Mckayla
This was exactly where I belonged. Lying on Jax's chest and listening to his deep, steady breathing. It was still early and the sun had just started creeping its way through the windows behind the bed. There's something about the morning light that makes everything appear beautiful. Even the horrible dark purple bruises surrounding Jax's eyes didn't look as bad as I knew they were.
Jax was still fast asleep with one arm up behind his head. I smiled to myself and pressed a soft kiss to his chest. When he didn't stir, I slowly pulled myself up on to my elbow to look at him more closely. My fingertips found their way to the day old stubble on his sharp jaw and I traced a path from his temple to his chin. Still he didn't move. If he could sleep through that, I wondered what else he could sleep through. A smirk pulled on to my lips and with every ounce of stealth that I could muster I slipped under the sheet.
I kissed him softly down his chest, all the way to his lower abdomen. I grinned to myself when I felt his muscles tense under my lips. Excitement buzzed through my body as I got nestled between Jax's strong legs. One of the many things I love about Jax Teller is he always sleeps naked. That was definitely working in my favor this morning.
He wasn't completely hard yet, but that was fine. He would be soon. With a feather-light touch I ran my fingertip along the vein running up his thick cock. Jax didn't react but his growing member sure did. I giggled and licked my lips. The fun was about to begin. I replaced my finger with my tongue and followed the same path. I had to force myself to hold back a moan when I tasted a bead of precum that had formed at his tip. I swirled my tongue over the tip and wrapped my lips around it. Jax's breath hitched and I froze. When he didn't move, I kept going.
Slowly I pushed him deeper into my mouth until I felt him bump the back of my throat. I swallowed around him and Jax let out a deep moan. I could feel him clutching the sheets in his fists and I smiled to myself. Now I was going all the way. I let him fall out of my mouth and used my hand to spread my saliva down to the base of his cock. I started to pick up the pace and felt his hips jerk up hard.
The sheet was suddenly ripped from above me, leaving me exposed for him to see. I'm sure it was a sight to behold; me, lying between his legs, with his gorgeous cock in my hands. I locked my eyes with his beautiful blue ones. His pupils were blown wide and he was biting down hard on his plump bottom lip. I shot him a wink and took him into my mouth once more. This time, I took him until I was nuzzling the soft blonde hair at his base.
"C-Christ, McKayla." He said with a shaky breath.
One of his hands knotted in my hair, not forcing me to move, just because he needed something to hold on to. His moans were coming more frequently and I could feel him throbbing hard against my tongue. I knew it wouldn't be long. It was time to bring out the 'big gun'. I slid him almost completely out, so I could wrap my lips tightly around his tip and flick it rapidly with the tip of tongue. With one hand I began to stroke him quickly and with the other I cupped his balls.
"Shit baby, I'm gonna cum!" Jax moaned.
I moaned around him and looked up with the biggest, most innocent look in my eyes that I could manage. It was his undoing. The sound that was coming from him was almost animalistic. His hips were thrusting wildly as he chased his end. Both hands flew to my hair and he muttered a slew of curse words as he pulled hard. He let out a final moan as his warm cum began to coat my mouth and throat. I hummed in delight and swallowed up everything he had to give.
When his cock finally stopped pulsing, I let him fall out of my mouth, making a loud 'pop'. Jax exhaled shakily and threw his head back hard on the pillows. I giggled and wiped a bit of excess that leaked out of my mouth. Jax had opened one of his eyes and stared at me in astonishment.
"Sorry, I just couldn't help myself." I said with a small shrug.
He groaned as he pulled himself up to sit and crashed his lips to mine roughly.
"Never apologize for waking me up like that." He mumbled against my lips.
I couldn't help but laugh as I got up off the bed to find some clothes. Jax caught my wrist.
"Come back here and let me return the favor." He said, licking his lips.
I leaned over and kissed him quickly.
"You can make it up to me later, Baby. We have more important things to deal with right now." I told him.
Jax sighed in defeat and ran his hands through his hair. I still needed to tell Clay what I told the cops and we needed to get Jax to a doctor to check on his nose. After having to nearly pry Jax off of me, I managed to get a shower. I pulled my wet hair up into a bun and threw on some jeans and an old Harley shirt. Jax took his turn in the shower and I set out some clothes for him.
So I didn't get any more distracted, I made my way out into the kitchen. When I rounded the corner I just about jumped out of my skin. Gemma was sitting at one of the tables drinking coffee and playing with Abel.
"Oh! Gemma, you're here early." I said while clutching my chest.
"Good morning to you too." She said with a smirk.
I gulped and felt a blush creeping its way up my neck.
"H-how long have you been here?" I asked her.
She chuckled and raised an eyebrow at me.
"Long enough." She said.
I groaned and covered my face with my hands.
"Oh God."
My boyfriend's mother heard me giving her son a blow job. I was never going to live this down. Gemma laughed and handed Abel to me. I saw her gaze move over my shoulder and her smirk stretched her face wider.
"Sounds like you had a great morning." She said.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Jax walking in with two steaming cups in his hands. He grinned at her and leaned down to kiss me hard on the lips.
"Damn right." He said once he pulled away, his eyes never leaving mine.
Gemma shook her head but smiled. Jax took Abel from me and gave his mother a kiss on her cheek. She reached up and touched his face gingerly.
"Christ, Jackson. You need to see a doctor." She said, wincing.
He just rolled his eyes and took a sip of coffee.
"I'm fine, mom." He said.
I gave him a pointed look and drank some of my own coffee. Jax sighed and shifted Abel to his other hip.
"Alright, I'll go. After I check on Ope." He said.
I smiled sweetly up at him and he shook his head with a smile.
"Well, I see you two worked things out last night." Gemma said.
I blushed and Jax let out a hearty laugh.
"Yeah mom, you could say that." He said with a smile.
He licked his lips and caught my eyes with his. They were darker than usual and it made me shiver. Suddenly, I couldn't wait to collect my payback. Gemma looked between the two of us and raised her eyebrow.
"A crisis always does make the sex better." She muttered to herself.
Jax and I both stared at her for a moment. She seemed to be thinking of something because she suddenly started laughing to herself. Jax just shook his head and passed the baby to me. The roaring sound of Harley's filled the air and soon the doors of the clubhouse swung open.
"Jesus Jackie, you look like shit!" Chibs shouted as he walked in.
"But I still look better than you, Chibby." Jax shot back.
They laughed and Chibs pulled Jax by the back of the neck into a tight hug. Clay and Tig walked in and took their turn hugging Jax as well. Clay broke away from the group and came over to Gemma and I. He gave her a small kiss on her temple and made a funny face to Abel.
"How'd it go with the cops last night?" He asked me.
"Fine. I told them that I was alone in the apartment when the building was hit and that I didn't see or hear anything." I told him.
It wasn't hard to convince the cops of my story and they had no reason to doubt me since technically, I wasn't really with the club. Clay nodded and took a cigar out of his vest.
"They went for it?" He asked with it between his teeth.
I nodded again and shrugged.
"Yeah, they checked the perimeter and then they left." I said.
Clay gave me a smile and bent down to kiss the top of my head.
"Thank you sweetheart. You really came through for us." He said.
My heart swelled and I couldn't help but smile. We may have had a rocky start, but I think I was starting to get on his good side. Clay whispered something to Gemma then he called for the guys to come to the Chapel. As he passed by, Jax gave my shoulder a squeeze and shot me a wink. Gemma grinned and stood up from her chair.
"Come on baby, we've got shit to do." She told me.
Gemma and I spent the rest of the morning tackling paperwork for the garage. Jax came by to let us know he was going to see Opie and then he would go to St. Thomas. Mother Gemma insisted I go with him to make sure he actually went. Reluctantly, Jax agreed and we watched him and Chibs ride away. When we were alone, Gemma let out a deep sigh.
"Did he tell you what happened last night?" She asked wearily.
I shook my head. She took her glasses off and I noticed a tremble in her hands.
"It was a set-up. The guys they met with pulled guns and tried to kill them." She said.
I heard myself gasp and she went on.
"Jax took off after them and they beat the hell out of him."
I closed my eyes and gripped the chair. I realized for the first time that I was a hairs breath from never seeing the man I loved ever again.
"Holy shit." I said finally.
"Yeah." Gemma agreed.
When I looked at her, I could see she was feeling the same way I was, if not worse. She could've lost her husband and her son in the same night. I reached over and took her hand in mine.
"This is the life, isn't it." I said. It wasn't a question. It was me coming to terms with what I was signing up for.
Gemma looked at me with such sadness in her eyes that she didn't need to say anything else. Instead, she cleared her throat and raised her eyebrow at me.
"So, did you and my son kiss and make up?" The Queen of deflecting asked.
I let out a small giggle and smiled.
"I told him I wanted to come home."
Gemma just smirked.
"I knew you would."
A few hours later, Jax came back and we went to the hospital. As we walked through the doors, I felt Jax tense up. He slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. I looked up and noticed his jaw was clenched tightly.
"You okay, babe?" I asked.
His eyes flashed down to me and he just nodded. I didn't press him further. We got in a room and I could feel Jax's uneasiness.
"Jax, what's wrong?" I asked again.
He let out a deep sigh and ran his hand over his face.
"I keep thinking about the last time we were here." He said quietly.
I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. The last time we were here was when I overdosed. I had to look away from him. Guilt was swallowing me up and it was all I could do not to cry. Jax opened his mouth to say something, but the door opening interrupted him. A nurse came and took him up to x-ray and I went for some air.
My mind was still reeling over Jax's confession. We never really dealt with the overdose. Sure we've talked about it, but I never really understood how badly it affected him. My heart was breaking all over again just thinking about how much pain I put him through. I was so deep in my guilt that I didn't even notice my name being called from behind me.
"McKayla?" The voice said, this time louder.
It was Tara. I whipped around and came face to face with her for the first time in six months.
"I saw Jax's name on the board, is he alright?" She asked me.
I could see the worry in her eyes. I blinked myself out of my stupor and nodded.
"Y-yeah, we think his nose is broken. But he's fine."
Tara sighed in relief and shook her head.
"Thank God. I'm sorry to bother you I just- you know." She rambled.
I nodded and managed a tight smile. She must have sensed I was uncomfortable and started to walk away. I chewed on my lip and caught her wrist. Tara stopped and turned to face me again.
"Are you busy later?" I asked her.
Now it was her turn to be shocked.
"No, I'm not. Why?"
I sighed and played with a loose string on my shirt.
"I think it's time we talked."
A small smile came to her lips and she nodded.
"I think so too. I get off at four, if you want to meet me at the diner." She said.
I just nodded. Her pager went off and I headed back to Jax's room.
"Well, it's broken." The doctor said as he held up the x-ray.
Jax rolled his eyes.
"No shit." He muttered.
I gave his hand a hard squeeze and he winked at me. We thanked the doctor and waited for a nurse to finish him up.
"Jax." I said after a minute.
He nodded and looked at me. I brought my hand up to his face and smiled sadly.
"I am so sorry."
He looked at me with confusion swimming in his blue eyes.
"For what, Baby?" He asked.
I couldn't say anything else so I just kissed him. I put everything I was feeling into that kiss and hoped that it was enough. The nurse came in and shortly after we were riding back to TM. I still had a few hours before I had to meet Tara. Jax had some club business to take care of and Gemma was out running errands so I was left to my own devices.
And let me tell you, it really sucked. My heart and my head were at war with each other. On one hand, I knew I needed to clear the air with Tara. We were both grown adults and it was about time that I put my big girl pants on and dealt with my shit. On the other hand however, I was scared shitless. I didn't know what she wanted to do or what I would say when I found out.
My nervous energy was reaching critical mass and if I didn't do something soon I was either going to burst or call the whole thing off. Of course the only thing I wanted to do was clean something. That was out of the question because Jax would know right away that something was up. I didn't want him to know anything until it was over, just in case it didn't go the way I wanted it to.
With my head still swimming with possibilities, I found myself wondering from the office to the picnic table by the clubhouse. Bobby was sitting there casually turning the pages of a magazine with one hand, and holding a joint in the other.
"Hey sweetheart. How's our boy?" He asked when I sat down.
"His nose is broken, but he'll live."
Bobby nodded and handed the joint to me. Normally, I would've passed but today I think I needed it. Bobby noticed and with a wave of his hand closed the magazine.
"Got something on your mind?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
I choked on the pungent smoke and Bobby threw his head back in laughter.
"Why-why would you say that?" I asked through coughs.
He wiped a tear from his eye and took the joint back from me.
"Yeah, that's enough. But because you look like you're about to scale the walls."
I loved Bobby with all of my heart and I could definitely see why Jax confided in him so much. His ability to just know when something's not right was amazing. I let out a big sigh and plopped my chin into my palm.
"I saw Tara at the hospital today." I said. My voice was almost a whine.
Bobby nodded slowly for me to continue.
"I agreed to meet with her." I mumbled.
A smirk crept onto Bobby's face and he took another hit.
"You tell Jax?" He asked me.
I groaned and he chuckled.
"Should I have?"
He gave me a long, hard look before passing the weed back to me.
"Probably, but he'll understand."
We sat in silence for a while, just passing the joint back and forth.
"I'm doing the right thing, right?" I asked him quietly.
Bobby looked at me in a way that I swear he was looking straight into my soul.
"Let me tell you something, Darlin'. It takes balls of steel to go to your man's future baby mama to work your shit out. That's some real Old Lady shit."
I knew that he was being serious, but blame it on the pot, I started laughing. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Bobby laughed too and the two of us were just howling until our stomachs hurt. When we finally calmed down, Bobby cleared his throat and took my hands.
"McKayla, Jax loves you more than anything. You doing this for him is the best way to show him that you're in this for the long haul."
"Thanks Bobby." I said sincerely.
He nodded and pulled me into a big bear hug.
"Love you honey." He said softly.
"I love you too, Bobby."
With Bobby's reassurance, I was finally ready to face Tara. I didn't want to get a ride from one of the guys so I borrowed on of the trucks. As I pulled up to the diner, I saw Tara's Cutlass already in the parking lot. The clock on the dash said four on the dot. Of course she's on time. Before I had a chance to change my mind, she saw me through the window and waved.
"Get your shit together. You can do this. Channel your inner Gemma and handle this." I told myself.
It was now or never. With one last deep breath, I forced myself out of the truck.
"I was worried you wouldn't come." Tara said as she stood to greet me.
My eyes immediately shot to her 6 month pregnant belly. A lump the size of my fist lodged itself it my throat. Everything I had thought about saying flew out the window. The only thing I was thinking about was her swollen belly. A belly that was growing a baby that I could never have with the man that I loved.
When I dragged my eyes back up to her face, I saw she was waiting for me to say something. I couldn't find any words so I just nodded. We sat down and I was starting to regret the whole thing. Tara sipped some tea and I was trying to look anywhere but at her. Apparently, she was getting frustrated. She set her cup down a little harder than she needed to and I jumped.
"Look, let's just get this out there now. I'm not interested in anything more than a co-parent relationship with Jax. I'm not going to try and 'steal' him from you or anything."
I almost choked on my coffee.
"That's um good to know." I stuttered.
Tara nodded once and wrapped her hands around her cup.
"I guess I thought now that you're having his baby, you'd want to be a real family." I shrugged.
She took a slow sip and shook her head.
"No."
The face she made told me she wanted to say more. She rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair.
"Being pregnant, it changes things. You start thinking about what's safest. I know the life. I know all the trouble it brings. The violence, the death, I don't want to be a part of that anymore. I won't deny Jax his child but at least I know I can keep some distance between us and the club."
My mind was reeling. Okay so Tara didn't want Jax anymore, great. But what happens if she wants to leave Charming and take their kid? She could sense me worrying and she put her hand on top of mine.
"McKayla, I really want this to work between the three of us."
The way she spoke made me want to trust her. The fact that she was so willing to work with me was proof enough that she was serious. I smiled at her and she squeezed my hand.
"He really loves you, you know." She said after a few moments of silence.
I nodded and pulled my hands from hers.
"Can I ask you something?"
Tara nodded and I took a deep breath.
"What was Jax like when – when I- " I couldn't finish.
Tara looked away and when she faced me again, her eyes were glistening with tears.
"I've never seen him like that. The first night, while we waited to see how much damage was caused, he was a wreck. I don't think he stopped crying all night. I even heard him bargaining with God. He would've given his own life for yours that night. I really don't know what he would have done if you would've- you know."
I didn't say anything. A fresh wave of guilt washed over me. I really put him through the ringer. There was no way that I could ever make it up to Jax.
"Hey, all that matters is that you're okay now." Tara said calmly.
I laughed darkly and shook my head.
"Things will never be okay." I said, just above a whisper.
This time, she smiled.
"They already are. Jax loves deeply. If he didn't forgive you, he wouldn't have waited around for you for six months."
I just shrugged and sipped my coffee. Tara and I talked some more about how we'd work this out. She got up to pee and I checked my phone for messages. The only one I got was from Gemma. She decided to have a dinner to celebrate Jax and I getting back together. I chuckled and texted back a quick reply.
"Whew. I've heard how much you pee when you're pregnant but man. It really is a lot." She said when she came back. I laughed and caught myself staring again at her stomach.
"You'll understand when you're pregnant." She said with a smile.
I winced and bit down on my lip. Tara's look changed to one of concern and I sighed.
"I thought Jax would've told you. I can't have kids, Tara." I told her quietly.
She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands.
"Shit, McKayla. I'm so sorry. I didn't know."
I forced a tight lipped smile and shrugged it off.
"It's alright."
She bit her lip and leaned close to me.
"What happened?"
I was going to lie but the sincere look in her eyes made me want to tell her.
"For over a year, I was repeatedly raped and tortured by my ex- boyfriend."
She gasped loudly.
"Long story short, I had a bad abortion and the doctor said I'll probably never have children."
Tara shook her head and wiped a tear from my cheek that I didn't even know had fallen.
"I am so sorry that happened to you, McKayla. I understand now why you did what you did."
I nodded and let out a long sigh.
"I knew I could never give Jax a child and it killed me that you were."
We both cried a bit and she came over to hug me. As much as I wanted to hate Tara, I couldn't. She was going to be a part of my life whether I liked it or not, but she was trying so hard to make it work between us. I was really starting to believe that everything was going to be alright. I left that diner feeling happy for the first time in months. We even made a date to go baby shopping next week.
I got back to TM just in time to see Gemma pulling in. She waved me over and headed off to her house.
"Where have you been all day?" She asked me.
I swallowed hard and looked away from her.
"I met with Tara."
From the corner of my eye I could see her mouth gaping.
"What did that bitch want?" She said coldly.
I rolled my eyes and lit a cigarette.
"Gemma, she's going to be the mother of your grandchild. You should probably learn to deal with her." I told her.
Her eyebrows raised in surprise.
"Yes ma'am."
A smile pulled onto my lips and Gemma chuckled.
"We met to bury the hatchet. She doesn't want Jax anymore. She says the life is too dangerous for a baby."
Gemma shrugged and pulled into her driveway.
"Yeah well, only if you're a little bitch that can't take care of your family."
We shared a small laugh, but underneath it I could knew she was just saying that to seem tough. Tara was right. Being with a Son had its risks, for everyone involved. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Dinner went off without a hitch. All of the Sons showed up and the food was great. When Jax and I announced we were back together, the whole room exploded into cheers and applause. Jax smiled wide and pulled me up to kiss me hard. I flushed in embarrassment and he just laughed.
"I love you." He said.
I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but love in them.
"I love you too."
bUG