I must've drifted off, for about the fourth time this week not gunna lie, because it was no longer dark. The windows were dripping with condensation. Outside, the sun still wasn't shining and the clouds seemed dull and heavy.
I woke up to a sight I didn't mind seeing, her all calm and still holding onto me; it was such a comforting feeling. I was getting warm, believe it or not, so I removed her arms from around my sweaty, skinny torso. I then realised why my stomach was so sunken in; I hadn't eaten in ages.
Ugh god, Rebecca. Wow. You get your cutting problem back and now before you know it you'll be back to purgi- ugh stop waffling on again...
The slight thought of food make my stomach turn inside out. I wanted to make my self vomit at the thought of all the calories and weight I'd put on of I ate but I had to stay strong for her. I looked over at the paper bag in the corner that I got given last night by the management team. It consisted of a ham sandwich and a yogurt, that was enough calories and energy to last me until Wednesday; it's now Sunday. "Would you like some food?" I asked, for some reason with my hopes up. I thought I was gunna get a sensible answer. She sat there for a bit and then replied, "He said no." She looked like a child when they get told they couldn't do certain things. Tears were now forming in her crystal, blue eyes. She, obviously having a change of thought, stood up to my level and whispered in my ear, "Yes, yes please." She said this quietly to only scream again. "I'M HUNGRY! LET ME EAT?!" She was bashing her fists against her head again. I pulled her close. I wrapped my now cold, arms around her; shushing her like a child as she tried to pull away. She dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes and cradled her head in her hands. She had a meltdown for a solid quarter of an hour. I sat and watched her and wondered whether I should say...
I finally plucked up the courage to ask her, one I never really knew when to ask- there was never a time where it seemed like the right moment to ask. "Why are you here, in this place?" I asked inquisitively. Worrying if I'd been taken as rude, I apologised profusely and quickly added, "You don't need to say if you don't want to." She stared at me hard for a while, looked at the floor and back up to my gaze. "Promise me you won't judge me; or tell anyone."
"I promise." I agreed, this time with hesitation; I wanted to know what was so bad. She smiled at me from the corner of her mouth and placed her hand on mine.
"I've killed people."