•◇•
"I've Lost, I've Lost My Innocence, I've Gained My Self Belief."
•◇•
Dawnclaw was a butterfly.
Or perhaps a hummingbird.
She flitted and floated, fluttered and flew, everything was light and airy, and wonderful.
Who cares about the monster that lurks underneath, who cares about the ominous eyes that glittered?
Sablepaw had said it.
He had said he loved her.
It was still a difficult concept to latch on to. A three moon recovery? According to Aquiver, it usually took season - cycles. Whatever that was.
"I don't think he meant it, not really. He'll think he loves you, but in reality, he simply is beginning to form a healthy and normal attachment. Real, true love, will come in time."
Swiftear said softly.
Dawnclaw sighed.
"I know. But don't you see it? I'm alive. Like a bird in newleaf. I know what you're trying to say. But I'll only listen after I crash."
She glanced at Swiftear, he seemed to visibly wilt. His ears dipped, as did his bicolour head. His yellow eyes were downcast, sadness fit him like a second pelt.
"Swiftear? Is something - is something wrong?" She asked, tentatively.
"I.. you need to accept that his words are only a start! He isn't healed yet, your wishes are clouding your judgment. And.. well... you'll see. Soon." He made a quick departure, fur rumpled and frumpy, his scurrying reminded Dawnclaw of a rodent. Or a roach.
"What do you mean?" She snapped.
"Uh.. Dawnclaw, you're needed on a patrol." Swallowpelt mumbled, coming up behind her.
The tom hadn't looked her in the eye since his kit was killed.
"A hunting patrol? Great!" She tried to add bounce into her mew, but the sad truth was, Dawnclaw had grown soft. She had mellowed out. Gone was the feisty warrior who jumped at the thought of action. Gone was the enthusiastic, slightly belligerent mollyshe used to be. The nursery and all the latest events had simply melted her down and reformed her. She was a chrysalis, half-formed and nothing more.
And nothing less.
She missed the cat she used to be.
But she liked her new self too. Every day she shed her skin and started over. Today was just another skin.
"Yes, a hunting patrol. Me, you, and Finchface."
The tom looked like olives, bright and dark, light and heavy. Sunny like a berry, and bitter like a root.
He was bicolour, with more black than Swiftear. He seemed concealed.
Thicker. Disconsolate.
"Let's go." She murmured.
Finchface ran up to join them.
•◇•
Dawnclaw walked into camp on
worn - out bones. Her pelt was weighed down with waterlogged tiredness, she was out of shape.
But hey. She'd been in the nursery for six moons, and out for one.
Her keen eyes spotted Pinetuft, he gestured her over with a wave of his tail.
"What have you got?" She asked as she trotted over.
"A rabbit." He grinned up at her. "Come on, I saved it for you!" He smiled.
"You're too sweet." She flicked him with her tail, and settled down on the dirt beside him.
A noise caught Dawnclaw's ears, and she pricked them slightly.
".... so soon? I thought you'd want to stay?"
"I have to.... my customs... Empire needs me."
Aquiver and Snakestar!
But what were they talking about?
It struck Dawnclaw in the chest, she flew through the air and sprawled on the dusty ground.
Aquiver was leaving.
Wasn't that what her people did? She'd said that for their equivalent of a warrior ceremony, they send cats out for twelve moons to gain as much new knowledge as they could. And when they returned in success, they renamed themselves. Right?
"No."
Dawnclaw didn't realise that she's spoken until she caught Pinetuft's quizzical look.
"I can hear. Can you?"
"Dawnclaw, you're making no sense!" He said, worry slithering around in his meow.
"Aquiver and Snakestar. She's leaving!" Dawnclaw exclaimed.
"Ahh, so that's what their conversation is about. I could hear it, but I couldn't make sense of it. She's leaving?" He blinked.
Dawnclaw sighed.
"I'm going to miss her. I became... attached? I don't know. I like her. But I hate her."
Surprise sparked from Pinetuft's pelt. "Why in the name of StarClan would you hate her?!" He said, loudly.
A few Clanmates stirred.
"Because she... I saw her one day. Clearly sick. In a bad state. Terrible, actually. She was... I don't know. And she was so angry that I saw. She threatened me, you know."
He looked horrified.
"Why would she do that?"
Dawnclaw flicked an ear.
"Beats me. Maybe she didn't like appearing weak."
"Or maybe something deeper was going on..." He said, ominously.
Dawnclaw laughed.
"If I have to hear another of your stupid conspiracies, I'll have to exile you! 'It was Sweetpaw, she was the one that laid the rabbit dung trail! She poisoned the fresh-kill!' 'There's no doubt about it. Fishpaw continued her legacy and drugged the fresh kill!' 'Sweet whispers to her in her sleep, influencing her, manipulating her!' 'Other Clans exist, ElmClan are covering it up!'" She giggled as he clouted her, she batted him back and soon they were rolling around and laughing.
"Everyone able to scale the Towering Maple, gather in front of me for a Clan meeting!"
Dawnclaw looked at the darkening sky. It was a good time to announce the news, most cats would be shedding their daytime sluggishness, and awakening in the night.
"I have some sad news to announce, words we all knew were coming. Aquiver is leaving us."
Shocked growls greeted his words, the dusky molly was popular.
"She will making the the two moon long journey back to her.. Empire, and will be leaving right away. Aquiver, we wish you well." Snakestar smiled warmly at her, and Dawnclaw looked on in amusement. Snakestar, warm? A rare occurrence.
Aquiver turned to leave, the parting yowls of the Clan cats serenading her farewell.
"Thank you for helping me, Aquiver. I'm going to be properly better, thanks to you!"
Dawnclaw felt her heart drip through her ribcage at the words of her Sablepaw.
"Yes, Aquiver, thank you. For all you've done to help us!"
Aquiver gave Dawnclaw a mere nod, while offering a few words to Sablepaw. Dawnclaw suspected the two had already conversed.
But one voice rose above the rest.
"Aquiver, wait! I want to go too!"
Dawnclaw's heart solidified. And then shattered into the sound.
Maplepaw.
She couldn't say anything. It was as if her mouth was stuck with honey. Except honey didn't taste so reminiscent of heartbreak.
Aquiver seemed shaken. More emotion than Dawnclaw had seen her possess, aside from the time where she had threatened her.
"Maplepaw. No. You know what I told you. It's far too dangerous."
But Maplepaw, usually just as stoic as Aquiver, was almost breaking.
"You have to let me come! I need to go home, Aquiver, home! This isn't home. Danger doesn't matter, not to the heart! I'm intelligent enough for your City, you said so yourself. I can help you all. I want to help you all. Please. A short life there is better than a long one here. I can't stay here. I'll decay until my bones line your mind. I know what you told me. About those chained to their mania. And you know what ? I don't care. I don't give any dung! I can help. I belong with The Empire of Hiraeth. Please. I'm begging you."
Maplepaw's speech was powerful, and Dawnclaw's heartstrings broke. One by one.
Aquiver smiled.
"Come on, little maple tree. You know I'm too soft on you! I have more to say, but it's insignificant." She purred.
Dawnclaw fragmented.
"No. No. No!" She howled.
"I gained a son and now I'm losing a daughter? No! You can't take her! I won't allow it, you vile little moose!"
Even Pinetuft was screaming, though Dawnclaw couldn't hear what he was saying, nor what Maplepaw was saying. Everything was inaudible.
It flashed.
"Stay, Maplepaw. You could become the best warrior we've seen - I was planning on you becoming leader!" Snakestar pleaded.
"Why do you think I mentored you?"
Flash.
Pinetuft was sitting down. Silent and defeated.
Flash.
Tawnymask was yelling, desperate for her grandkit to remain in the Clan. Yelling words of "foolishness!" And "she's just a kit! She doesn't understand what she wants!"
Flash.
Aquiver was trembling, eyes gleaming as ghosts tumbled from them.
Flash.
Maplepaw was speaking to Dawnclaw, emotion flooding from her.
Flash.
Sablepaw was stunned and shutting down.
Flash.
Flash.
Flash.
She had come undone.
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A/N:
Have I mentioned a PineClan before? I think I have. There is no PineClan. Only a Pinetuft, a SpruceClan, an ElmClan and OakClan.
Also; I forgot Swiftear's name and referred to him as 'The Dude' throughout this entire chapter. Your local genius.
Fact Of The Chapter: I may have said or implied that Aquiver was a Burmese. I lied. She's an Oriental. I think a chocolate oriental is the correct term? I'm not sure.