~ Chapter 28: Misery Loves Company ~
[ Jackie’s POV: ]
I laid there staring at the ceiling as the sunlight seeped through the curtains into chunks of light on the walls. I heard myself whimper softly—something I’ve been doing all night, actually. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t find a way to relax, knowing that Justin’s heart is hurting and that he’s probably having trouble sleeping as well. I also noticed Alfredo is still nowhere to be found, which makes me wonder…
What happened between him and Justin?
Why did he have the urge to leave? Did Justin force him out? If he didn’t, why would Fredo choose to leave him here alone? Did he finally get fed up with him? Did he give up on him?
Why, I would never.
It’s not a fair deal. I can feel Justin’s heartbeat, even from here. I can feel his pain. I’m in pain… Just because he is. You know what they say about misery.
It loves company.
I sat up on the bed, running a hand through my wild bed-hair and throwing the covers off my body. Suddenly, I heard shuffling in the hallway and I froze. Remaining still, I listened quietly to the movements going on outside of this room. I could see a shadow moving from the small gap between the floor and the door. The shadow stopped right in front of the door and, all of a sudden, a folded piece of paper slipped its way inside the room through the small door gap. The shadow stayed put for a couple of seconds before it disappeared to the left, followed by faint footsteps that I couldn’t hear anymore after about ten seconds.
Did Justin write me a note? Why doesn’t he just come in?
I let out a soft sigh, standing from the bed and quietly approaching the piece of paper. Picking it up, I felt my heart beating faster and I curled my toes, nervously unfolding the note. I closed my eyes, feeling the butterflies swarm my stomach and I bit my lip, internally attempting to relax myself before I could read what was on the note. I counted to five slowly before opening my eyes and staring at the paper in my hands, seeing that Justin had written only two words.
Two words.
Two words that made my heart ache. Two words that made me bite my lip even harder, hard enough to draw blood. Two words that almost made me smile. But two words that also made me frown:
I’m sorry.
- J
That was all that was written on the note. An apology—that was it. I didn’t know how to react to it, so I just stood there staring at the note for what felt like hours. I then felt tears surfacing my eyes so I blinked a couple of times to make them go away.
Folding the note again, I stored it in my pocket and cautiously opened the door, noticing how the entire suite was in silence. I walked down the hallway and to the bathroom, where I did my usual morning routine. After taking a shower, I checked if my clothes—which were left here in the bathroom—were dry yet and surprisingly they were, so I changed back into them and brushed my hair quickly.
When I went back to Justin’s room, I left the clothes he was nice enough to let me borrow in a pile on his bed before deciding it’s time I finally step out to the living room. I was scared to see how he’d react when he sees me again, specially after all that happened last night. But I knew I had to encounter him eventually. So, with butterflies still crowding my intestines, I felt myself gulp before bravely exiting the room again. As I wandered down the hall, I was alert to any sounds that might tell me where Justin was. But the place was so quiet, I had to make an extra effort to make sure my footsteps weren’t too loud.
Upon reaching the end of the hallway, I saw Justin sitting on the couch, his legs crossed and head down, looking at a small notepad as he jotted down a few things. The pages on the notepad looked an awful lot like the page he used to write me the apology note. I felt myself relax, seeing that he didn’t look as depressed as last night. But something inside me knew that the reason I didn’t see dried—or even fresh—tears on his face was because he probably cried himself dry. There’s no more tears left to shed.
He was dressed in a black v-neck and sweatpants, his hair was tousled in a mess that looked way too cute on him and his gaze remained focus on his notepad. I cleared my throat and leaned on the wall, keeping my eyes on him.
“Hey,” I bravely blurted out, watching as he looked up at me, alarmed. When he noticed I was standing a few feet in front of him, his eyes widened slightly and his cheeks flushed a light red. It seemed to me like he was embarrassed about what happened last night, and I’m pretty sure he was nervous for this very moment—when he would have to face me again.
He didn’t greet me back. Instead, he kept his gaze locked on the floor, his mind wandering elsewhere. I furrowed my eyebrows and sighed.
“I forgive you, you know,” I continued, “I’m not mad and I understand. But I meant every word last night. I’m not giving up on you and I’m not planning to.”
Justin groaned, slamming his notepad shut and flinging his pen across the room in frustration.
“You’re in a danger zone, Jackie,” Justin looked me straight in the eyes, his tone was hard to decipher and I couldn’t tell if he was saying that in a caring way or if he was just annoyed and straight up done with me. “If there were wild animals in a jungle and someone draws a line between zones where you’re safe and where you’re not, would you cross it? Would you enter the danger zone and get attacked by those animals?”
“You’re not an animal, Justin,” I interrupted. “It’s not the same thing—”
“—Jackie, I’m talking,” he stopped me, raising a hand up. I opened my mouth to say something but immediately decided against it. “You say you’re not giving up on me but what’s this going to get you? All I do is push people away until they decide to walk away from me and it’s easy for them to do so, but it affects me. They don’t think it hurts if they just leave because it certainly doesn’t hurt them but I have fucking feelings too, you know! You can’t tell me you’ll fucking be there for me so you can leave me later in the future. You may think you’ve made up your mind about me, but it’ll happen sooner or later. You’re going to leave me, Jackie. I don’t know when—it could be 2 weeks and it could be 8 years. But you’re going to leave me. I’ll find some new way to push you away, even if I don’t want to. I’ll find a way to make you hate me, even if all I want is for you to love me. I’ll find a way to screw it all up with you. You’ll get sick and tired of my antics and what’s going to happen? You’re going to leave. It’s that simple. It won’t cost you much to leave me… But how I’d feel? It’ll be the death of me. I just can’t take another blow at my heart. There’s enough holes through my heart to kill me and I don’t need that final shot that ends my life!”
He was screaming his words, his face red from the shouting. The way he spoke let me know he meant each and every single word he was saying, and I could feel my body shaking. How am I supposed to convince him after this? What do I even say?
“I won’t break you any more than you already are,” I whispered. “I’ll mend the holes in your heart. I can show you love the right way. I can make you happy. Just give me a chance…”
“I don’t fucking need to be fixed,” he snarled. “I’m not a robot.”
“No,” I shook my head. “You’re not. You’re human. It’s natural for humans to feel like shit. Do you think I haven’t felt as terrible as you do right now? I’ve had my moments. I’ve had those days where I’m convinced everyone hates me. But you know what got me through all that?” Justin stared at me, not saying a word. “You did. You made me feel better through your music, your voice, and the way you are as a person. You saved me when no one else would. You showed me that there’s happiness in life, even when I thought there wasn’t. You kept me going, and… I just.. I feel like I have to return the favor. I can’t just leave you and live the rest of my life knowing that I could’ve done something. I could’ve done to you what you did for me. Please let me make you feel better. Let me at least try…”
Justin sniffed, standing up and taking a step back. “No,” he simply said. But if there’s one thing I know about myself is that I don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Instead, I walked towards him, watching as he stepped away from me with each step I took. “Get away from me,” he spoke sternly. “I mean it, Jackie.”
“No,” I said, getting closer and closer until his back hit the wall and that’s when we both realized that he wasn’t escaping any time soon. “You mean so much to me,” I reached up and caressed his cheek. “I can’t watch you suffer any longer.”
“Back. Off,” Justin muttered, grabbing my waist to push me away. He shoved me off of him but I just came right back, placing a hand on his chest.
“It’s okay,” I spoke gently. “It’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to cry. You’re not alone.”
“Jackie, I don’t want to hurt you,” his brown eyes scanned my green ones. “Before I do something I regret, I’m begging you to step away.”
“I don’t care what you do,” I protested. “It won’t make me love you any less.”
I could see tears glistening in his eyes, and I reached up to cup his cheeks with both hands this time. My thumb brushed over his skin just as he closed his eyes and a few tears slipped down his cheek.
“It’s okay to let someone in sometimes, you know,” I whispered in his ear. “Not everyone wants to hurt people. Even though it’s rare nowadays, sometimes people just want to help people.”
Justin continued to cry, his head involuntarily resting on my shoulder and he sobbed into my shirt. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close to me, giving him all the comfort I could offer as I ran my hand up and down his back and occasionally shushed him softly, assuring him that everything’s gonna be alright.
I couldn’t help but feel happy because, after all our arguing, he finally seemed to open up to me. Him crying on my shoulder at this very moment is just a sign that I cracked a chunk of that wall he built up around his heart. If I could just break that wall, I can access his heart and all the love in it.
I just have to be patient. Very patient. But it’ll all be worth it soon enough.
*****************************
Oooh, Jackie’s one step closer… Do you guys think she can get Justin to love again? Or will he reconstruct the wall around his heart?
Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter :)
- Nina xx