I have realized a few things.
1. I have two dudes named Viper, simply because I forgot the other one existed,
2. Ya'll are too nice to me. Trust me, if ya met me in real life, I look like I have a stick up my ass.
thank you all for reading and how much you help me continue writing.
TRIGGERING MATERIAL UP AHEAD- violence, sexual and physical abuse, rape
Do you guys want my insta? Too bad, you're getting it. ashtraytraylee.
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It was dark when I woke up. A complete an utter darkness that shrouded every one of my senses, accompanying the bone deep pain. It felt like I had taken more than a punch from more than Bert himself- it felt more like I had been hit by a bus and trampled on by a horse after.
But there was an ominous pain, one that pulsed at the apex between my thighs, and I bit my lip.
My hands were tied behind my back and I was cuffed to a chair, my clothes ripped off. I could feel every bruise, feel every cut that lined my skin and it took all I had to not cry. An invasion had taken place, one that had taken place in my body and in turn my mind.
I felt dirty. So,so dirty and hurt, my privacy and own body stripped bare so all that remained was my vulnerability and a soreness around my private areas. They were the disgusting human beings, they were the ones with sick minds, they were the ones who had no respect or conscience- but I was the one affected.
I was the one invaded.
I was the one feeling....repulsed by my own body. Tears welled in my eyes, almost spilling over as I held in a scream, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of hearing me break. But how was someone meant to react? How was I meant to react to a violation I knew had happened but wasn't conscious for? It hurt, my mind, my body, my soul.
My worth. I wasn't strong anymore. No, nowhere near strong.
Movement sounded outside, near where I was held. A light turned on, anguish settling deep in my heart, twisting my gut, and footsteps stopped near the door. My heartbeat accelerated as I let my head fall back against the headrest, inhaling deeply.
The door handle turned.
I exhaled my fight and closed my eyes. There was nothing left to fight with, they had taken it away.
And they were back. To take more.
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"She's been out for fucking days Bert. Do you think she's dead?" A voice spoke, familiarly horrible. Breath exhaled hot against my face, rough hands roaming my body as I lay on the floor, barely breathing.
"Who was last with her?"
A shuffle. "Cody. He was... excited."
The breath left my face, footsteps leaving me. "Do you want to know what I found out today? What that fucking whore didn't tell us?"
"What, boss?"
A moment of tense silence. "This girl is Corin Kane."
A gasp was heard, some more urgent shuffling and murmurs. But that one familiar voice spoke again, voice high and nasally.
"Who the fuck is that? She can't do shit" He leered, arrogance in his tone. Immediately, a crack was heard, the sound of a fist smashing into bone, cracking the man's jaw. Bert spat on the floor, rage and a tendril of fear curling into his voice.
"Corin Kane is not only the daughter of Grizzly, a beloved friend of Viper and last but not fucking least- Ripper's fucking Old Lady." His voice rose at the end, fear more than apparent in his low tone. "So you think she can't do shit? She might not- because you and your men raped her until she was unconscious- but her family sure can. And they're onto us. Those crazy fucking bastards- every last lethal one of them is on to us"
An ominous silence descended, one that reeked of fear. Ripper and dad were looking for me? They were coming?
"And- the icing on this fucking shit filled cake- Ripper's angry. You know Ripper doesn't stop when he's on a rampage- but get this. We took and beat his woman. We handcuffed her and beat her some more. Then, you and your men raped her until all she is, is a heap of skin and bones on the floor. So, what do you think is going to happen?"
Bert inhaled slowly, exhaling just everything as I lay on the floor, listening. "Every single one of us is going to die. And you Gregory, are going to die and extremely painful death, because I've already dobbed you and your men in for raping her."
A whimper sounded through the room, followed by a hollow, lifeless scream. "No Bert, you can't leave me here. He'll torture me Bert, he'll rip my insides out of my body while I'm still alive!"
Bert walked to the door, followed by a few men. "I know. Prepare yourself. They're here."
A loud vibration filled the air, rattling the ground and filling my senses. There was an agony in every part of my body- a sea that I drowned in- and I opened my eyes against the harsh light. Men were standing still, looking out the window, faces tight with fear and shock.
Bert, the big man, stood next to the door- a look of resignation on his wide face. He was going to die, and I was going to enjoy watching him.
If I could stay conscious for more than five minutes.
Greg, a small man who enjoyed beating me during his rape, tried to run, but was held back by two men, who had the same look Bert did.
They hadn't raped me- Bert's men-but they had beat me. And I wanted them all to die. I wanted them all to die horrible, invasive deaths- where every single part of them was stripped bare, violated then pillaged all over again.
And I wanted to watch.
"Bert! Let me go! Let me the fuck go!" Greg pleaded, voice desperate and so full of fear. He hadn't let me go, not when I screamed. Motorbikes sounded, revs pulling up next to the house we were currently in and coming to a stop. Heavy footsteps stepped off their bikes, so many people for me.
For me. An inkling of hope ran through me, and an excitement for my freedom. And excitement for their deaths.
I had been raped, beaten and held captive for days on end.
I had been raped countlessly, beaten horribly and held captive until my mind melded night and day together.
I felt pain beyond my imagination, centered so deeply in my body, mind and soul- it felt as if I was being washed by shores of agony.
But all through that pain, all through that horror that skirted my mind, I felt a hope. I felt a joy and excitement at being found. Being saved. Being back with my family again.
Being back with Ripper.
And every single person here was going to die.
A door burst open, shouts heard from the other end of the house, quickly shutting off with the loud pops of gunshots. More gunshots accompanied cries of pain, death coming quickly and surely as those heavy footsteps came closer and closer.
A silence. Then the door broke open with an insane looking Ripper, framed by light and body tightly coiled with a rage that shook whoever he looked at. His amber eyes blazed with a fury that stopped everyone cold, as he looked around, trying to find me.
And when he did- seeing my body limp, bruised and naked on the floor- his mouth opened and only a harsh sound came out.
"Ripper, we can ex-"
Ripper shot Bert without even looking, a clean shot to the head that guaranteed an instant death. My beautiful man was here and he was here to save me.
Bodies filled the doorway behind Ripper, my father, Seamus, Deadeye, Slater and Bianca. Gasps escaped them as they surveyed my weak body and I couldn't help the tears that fell down my cheeks and onto the floor from where I lay.
It hurt and I wanted to go home.
Ripper's fury ripened and he grabbed Greg, shooting him in the foot and knocking him out with a single punch. The rest of the men were put out just as quickly, all knocked out and dragged to a pile in the corner of the room. It was quick, almost too quick for me to comprehend what was going on.
Ripper walked towards me, dropping to his knees in front of me. He touched me carefully, untying my wrists and ankles, silent as he watched my tears and took in every cut and bruise that stained my skin. Then, with a gentleness so different from the raging bull that had entered the room, he placed his jacket over me, picked me up and walked out the door.
All the while, murmuring a steady stream of "I love you. I love you"
I love you, Cearul.
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This chapter hurt to write. And I'm sorry for whomever read this and it brought up memories or feelings you would prefer to forget. It doesn't mean much, but I pray for you. I pray for your conscience, for you to know your worth and I pray for you.
You are beautiful, untainted, perfect the way you are- and I'm sorry if my writing wasn't accurate in any way. No one knows or understands what that's like apart from you.
But we can try. I can try.
So if you ever need someone to talk to- anyone needs someone to just talk to- I'm here.
Love yourselves my friends- even though it is possibly the hardest thing to do.
-your friend and author,
Ash.