Saving Sable

Chapter Five

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“ Question Good, And Question Bad”
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"But... But. He can be treated, right?" The brown tabby mumbled.

"Apparently." Dawnclaw answered.
"I'll have to talk it over with Swiftear. And Aquiver too, I guess."

Pinetuft looked at her; his eyes pained.
"Well, this wasn't what we were expecting. But we wanted kits. So we have to be the best parents we can be, we owe that to them." He said.

Dawnclaw cast him an affectionate look. This was the cat that she fell in love with.

"Pinetuft, you're a natural parent. Me? Not so much. I wanted perfect kits, in fact I didn't even want kits in the first place!" She laughed slightly, but it wasn't really joyful.
"I wouldn't change anything. But I just.. I'm not a good mother! I'm destined to be a warrior, hunting and fighting for SpruceClan. Not taking care of kits! I'm just not naturally good at that kind of thing. And I.."

Shame welled up inside her; it bobbed like a boat.

Pinetuft looked at her, care in his gaze.
"You've done the best you can. You've been an excellent mother, you really have been."

She shook her head, her eyes glittering with tears.

"No, I haven't! It's okay to admit it. I talked to Aquiver, and she.. she said that kits weren't born with this.. disorder. Kits develop it because of... neglect. And it's my fault. I never cared for his emotional needs because of the other kits and now look what I've done to him!"

She burst into sobs; they shook her body. She didn't dare to look at Pinetuft.

He was silent for a while.

Pinetuft wrapped his tail around her.
"Shhh. It's okay. You didn't mean to. It's okay. Five kits is a lot to handle, and you're only young. It was a mistake. We can fix it." He whispered reassuring words to her.

It wasn't okay.
And they both knew it.

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Dawnclaw sat in camp, watching the wind blow. A few leaves scattered here and there, but the territory was mainly evergreen.

The dark green was usually comforting, but Dawnclaw didn't think anything could help her now.

It was too much.

She'd failed her kit. As a mother, she'd sworn to protect them all from harm. She'd only caused more.

She dug her claws into the ground. She couldn't stay here. She simply couldn't.

She got up, and began walking, her head ringing.

You're a useless mother.

She walked faster.

You may have ruined him forever.

She began to trot, the movement was bouncy and disruptive.

Maybe you should just die. Die, because of what you've done.