. I don't. I don't want you mad at me, I don't want you off the squad, I don't want you to ever think I've chosen my friends over you--"
Royce snorts.
"But," Paige continues, "this isn't us. We're close. And I think we've let a lot of people get between us. But, we love each other," she pauses, frowning deeply, "don't we?"
And Royce sighs. "Of course, Paigey," she shakes her head, watching her sister smile a tiny smile at that. "Of course we love each other."
Paige opens her mouth to speak, but Royce forges on.
"But," she shakes her head, "we're two different people. And we're not always gonna want the same things. And we're not always going to agree on everything..."
Paige lifts an eyebrow. "Where're you going with this, Poppy?"
"I just...My boyfriend is--"
"Ugh," Paige falls back against her chair, groaning loud enough to draw the librarian's attention. "Not this."
"What do you mean?" She gasps. "I've never said anything negative about Zayn!"
"And he's only ever come over to study 'cause I know Daddy wouldn't approve of Zayn."
"You don't know that," Royce gasps, suddenly understanding why he'd mentioned her 'not giving him a chance,' all at once. "You do not know that."
"But, I do. And I'd rather spare both of our feelings."
"I'm not you, Paige," Royce replies. "I'm not. And I'm not gonna let someone else dictate how I should feel about someone who cares about me."
Paige's eyes are steely, brows furrowed. "Pops--"
"I like him," Royce interrupts. "I--I love Calum, okay? And this year is ending and I thought by now you'd see that and support me--"
"You're not in love with him, Royce," Paige scoffs. "You're in high school. You're seventeen."
"I--"
"Am not," Paige stresses, "in love. Believe me."
"You don't know that," Royce replies. "And he's supposed to come over for dinner, and--"
"Still? He's still coming to that?"
"Yes," Royce stresses. "And, shit. If you really love me you'll at least give him a chance."
__
Being at school, seeing her boyfriend and seeing her sister have put Royce back into a fucking terrible mood.
She needed Zayn, again. Reality was a bitch. She wanted to go back to his loft and cathart and ignore the world.
At the last bell, she's so out of school it's like she never even showed up in the first place.
She high-tails it to the parking lot, not bothering to stop at her locker for anything. She didn't want to run into Lola or Kennedy, who'd only ask questions about her whereabouts and her feelings and she was so deep in those feelings at the moment she couldn't bother to start explaining all of the things wrong with her right now.
Royce slides into the car, slamming the door heavily behind her.
"There the fuck you are, damn."
"Holy shit!"
And Royce nearly pees herself, clutching her chest as Emma pops up in her backseat.
"What the--The fuck?" Royce screams.
Emma just laughs, climbing over the center console to plop into the passenger seat.
"How the fuck did you get in here?"
Emma deadpans, narrowing her blue eyes. "Stop asking stupid questions," she replies. "Now, c'mon," she reaches forward and honks the horn between words. "We've. Got. Places. To. Be!"
"Okay, chill with that, bitch," Royce replies, slapping her hand away.
Emma only shrugs. "Seriously, though. Drive."
Royce is floored.
Visibly.
And Emma is dead serious.
"No, really," she motions towards the street. "Drive. I got something to show you."
For some reason, Royce actually listens. "If this is some white people shit you're about to take me to, I swear--"
"Um, first of all, I don't know what that is," Emma replies, laughing. "Secondly," she states, "you need this," she grins, "from one old best friend to another."
And again, for some reason, Royce listens to this. "I gotta be home by five."
Emma grins. "Won't even take that long."
So, Royce puts the car into reverse, backing out of St. Augustine's student lot.
And she drives.
___
emma is kind of my favorite i love writing her she's a whole mess
p.s. turn up for 90's r&b real quick
comment and vote my angels
every little thing i do || soul for real