~ Chapter 33: Where To Look ~
[ Justin’s POV: ]
Jackie, I thought to myself, where are you?
Why did you run from me? I was simply just trying to do what’s best for you. Why do you have to be so damn stubborn? Why can’t you listen to me for once?
I picked up my pace, walking quickly down the street and keeping my eyes open in case I saw Jackie somewhere. My heart began pounding faster and faster and I know it sounds silly, but I was scared. What if something happened to her? It’d all be my fault. I’m the one who upset her so much that she felt the need to run from me.
God, I began praying inside my head, I’d do anything, just bring Jackie back to me. Please… Let her be okay. Let me hold her just one more time.
I crossed the street again, slowing down to catch my breath before I heard someone gasp behind me. Turning around, I spotted a paparazzo looking straight at me, his mouth wide open.
“Justin Bieber…?” he said to himself, trying to make sure it was really me before he raised his camera and snapped about five pictures of me.
I groaned, raising my middle finger at him before turning around and running away. He began to chase me down the street and I turned a corner, finding a gap between two parked cars. I ran towards it and crouched behind one of the cars, waiting to see if I lost the paparazzo. I could hear his footsteps a few feet away from me, and I slowly began to slide my way out from behind the car before I took off running to the other side of the street.
“Hey!” the paparazzo yelled after me, snapping more pictures of me as I ran as fast as I could. I glanced behind me and saw he started chasing me again, but I had the upper hand—I was pretty far away from him. Without thinking, I crossed another street and midway, I realized the light was green for cars and I was in the middle of it. Turning my head, I saw a car approaching me at full speed and I gasped, making my legs run faster until I felt my muscles burning. I made it to the sidewalk before the car could hit me and I dropped to the pavement, my back hitting the ground as I looked up at the sky.
I felt a single sweat glide down my forehead as I panted helplessly, trying to regain my breath. Suddenly remembering I was running from someone, I forced myself to sit up, only to see that the paparazzo was stuck on the red light, and he couldn’t cross the street with all the incoming cars at full speed.
I let out a sigh in relief before standing up, wiping my forehead and looking around, trying to get a sense of where I was at.
I just didn’t know where to look. Where would Jackie even go? Would she be hiding somewhere or would she be in plain sight so that I could find her? Is she thinking that I left her when I continued on the green light back when we were in my car? Because the only reason I left, was so I could let all the other cars pass and then I could turn around and come for her. Maybe she thinks I just left.
Is she heading back towards the hotel we came from? Did she stop by and get food? Is she just standing in front of a store? Did she enter a store?
So many possibilities and I don’t know where to start.
I began running down the street I was on, trying to get away from the paparazzo before the light turned green for him. While running, I began to pull out my phone, dialing Jackie’s number and pressing the device to my ear. When I heard it go straight to voicemail, I felt like chucking my phone across the street but, instead, I kept my cool and slid it back in my pocket.
“Fuck,” I grunted, turning a corner once again and stopping by a bookstore. I began to just casually stroll down the street, looking at the park on the other side. It looked pretty empty, but the trees were beautiful so at least it was a sight.
I stuffed my hands in the pocket of my pants and sighed to myself. Looking at the stoplight for pedestrians, I contemplated whether or not I should cross this street so I could look at the park a little better. Upon seeing the light was red and that my main objective was to find Jackie, I decided against it.
But then, everything felt like it was in slow motion.
I gazed up at one of the park benches out at front and spotted a pretty girl sitting there by herself. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest when I realized it’s Jackie.
Butterflies swarmed my stomach and I was about to run full speed towards her, but then I remembered the light was red.
“For fuck’s sake,” I cursed to myself. “Jackie!” I yelled, trying to get her attention.
Jackie’s head shot up in confusion and, when she spotted me, her eyes widened and she quickly stood up. I glanced at the lights, seriously considering making a run for it except there were just too many cars coming at speeds fast enough to run me over and put me under medical help. Even from afar, I could see Jackie’s lips trembling as she quickly turned around and began running down the street. My eyes slowly widened, unable to believe what I was seeing.
Why the fuck is she running away from me?
I was about to yell her name again and tell her to come back but decided not to make a scene. The stupidest thing I could do right now is draw attention to myself so I could get more easily recognized.
After what felt like years (I ain’t even exaggerating), the pedestrian lights turned green and I ran faster than I knew my own legs could take me. I could make out the figure of Jackie’s body running a few feet in front of me and I pushed myself to run faster. Jackie’s head turned briefly to check how far she was from me, and upon realizing I was catching up quite nicely, she freaked out and made a straight turn towards the inside of the park.
“I don’t have time for this shit,” I muttered to myself, making the same turn she did and continuing ahead. Unfortunately, it carried on like that for a while. Jackie managed to keep running fast enough to make it seem impossible for me to catch up, but I kept pushing myself harder. Eventually, we ended up running to a small, grassy hill and it was when Jackie first began going on top of it that I was close enough to grab her, so I did. And it backfired… Badly.
I had grabbed her arm and the momentum of her running straight ahead had tugged on my grip on her, so I eventually let go and the two of us went flying forward and hit the ground. Luckily, we landed on grass so it didn’t hurt that badly.
“Stop running after me!” she yelled, tears in her eyes as she scooted away from me, both of us on the ground. I groaned, lifting my body up so that I could sit upright.
“What the fuck are you talking about, you think I’m going to let you roam around this place all by yourself?!” I yelled back. The park was pretty much isolated so, at this point, I wasn’t worried about people or paparazzi’s.
“Well if I go with you, you’ll just take me back to San Diego,” she cried out, running a hand through her hair. “You know I don’t want that!”
“It’s what’s best for you!” I tried stressing my point out to her, but she wasn’t having it.
“You don’t know shit about what’s best for me,” she glared at me, suddenly standing up and rubbing the dirt off her clothes before walking away slowly. I narrowed my eyes at her, standing up and following behind her and, once I reached her, I grabbed her arm and forced her to turn around and look at me.
“You can’t fucking say that to me,” I snarled. She eyed my hand on her forearm, squirming slightly against my grip.
“And you can’t decide things like this for me either, Justin,” she retaliated, tugging away from my grasp. “Let me go.”
I ignored her. “And what do you think is best for you, huh?” I spat.
Jackie paused. All her attempts at wiggling out of my grip stopped and she calmed down, looking straight into my eyes.
“I did my very best to make you believe that all I want to do is help you. That I care about you, and that my words aren’t lies at all—they’re coming from the heart. But you… You keep pushing me away. And then, when I finally think you were starting to cave in, you push away again. What am I supposed to do? Because… Everything I’ve ever done has failed. You still don’t want to give me a chance. You want to send me back home. You want to get rid of me,” her tone was cold, her eyes emotionless.
“And what about you, huh?!”
She tugged on my grip again. “I said let go off me!”
“—LISTEN TO ME,” I screamed, tightening my grip on her arm and causing her to let out a small yelp. “I was gonna take you back to San Diego because I care about you too. It’s sweet that you want to help me, but you have no idea what the fuck you’re getting yourself into. This isn’t the kind of life you’d want to live. Hell, this isn’t the kind of like I want you to live. It’s best if you get out of this mess while you still can.”
Jackie stared at the grass, her eyes glistening with tears as the wind blew softly, throwing her hair up into the air slightly.
“Look at me,” I breathed, waiting for her beautiful green eyes to meet my brown ones. She slowly looked up at me, not saying a word. “There’s a lot of things that happen in this industry. I’d have to be a dumbass if I let you get involved.”
She bit her lip, remaining quiet for a second. She sucked in a breath of air and breathed it out through her nose. And finally, after a few seconds, she spoke up.
“Let go of me,” she whispered.
I slowly released my grip on her arm and she immediately pulled it to her side and rubbed the spot where I had grabbed her. She stared at the grass again and I decided to fill in the awkward silence.
“Now…” I began, “Would you please let me take you back home?”
“Will I ever see you again?” her voice was heartbroken.
I froze, not knowing what to say. The sad truth is, probably not. I’ll eventually lose contact with her once I begin touring later on and work on staying on schedule.
“Jackie—…”
“—Stop it,” she interrupted.
She was crying now. The tears streaming down her face. There were so many things I wish I could tell her. Things I’m afraid of telling her. How scared I am that I got someone pregnant. And how much I actually need her.
But I just can’t have her. She’s not mine to keep.
“Shh,” I hushed, taking a step forward and wrapping her in my arms. I pulled her to my chest and she rested her head on my shoulder. I rubbed my hands up and down her back, trying to comfort her as best as possible. “It’ll be okay…”
She sniffled, hugging me back tightly. I wish I could hold her like this forever. I wish this wouldn’t be the last time I’m this close to her. I wish, I wish…
“Hey,” I whispered, pulling away and cupping her cheeks on both hands. “No need to cry, okay?” I wiped away her tears with my thumbs and suddenly kneeled down, taking her hand and pulling her down with me. We laid down on the grass and I made sure she was looking at me before I pointed to the sky. “See that cloud?” I hummed, looking straight up at the beautiful, blue sky. It was pretty cloudy today, and to help her get her mind off of things I wanted to do one of my favorite things to do at parks.
Make out shapes from the clouds.
“What does it look like?” I asked her, shifting my head to look at her again. She narrowed her eyes at the sky and forced a smile.
“A bunny,” her voice cracked, probably from all the crying.
“Really?” I asked, focusing on the cloud. “Oh yeah, I see it.” I pulled her close to me. “You ever own one before?”
Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “A bunny?”
“Yeah.”
“Yes,” she nodded. “When I was 5.”
“What happened to it?”
“I ended up giving it to one of my cousins for her birthday. She was more in love with it than any of us ever was so we thought why not?” she explained, smiling at the memory.
“Oh…” I trailed off. Her body warmth was causing my cheeks to blush. I shut my eyes tight and tried to shake off the butterflies in my stomach.
But I knew, deep down inside, I wish it could be like this forever.
****************
Hmm… Will Justin drive Jackie back home or not?
I guess we’ll see…
;)
- Nina xx