~ Chapter 26: Rainy Moods ~
[ Alfredo’s POV: ]
It was only when Justin pretty much locked himself up in his room that I realized I might’ve lied to him. I told him we were visiting today when, in reality, I had technically asked Jackie to visit tomorrow. I guess it doesn’t make much of a difference anyway since he claims he isn’t going, but there’s still hope… Right?
Who am I kidding. The kid’s the most stubborn person I’ve ever met in my life.
But he’s still my best friend. I still care about him no matter what and I don’t care how much he snaps at me or tells me he hates me or tells me to fuck off or leave him alone, I know him well enough to understand that he’s just having a hard time and the last thing he wants is for the people he most cares about to disappear out of his life. But, despite what Justin himself thinks, I’m pretty positive that love may not be what destroys him… It can be what fixes him. I don’t want to rush him into anything but he can’t go on like this. It’s not a nice feeling for him or the people around him.
The sound of my phone ringing snapped me out of my thoughts and my body shook from the sudden shock it had given me. I let out a long sigh and slowly picked up the phone, pressing the answer button.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Fredo, I need you to do me a favor,” Scooter’s voice rang in my ears.
I raised one eyebrow in interest. “What is it?”
“We’re going to be doing a couple of shows in LA but we need you here so we can all talk about business stuff. I’m staying over at an old pal’s house here for a while so if I text you the address, would you be able to come in?”
“Sure,” I agreed, looking back down the hallway where I last saw Justin disappear to. “It’s my job anyway.”
“Alright thanks, Fredo.”
We hung up soon after that. I grabbed my jacket as I quickly dialed another number before I’d have to go and waited for the person to pick up.
“Hi Alfredo!” Jackie’s cheery voice rang in my ears and I let out a sad smile.
“Hey, sorry to call so late, I just had to tell you something,” I spoke quickly and urgently. Jackie picked up on my tone and said her next words a bit more worried.
“That’s okay, what’s wrong?” she asked.
“Umm… Justin’s battling a few more inner demons with himself. I’m so… I’m so sorry but we unfortunately can’t go visit you tomorrow. He’s just not in the emotional condition to go. If I was to drag him over there, he’d hate me and take it out on you. I just can’t let that happen. Maybe some other time, yeah?” I said, my voice shaking.
“Noo…” Jackie whispered. “No, but this was supposed to be a good thing. I thought part of the reason you guys were coming is because you believe I can fix him!”
“I want to go as badly as you do but, trust me, you don’t want to see him like this. He’s going through a tough time right now and I don’t think it’s a good idea to go as planned and visit you just yet.”
“But Fredo—”
“—I’m sorry. I don’t have a lot of time, I’m a pretty busy guy. Hopefully we’ll talk again soon. Take care, okay?”
Letting out a sigh in frustration, Jackie sighed. “Okay.”
“Bye,” I whispered.
“Bye, take care.”
After I hung up, I finished putting on my jacket and was soon out of the hotel room.
[ Justin’s POV: ]
I sat in the dark, facing the window that gave me access to a decent view of LA. There were dried tears on my cheeks, and sometimes I felt them when I’d occasionally sob once again. By now it was pouring rain, the clacking sounds of the rain drops against the glass was the only thing that could possibly provide some sort of comfort for me right now. Yet still, the weather matched my mood and I couldn’t help but feel like absolute shit.
No, my heart wasn’t broken. But it hurt. It physically hurts and it’s when the pain gets overwhelming that my eyes release the tears. I have never in my life felt so unworthy of anything.
Not too long ago I heard the door open and close rather loudly. That must’ve meant Alfredo left and now I’m alone here. I don’t exactly blame him, I mean I have been a dick to him countless amount of times. I wouldn’t blame him if he just decided to walk out of my life forever. He probably thinks I don’t appreciate him and that I don’t want him in my life but… It’s the complete opposite—and that’s another reason I’m crying. I just can’t help but push away the people who mean the world to me.
So I sat there and stared out my window, watching the drops of rain fall aimlessly from the sky, only to get demolished into tiny splashes on the earth. Rain drops and I have a lot in common—we fall and we fall and I’m just waiting until I drop to the ground and shatter.
I’m just useless.
When it was past midnight, I found myself laying face down on my bed, my arms sprawled out against the mattress and my head buried on my pillow. I would cry my heart out and then pause for no longer than five minutes until I was back at it again. I don’t know exactly for how long I was doing that for, but I remember thinking I heard the doorbell go off. At first, I was pretty sure I was hallucinating because Alfredo would never leave without his keys and no one else besides him would show up right now.
But, nevertheless, it rang again. And it kept ringing over and over and over until I realized that this person wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I sat up, wiped my tears and unlocked the door to my room, walking down the hallway until I reached the front door. When I looked inside the peephole to see who could possible be standing on the other side, my heart skipped more beats than I could count.
What is she doing here?
My lips began to tremble and my hands began to shake and, for a second, I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I should open the door or not. My mind was yelling at me to quietly return to my room and forget her, but my heart was telling me to just open the door.
I stood there, frozen. She continued to ring the door, occasionally adding some knocking in between. She wasn’t going away was she? I’ll be digging my heart its own grave anyway.
I slowly grabbed the doorknob and hesitantly swung the door open. I looked up, my eyes meeting hers and I gulped, my adam’s apple bouncing slightly.
“Wh—” I sighed, “What are you doing here?” She stared back at me and I suddenly became aware of the way the light was hitting her face. She was soaking wet, and I couldn’t help but feel concerned. “What are you doing here in the middle of the night? Did you drive all the way here? Dammit, you know there’s a storm outside,” I scolded.
Jackie gave off a small smile and bit her lip. “You can’t help but worry, can you?”
I didn’t reply, my eyes scanning hers intently. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help the way my heart feels when I look at her. I couldn’t help admiring her. Just her. Only her. She’s beautiful, she really is. Inside and out, she’s beautiful. I don’t know why I push her away. I don’t know why I doubt her. I guess I’m scared. I guess I just can’t.
“You haven’t answered me,” I stated, rather harshly. Her smile dropped and she played with her thumbs.
“I heard you couldn’t visit and… I wanted to see you. I couldn’t wait, I just had to drive here, despite the weather. I wanted to know if you were okay, Justin. You do know I care about you, right?” she asked, her voice sounding so sweet and innocent.
“Why do you care about me? You should just save yourself the trouble and leave. You will in the end and we all know it,” I scoffed.
“Justin, don’t try to push me away because I’ll only push closer. And I don’t know why I care about you, I just do. You’re everything to me and I was hoping you’d know that by now,” she spoke quietly. I let out another sigh before turning around.
“Come in,” I whispered, walking off towards a nearby closet. I heard her come inside and close the door behind her while I pulled out a fresh towel from the closet and handed it to her. “I’ll go get you some fresh clothes to sleep in.”
She looked surprised. “Wait… What? You’re going to let me sleep here?”
I paused, meeting her gaze. “You really think I’ll let you go back into the storm in the middle of the night and drive all the way to San Diego? You’re not going anywhere.”
The corners of her lips spread out to form a smile and I pretended that the smile didn’t affect me but, in reality, it gave me an oddly warm feeling in my heart. I couldn’t exactly decipher it, so instead I pretended to ignore it and walked off to fetch a not-so-old pair of sweatpants and a new t-shirt.
[ Jackie’s POV: ]
When Justin had first opened the door, my heart dropped. I could see the tiredness in his eyes and I knew in my heart that I hadn’t woken him up—that he wasn’t asleep in the first place. I couldn’t stand to stay back in my house knowing that Justin was feeling this way. Alfredo’s words lingered in my head and I couldn’t shake them off. I had to come here for myself and I had to make him feel better.
But looking in his eyes, I knew it all. I knew he’d been crying for hours, I felt the pain he felt. I realized that this is worse than I had imagined it because all this time, I was hoping all of this wasn’t true. I’m not giving up on him, and it’s gotten to the point where I’m desperate to let him know just that.
“It might be a bit too big for you,” Justin’s voice rang down the hallway as he then appeared in the living room. “Sorry I don’t have any clothes for girls around here.”
“That’s okay, I didn’t expect you to,” I forced a laugh, taking the clothes he was handing me and thanking him.
He gave me a small nod and turned to leave. “You can sleep in my bed, I’ll just crash on the couch.”
He took a step away from me and I grabbed him by the shoulder, stopping him. “Wait,” I said. He slowly turned back around to look at me again. “What are you doing? I didn’t come here to sleep over, I came to talk. I need to talk to you, Justin.”
“What is there to talk about, huh?” he asked, rather annoyed.
“You. Me… Us,” I lowered my voice, not wanting to piss him off. I knew he was at a fragile state so I briefly closed my eyes and promised myself to be strong for the next couple of minutes. We might end up in a fight and he might yell at me or tell me hurtful things to push me away so I’m now promising myself to brush those bad comments aside. My objective is to make him believe in himself and his ability for love, not to enrage him or make him upset.
“There is no you and me, Jackie,” he shook his head. “I’m sorry I led you on, but you’re not mine to keep.”
“Yes I am. I’m always yours, I’ve always been yours,” I protested.
“Jackie, stop it,” he said strictly, anger flashing in his eyes. “I don’t love anyone. And I certainly don’t love you. And I never will.”
My heart dropped. Shivers were sent down my spine and my knees felt weak.
That hurt… That hurt badly. Hearing those words is different than imagining him saying it in order to prepare myself for them. That’s two different things right there.
But before I could take it to heart, I suddenly remembered his past words. Words he had told me in what felt like forever ago. It was when Justin drove me back home and decided to sleep over. It was the day we made out on my couch. How could I ever forget that day?
“I’m going to push you away,” I remember him saying. “I’m going to push you away a lot, Jackie. I’m not going to lie, I might say stupid things just for that—to push you away. But I won’t mean it.”
I remember his hand holding mine. I remember the way his thumb caressed my skin. I remember how gentle he was with me. And I remember the words that stuck with me the most.
“Whatever you do, don’t give up on me.”
And I won’t. I swear on my life that I’ll never give up on him.
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Sorry for posting this late in the day but I’ll be busy tomorrow so why not now?
Hope you enjoyed it, and what do you guys think should happen?
I love you amazing people :)
- Nina xx