Seeing Alex standing in front of me with fear in his eyes and shaking gave me quite a bit of a shock. He had slight ash on his hands from rubbing it off from his pants, as if he were trying to save some of his items from the flames. Don't get me wrong, I am glad that he was still alive, but he must have had somewhere else to stay. Anywhere but here.
"Hey, Alex. I'm sorry about your house," I said as caring as I could under the news I had just been delivered.
"Emily," he said approaching me, "I am really sorry about the other day. I really should have been a better person and stayed civil. I don't know where my mind has been lately. I'm going to try to better myself so I can actually be able to deserve Allison."
I just shrugged and yawned. I really didn't care. What was done was done, and it wasn't my life. It was theirs. "So what exactly happened?" I asked as I sat down, Jack bringing me some hot cocoa.
"Well, I was cooking dinner, and a lot of emotion got over me. Long story short, I fell asleep, forgetting the stove was on, and I woke up to smoke and flames. Everything in my house is gone. I have to start all over again." Honestly, he kind of deserves it. Maybe not this extreme, but something along these lines for lying to Allison the way that he did.
"Again, I am very sorry that it had happened. Jack's door is always open to you, I'm sure," I took a sip of my hot cocoa and licked off the melted marshmallow from my top lip. “Where was Zack when this all happened?”
“He was with Tay, thankfully. He found out and came over right away. I promise I won't be a burden, Emily. I know I'm not your best of friends right now, but I promise things will change." I nodded and took another drink. I don't believe it at all. But then again, maybe I'm just biased.
"Alex and I are going to go for a mini shopping spree for some new things for him. Is that okay? Did you want to come or--"
"I'll be fine here. I should pick up on my old hobbies while I still can," I said, chuckling.
"Alright, babe. You need anything?"
"No, I think I am okay for right now. When are you guys coming back?"
"A couple hours? Why?"
"Just looking for a time frame, is all." Jack nodded and kissed my lips gently, caressing the side of my cheek.
"You take care of yourself, Emily. Be safe," he said, kissing me again. I kissed him back and smiled, remembering how much I loved his lips on mine.
They had both left and I sat in silence, sipping my cocoa and thinking about last night. Remembering his words and his tears. There was something about his voice trembling that made my heart break in half, wondering if he was ever hurt over having sex with her. I was mostly over it, knowing I had more important things on my plate. Babies, Allison and my health. Would I be able to leave Jack and move on with my life, or would I always love him? They say that you never forget your first love, but I think what they mean is you never forget your first memories of your first love.
Finishing my drink up, I rinsed out the cup and got my painting supplies from the bedroom and set up in the living room. I turned on the TV, listening to the news as I started to sketch out a general outline of three people, two entwined in each other in the distance, one up close, looking off to the side.
After I had a rough sketch of what I wanted to do, I opened up my black paint, dipped the brush in water, dried it off and blackened the tip. I carefully gave every line a little love, being careful to make my lines make a point. The further couple was a bit blurry with dying flowers falling around them. With the girl that was close up, she was crying, holding a rose with it's petals falling, going from a bright red to a dark red. There was nothing really special about the painting in itself, other than this is how I felt on the inside. Dying, knowing what had happened.
I wasn't sure how I really felt about the whole situation, but I knew, on the surface, I was deeply hurt by what had happened. Maybe I could pull through my emotions for the babies, fake it until I make it, right?
Finishing up my painting, it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. It turned out to be blurry, colors dripping down, blending in with the ones around it. Stepping back, I admired it from afar, tilting my head. Maybe it did look okay. Maybe things don't go as planned, but in the end they worked. Was this a sign?
I figured that I would just let everything go and live my life. I did love Jack with everything that I had, and I didn't want him to leave my life. I guess he didn't really have any choice anyway. He was stuck with me, and I was stuck with him.
At that very moment, I felt my stomach sink. Almost like butterflies in my stomach. It gave me the chills as I smiled. I knew exactly what it was, and it was all mine for now. I took out my phone and texted Allison.
The babies just kicked.
I waited for her response, but there was none. I shrugged it off and put away my painting supplies, putting the picture under the bed, then went to the living room, laying on the couch and watching a bit of trash TV. Jack and Alex had been gone for four hours now, with no check up with me and I was getting worried. I knew they were big boys and could take care of themselves, but I still worried.
Finally, after about a half hour, Jack had walked in alone. He had a burger bag and a small black bag popping out of his pocket and I perked my eyebrow as I sat up as much as I could and hugged him. "Hey, baby. I missed you," I said as he kissed me. "What's in the bag?"
"What bag?" He asked.
"The one coming out of your pocket."
"Oh, nothing. I just got myself some cologne today."
"Can I smell it?"
"Uhm, no. Not right now. The guy said that it's best if used at night on me."
"Okay, well, maybe we can go out sometime and you can spritz it on."
"Maybe. Oh, Cassadee is in labor right now. She just went in about an hour ago."
My eyes widened and I smiled. "When will she let people come in?"
"After the baby is born. Alex and I stopped up real quick, but things are progressing quickly. I think she'll have the baby tomorrow morning. Alex says tomorrow afternoon."
I nodded and smiled, thinking of what that day for me would be like. Holding my babies, sharing all my love with three people. It would be hard, but I knew I was ready for whatever I had coming.
"Are you hungry at all? We got some burgers." I nodded as he gave me a burger and I started to eat it. "Do anything fun while we were gone?"
"Not really. I felt the babies move. Or one of them. I'm not quite sure. Where's Alex?"
"He's stopping up at the office to see Allison. They moved? Already? And I wasn't here?"
"Well, you can't feel them yet. That's still a few months down the road. I'll let you know when they start again. How's that?"
He kissed my lips gently and smiled. "Fair. I still can't believe that you and I are having kids. It seemed like just yesterday we were at the coffee shop."
I took another bite and nodded. It did seem like just yesterday, and I feel bad that I'm putting this whole band on hold. Well, everyone is in a way. Cassadee was having her child, Alex was cheating on Allison, and I was having a baby with Jack. Poor Zack was just the good boy in the band that worked out. Tay was a lucky girl. Don't get me wrong. Everyone was lucky to be with everyone, but those two together seemed to have been perfect. But you never know. Every relationship had their problems.
"Jack, can I tell you something?" I asked, looking at him.
"Sure, what's up?"
I set my burger down and cleared my throat. "While you were gone, I did a lot of thinking about what we talked about last night. I really want to believe that it was an accident, a slip up, and that it will never happen again. I do forgive you, but I am still very hurt over it all."
"What about the other thing?"
"What other thing?"
"About being a single mother. Do you want to stay that way or are you ready?"
"I don't think I am ready for that responsibility at this moment, just because I need to take baby steps. I still need to grow and learn in life. I am not where I want to be at this moment, and when I am there, I'll be ready."
Jack hung his head slightly and took a slow, deep breath in. I could tell my answer was not what he wanted to hear, but there was nothing I could do about it. If I wasn't ready, why push myself? Then again, if I didn't step up my game soon, he would find someone who was ready.
"Well, I'll be there for you when you are ready, Emily. I promise," he spoke as he kissed my head gently.
The silence between us, it was almost deadly. I was worried that something bad was going to happen, and soon. Hopefully everything would work out in the end, for everyone. I just hope that no one would get hurt.
The rest of the evening went alright. Cleaning, shower, a bit of TV and some dinner. Jack and I didn't speak much to each other, but I knew in his head was a million and one words. He wanted to tell me everything and anything he could, but nothing wanted to show through. I felt bad, as if I pushed him into a shell from my words, but that would soon come to a halt just after we had gone to bed.
After getting settled in, kissing and cuddling with each other, we dozed off, barely, and I had woke up to a phone call off of Jack's phone. He wouldn't wake up for some reason, and I had saw it was an odd phone number. Did I want to answer it at all? What if it was Erin?
I held my breath and answered.
"Hello?" I asked hesitantly.
"Hey, Emily! It's Rian." My butterflies came back from the babies moving about and I gave a huge sigh of relief. "Cassadee had her baby, if you guys wanted to stop up. She's so beautiful," he said. I could hear Cass talking in the background with a few people hustling.
"We'll be over tomorrow afternoon, alright? I really wish I could be there tonight, but it's late, and I can't fit behind the wheel and Jack is passed out. Send us some pictures!"
"Will do, Emily. You have a great night," he said, still happy. We hung up the phones and I smiled, putting back his phone and nuzzled up to Jack. Soon, Jack would be in Rian's position, and I would be in Cassadee's. It was a feeling that I couldn't wait for.
Waking up, I was cuddling a pillow as my eyes slowly opened. Jack wasn't there, again. A few days a week, I would actually enjoy waking up cuddling him. Instead, he wakes up and cooks breakfast. Don't get me wrong, breakfast in bed was nice, but sometimes cuddling was even better. I slowly walked to the bathroom, did my business and sat at the table. Jack was cooking pancakes and sausage as he turned around. "Good morning, princess," he said, flipping the rest of the pancakes. "I was just about to wake you up."
"Mmm. Smells good. Speaking of good," I said, groggily, "I have good news."
"What's that?"
"Cass had her baby last night."
"Are you serious? When?"
"I don't know, like around midnight. Rian called your phone and you didn't pick it up, so I did."
"Aah," he said, putting pancakes on the plates. "Did he say anything else?"
"No, just that we are welcome to come over whenever." He nodded, bringing the plates over and sitting next to me, kissing my lips gently. "I was thinking we could go over there this afternoon."
"Yeah, of course," he said digging in. I wasn't that hungry. Lately, my appetite had dwindled down to just about nothing, but I had to feed these babies in my stomach, so I started on some pancakes.
"Do you know if Alex came home last night?"
"I have no idea. If he is, he's probably still sleeping. If not, I am assuming he's at a hotel with Allison. There's a strict no over night guests at the office."
"Mm, I see. Did you sleep good?"
"It was okay. I'm starting to get uncomfortable at night with the stomach and all. What about you?"
"Yeah, I was okay. I mean, if I didn't wake up to my phone going off, then obviously it was a deep sleep."
I started eating my sausage as I wondered what ever happened to Jack and I. What happened to the middle of the day spontaneous sex? The hot showers in the morning together? Don't get me wrong, we still did have sex, just not as much as we use to. Did he think I was unattractive? Was he still having sex with Erin? I know some of it was that my sex drive had went down due to my own self-conscious, but it was also Jack that could make me feel sexy, too. Maybe now was one of those times to be open. But was it the right time?
"Do you still think I'm sexy?" I blurted out after a long pause.
I must have caught him off guard, because he nearly choked on his food. "Of course I do, Emily," he said, rubbing my back. "Why would you think that I don't?"
"Well, our bedroom life, it's not really there. As much as we use to, you know?"
"Well, I think that there's a lot going on in our minds lately. I mean, I had fun the other day on the couch, no doubt," he said with a wink. "We should try to do it again."
I blushed and started to play with his foot gently. "Oh really?"
"Well, maybe somewhere else, but yeah. It was kind of fun." I chuckled as I leaned into him gently as he put down his fork and places a hand on the back of my head. Our lips touched briefly as we bobbed our heads gently, slowly having our tongues greet each other before we were all over ourselves. "Hold on," he said pausing, moving the dishes to the island as he held out his hand. I took it as he gently pushed me into the table. I sat up on it help of the chair and him as he leaned back into the kiss we had going before.
I felt his hands graze my inner thigh, working up to the waist of my pants as he worked his way in. Everything around us disappeared as we slowly started to become one.
Almost, anyway.
"Woah, sorry, folks," a voice spoke. Jack and I both jumped as we looked over, standing next to each other. It was Alex. He had his head turned with a hand up as a blinder.
"Sorry, Alex. We thought you were at a hotel with Allison," Jack said.
His hair was all over the place. Sex hair, almost. We didn't question what he did in his room or car or wherever, as long as he didn't question us. We already spoke to him about his choices, and as long as he kept it out of Jack's home, we were as cool as we could get with him.
"Nah, just had a rough night last night. Had a few drinks, sobered up enough and drove here. I didn't mean to interrupt you guys."
"It's fine. We should learn that there's other people in the house, is all," I said.
"Anywhere I should know about so I don't touch it?"
Yeah, that couch you're about to sit on. "No, you're all good." Jack said. "There's pancakes and sausage on the stove. We're going to get cleaned up and head out to see Zoe."
"Shit, dude. She was born?"
"Last night," I said, clearing my throat.
"Could I tag along?"
"We're leaving in a few minutes. If you're ready by then, I don't see why not." My words had an abrupt ending to them. I honestly didn't care for Alex at this moment in time. Not because he ruined a personal moment, which we can't be mad at him for in the first place, but because of my best friend. I wanted answers, but I knew I wasn't going to get them.
Heading to the bedroom, I stripped down to my bra and underwear, looking through the closet of clothing to find something that wasn't scrubby. I felt arms go around my waist, rubbing my stomach slightly, and hot breath on my neck. "Mmm," Jack moaned into my ear. "Your ass has gotten bigger," he said grinding into me slightly. I wasn't sure if I should have been offended or proud.
"Yeah? What shirt do you think I should wear today? This pink one or this blue one?" I asked holding them up side by side.
"I think you shouldn't wear any right now." I rolled my eyes. Sweetie, that train has gone. You can thank Alex.
"I know you're still in the mood, babe, but I just can't right now. I don't want to get caught, again, for the millionth time. I feel like we're an accidental porno for Alex. He always seems to catch us. Or at least know every time it happens."
"I'm sorry, Emily. Maybe you should be a little quieter," he said, pulling me closer to him as he kissed my shoulder. I moved away from him and shook my head. Joking or not, that was wrong of him to say. I slipped on the pink shirt and some jeans as I went to the bathroom and brushed my hair. Jack came in behind me, spiking up his hair. I walked out as quickly as I could and sat in the living room, waiting for Jack to come out. I heard Alex talking on his phone, but I couldn't make out his words. Something about this day made me worry.
Jack came out and kissed my head. "You ready?"
"Yeah, I've been ready."
"Alex! We're leaving," Jack shouted.
There was no response. I guess he wasn't coming. Standing up, we headed out and drove to the hospital. Little was spoken between Jack and I on the ride. He knew I was upset with him, and I knew he knew. Although I knew it was wrong, I just couldn't help myself. It was almost as if it wasn't controllable.
We arrived and Jack helped me get out, putting his arm around me. "Soon, we will be making this trip for you, Emily. Are you excited?"
"Yes, Jack. I am very excited for pain for hours on end. Being stuck in the hospital for days and then two people sucking on my nipples. Being strung up to machines. Yes. Very exciting."
"Wow, I am very sorry. I'll keep my mouth shut," he said, taking his arm off me.
We walked in and Jack asked to see Cassadee. She was in room 104, which was down the hall, to the left, third door on the right. We followed the directions accordingly as Jack approached the door. He knocked and waited. Rian opened the door and gave him a hug.
"Hey, man. Glad you could make it. Hope you don't mind, Cass is just about done feeding."
"No, not at all," he said as we walked in, looking the other way.
"Emily! Hey," Cassadee said. Almost as if I were her best friend.
"Hey, Cass. How are you feeling?"
"Let's just say I'm glad that part is over." She had put her arm back into her sleeve and started to burp her daughter. I sat next to her as I smiled. Zoe had a full head of dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. As small as she was, she let out a fairly nice burp. Cassadee congratulated her as she smiled, kissing her. "Would you like to hold her?"
"Sure," I said, standing up, picking her up gently, holding her head so it wouldn't fall back. She was tiny, and almost perfect. I smiled gently, rocking her softly as I looked to Cassadee. "She's gorgeous," I said. "Sorry we didn't get you anything."
"It's okay, we got a lot of stuff from friends and family."
"Aren't you scared now? I mean, lack of sleep, and it's now out of you. You have to take even more precaution."
"Yeah, but hopefully Rian and I are ready. We feel ready, but even if you feel ready, you could let your nerves take over."
I nodded, starting to worry about my own self. Jack and Rian went off to the other side of the room, talking amongst themselves. Hopefully, it wasn't anything bad. I really hoped that Jack was asking for advice, because I wasn't ready for such a big step already.
"How are you and Jack holding up?"
"We're okay, I think. I've been snapping at him recently. It doesn't help with Alex in the house. He's not really my favorite person at the moment."
"What happened?"
"Just shit with Allison. I feel caught in the middle, and now I feel even more caught in the middle. I don't even think she knows he's living at the house."
"Are you serious? I didn't hear everything that went on, but I heard bits and pieces. You should try to brush it off as much as you can. Stress for the babies isn't good."
"You're telling me. They're starting to turn, and sometimes it makes me feel sick. But it's really an interesting feeling that you can't explain. Almost like getting a tattoo."
"I know what you mean. It's even more amazing when they kick. Sometimes it hurts, but it's still amazing to know that they are there."
Zoe started to fuss a little bit as I handed her back to Cassadee. She quickly quieted down and I just smiled. It must have been an amazing feeling to be an actual mom now. Ever since I found out, I wanted to know.
"Did you ever start those books?"
"For the most part. I've been pacing myself, but I can't read it too much without starting to feel touched. Just the reality of everything is just still a shock to me."
"Yeah, tell me about it. Having Zoe here in my arms... It's such a different feeling than having her in my stomach. You will adapt very quickly, though. I promise."
I sighed deeply, placing a hand on my stomach. I saw Jack and Rian give each other a hug as they walked over. Jack asked to take Zoe and Jack kissed my head. "You want to head out for lunch soon?"
"Sure," I said, standing up. I hugged Cassadee and smiled. "You look amazing with a child. Congratulations."
"Thank you, Emily."
"Don't be afraid to stop by any time. Well, unless we are sleeping or out. We won't answer." We both chuckled, and I could tell, from both of us, that it was forced. I really would have liked to have bonded with Cassadee more over the time, but things just didn't play out that way. Maybe we can bond over our children.
Watching Jack with Zoe was amazing. He had this automatic father switched turned on as he was twisting his body gently, talking softly to her. It really tugged at me as I started to tear up. Cassadee saw as she held my hand slightly and tapping the top with the other, letting me know everything will be okay.
Jack handed Zoe to Rian and we had walked out saying bye. Somehow he had a mellowness about him. He was hiding something, and I could tell. After we got into the car, I looked to him. "Jack," I said. "What is wrong?"
"Nothing," he said, looking to me, kissing my lips.
"Don't lie to me, Jack. What is wrong?"
"Just... I don't know. Seeing Rian and Cassadee together. With a child. They're so happy together, and we are fighting a lot. I don't want that."
"It'll be fine, Jack. I'm sure it's just all the stress over everything lately. Rian and Cass have been doing this for how long? And how long have we been doing this? I'm sure that they have their problems, too Jack."
"You're right. I know you are. It's just hard to accept it. It feels like we are the only ones."
"What about Alex and Allison? They have their problems, obviously. Whatever it may be."
Jack stayed quiet and drove off to the nearest Greek restaurant. It was quite an awkward time for both of us. The times we should have been bonding, it was spent being silent and awkward towards each other.
We had been seated and looked over our menus. Jack seemed to know what he wanted as I looked it over. "Jack, please, don't stay mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you, Em. I'm just, I guess I'm just sexually frustrated."
"Well, I would help, but we're kind of in a predicament, aren't we?"
"I guess so," he said.
Our waitress came over and took our order. Jack ordered grilled skewer kabobs, I ordered Moussaka and then we ordered two apple and banana puddings.
While waiting, we tried our best to bring back some spark in public, and it worked a little bit. Even though I was having his child, I honestly don't know if i could be stuck in this rut. Jack was the first person I was with my whole life. I didn't know what other people were like. I had no idea what others were like. Would someone else make me happier than I was with Jack? Maybe I just needed some sort of excitement. Like in the beginning of our relationship. Like having sex during his show.
Our food arrived and we ate it slowly. We stared at each other, a fire slowly building inside me. The whole time, Jack's sex eyes were driving me crazy. Maybe this was a good thing to happen. Sometimes you must get a low in order to get back to where you were.
After eating, I realized I had forgot my bag, so I excused myself to the car, so I could at least leave a tip. Walking (or waddling, rather) out to the car, I called Allison. She didn't pick up her phone, so I just left a message. "Hey, Allison. It's Emily. I haven't heard from you in a while, so I was just curious to see how you and Alex were doing. Just give me a call back."
Hanging up, I grabbed my purse, but saw something in Jack's seat. It was a small velvet box. Did I dare open it? Should I just leave it? I bit my lip, holding it in my hand. Inside, it could have been anything. A ring, earrings, another necklace. Time ticked by as I just debated on what to do. Everything seemed to stop, telling me to open it. My morals, however, told me to not.