HI SORRY FOR SUPER LATE POST. FINALS REALLY WORN ME OUT AND I LIKE BARELY PASSED A CLASS SO THERE WAS JUST A LOT OF STRESS. plus, on top of that, i had major writer's block. yeah. anyway, MIDNIGHT MEMORIES MUSIC VIDEO CAME OUT TODAY!! ((it's on the side)) I HOPE WE BROKE THE VEVO RECORD BC I REFRESHED IT A MILLION TIMES AND THE NUMBERS WOULDN'T MOVE. and yeah. also, today is HARRY'S BIRTHDAY AND ASLDKJEWORIE EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOW 20 [aggressively cries], HE'S STILL GOING TO BE A TEENAGE DIRTBAG OK
also score has reached 300k reads and it would've never happened if most of you guys didn't read that story first! so thaaaankks. and credz to christopher poindexter for the ideas of the quotes.
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Harry's POV:
My eyes immediately scan the room for her. Despite how she just stormed off from me again, I can't stop the flooding thoughts of her lips from taking over my mind. They were light like pink lemonade and so new, like sweet innocence that I strangely, deeply craved but couldn't find the heart to steal. I want her even though I know I'm not good enough for her.
When I land on the sight of her, my unconscious smile vanishes into the usual, set frown when I notice her head bowed down, eyes diverting mine as much as possible. Her friends attempt mere whispers to notify her but her attention is focused on the tiled floor. Before I even realize it, I march towards her desk, long legs taking equally long strides.
"Selena," her name leaves my lips effortlessly, but she doesn't seem affected whatsoever.
"Selena," I repeat, my voice gruffer with masked urgency. Who does she think she is to ignore me?
"Get up and move to the back," I command, getting irritated at how she dares to humiliate me in front of the class like this. I'm supposed to radiate superiority and power and her resisting would make it seem like I tolerate this. If she wasn't, well, her, I'd beat the hell out of her.
"No," she whispers and at first, I'm surprised she finally bothered to answer, but anger soon seeps into me at her refusal.
"I'm not taking no as a damn answer, Selena," I roughly grasp onto her arm, almost forcing her up as her feet childishly clings onto the floor.
Selena's POV:
The hushed whispers around the room increase and I hate every single second of it. People think that we can't hear anything, but their accusing gossip is the loudest sound ringing in my ears, whether it's from the more silent observers, the jealous girls who don't know better, the scared as shit witnesses, or the ones who just love to spread around any information they can possibly get.
"Harry likes...this girl?"
"Damn, too bad Styles got this one. She's hot."
"How can she disobey Harry?"
That's enough.
"Hey," I stand up harshly, the only sounds in the classroom for the minute is the loud scratch of the chair against the ground. The sudden action shakes Harry's grip off of me and I take a deep breath, looking across the room.
"I am my own person, and you are your own person," I briefly glance at everyone before continuing.
"What makes Harry so special that he can make you change your perception of that? You still have power over your actions and desires and you should be able to do whatever you want to do, whenever," I huff before adding, "that's legal, that is."
"So, stop treating me like I'm helpless and that I'm committing a crime. Harry's just another teenage student at this school and nothing more. Stop feeling like you're no better than him. For the love of God, grow up and respect yourself," I breathe deeply as peoples' eyes widen. Even Miss Dobrev remains quiet as she aimlessly flips through the textbook, not wanting to say anything to agitate the already intense room.
"Thank you," I awkwardly nod as I sit down in my seat, ignoring the no doubt, piercing gaze of Harry. I can physically feel his eyes burning into the side of my face as I keep my focus on the front of the room.
All the previous lingering whispers are replaced with complete silence and the occasional heavy breathing from the people who are holding in their exhales in anticipation of what's happening next.
Liam's POV:
Selena, why?
This can't possibly end well. I study Harry's face intently and the deathly tight clench of his jaw frightens me. His eyes are alive and flaming, the emerald surrounding his pupils bright like fire.
No one talks back to him like that, ever.
I watch Harry moving his line of sight up and down Selena's face, his jaw flexing as he contemplates what to do next, considering he's never been put in this position before. Suddenly, he bends down and places his lips against her ear before placing a sturdy hand on her arm and yanking her out of the room, storming with the fury evident in his agitated footsteps and distorted facial expression.
Selena's POV:
"I suggest you get the fuck up now or I'll kill Liam for what he has done earlier. I know he's after another girl, but that doesn't deny the fact that he helped you escape. He's my friend but I'm not afraid to pummel him to death for before, so I hope you make a good choice," he hisses and my heart begins to beat irregularly.
There's no way I sacrificed my lips only for Liam to get hurt again, or worse die.
I don't think I can even handle losing another male figure in my life that I deeply care for. Without fighting back, I let Harry pull me up and out of the room as I look back at Liam whose eyebrows furrow in confusion at my unexpected departure. Unable to mouth anything to him, Harry tugs me along stronger and my view of the room escapes me as I inhale the fresh air outside in the hallways, the environment less tense than the strained math classroom.
"Where are we going?" I ask silently as he continues to walk, eventually dragging me out of the classroom.
"To my car," he replies as if it's no big deal.
"There's no way in hell I'm ditching school, especially with you," I huff, appalled at the mere idea. My mum will kill me.
"Then, I'll just kill Liam," he pauses in his steps as I freeze.
"You would never do that. You guys are friends," I bite my lip. He's not that cruel, right?
"Were. We're on tight terms, right now," he licks his lips, "And you obviously don't know me well enough to think I wouldn't dare to do it."
Damn you, Styles.
There's no way I'm endangering Liam.
"And where are we going after we reach your car?" I mumble in defeat, as a slight smirk begins to find its way on his face though with him in front, I'm only able to get a small glimpse from an angle.
"Home. We need to talk somewhere private so you can learn to never pull that stunt you did today," he looks straightforward, not even bothering to read my face, which clearly has horror written all over. When he finally decides to face me, I quickly tilt my head to glance at the right side to avoid his gaze. A sudden rush of relief floods through me when I notice that gym today is outside, as people in the matching physical education uniform are attempting to play baseball and coaches are supervising. I pray with all the energy in me that some teacher will notice us leaving and take us back. To my dismay, all that happens is that the teachers are scolding the students to be more active in participation, reminding me of my past. Unlike all the other girls in my old school, I actually liked it when they forced us to explore the different sports.
A chestnut-haired boy walks up to home plate and taps the tip of the bat against the ground before bringing it up, slightly past his shoulders. The pitcher, in his squat position, stands up and narrows his eyes, from what I see through the helmet, before throwing a curve ball that seemed impossible to hit. To my surprise, the batter swings and nearly hits it out of the park.
"GO LAURA!" my eyes flit towards a grey-eyed guy screaming at a frazzled brunette who scrambles to run after the ball. I sympathize with how far she has to run; it's out in the parking lot, though the ball continues to roll. At this rate, by the time she runs to the car area, the ball will be nearing the actual road.
A pull from Harry snaps me out of the game as I follow his lead, coming closer towards the edge of the field and onto the asphalt contrast. The brunette, Laura, is already here, panting as the ball continues to leave her reach. When the ball runs by the familiar black vehicle, I see her hesitating to move, but deciding to chase after it anyway, because if she didn't move now, it will be more cardio for her later. I cringe when she runs past us without noticing our presence and Harry's torso bumps into her forcefully, sending her to lose her sense of balance as she teeters closer to the open street. The sight of an upcoming car startles me as I abruptly snag my hand out of Harry's grasp and dash the short distance towards the girl, pulling her out a few millimeters in time. A rude honk sounds after us as the driver speeds off, leaving us breathless.
"Holy shit, are you okay?" I grip onto her shoulders as she nods urgently.
"Thank God," I breathe out only to notice the ball across the road now. Her chocolate colored eyes follow my matching ones toward the direction of the baseball and I let go of her.
"I'll be right back," I smile before looking both ways and sprinting towards the nuisance she had to obtain. Once I notice the coast is clear, I return and place the ball in her hand.
"There you go," I laugh, "This thing's a pain in the ass to catch."
"Yeah," she chuckles with me still partially breathless, "Thanks."
"It's no problem."
"Selena," a deeply annoyed voice interrupts our conversation and I notice Laura's eyes widen in fear and sadness.
"Harry," I reply in an equally annoyed voice as Laura gasps at me in shock.
"Let's go, now," he grits his teeth.
"I'm not going anywhere until you apologize for pushing her onto the street and nearly getting her killed," I gesture towards Laura who stares at me like I'm crazy.
He narrows his eyes at her before turning his attention back to me, "I'm not apologizing to anyone for anything."
"It's easy. Here, let me show you how it works. Harry, I'm sorry, but I'm not going anywhere with you. See how simple that was?" I fold my arms across my chest, not showing a slimmer of uncertainty. I learn that with Harry, confidence is everything.
Meanwhile, Laura shakes her head repeatedly at me, "It's fine. He doesn't need to apologize."
"No, what he did was wrong and he should acknowledge it."
"Please, don't make him," she almost begs and I almost want to scream. Why is everyone just letting Harry do things without teaching him that it's wrong?
"No. I'm tired of people just allowing him to get away with things he obviously needs to fix."
"I'm going to give you twenty seconds to come, now."
"Apologize."
"No. You heard her, she doesn't need an apology."
I look towards Laura to see her nodding in agreement.
"I'm still not going anywhere until you say sorry."
"If you don't come here right now, I'll kill Liam." My chest tightens at the continously used threat. I have to find another way to counter it, because at this rate, he'll be using it for the rest of my life against everything. What does he want so badly that I can use against him?
Laura's eyes dart between me and him, paralyzed to even move due to her anxiety and fear of the situation.
Me.
"If you kill Liam, then I'll kill myself," I shrug with no wavering in my voice. The statement seems to take Harry by surprise as if he never expected that response from me. Even Laura's jaw drops as she studies my face.
"You wouldn't do that for someone you just met."
"Try me. My life sucks. Everyone I love either hates me, is in danger, or is dead. What's there to live for? Especially now, since you're practically ruining every little good thing I have left. That's logical, right?"
Harry's POV:
What the fuck?
I normally can care less about a girl thinking about suicide, but this is Selena we're talking about.
I can't let her go, especially not like that.
Especially not to save Liam.
Especially not because of me.
What does she even mean about everyone she loves being under those three circumstances? In this moment, I realize I know nearly nothing about this girl who I somehow seem to be so infatuated with.
God, I really hate her.
"I'm sorry," I quickly, but reluctantly let the words slip out.
"What's that? I didn't hear you," she raises an eyebrow.
"You just said I had to say it. You didn't say you have to hear it," I smirk.
"Fuck loop-holes," her smug demeanor fades as she loses the upper hand in the conversation. Meanwhile, the familiar girl beside her seems to be at a loss of words. Typical.
"We are going, now," I demand and to my surprise she nods.
Selena's POV:
"Sorry for him. He's the biggest asshole ever," I apologize again, loudly so Harry can hear, to the incredibly nice girl.
"It's fine, really. I can't believe that just happened," she shakes her head softly.
"What?"
"First off, no one ever talks to him like that. Second, he never apologizes to anyone."
"There's a first for everything," I shrug as she just gawks at me in awe.
"You're really brave, you know?" her voice lowers drastically as I deny it.
"No, I'm just really tired of being passive and just taking all this shit. I realize the only reason bad things happen to me, is because I let them."
She slowly nods, as if contemplating my words, "I should go. My coach is going to kill me."
"Yeah, and Harry's going to kill me," I chuckle, "By the way, I'm Selena."
"Laura. Be careful with him, yeah?"
"Yeah, thanks," I watch her beautiful smile light her face as she awkwardly waves and heads back to the field. When I glance back, I watch Harry already sitting in the car with his hands tapping against the steering wheel. Before I can even think about escaping, he pulls up right beside me, gesturing to get in.
"I hate you," I roll my eyes at him but he just brushes it off like it doesn't affect him.
Sighing, I enter with dread as the ride remains silent for the whole time.
Harry's POV:
By the time we arrived, I notice Selena's asleep, her head leaning on the window with her eyes shut closed, her chest rising and falling in sync with her peaceful breathing. She looks perfect, like beautiful bliss. I'd hate to wake her up but this talk cannot be postponed any longer. Twice, she's made me seem weak in public and she needs to know she can't get away with it. I'm not sure what to do with her though. In the past, I'd have no limits or boundaries, but with Selena, a small, but surely growing part of me only wants to be gentle. She's too fragile and delicate to be handled by my sinner hands.
I'm honestly not really sure what pulled me into her, besides the automatic physical attraction. She's defiant, rebellious, and just infuriating to deal with yet she's also soft, passionate, and relieving to be with.
We are all damaged, but because of her I am beautifully put together.
In this moment, I realize that she's a pain that I want, need.
I liked her not for the way she danced with my angels, because I sure as hell didn't have any, but for the way her name could silence my demons.
Right when I am about to continue gazing at her without her knowing, the sound of my phone blaring shatters the quiet and she jerks upright as I curse under my breath.
"What do you fucking want?!" I nearly scream into the phone.
"Are you coming back?" Louis's voice follows through the receiver as I grit my teeth.
"When do I ever?"
"Right."
"Don't ever call me again today and stay out of our--yes our, as in Selena's and my way when you guys come back," I abruptly turn off my phone as soon as my sentence is over before looking over to her.
"Let's go," I say for probably the millionth time today. Inside, I'm satisifed that she's too exhausted to even bother to argue with me as she just steps out the car with me with no protests. The minute we enter, I lead her towards my room which has kind of grown to be hers too even though she only stayed over like twice.
"We're going to talk," I simply state.
"Okay," she sighs as we both take a seat across from one another on my bed.
"You should never defy me again in front of other people."
"You can't tell me what to do."
"See, you need to stop this attitude of yours."
"Harry, you're never going to become a better person if you keep continuing what you're doing."
"I never said I wanted to be a better person."
She seems to not have any words to say.
Finally, after what felt like a thousand years, she mutters a reply, "I'm not surprised."
Selena's POV:
"Just don't do that to me again, or else you know what I'll do."
"You mean threaten me and force me to do things by taking advantage of my weakness?" I sarcastically bite back and I can sense he's growing irritated.
"Yeah, sure," I agree just to pacify his anger. The amount of times he has eruptions of rage can't possibly be healthy for him.
"Okay, now that, that's covered. Let me get to know you."
What?
I stare at him with a confused expression, my eyebrow raised.
"I want to know you. I want to know every single stupid fucking detail about you. Now, go," he nods, urging me.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, and I made sure the boys won't disturb us so, go on."
"I love reading and how words speak to me louder than anyone's voice. I love writing and analyzing literature. I love learning about people and what makes them the way they are. I love the color green and I'm obsessed with flowers. My favorites are daisies because they're underappreciated and also everyone loves roses which is hopelessly boring. I hate falling into cliches and I love oranges, but only the tiny, sweet ones. I love the salty air of beaches and hate the piercing cold of London mornings. I love the army soldiers but I hate war. I love 'love' and I hate 'hate'. I love staying up to midnight and cups of hot coffee and iced tea. I like paradoxes, because they're interesting and complicated. I like the spontaneous, the unexpected, the plot twist."
Harry's POV:
And I like you.
I wait for the words that never come.
"Tell me about your family," I clear my throat and let her previous words soak in.
Selena's POV:
I freeze.
"Why do you want to know about my family?"
"I said I want to know every single fucking thing and family seems important."
"Will you tell me things about you?"
He seems taken aback by my innocent question.
"What do you want to know about me?"
"Anything, everything," I shrug.
"Not until you tell me everything about you first," he concludes.
"Then I guess we'll just both have to live in mysterious wonder."
A loud, frustrated sigh exits his oh so very pink lips.
"I fucking hate roses, because apparently every damn girl likes them and it's the only flower acceptable to buy. I like books but not the corny teen fiction shit every stupid girl obsesses over. I like the young adults section, because the authors seem to have a better concept on how fucked up life is. I hate people who think money is everything. I hate judgment and the sand at the beach, but I like the sound of roaring waves from the ocean. I hate juxtapositions and for once, I want things to make sense. I want to know the reasons for people's actions. I want the why and the how. I want easy, but not the typical. I want different and fascinating."
"You don't love anything," I comment on his word choice, how different it is from my own.
"I'm not capable of love."
Watching him, I can tell he has never done this before. Never open up to anyone, never talked about himself. I observe him more closely as I exhale softly, my eyes closing soon after.
"My mum and dad raised my brother, Zac, and I happily, for years. We lived in a house that was too big for my taste, but it worked for the four of us. My mum is a designer and she's really talented in being stylish and I admired her for being a "cool mom". My dad loved writing and he read stories to us every night, some he liked, some he created by himself. We owned a library and I spent a lot of time with him every Sunday, because it was the time he took a break and we just bonded over books. We were happy. When I was thirteen, my mum started joining this mother's club and it was filled with rich people, though they were obnoxious and bratty and I hated them. She didn't care though and she forced me and Zac to participate in fancy dinners with people I hated and made us go to stupid events like the annual cotillion. She made me date a guy I had zero interest in, but was her best friend's son. I hated him for trying to make me like him when I really just didn't. I hated his attitude and his posh approach to every thing in life."
"My brother had a really pretty girlfriend named Vanessa, who is also a genius, and sometimes we still keep in touch. People said she looked like me and in a way, she was like the sister I never had. One day, I completely stood up to the guy, Gregg, who I was forced to date and he didn't take it well. He grew out of control and had this anger I never knew existed. He hurt me and my brother found out and well, he wanted to kill him. It didn't work out and my brother was tired of my mum limiting my freedom. He threatened Gregg and told off my mum's friend and we never spoke again. My mum was furious and at this time, he just graduated high school while I was still in freshmen year. He was supposed to go to Berkeley, about thirty seven miles away from his girlfriend at Stanford, but instead, he chose to join the army."
Tears resurface in my eyes and I can't help letting them slowly drip down my face. I feel vulnerable, because even Liam doesn't know this, but I feel compelled to continue.
"A year passed and he was fine, happy, and stronger than before. He visited a few times for Christmas and my birthday. One day, I just couldn't handle it. The pressure to be perfect for society because everyone's so damn judgmental was too heavy. I didn't want to date the hottest or richest or smartest guy at school. I just wanted average, but my mum wanted me to achieve more. My dad understood but he was so busy with publishing his new book and meeting with editors, he wasn't around enough to help support my side. I needed my brother and writing a letter to him and receiving a response few weeks or even months wasn't good enough. So, I called him. We're not really supposed to call but he told me he would always be there for me, so for emergency case, he left a phone in this secret sewn in pocket inside his uniform."
I am heaving at this point, my words overlapping each other.
"I called him and I didn't know he was in war. He knew I would only call for an emergency so he picked it up and we talked for a short moment and then he was shot. He died immediately. It was my fault. I caused him to die. I killed him. If I never called him for something so stupid, he wouldn't have been distracted and he could've been safe. He could've been alive. I'm the reason my favorite person in the whole world is gone."
I am full on sobbing now and my eyes are so full of tears I can't even see Harry clearly anymore.
"M-m-my mum hated me. He was al-always her favourite child and I-I-I killed him. She started acting so c-c-cold to me and she still hates me to this day. Vanessa doesn't hate me, but I'm sure deep down she does. She should. Everyone should. Zac was p-p-popular and well loved by everyone. The general later explained to us and one of Zac's friends, Corbin, brought his corpse back. It was s-s-s-so scary to see his limp body, pale and void of life. W-w-we packed our bags and moved here and buried him the day after we settled in. A week after his funeral, my dad fell into a c-c-coma and he's in the hospital right n-n-now."
He sits there speechless.
"I-I-I go visit Zac and my dad everyday. I-I-I went in the afternoon until my mum forced me to start school. Then, I-I-I started going in the morning before class and I saw Liam at the flower shop owned by his sisters. He-he-he accompanied me every day since then."
"I-I love my brother. The army jacket I wear is his. I have all of his clothes with me and I wear them almost every day. The CD is the last thing we made together-r-r," I finally take in a deep breath in attempts to steady my own breathing.
"I-I-I have nightmares of my brother dying a lot. I never told anyone about any of this. You know, you're not the only one who can't sleep in peace," I calm down slightly.
Unexpectedly, after studying my expression which is probably horrific due to my no doubt puffy eyes and red cheeks, he pulls me in and hugs me. His left hand finds my back as he rubs up and down and his right hand cradles the back of my head, stroking my hair. He doesn't say anything, but I'm okay with that. We just stay in that position until I notice the once present light behind the curtain disappear. The room feels cold and I have a feeling that night has fallen. Without another word, he shifts us and yanks the covers over us, blanketing us in warmth, his grip on me still strong but gentle.
"My mum and sister kicked me out when I was young because my dad was an asshole and I nearly beat the shit out of him," he whispers into my ear as I bury my face in his strangely aromatic chest. When I manage to glance up at his face, his eyes are closed and chin is resting on the top of my head. He's not going to elaborate on it anymore.
"I never told anyone about this," is the last thing he says as we just lie there, swallowing in each other's misery, but somehow dealing with it together. It feels like it's been forever that we've been in this position, but neither of us seems to mind nor do we want to move out of it. We heard the movement of shuffling and loud conversations from outside but it didn't bother us that much. Surprisingly, we had no appetite nor need to obtain anything. Though it's not something I'm new to, considering I have gone days, weeks even, barely eating anything and being completely devoid of emotion.
The next time I open my eyes to glance at Harry, I realize that we have both fallen asleep in each other's arms. I'm unaware of how long our nap was until my eyes flutter toward the direction of his clock and my eyes widen when I notice it reading "12:00AM".
"It's midnight," I inform him as he slowly wakes up as well.
"Your favorite time to stay up to," he sleepily comments.