On the Devil's Path {a SOA sequel}

Chapter twenty five

I asked Gemma to take Abel for the night so that Jax and I could talk. I wasn't sure how the conversation would go and I didn't want a baby stuck in the middle of that. I loved him more than that. While I waited for Jax to get back, I forced myself to get cleaned up. Hospital bathrooms can only do so much. My legs shook as I walked down the hall to the bathroom. The door was splintered by the handle. I guessed it's how Jax got in. I swallowed hard and dragged myself inside. Hot tears slipped down my cheeks as I thought about that night. All I wanted was for the pain to stop. To get Tara's voice out of my head.

Something caught my eye on the floor. As I picked it up, I hissed in pain as I felt my skin tear. It was a piece of glass. I tossed it in the garbage and sucked the bead of blood from my finger. Looking at the bathroom now, I couldn't believe that just three days ago I had taken the pills that almost ended my life. Four days ago, I would've knocked someone out if they'd had told me all of this was going to happen. That I was going to lose everything because of one drunken mistake. There was nothing I could do to stop it.

I spent longer than I thought in the shower, mostly to get the stench of hospital off of my skin. It was dark out when I finally came back out into the kitchen. Jax still wasn't home. A voice in the back of my head told me to be nervous, but I pushed it away. I'm sure he was fine and he didn't know that I was coming home so he probably didn't feel the need to rush back. I thought about fixing a drink, but thought better of it. I needed to be sober for this conversation. So, I did what I did best when I was nervous; I cleaned.

Cleaning was something I had always done to calm my nerves. Just as I was stuffing the vacuum back into the closet, I heard Jax's bike pull up. My heart jumped into my throat and I braced myself against the back of the couch. I wasn't ready for this. When the door flung open and Jax stepped inside, I almost threw myself at him. Almost.

He was a mess. He was covered in dirt and his hair was wild from a scuffle. I swallowed hard and bit back a gasp.

"M-McKayla?" He asked. He was genuinely stunned to see me.

I nodded and slowly brought my hands up to a forming bruise on his cheekbone.

"What happened?" I whispered.

Jax flinched under my touch and moved passed me to the kitchen. I bit my lip and followed him. He went straight for the whiskey and I sunk down into a chair. We stayed like that for a while, neither of us talking. Jax is usually easy to read but not this time. I had no idea what to expect. I took a deep breath and pushed myself up from the table. Jax still wasn't facing me. I slowly slid my hands up the back of his cut and gripped his shoulders so that he was.

"Let me clean you up." I said softly.

When he didn't say anything, I wet a paper towel and gently wiped the dirt and grime off of his beautiful face. His baby blue eyes stayed on me. I forced myself not to look into them. The moment I did, I knew I would crumble. Without warning, Jax pulled me against him and held me tight. I dropped the towel and slowly slid my arms around his shoulders. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I could feel tears soaking into my shirt. His whole body was shaking so badly we ended up on the floor. He was practically sitting in my lap, crying so hard he could barely breathe.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. All I could do was run my hands through his hair in a weak attempt to soothe him. Eventually, he calmed himself down enough that he could tear himself away from me. His large, calloused hands cupped my face and he forced me to look at him.

"I thought I lost you." He croaked out.

I winced at the roughness of his voice, but turned my head so that I could press a kiss into his hand.