saute (soh-tay) To jump off the ground on either one or two legs.
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When we fall in love, we don't do it with an endpoint in mind, no expiration date on the horizon. To fall in love is to do the impossible, to promise the one thing you can't really promise. We can't promise the future though — we can only promise what we want the future to be — and so if and when things fall through, all of the promises hang in the air like so many splintered things.
And nothing is worse than knowing you still love someone even months after they left your life. Saddest part is in a way you'll always know you'll love them.
I went through the motions of the morning in a haze and it took me longer than usual to get ready. I pushed the doors open, wiping the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand whilst glancing at my reflection on the door.
In my early twenties, I had taken good care of myself. Medium height and build I had black hair and dark brown eyes blended nicely with a creamy white complexion. I was wearing a tight floral tube top and long brown maxi skirt with black leather Guess hand bag over my arm. I looked around for some milk tea shop. I had forced myself to the limit today, executing ballet dance stunts until the hot mid-day sun had become unbearable.
But I desperately needed to keep my mind and body occupied. I couldn't let Travis haunt my thoughts anymore. Maybe a cold shower would destroy the veil of the sensual heat he had somehow managed to weave around me. Maybe the water could wash away all the marks he had left on me. If his taste ever left my lips...
I felt uneasy throughout the day as I always did when I didn't hear from Travis but I have to feel the hate. I have to hate him
I should hate him for being the only man who had been able to dominate me, I should him for I had given him my virginity, I should hate him for deluding me that we could make it work despite his own setback. But I should hate him most for making me feel as if my stomach had turned into a knot every time I see him .
"You know I can't leave Mich. That's too much"
I came to the realization that the people we love, linger inside of us long after they've said their last words. Travis' ghost is still lingering there like an unfinished sentence, a waiting prayer. I still feel him there in the shallow waves of sleep each night and beneath warm memories of the past that haunted me just as soon as I swear to myself I've long forgotten about him.
I was willing to see the worst of him and the best of him at the same time. Love both parts equally because I thought it made me stronger, that somewhere in the end it'll be us.
But no. Maybe he was kind and smart and knew all the right things to say at all the right times but eventually that other side of him slipped.
I went back to searching through rows of shirts from Addidas. I knew that I wasn't going to buy anything; I was just going through the motions. I was doing that a lot more than I would like, lately. There was no going through the motions in it.
I didn't know what I was doing in the department store, looking at some workout shirts, but not really interested. After that final goodbye I did on Travis, I needed something to dive into. It wasn't that I didn't have any ideas about what I wanted to do next. I had plenty. It was just something to kill the time before I got back to my lonely home in QC. For some reason, the place that I had called home for the past years, suddenly didn't feel very comfortable. In fact, it was downright stifling.
There was a voice in the background. At first, I didn't acknowledge it because I hadn't expected any strangers to call me by name. As I walked back towards the front of the store I heard a voice. When the sound drifted from my subconscious to the front of my brain, I quickly turned toward the source.
"Monique?" the voice called out.
A woman, younger than I do, looked at me expectantly. Some might say that she was a little plain-looking, but certainly neat and well-put-together. It was Mich
Yes, she was beautiful. Gorgeous tan skin, big mellow eyes overshadowed by thick long eyelashes and finely arched eyebrows; a straight nose and pouty light pink lips; all placed strategically on an elegantly round face that didn't hide her high cheekbones. Not to mention her long, thick black hair that was in that dominatrix ponytail high on her head.
She wore business attire, a navy gabardine suit, with a simple white silk suit sweater underneath. Her clothing was well-tailored to fit her. A small gold lapel pin dotted the blazer. Other than the pin and her watch, she wore no other jewelry.
I was so caught up in my feelings of annoyance that I didn't totally miss the huge smile that split Michelle's face. But her words brought me back to reality and made me realize that I was wrong about the reason for Mich's presence. I shouldn't be annoyed. I'm supposed to be sorry for almost stealing her boyfriend. It's me who should be hated
"Mich. Hey!" I said, giving her an air-kiss as I leaned closer. The scene shifted when Michelle asked me to join her for lunch and I couldn't pull an excuse to decline
We were in Taste of L.A, a restaurant in Tomas Morato. The restaurant was filled with people, tourists and locals alike, all searching for a small piece of blessed shade in which to escape the brutal noonday sun.
It is known for home-like façade. Save for large veranda windows spewing sunlight into the second floor dining room, it stays pretty dark inside even during the day, especially with its red walls and dark wooden floors.
Apparently, We had arrived for a reservation by Mich for her routinely lunch date with Travis. She said that Travis had to cancel because of a meeting with an investor. I didn't mind because the atmosphere was relaxing, and I could hear strains of smooth jazz from the combo playing in the bar.
We were seated at our table as the Maitre'd handed us our menus. The wine steward came over and suggested a bottle of wine they were featuring that day which worked for us. After looking over the menus briefly, we decided to split an order of calimari as we sipped our wine. A bit later we ordered. She chose the veal piccata and I chose the red snapper special.
We wouldn't have wasted the atmosphere with idle chit-chat. If there was nothing to say, there was no point in saying it. I sip on chardonnay while Michelle savored her scotch. As the band finished a number we would glance at one another, share a comment about the music.
The band would resume and we would fall silent again. It was a good feeling to just share the music and relax in the presence of the other.
After our food arrived and we had consumed a bit more wine, the conversation flowed a bit easier. I think we had both been slightly nervous at first, though there was no need to be.
But it was bound to be different the moment Michelle uttered "There's something I wanted to ask you"
My eyes widened at what she showed me. "Where did you get this?" I managed to pass the words through my dry throat, my fingers where I held the glass of red wine was trembling, trying to understand what was going on.
It was my diamond drop earrings set in platinum — about two carats total. Again, Michelle shrugged. She must have sensed my momentary emotional flux had passed.
"I found it on Travis' Maserati,"
Michelle reminded me of the events and how I left it on Travis' car. It was the day before Michelle came back to the picture. I wandered around to Travis' condo, not knowing he shared it with Mich. I was in my undewear and stopped in the kitchen, looking around.
I put my hands on my hips and stared at the kettle on the stovetop. Did I feel like making dinner? A simple cup of tea? Not particularly. I huffed out a sigh and did a lap in the kitchen before moving on through the house.
"What is it, Monique?" Travis came up from behind and wrapped his strong arms around me
"I'm bored." I said as I turned around and locked my arms on his neck. He dropped his free hand to my hip and started to rub in slow, small circles. It relaxed me, just as his touch always did
"Why are you bored? What do you want to do?" He paused and gave me his 'excited' look: wide eyes, and a goofy, broad grin. It never failed to make me laugh and this time was no exception.
"I guess we could fool around." I shrugged my shoulders and gave him a sideways glance.
His 'excited' face disappeared and he rolled his eyes. "Well, with that kind of enthusiasm, I don't see why not."
I laughed again as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me. I rested my cheek on his chest and listened to the steady thump of his heart for a few minutes.
I looked up and found Michelle's lips curving into a smile. "You should be more careful with your things."
I grasp the diamond drop earrings on my hands. Silence seemed the best response. An easy quiet slipped between us and, without thinking, I hugged her.
"I'm sorry" I was numb for a moment.
"It's okay. At least nakita ko pa. Sayang, maganda pa naman"
"Not that, Mich" I had been thinking about these fears for awhile and decided this was not going to be another one. "I slept with Travis. I slept with your boyfriend" I said, not meeting her eyes. I looked around, suddenly aware of who else might be listening.
Mich's eyes opened wide, surprised by my candor. "Pardon?"
We both could not explain what just happened. It was just so seemingly sudden that it was very unnerving
Nausea came and went and sweat started from my forehead. I could smell the stale whisky oozing from my pores. I slowly raised my eyes, making a decision I knew I would regret.
"I've been with him and even though I know that how he treated me wasn't what I deserved, I was still with him. He was my ex and my first so I truly loved him. Which explains why even after we broke up and even when I knew you guys were an item, we still did certain intimate things. I thought he was going to come back to me. " I looked away, refusing to lower my eyes, so Michelle wouldn't see the flicker of hope I cherished dying away.
"You might think he's at work to at the gym but he's actually visiting and bringing random gifts to my house. Believe me or not if you want, or question my intentions, but just please keep your eyes open and your heart guarded. He's very good at keeping his secrets and even better at making excuses. "
"Pinagsisihan mo naman hindi ba?" Michelle challenged me, a malignant triumph shining in her eyes, sure I would come up with some elaborate excuse. She surprised me by getting this sharp look in her eye, the kind of look that conveys a tiger like feeling
Even to my own ears, Michelle's voice sounded primitive and demanding. Her eyes were damp and more tears threatened to spill. Her soft voice only said those words but he knew Michelle really wanted to ask what was going on but despite all, she didn't sound so surprise
I was confused by the expression in her eyes. Michelle expected me to deny everything, to lie. Never in my life had I seen someone so unsure. "It doesn't matter if pinagsisihan ko man or not," I stated locking my eyes with her. "You could throw daggers at me, you could shoot me with your words. I deserve that but I would never regret it. I met him first, I loved him first if we haven't split up, we could've been---"
"Let me tell you something. You're not that special Monique. You are just one of the many women he has. It has been going on for awhile now but I didn't mind. At least at the end of the day, ako pa rin. Sa akin pa rin siya umuuwi" Michelle raised an incredulous eyebrow.
"He told me that he has feelings for me and that he always will. Save your heart the trouble and—"
"Shut up, Monique. Just shut up!" Of all the things I have done, this I could never forget. I was doing her a favor and saving her from further heart break and this is what I get. Fool, how could Michelle let herself fall for him?
"Travis and I are both happy with our lives and sure, there may be problems, but that's one of the main points of a relationship, isn't it? Accepting the other for their flaws. So I thank you for your concern, Nikki but no.. I have no plans of leaving. Not now, not soon."
"Are you for real!? He's very manipulative. He's too much of a charismatic, sweet, charming and all around good guy that you'd never believe that he could actually play you like that---"
"Shut the fck up, Monique! Hindi mo na kailangan ipamukha sa akin. Tama na! Alam kong ikaw pa rin. Ayos lang he plays around with different women kasi alam kong don lang siya nagko-cope. I know, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I know I will never be the one he'll love. I know I will never be like you pero ayos lang na kunwari ako, kunwari ako kailangan, kunwari ako yung mahal hanggang sa dumating ng yung point na ako na talaga." My eyes flashed but Michelle tried to ignore me. Her words blared through the fog that was dulling my brain.
"So for whatever reason that ceases, it doesn't stop the fact that I still care for that person. I still love Travis. Believe it or not, I am contented. Thank you for the concern, Monique. I know Nothing's permanent, things can change, but it's right now that's important. Kaya ko magtiis, kaya kong maghintay kasi mahal ko siya"
"That is not Love, Michelle! That's madness. That's—"
Then disaster struck. She quickly got up, grabbed the glass of wine in her hands and spill it on my face. I stooed there tattered and torn, the life gone from my once vibrant body.
"That's why it's love—it's unconditional!" Her eyes had a vacant look to them as if she too was gone. I watched as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Whether Travis commits a mistake or a hundred, I would still love him. They say the most romantic kind of love is the unfinished kind. The kind that will forever burn and mark your soul but they're wrong.. the most romantic kind of love is always unconditional"
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(A/N: Two lovely ladies. Both beautiful in their own right. Both smart but both dumb when it comes to Travis. Whose team are you on? Michelle's? Monique's?