"Oh, there you are so-" Pops stopped in his tracks. "Are you okay?"
No. No I'm not. I've been sitting on the floor ever since Kaelynn left. Whenever that was.
"Why have you been crying baby boy?"
Things seem to fall apart no matter how bad I want them to work. I'm quickly getting tired of even trying. What's the point?
"Don't worry about it Pops." I rubbed my eyes, shedding a few more tears. "I'm okay."
He chuckled then came closer. He acted like he was about to sit on the floor, then he helped me up and sat me in a chair. He sat beside me, rubbing my back as my head hung low.
"You always have been a horrible lier." He put his arm around me. "I wanted to step into the argument so bad, but it has to happen."
I figured he was going to see us arguing. I knew he would be curious about where we both were.
"Jahmir I know you won't want to hear this, but you need to let her go. She doesn't mean you any good."
I put one of my hands on my face and shed even more tears. I swear I don't mean to cry like a little bitch, but... this is Kaelynn. This is the girl who I looked up to for so many years. I adored her at some point. Same person who brought me so much joy has brought me so much pain. She was my only friend for so long. As much as I hate to admit it, I was beginning to fall for her. At least that's what it felt like. This past year has been nothing but a big ass disappointment though.
"That's not true."
"You gave her some tough love and now it's your turn. That girl means you no good! You just poured your heart out to her and she stomped all over it. I'm tired of watching her hurt you. If you don't cut her off now, she will only continue to hurt you. You can't help everyone. I've told you that."
Even though I didn't want to hear any of what he had to say, I know he is telling me the truth. He would never intentionally give me the wrong advice. He is only looking out for me. If I told him I had developed feelings for her, he wouldn't be able to understand that. I don't even understand it myself.
"I don't want to hear this."
"Look Jahmir." He removed my hand and made me look at him. "I know what this is really about. Your mother cut ties with you when you were young. Your sister never responded to any letter you sent her after they moved away. She never answered your calls. Your grandmother passed away not even three years ago. I know it still hurts. I understand. Now you're trying to hold on to the last relationship you have with a female, because she's been here for you for so many years. You want so badly to fill the huge void in your heart. Don't ignore the fact that Kaelynn is only adding on to it now."
None of what he said sounded wrong. He and Kaelynn are all I have left. Or all I thought I had left. It hurts.
It's me. It has to be me. I must be the reason why so many people dislike me. I must be the reason why my friendship with Kaelynn has failed. There is something about me that makes people dislike me. I wish I knew what it was, because I don't want to be so alone.
"Your best bet would be to just focus on yourself, Jahmir. I'm proud of you for trying to be there for your friend. You've done what you could. But now it's time for you to take care of your own feelings. Start putting yourself first. Let her go. And I know that's easier said than done, but it'll get easier everyday." He pat me on the back. "Now come on. Let's go home."