Everyone stared at Lucius with growing worry. He had been gaping when Harry told him that he should look into Necromancy but when he didn't say anything in response, it got the attention of the rest of the room. As amusing as a gaping Lucius was, Harry was concerned. Had something happened to him? Was the thought of Necromancy scary enough to render the great Lucius Malfoy speechless and immobile?
"Oh Merlin." Lucius choked out covering his face with his hands. His body started to shake and he couldn't stop it. He felt sick. Utterly and completely sick. He had always known that Abraxas Malfoy was a bastard but to think that the man would have had a hand in murdering his own child was unthinkable. A squib was a humiliation to their world but nothing would have made Lucius kill a child. He himself would have loved to have another child. Squib or not. He had always wanted a little girl and never really knew why but now it made sense. A sister. He had a baby sister and she had the life snuffed out of her for no reason other than she didn't have magic.
It was unthinkable. His father could have just sent his sister to the muggle world. That was still cruel but at least she would've been alive! The fresh memory of his younger self at seeing the beauty of his sister for the first time was crushing. How is it possible to love something so much in such a short amount of time? That sweet baby had changed his world and Lucius hadn't even remembered it. She was the reason he had become so determined to be a good Malfoy heir. He can remember the surprise of his father over the couple of weeks that followed that day when Lucius had buckled down into the teachings. His father probably thought it was something he had done. And in a way that was true. His own father had obliviated him and made him forget. Part of him was horrified that at six he had witnessed something so gruesome and so awful. Just seeing that would have changed everything in Lucius's world. He knew without a doubt that 90 percent of his life's choices wouldn't have happened if he had remembered the memory. There is no way that he would have done anything that his father wanted of him after witnessing his sister's death.
With a pang, he could still feel the dream of becoming an artist. That dream had never gone away. It had faded into whimsical fantasy over the years. Something that he wasn't allowed to think about. It was harder than one might think to lock that part of him away. Every time he saw a painting he would spend too long admiring the work and artistry of the painter. His wife was always wanting art work in their home but it would have been too hard to keep those thoughts at bay if he had to see such beauty every day. It was hard enough as it was without any reminders.
There were times when he would have a relapse and his hands couldn't help but draw something. During it was nice, it was wonderful to be able to set aside his worries and just live in his artwork for a moment. But then when it was over, he would feel like he had failed somehow. Failed his life and failed himself. Good heirs don't become something as frivolous as an artist. He replayed the words that his father taunted him with over and over throughout the years. Every time he would say the words to himself it felt like a little piece of himself had died. Lucius had never been able to stop the longing every time he saw spare quill and parchment. It was like a drug. It was something that he knew he shouldn't do but couldn't help but crave.
He had hoped long and hard that Draco wouldn't have picked up any lingering skills for art from him. Because there was absolutely no way that he would be able to smash his son's dreams like that. He thanked everything that could be listening when his son took up potions. That was a skill that he wouldn't discourage. That was a skill that was practical for an heir. That wasn't something that he could have a problem with. But a tiny part of him had still felt disappointed. He wouldn't have encouraged his son to go for a career in art if that was what he wanted but he also wouldn't have discouraged it either. He would have been happy living his art dreams through his son but that hadn't happened. His son had not a single artistic bone in his body.
Lucius knew that he was dangerously close to a breakdown and that now was not the best time but he couldn't shake it off. The memory was so fresh and raw in his mind. Even though it had been over thirty years ago, it felt like it had just happened. He could still hear the begging of his mother as she pleaded for his father not to harm the baby. He could still hear his sister's raspy dry breathing as she struggled for breath. He could still hear the sickening plunge of the dagger as it made contact with his sister's body. He could still hear the insane voice of Finneus as he chanted the Necromancy ritual. He could still smell the blood of his dead sister. And even with his eyes closed he could still remember the hunger in Finneus's eyes as the man stroked his cheek. He could still feel the revulsion as the man talked about wanting him for his collection. He could feel it all. He felt dirty and gross. He felt as if he wasn't going to be okay for a long time. He just felt off and so emotional.
Malfoy's aren't supposed to be emotional. Malfoy's are strong and dignified, they stand proud of their heritage and demand respect. Emotions are for the weak and the poor. Emotions cloud your judgement and weaken the mind. Emotions are something that stays locked behind a mask where no one can see them. He repeated all of that over and over but it wasn't working. Nothing was working. Everything was coming in flashes.
His dead sister. *Flash* His crying mother. *Flash* Finneus touching him. *Flash* The murderous gaze as the man looked at him. *Flash* The sounds of his sister dying. *Flash* The blood dripping from Finneus's dagger. *Flash* His sister crying. *Flash* His sister's lifeless gaze. Over and over they repeated themselves until he wasn't even sure where he was. Was he in the memory or was he somewhere else? It was all too much. Too much to handle and too much to see. How do you make it go away? How do you lock away something so awful as that? Is it possible to unsee it? Is it possible to obliviate yourself? Does he want to? Yes. Anything to get the dead baby out of his mind. Why isn't it working? Why can he still see it all? Why?
"Lucius!" Narcissa yelled as she laid her hand on her husband. Everyone was staring wide eyed at the shaking man. What happened?
Lucius could hear his wife but it wasn't making sense. How was she in his mind and in his memory? Or was she somewhere else? He knew his body was shaking. He could feel it. He could feel the tremors that rocked though his frame. Wet. Something was wet. With horror, he realized it was him. Merlin no. Not tears. He hadn't cried since he witnessed his son die and before that it had been when he was a child. He couldn't do this, he couldn't lose himself now. He had to get out of here, he had to escape this memory. He just had to.
Lucius opened his eyes and dimly realized that his hands were covering his face. When did that happen? He lowered his palms and had to blink away the light of the room so that his eyes could focus. He would have been embarrassed by the looks of shock on everyone's faces if he had a control over his emotions. Holding things back isn't healthy. He had known one day that the walls of his mind would come tumbling down but he didn't think it would be like this. He didn't think that a damn would burst and flood his veins with so much emotion. He was powerless to stop it all. How do you control what is now a chaotic storm?
To say that Draco was worried was like saying that Harry's hair was only slightly messy. Never in his entire life had he witnessed something so... frightening as his father losing it. What in the world was going on? Had Harry's statement caused that much discomfort? Something else must be going on.
Harry bit his lip as his eyes widened. Wow. This was not something that he had ever thought would be possible. During Draco's death he had witnessed emotions from Lucius but that was to be expected. It was his son that had just died so it made sense. But this... what was this? Had he done something wrong? He didn't mean to upset him. He just thought that it was the next plan for Lucius to look into.
There are lot of firsts in Severus's lifetime that stuck out in his mind. The first time his father struck him. The first time he could remember doing accidental magic. The first time he had to hide from his father. The first time he saw Lily perform magic. The first time he realized he had a friend. The first time that he sat on the Hogwarts Express and knew his life was about to change. The first time he had seen Hogwarts for himself. The first time the marauders bullied him. The first time he realized that potions is what he wanted to do when he grew up. The first time that he knew that he would become a deatheater. The first time that he realized he made an error in the previous first. The first time he murdered someone on The Dark Lord's orders. The first time he laid his eyes on his godson's face. The first time he knew he needed to switch sides. The first time that he had seen Harry and how much he was a carbon copy of Potter in his looks. The first time he realized that protecting the insane boy was a lot harder than he ever thought it would be. The first time he had to go back into The Dark Lord's service. The first time killing someone that meant a lot to him. The first time facing The Dark Lord and knowing that he was about to be killed. The first time he saw the love between Harry and Draco manifest. And now.... This... This was definitely a first that would not sit well with him. He had never seen Lucius look anything but the dignified Lord Malfoy. Draco's death didn't count. Extenuating circumstances and all.
"Lucius?" Narcissa asked hesitantly. She knew something was wrong but she wasn't sure just what it was. This had more to do than what Harry had said. Did his memory come back to him? Is that what was going on?
Lucius was staring at the table lost in thought. He needed to calm down and at least control his emotions enough to be able to talk to them. He knew he must look an awful sight right now.
Remus shook Severus's arm and ignored the glare the man was sending him. He rolled his eyes. "Give him one of your potions." Remus demanded.
Severus cursed himself for not thinking of that himself but to be fair he was still caught up on the fact that Lucius was losing it. He quickly pulled out a calming draught and slid it across the table to Narcissa who uncorked it and put it under Lucius's face.
Lucius looked at the potion that was blocking his vision of the table curiously. He had no idea what it was but the chances were pretty high that it was Severus who was the one to make it. That meant it was safe to take. That meant it was okay. He downed the potion with distaste. Ergh. That tasted gross. Almost instantly he felt calm and relaxed. Now that he was calm it was easier to sort through his emotions. It was easier to sort what was a memory and what was a feeling. He was able to put away the memory to where he could recall it with ease but he was able to take a step away from his emotions slightly. It wasn't perfect but it would have to do for now. The wayward tears had now dried and without the potion he probably would have been upset that everyone had witnessed this little breakdown but right now he knew that he needed to tell them what he had seen so that he could disappear into his bedroom and not leave for days. He was beyond done for the day.
Lucius took a deep breath and looked up at the concerned faces of everyone else. He wasn't going to apologize for the lack of control nor was he going to pretend that it hadn't happened. Both would be pointless. "The missing memory has come into recollection."
Harry and Draco's eyes widened and they could feel the growing horror through the bond. A memory had done that to Lucius? Harry was uneasy about asking him what is was, he knew that it was personal and if it had caused a reaction like that then he knew that it was not a good memory. But he had said that the chanting was familiar and if it was somehow related to the stone than they needed to know what the memory had been.
Draco just stared at his father without saying anything. He knew that he was staring and that it was probably making his father uncomfortable but he couldn't bring himself to look away.
Narcissa reached over and grabbed one of her husband's hand and squeezed letting him know that she was here for him. Lucius was incredibly grateful for his wife. It was the only thing that Abraxas Malfoy had done right in his life was when he drew up a contract between the two of them.
Lucius took a deep breath. "My father obliviated the memory from me. I am not sure why I suddenly can remember it." He mused out loud. He had heard of that happening but he had never really paid it much mind. His line of work with The Dark Lord it was easier to kill people than mess with their minds.
"The more stressful the memory that one tries to obliviate, the more difficult it is to cover up. Over time the hold on the memory can start to break if the caster didn't put enough force behind the spell." Severus said immediately. If the circumstances were different, Lucius might have smiled. Leave it to Severus to never stop being the teacher.
"To be honest I am surprised that the memory didn't come to me before now." Lucius shuddered slightly. He missed the worried looks that everyone was sending each other.
"I was six." Lucius whispered. "I had a baby sister." No one missed the past tense reference. Narcissa covered her mouth with her hands. Everyone else was just staring at him with horrified looks.
Lucius closed his eyes. "I was there when she was born. She was a squib." Draco and Severus's mouth dropped open in shock.
Harry and Narcissa blinked rapidly at him. Harry couldn't wrap his mind around the fact the Malfoy family had once had a squib in the family. He knew that purebloods found squibs as something horrendous that could happen to a family. He wasn't sure if Lucius was ashamed that his sister was a squib or not. It was hard to read emotions with the man's eyes closed.
Lucius opened his eyes and the pain in his eyes was obvious. "She was beautiful." He whispered reverently. "I never got to hold her and only saw her from my hiding spot but she was the prettiest thing that I had ever seen. I hadn't wanted a sister but seeing her for the first time changed all of that. I didn't care that she was a squib." Draco raised his brows. That was a tad surprising. He wasn't sure where that had come from. The Yaxleys had a squib child 80 years ago and their family was still being judged for it. Well that was until their heir had joined The Dark Lord.
"I just wanted her to be safe. I knew that my father would do something awful to her but I was just a child. What could I do?" He ran his fingers through his hair, ignoring the surprised looks that the action brought. He knew that he was not acting like himself but this was not the time to care about all of that.
"My father stunned my mother and called in an acquaintance." Lucius narrowed his eyes. "It was Finneus Flamel."
Draco, Narcissa and Remus gasped. Harry closed his eyes as he fought down a shiver as he remembered how creepy the teenager had been right before Ethan had died. Lucius's father calling him would have been disastrous. He could already understand why the man was so shaken up.
"Finneus agreed to widen my sister's core in exchange for an undisclosed boon to be repaid at a later date." Severus furrowed his brows in distaste. Why would such an intelligent man succumb to a stupid agreement like that?
"He didn't agree do that did he?" Draco asked aghast. What a moronic move. His grandfather couldn't have been that desperate to hide the existence of a squib, could he?
Lucius nodded once. "He did. Even as a kid I couldn't understand why he would do that."
"I can't believe he would widen someone's core. I didn't even think that was possible." Remus breathed in wonder while Harry nodded in agreement.
Severus and Lucius shared a slightly amused look. It was almost endearing how innocent Remus and Harry were. Obviously the light side never warned them of the dark evils of the world very well.
"It required a sacrifice of magic. My father volunteered my mother's magic." He sneered in disgust.
"Woah hold up a minute." Harry said in frustration. "Was she still stunned?"
Lucius nodded and Harry and Draco shared a look of disgust. "She didn't even have a say in the matter?" Draco asked in disbelief.
"Nope. I have no idea if he ever told her about it. But he sacrificed half her magic. The ritual was supposed to put the magic from my mother into the new widened core of my sister but things went wrong." Lucius took a deep breath.
"My sister's body was rejecting the magic and it wouldn't go back into my mother either. He said that the other half of my mother's magic was treating the magic as a foreign substance that had been tainted. He told my father that he would have to force the magic into one of the bodies and that person would die. He had to choose either my sister or my mother."
Lucius felt a little guilty when he remembered that he had hoped that his father would pick his sister over his mother. It wasn't that he didn't love his mother... no wait, that was exactly it. His mother had never looked at him like the way she looked at his baby sister. His mother was just as cold and mean as his father. She didn't talk to him unless it was to complain about the way he was behaving. At least his father talked to him... yeah it was only in lessons usually but it was still nice to hear someone say things to him. The house elves talked to him more than his own parents.
Harry's breath escaped him. He couldn't imagine a decision like that. He was slightly feeling bad for Abraxas. Only slightly considering it was his own fault that it had happened to begin with. He was really aching for the innocent baby. She didn't deserve any of it. It wasn't her fault that she was a squib, it was just something that she was.
Remus was having a hard time grasping the fact that a father would be okay with doing that to a child. He couldn't imagine loving Teddy any less if the boy had been a squib. There was nothing that would have made him want to do something so dark to his own child. What in the world had Abraxas been thinking?
"Flamel told him that even if my sister was the one to be saved she would still be a squib. My father told him to kill my sister. He said that he would rather her be dead than to be a squib." Lucius's voice cracked slightly and he clenched his eyes. He loathed that everyone was witnessing this. He felt like he was disappointing them somehow. He was supposed to be strong and emotionless, not this weak person in front of them.
Narcissa squeezed her husband's hand that she was still holding. She knew exactly what was going through his head right now and she wasn't sure how to help him. There were many many times throughout their marriage where she was able to completely see her husband and she cherished those moments but this was not one of those times. She knew that he was most likely ashamed and she knew that no words of comfort would be able to change that. This was something that Lucius had to get over on his own.
"Why did he have to put the magic in one of them? Couldn't he just release the magic?" Harry wondered out loud. If it was going to kill someone then wouldn't it make more sense to just release it?
Everyone turned to look at Harry with raised brows, even Remus. He blushed when he realized that it was probably a stupid question. There was still so much about the wizarding world that he didn't know. "I'm sorry." He said looking down.
Draco pushed his chair back slightly and pulled on Harry's hand. Harry looked up curiously he smiled slightly when Draco looked at him pointedly. Harry got up and sat down in Draco's lap and rested his head in the crook of Draco's neck.
Draco smiled down at Harry when he felt the embarrassment fade away and a sense of contentment flow through the bond.
For the first time since witnessing the constant undignified sitting in one another's laps, Lucius found the sight endearing. It was a normal recurrence and right now he was needing normal. He was needing for something to stay the same. It was almost grounding him.
"Don't feel bad Harry." Lucius said softly. "I tend to forget that there is a lot that you wouldn't know. I should have expected that." He said in an apologetic tone.
"Magic is volatile without a container." Severus began in his teaching voice that made everyone smile. "It is wild and at the best of times unmanageable. If Flamel had released the magic instead of placing it inside a vessel or a repository then the magic would have exploded out of the body and into the room. There is no saying what the magic would have done. The easiest way to explain it would be like a tornado being released into the room. Wild magic can level buildings and destroy bodies. Half of a wizard's magic may not seem like a lot but it is. Putting that much magic into an infant is not smart. Abraxas was desperate and didn't think through what he was doing. The chances that the magic wouldn't have been rejected were slim."
Harry blinked as he took all of that in. The more he heard the more he had to question Abraxas's sanity. Why would he have taken the risk to do that to a baby if it wasn't even guaranteed? Flamel must have known all of this and still did the deal knowing that it might not even work. Such a Slytherin move.
"Do you think the ritual didn't work was because Lucinda didn't know that her magic was being taken?" Harry's statement was met with blank stares, so he rushed to explain. "I just mean that if wild magic can take out buildings when released then that would mean that it can be somewhat sentient. Look at accidental magic. It happens to children when their emotions get the best of them. That in of itself is somewhat sentient. It is reacting to the children's wants which means that we are essentially its vessels. So if she had known that her magic was going to be used to help her daughter's core then perhaps the ritual would have worked."
More silence. Harry wondered if he was making any sense. It was just a thought. He was about to apologize again when Severus spoke.
"I love the way your mind works." Severus was as surprised as Harry that he had just said that. Harry blushed but was rather pleased. Draco squeezed Harry's waist as he kissed the top of his messy hair.
"That actually makes perfect sense." Lucius said as he furrowed his brows thinking back to the ritual. He had been wondering why his mother's body would reject the magic that had only been vacated from her body for such a short amount of time. But if it was sentient than the magic had been forcibly taken and then changed to fit into his sister. The remaining magic could have been rebelling against the magic more than rejecting it.
"Intriguing." Remus murmured. He wondered about the different spells that could be worked on with going in this direction. He felt a twinge of excitement at the many different ideas.
"Where does the chanting come into play?" Draco wondered as he tried to get back onto the subject at hand.
Lucius frowned. "Before he could place the magic back into my sister, the magic entered my mother and attacked her own magic." Gasps could be heard all around.
"Flamel stabbed my sister in the stomach and used her blood to draw the same runes that had been on the alter during Ethan's ritual. He began the same chanting as in your memory. I don't know if it was the exact same chanting but it was definitely the same type of language. He sacrificed the life of my sister by putting her life force into my mother. It worked." The last bit was said bitterly as he stared down at the table with a dark glare.
Harry couldn't imagine what it would have been like to witness the murder of your own sibling. Seeing any murder at the age of six was horrible but to witness your own sister made it so much worse. Poor Lucius. And to think that the memory had been taken from him too.
"I thought you said that it wasn't a known dialect." Draco said confused. Lucius snorted. "Well that is true. Harry was right in saying that this is Necromancy. Flamel was speaking the language of the dead." He couldn't believe that he hadn't realized this before.
"The dead have a language?!" Harry said in disbelief. How do dead people who can't speak have a language? This was a paradox. His mind was now hurting.
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Authors Notes:
Okay. There is some more explanations coming tomorrow but the emotional part of this is somewhat done with.
I do realize that Lucius handled his memory a lot worse than Harry handled his memory of being murdered. I like to think this is because Lucius has denied his emotions for so long. He just kept burying them behind shields. Kind of like a Vulcan does. Anybody remember Sarek? (Spock's father) There was an episode of him on The Next Generation where he lost control of his emotions. Somewhat misguided comparison lol so I am hoping that makes sense.
It was sad writing him lose control but I think the fresh memory would wreak havoc on anybody's mind.
I liked comparing his art longing to drugs. I do realize that it isn't the same thing but when you deny yourself something that you want for so long that I think it makes a decent comparison. Like when you are on a diet and you cave and eat the chocolate cake slice (or the whole thing) It feels like a relapse. You know you shouldn't have eaten it but you did and now it feels like you failed.
I still haven't given you much information on necromancy but that will be discussed tomorrow. I think I already said that yesterday so sorry for that. But I needed a good spot to end today's chapter and this was where it was at.
What did you think?
-XxTheDarkLordxX