- present;
It was already 6:30 pm when Yoongi picked me up from my parents' house. The windows are heavily tinted that I couldn't see him inside, which is understandable because he's a famous idol.
"Remember what we talked about, okay?" My mom reminds me as she kissed my cheek goodbye. "Please be good to -"
"Yes, mom, I will." I say, cutting her off before she says my boyfriend's name. "Don't worry, when we get home, Yoongi and I will be just strangers."
"Take care." My dad says, and soon I reached Yoongi's car, but before he could at least wave at them, they were already inside the door, with the door closed.
He tucked both of his lips together, his eyebrows both raised, but showed a grin as I took a seat next to him.
"Where'd you go?" I asked him, as he starts the car again. "Thank you for letting me stop by my parents by the way."
"Yeah," he says, nodding. "I went to go grab us snacks."
Then he took out a white plastic bag from the side of his seat, not showing what was inside. He gives it to me, and as I place it on my lap to open it, it gives out a nice comforting heat.
I gently untied the knot and opened it, revealing two piping hot hotteoks that looked like they were just freshly made.
"Hotteok." I whispered, taking one out of the plastic bag. It felt warm against my fingers, the toasted sugar smell and steam coming out from it.
It looks just like the first hotteok we had together. The one we had when we were still strangers, when we were just getting to know each other. The one we had where we filmed one of our scenes for the project. The one we had on the...
"Don't eat it yet." He says, taking the hotteok from my hand and placing it back to the paper bag. "We still have somewhere to go to."
"Are we going to go to...?"
"Yes," he nods, and started to drive with a hint of excitement in his eyes.
"We're going to the park."
*
"Oh my god."
I couldn't say anything else when we got to the place where we ate our first hotteok together eight years ago.
In front of the lake, the bench where we sat is still there, but it looked old and rusty. The boulder by the edge of the lake is still there too, but it's not the same. The geese are gone.
Not one was left. It looked so dead, so lonely.
However, onto the side was a new light house built. I could tell that it was new because of it's sparkling railings, and gives off a bright yet calming light that compliments the beauty of the lake.
It's like the only thing that made the lake look... alive and happy.
"Look at the lighthouse," I say to him as I point at it. "Isn't it so beautiful?"
"I prefer watching the geese." He says, passing me one of the hotteoks. "It's much too modern for a lake."
"The geese probably left the lake," I concluded, starting to eat. "But at least it's not lonely now since the light house is there."
He was silent and didn't bother to answer me. Instead, he looked far far across the lake, doing nothing but eating his hotteok slowly.
"If the geese came back to this lake, do you think the lake would be happy even if it already has the lighthouse beside it?" He asked, as he turns his head to look at me. We sat quietly at the bench, then he stood up to walk over the boulder and sat there instead.
I stood up and walked until I was next to him, staring at the lake. "It will, because i'm pretty sure they had a lot of good memories together."
I saw him look up to me from the corner of my eye, but I didn't want to look back at him. I couldn't. Because i'm scared of what will happen next.
I'm scared that i'm not sure and content of what I already have right now.
I'm scared.
"I'm sorry." He says, turning his gaze away from me. "I'm sorry for leaving you, for hurting you."
"It was a long time ago, Yoongi." I say, trying to calm myself as I can tell that my feelings are building up all over me. "We're both happy with what we are now. With what we have now."
"That's not my point." He says, standing up in front of me. He takes my hand and holds it ever so gently. "I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for not fighting for you. I'm sorry for leaving you behind, but it was for the best. I left you because I was keeping you from-"
"Did you think it was easy for me?" I asked him, my emotions pushing me to the edge of my limits. "Did you think that leaving me is much better than being with me?"
"Yes, because I didn't want you to be-"
"No," I say, shaking my head as I step away from him, the cold air brushing against my naked skin. "I wish it was easy. I wish that when you left me, all of my feelings had gone with you. But it didn't. It stayed with me for a long time and I was beyond broken."
"Eunji, I-"
"I was shattered. I wasn't just broken, I was practically dead. I couldn't eat for days, I couldn't smile no matter how much I tried, I couldn't look in the mirror and not see you. I couldn't stop crying." I growled at him, my emotions now uncontrollable and bursting all over the place. "So don't you dare say that left me for the best!"
"I'm sorry," he deeply sighed, stepping cautiously close to me as his voice starts to break. "I don't know what to do anymore, but I want you to know that I will do anything just for you to know how sorry I am. I'm really sorry for breaking you just like that."
He reaches for my hand but before he could touch me, I jerk away from him, my sight becoming blurry because of the pooling tears forming in my eyes.
"Why now?" I ask him, a single drop of tear landing on my cheek. "Why now when it's too late? Why now when i'm finally moving on? Why not before I was in love with someone else?"
"I tried." He says, making my breathing stop. "I tried to talk to you a couple of months ago, but you never replied. I finally had the courage to tell you how much I n-"
"No," I said, confused by every word that comes out of his mouth. "No, you didn't... I would hav-"
"And I only realized the night of the party that... you blocked my number." He confessed, sighing as he looked at the darkening sky. "I called you from my phone but the phone didn't ring, but when Taehyung tried calling you from his phone... it rang."
"Stop kidding around!" I shouted, stepping farther away from him. "You never messaged me. I waited for so long to receive a call or even just a text message saying a simple hi from you but you never d-"
"I did. It even said you've read it." He says, looking at me. "But I guess it was too late when you decided to block me so I couldn't bother you again."
"I don't believe you." I say as solidly as I could, taking out my cellphone from my purse. "What is your number?"
After he mumbles his number, I quickly pressed the 'call' button, making me feel nothing but regret because of what I have heard from the other line.
'You have blocked this phone number. If you wish to proceed making the call, press one.'
And I did.
Soon enough, the phone from his pocket quietly vibrates, then he picks it up and spoke four words through the phone that made me feel like I am going to lose my mind.
"I still love you."
I immediately hang up the phone and ran away from him, my heart beating so fast like it could jump out of my chest anytime. I felt like I was being shocked by a powerful electricity, making my blood run through my veins inhumanely possible.
Why am I feeling this?
Why does he have to say that? Why does he have to confuse me? Why? Why now?
"Eunji!" I hear him call for me, but I still ran. I didn't care, I just ran. I had to be away from him, I can't be close to him knowing that in any time, I might...
"Eunji, wait!"
But I never once blocked him. I never remember myself getting a message from someone that can potentially be him. I waited for a long time, such a long time, but I never got it.
So how will I block him?
How am I supposed to block him?
But then an idea came to me, like waves from the ocean hitting me back down into the sand, then being swallowed by the deep blue sea.
Will he possibly do that?
Is my boyfriend capable doing of something like that?
My legs stopped on its own as I try to catch my own breath. Will he do that? Is he possibly the one who has been blocking Yoongi that he can't reach me at all?
"Eunji." He says, finally catching up to me. He bends down and places both of his palms on his knees, panting. "Are you okay?"
I take my phone out again, and speed dialed my boyfriend. It rang three times and before it went to voicemail, he picked up.
"Babe? Hey, how are you?" He asked from the other line, his voice sounding like I disturbed him from his sleep.
"Did you block Yoongi's number on my phone?" I asked, going straight to the point.
He didn't answer, it's like I caught him off guard. I felt rain starting to pour down, and as seconds tick by slowly, it got heavier and heavier.
"Did you?" I repeat, my voice breaking.
"Eunji, we need to-" Yoongi says but I held up my hand to him to keep his from talking.
"Who is that?" He asked from the phone, his tone suddenly alive. "Is that your ex boyfriend? What are you doing with him?!"
"Answer my question!" I said, screaming at him. "Did you block his number on my phone?"
"Y-yes, but babe listen to m-"
I couldn't continue. I hang up as soon as he had admitted it. Why would he do something like that? How can he possibly do that and not tell me?
My lips started to tremble as the rain showered us, and soon I felt Yoongi's leather jacket covering me.
"Let's go back," I say to him as he kept me close to him. "I want to go back to Seoul."
He slowly nodded and guided me back to his car, opening and shutting the car door for me as I went inside. He starts the car and cranks up the heater while I look at the lake one last time as he starts to drive away.
But before we were completely away from the lake, I see something marching back into the boulder Yoongi was sitting on, then stumbles inside the lonely lake to have a dip under the rain.
A white goose.