~ Chapter 27: Won’t Give Up ~
[ Jackie’s POV: ]
“Justin please…” I whispered. The side of his face was illuminated by the limited lighting coming from the window. The sound of a thunderclap went off, and the room lit up for one second before it went dark again. Justin’s eyes were hard on mine and I felt myself gulp. “Let’s just talk for a bit… We can work this through.”
“I don’t want to talk!” he yelled, angrily stomping one foot on the floor. “I’m done with love, Jackie! I don’t care what you say or do, I will never, ever love you,” he spat. “Ever!”
Tears surfaced in my eyes. “I won’t mean it,” Justin’s past words circulated my thoughts, haunting me second by second. “Don’t give up on me.”
“I’m not giving up on you,” I accidentally blurted out, meeting his harsh gaze. For a second, he seemed confused by my sudden outburst, but was quickly enraged again, his hands forming fists and, with his body language, he dared me to speak one more word about love. “I promised you, I won’t.”
“Jackie…” he growled lowly, his tone coming across as a warning.
He took a threatening step towards me and, by instinct, I stepped back, then realized what I had done. I can’t back away. I have to show him that I’m willing to stand up for him. He can’t intimidate me.
“Drop it,” he hissed the words. “Let it go, it’s over.”
Okay, maybe he can. Just a little bit.
“No,” I said bravely, knowing that was the exact wrong thing to say to him while he’s like this.
Justin glared at me, stepping even closer. This time, I didn’t back away. Instead, I continued to look at him without hesitation. He looked so angry that his eyes appeared to be a vivid red, a pure color of rage. Just before he could do anything else, he suddenly let out a soft sigh, his eyes slowly returning to that brown shade I fell in love with.
“Please…” he whimpered. “Stop.”
My heart skipped a beat and I looked at him with concern. “Justin, I’m not hurting you. And I never plan on doing so,” I assured him.
“Don’t,” he raised his hand to stop me. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. That’s what damages me the most. You women make me feel like I have it all. You make me fall for you. I give you everything I have to offer and you return the favor by ruining me. Love will be the death of me, Jackie.”
“Not all women are like that,” I quickly protested. “A lot of girls say the same thing about guys but not all guys are like that either. You certainly aren’t.” We locked gazes and I decided to be bold and try the first move. Lifting my hand, I cupped his cheek gently and caressed the skin with my thumb. I let out a small smile, watching as his eyes sparkled into mine. The sound of the rain clacking against the windows filled the silence, and I lowered my voice. “I care so, so, so, so much about you,” I whispered. “Just let me help you, Justin.”
For a moment there, I had him. For a second there, he was all mine. But the next, he snapped again.
“Shut the fuck up,” he snarled, slapping my hand away and distancing himself from me. I let out a surprised squeal at his sudden actions and proceeded to rub my hand to calm the pain.
“Justin ple—”
“—Go to sleep, Jackie,” he interrupted me, his tone so cold it ran shivers down my spine.
“Just give me a chance,” I spoke quietly.
“Jackie…” he warned, letting out a deep breath of air in utter frustration. He closed his eyes and began to rub his forehead as if he was beginning to get a headache and then opened them to look at me once again. “Get your fucking ass to bed and sleep right now before I go apeshit on you,” he spat, pointing down the hallway to what I assumed to be his room. The way he had spoken officially let me know I had gotten on his nerves and if I were to argue with him one more time, there’s no telling what he’d do.
So I decided to be good for once and just do what he said.
“Okay,” I whispered, slumping in defeat. I tried my hardest to block out the way he had spoken to me, knowing I couldn’t take it to heart. But it was so hard not to. I mean… What would you do if your idol spoke to you like that?
I started past him towards the hallway before I stopped abruptly, turned on my heels and began to walk back to where he stood. Approaching him, I stood on my tippy toes and planted a warm kiss on his cheek, despite the way he had treated me.
“Goodnight,” I said softly. “Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”
Returning to my normal height, I turned around again and walked off, picking up the clothes he had handed me on the way there.
“Jackie wait,” his voice rang in my ears. I held back my smile, knowing now that he at least cared.
“What?” I cleared my throat, facing him.
He eyed me up and down, the same amount of anger he held in his eyes still present.
“You forgot the towel.”
My heart dropped as I glanced at the towel I left on the couch. “Thanks,” I pretended as if everything was fine, but we both knew it wasn’t.
Once I had made it to Justin’s room, I stripped myself off my wet clothes and dried myself off with the towel before slipping his t-shirt and sweatpants onto my body. They were fairly big on me, but I didn’t mind. It had his scent, and that’s all I needed for a good night sleep.
Despite all that happened, I’m still not giving up. And if I have to repeat it over and over in order to achieve it, then so be it.
—
When I opened my eyes again, they felt heavy but I had noticed that it was still pretty dark. Groaning, I forced myself to sit up before grabbing my phone from the night stand.
5:34am
Great… So it was still the middle of the night. I sighed, blowing out a puff of air before falling back on the bed lazily, snuggling up to the pillow. Just when I had closed my eyes again, I heard it.
I heard the familiar sound enter my ears. It sounded faint but I heard it perfectly clear. It sounded like a melody to me. The sound was accompanied by the violent chattering noise from the rain outside, creating the perfect team.
I immediately rolled out of bed, walking across the cold floor bare footed and quietly sliding the door open. I continued silently down the hall and peeked into the living room, where I spotted Justin sitting with his back towards me. He was facing the window and appeared to be in a trance as he stared out at the pouring rain. I then noticed the guitar resting on his lap as he strummed out the guitar chords to Yellow Raincoat, indeed the familiar sound that had woken me up.
He played the chords over and over as if he was a broken record on loop, his eyes locked on the droplets in front of him. His mouth closed into a tight line, his cheeks glistened of dried tears.
“Cause I put on my raincoat, my yellow raincoat, baby it’s keeping me dry,” his raspy voice began to sing quietly to himself, the addicting guitar chords looping inside my head. “I put on my raincoat, my yellow raincoat, you know exactly why…”
He continued to sing his little heart out, each word with each chord striking me hard in the heart, and I found myself quietly sobbing hysterically.
My heart ached for him. I hate seeing him this way. I hate seeing him so depressed, so hopeless…
So broken…
He’s not even willing to let me help him. I’ve tried over and over. He’s even confessed his feelings for me before. Why does he keep pushing me away? He shouldn’t be this afraid. I can hold his hand the whole way through if he ever gets too scared. There’s nothing wrong with that! I’m willing to do anything for him.
Why can’t he see that?
Why does it bother him to even think that his heart might need fixing, and that the only thing that could fix it is love? What’s it gonna take to even make him fall in love? How am I going to break down that wall he built high up around his heart?
The guitar riffs kept playing, lifting my soul as an indescribable chill ran up and down my spine. For a second, I wanted to step out and hug him. I wanted to whisper to him that everything’s alright, that I’ve got him, and that he’d be okay.
“Justin…” I whispered to myself, continuing to watch the heartbroken boy.
“Doo doo do, doo doo do, do do do do,” he sang in perfect tune, his angelic voice filling the air, battling the sound of rain until they collaborated into one, sweet melody. My heart sank lower and lower until he finished the song, lowering the sound of the guitar riff until he completely stopped.
He was now just staring out the window and I could vaguely see him biting his lip as he lowered the guitar to lean against the wall. He sighed, his gaze locked on the rain ahead of him before he buried his face to his hands. I waited, not making a single sound.
A few seconds later, I could hear him sobbing.
“Wh-What am I doing wrong?” he whimpered helplessly, his voice sounding muffled. He wiped his face and looked back out the window. “Why d-does everyone hate m-me?”
I furrowed my eyebrows together and crouched, trying to grasp what exactly he was looking at. I blinked a couple of times and figured he was just talking to the glowing moon.
“P-Please,” he cried, tears gliding down his cheeks. “I d-don’t want this for myself. Guide me… Please guide me.”
I froze.
No, he wasn’t talking to the moon. And I don’t think I’m meant to assume he’s talking to himself, either.
He’s talking to God.
“I’m sorry I’ve let you down,” his voice was shaky. “I’ve done so many bad things and I know you probably hate me… But I’m so sorry. I just.. I hope you know that, Father.”
He sat there for what felt like hours before standing up, catching me by surprise.
Oh no, I should head back before he sees me.
Turning around, I quickly managed to silently run back to Justin’s room without causing a ruckus. I quietly shut the door and slid back into bed, feeling my heart collapse.
He’s more broken than I thought… And I knew it was pretty bad to begin with. It’s time to do something about it, but how in the world am I going to make him believe?
**********************************
Aww guys, but Justin was arrested yesterday. Don’t give up on him, he’s still our baby :(
*Sighs*
So what’d you think of the chapter? Hope you all enjoyed it!
- Nina xx