When I was little; my father took me to a theme park.
He was an adrenaline junkie so he loved all things fast and wild that made your heart feel like it was flying up in your chest and your stomach to twirl. He wanted me to be just like him when I got older, so my first roller-coaster at my first theme park was the biggest, tallest, and fastest one they had.
I remember the first hill; four hundred feet tall with a ninety degree drop. I was forced to hold onto the restraints so tightly that my knuckles turned white. All the air left my lungs and my stomach felt like it was jumping up to my throat. My heart was beating like crazy but the rush was absolutely amazing. I hadn't felt anything like it before.
That was; until I kissed Nite.
But the restraints are gone now, and I'm freefalling. Tumbling down the hill at the speed of light and the twirling in my stomach becoming an F5 tornado. His hands at the small of my back are the seat belts and his lips are the rush. I'm falling but he's holding me up, keeping me levitated in the air so high that I could touch the clouds. It's slow but fast. Sweet but desperate. Everything I could've ever asked for and more.
The embarrassing sound that resonates in the back of my throat causes my body to freeze as soon as his mouth meets mine, but the stillness doesn't last long. Nite makes a sound deep in his own chest, almost resembling a growl, and my eyes flutter shut with the noise. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the hottest thing I've ever heard in my goddamn life.
I part my lips and he responds immediately.
My head tips back in the pressure he's persisting against my mouth, so I'm forced to grab onto his forearms for leverage. His arms gather me to him, every nook and cranny of my body aligning with his and his hand coming up to cradle the back of my head. One of my hands is still fisted in his shirt, my father's shirt, and I'm gripping it so tightly that my fingers are beginning to grow numb. But I won't let go...Not now...Not for the life of me.
He gives and I take. Every swipe of his lips and every soft nibble of his teeth I return eagerly. I had originally expected his lips to be very warm in the heat of the day, but that's not the case at all. They're so wonderfully cool against my mouth; chilling the hot blush on my cheeks and mixing nicely with my warm skin. They're wetter than I thought they'd be, but not in an unpleasant way. It helps them slide along my bottom lip with ease and for the soft sounds resonating in the room to be low and relaxing.
It's maddening.
He pulls away all too soon, leaving me to search with my eyes sealed tightly for the lips that made my mind turn to fuzz. I find them, but only for a few seconds before he pulls away entirely. My heart surges.
I feel thumbs brushing along my cheekbones, causing my eyes to flutter open and my reflexes to lean into the soothing touch. Nite is gazing at me like I'm one of the stars in his never-ending galaxy; irises bright with his lips slightly red and swollen. My heart swells again, leaving me gasping for breath.
"Look at you," he murmurs, voice slightly husky. "I don't think I've ever seen you this relaxed before. It's like you don't have a single care in the world. Beautiful."
He rests his forehead against mine; letting his mouth brush over my lips a few more times before he melds them together once again. His hand tangles in my hair, tilting my head back to meet him and he breathes, sucking the air right out of my lungs. I'm curious as to how I even lived without this before.
"You...Should've told me...Before..." I murmur in between breaths and persistent kisses. "I would've liked...mhm...To know..."
"Told you what?" His teeth nibble at my top lip. "That I absolutely adore you?"
My breath catches and I can't help but open my eyes to see the flirty smirk playing on his lips. My skin gets impossibly warmer. "Something like that."
I feel his smile against my mouth as he pulls me back in; trapping me in his arms as we kiss for a while longer.
His tongue running along the seam of my lips...
Good lord.
Under different circumstances I know that I wouldn't have let him get this far. The me from a couple of hours ago would've pushed him away with a solid hand to the chest, but the me now has made a promise to Dream Nite. I have to say goodbye to my Nite soon, so for now I'm taking all that I can get.
His lips just feel so nice against mine, and now that I've finally felt them, I don't know how I'm going to let them go.
I think about sleeping alone at night, walking into the kitchen in the morning without a person to greet me. I imagine no one being here to kiss away the tears and my scar when it tingles. I think about making the stars without a reason, blood trailing over my fingertips from all the papercuts. No one to buy me Band-Aids. No one to step over the weeds and grass on the pavement. No one to brush the hair out of my eyes before leaving a kiss pressed softly to my forehead. No more warm days and chilly nights. No one to hold me when I sleep. No Nite.
Tears start to form in the corners my eyes and I don't know if I should push him away or pull him closer. His kiss had made everything disappear before, but now it just reminds me of everything I'm about to lose. I realize now that it's my fault that he wants to stay here in the first place
"Nite," the word is mumbled against his mouth.
He mouth parts and catches my top lip in between his own. He does the same to the bottom, humming like he can't decide which he likes better before answering to my statement. "What?"
"You can't stay here."
"What?"
He pulls back immediately, the coolness from his mouth leaving but the warmness of his arms around my torso remaining. I feel his hand clench in the back of my shirt so I grip at his too, pulling him closer to my eyes so he can't turn away.
"You can't stay here," I repeat.
I leave my gaze on where my hand bunches in his shirt, because I know that if I look up and see the redness in his lips and his cheeks darkened from my kiss it'll be all over. I have no self-control when it comes to him, but this is crucial to his future. I can't keep him here; can't keep him all to myself even though I desperately want to.
Nite's hand goes slack on my back, trailing down my waist before it hangs limply by his side. I still don't look up.
"What are you talking about?" He sounds so hurt.
My hand in his shirt tightens and I pull him closer to where I can rest my forehead against his chest. I can hear his heartbeat now; quick from the acceleration that is kissing, but he's not touching me anymore. He's high on the aftertaste.
"I can't keep you all to myself," I say even though I'm clutching onto him like my life depends on it. "I want to keep you here so badly, but there are other people out there who need you more than I do. You have to go home."
"What if you are my home?"
I squeeze my eyes shut and my fingers tighten again. My knuckles crack but for some reason I just can't let go. Not when I'll only have him here for such a short amount of time.
I know I shouldn't, but I allow myself to tip my head up and press my lips to his briefly. He sounds so hurt, and I need him to know that I'm doing this for his own good even if my own good would be for him to stay. He needs to understand.
His mouth stays still beneath mine, and it's that feeling of rejection that makes the growing tears finally spill from my eyes. My chest feels like shattering.
"I'm absolutely infatuated with you," my voice is extremely desperate now, muffled by his un-moving mouth. "I'm obsessed with you, and there's not a second that goes by that I don't think about you. But, I know... If you love something you have to let it go."
His hands find my waist, gripping onto the fabric there and finally pulling my closer again. He tucks me under his chin and rests his head on top of mine; literally trembling with the words I just spoke. His heart beat quickens and I can feel it pound under my hand; strong but sad.
The tips of my ears blossom with red when I realize what I just confessed.
"Do you mean that?" He murmurs against my hair. "You love me?"
"I..." My head feels fuzzy. "That's...That's not the point. You need to go home, Nite."
He wraps his strong arms back around me, practically pulling me into his lap and cradling me like a small child. His cheek presses against my hair and I feel his sigh when it puffs out between pursed lips. I throw my own arms around his neck, threading my fingers in the short hair at the base of his skull.
"I knew you'd tell me to go home," he whispers sadly.
"You're too important to this universe for me to keep you all coped up in this tiny cabin, Nite." I nuzzle my face against his neck. "There are people out there who need you; people like me who deserve to live when they just feel like dying. I'm selfish, but not selfish enough to keep you here with me. I want you to go. I want you to go be a hero. At least do it for me, okay?"
I feel a hand under my chin and I'm forced to look up into a pair of dazzling kaleidoscope eyes. Its day time, but he has already caught the entire galaxy in his irises. "I can't do anything to change your mind, can I?"
I give him a watery smile and shake my head. "No."
He sighs and pulls me back in, making sure I rest comfortably on his lap before drawing soothing spiral patterns between my shoulder blades. I think I feel wet droplets falling on the top of my head, but I'm not sure.
I can feel it on the tip of his tongue, that he wants to argue with me and beg on his knees and plead to stay, but the tightness in his arms also tells me that he knows that there's no use in arguing with me. My heart is a diamond, but little does he know that he's already cracked the diamond anyway. It's three words away from shattering.
Please, for the love of god, don't say them.
He kisses my forehead. "I have to leave tomorrow then, when the moon is full. Are you okay with that?"
I almost sigh in relief.
But I want to shake my head no; want to pull his mouth back to mine and tell him that I want him to stay here with me forever, but I know I can't. Instead, I let the tears flow silently down my cheeks and listen to the steady beat of his heart while it lasts.
I nod. "Yes."
He holds me so tightly that his hands almost reach his elbows. My heart is breaking, but I've been so numb in the past that I know I'll survive. I just wish I had more time to love him properly.
"Just let me hold you for a little while longer, okay?"
And I do.
............Author's Note.............
ahhhhHHHHH I tried so hard to make this chapter good for you guys, so I really really hope you liked it! I promise the next chapter won't be as angsty so don't hate me quite yet. 😉 There's only a few chapters left!
Don't forget to vote and comment! I love hearing from you guys! ❤
-Iridescent