Allie's POV
Numb.
Have you ever felt numb? Not just the simple type of feeling but the hardcore kind. Where your whole body is completely stiff and it feels like knives are jabbing into your skin when you move. Where stillness was grater than anything. Stillness was better than anything.
I honestly don't know if what I'm saying makes any since. It probably doesn't. Then again nothing really does. Not even the stupid darn wall that kept staring back at me, mocking me entirely. It mocked me because it was free and there was no reason to hurt it. Unlike me, I'm just constantly being hurt.
I haven't moved from my spot in hours, honestly not caring if I hadn't gotten any sleep. Because how could I? Sleep was out of the question. There's no way I could. Every time I closed my eyes the memories replayed in my head, causing me to whimper and lock down instantly.
I was scared of everything now. Anything that moved or made noise freaked me out. Everything just seemed to be against me. It felt like the walls were laughing at me and the bed was taunting me. I just couldn't shut out anything. Silence was soaking the room and I hated it. I hated the silence.
Because since there was only silence, the memories kept replaying in my brain. The screams. The hits. The torture. The kissing. The rubbing. The rustling sheets. The uncomfortable and the comfortable moans. The loud whimpers and pleads. Everything. Everything was so visual in my head. And I couldn't stop thinking about it even if I forced myself not to. It was just there, hovering.
Everything was just there. Like the pain. I don't know how long I've been lying here alone just sobbing and whimpering softly but it felt like forever. The pain lasted forever. I'm still super sore and I never dared to move my legs from the position I was in where he left me.
And to make matters worse, he pulled his T shirt over my naked body after he was done to remind me of who took my innocence. Of who is in control of me now. Of who owns me now and has taken everything from me. He did that to me.
And I couldn't even try to take it off if I wanted to. Just looking at it makes me break down and cry. So I just left it on my body, feeling somewhat comforted at the fact that it covered my bare skin. But why should I care anymore? I've already been exposed.
My hands were now intertwined with each other as I kept the staring contest between me and the wall going. I don't remember the last time I blinked. It hurt to do just that since I've cried probably a whole fountain's worth of tears. I felt my body jerk randomly as another flashback crossed my mind, making me shiver and curl up even more.
A whimper escaped my dry, worn down lips as I shut my eyes tightly. I tried telling myself to stop thinking about it but what's the use? Jackson made sure it was a memorable thing. And it was. I couldn't get it off my mind. No matter how hard I mentally screamed at myself to. I just couldn't do anything anymore.
I wanted to scream, freak out, panic, do anything after he left me. But I couldn't do anything but lay there in pain. Like I said, he took everything. And I didn't even want to try to take it all back. I just couldn't. There was no emotional energy left. I was broken. Mentally broken. So broken I wanted my life to just end right here, right now.
In fact I was hoping Jackson would come back to kill me and get it over with so that I don't have to drown in my own pain anymore. But then again, I've been drowning for hours. I honestly couldn't think of anything else better to do but let the pain sink in every little hole left in me.
I opened my eyes to look back at the wall, picturing it smirking at me in victory that it won our staring contest. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as the thought of Harry crossed my mind. How could I face him now? I'm completely broken. Will I ever be the same after this? Could Harry love me like this? Would he even want me back after he's figured out what happened to me?
Do I even want him to save me anymore? I'm already broken down to the core. Why would he want me? Why would anyone want me?
I don't even know if I've looked at anything else besides this wall for the past few hours. Nothing else caught my attention. Nothing else mattered but this wall.
I closed my eyes again, realizing how everything I'm thinking wasn't making any since. I was loosing myself piece by piece. And I don't know if I or anyone could ever pick it up and fix it. But maybe I didn't want any saving. Maybe I just wanted everything to end already.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Suddenly the door to the bedroom opened and I shut my eyes tightly and clenched my legs together while soft whimpers left my mouth. I knew it was him. I didn't even have to hear his voice to know it was him. I was just now use to the way he walked and the way he smelt.
The door closed and I flinched, feeling my body tremble all over again. I felt hot tears form in my closed eyes as I remained still on the bed, praying Jackson wasn't coming here to bother me. I just wanted to be left alone to cry.
"I know you're awake Allie." I heard his deep voice come from the other side of the room as I whimpered loudly and felt tears roll down my cheeks. Just his voice alone overpowered my whole body. It terrifies me. I heard a dark chuckle come from him as he made his way towards the bed slowly.
I whimpered even more when I felt the bed dip and I heard him crawl over to me while he breathed louder. "You were so good in bed baby. And that was only your first time." He whispered in my ear as his arm snaked around my stomach and he pulled me towards his chest, making me let out a sob as I felt my insides burn.
I whimpered as his thumb caressed my stomach while he nuzzled his face into my neck, leaving long deep kisses. I didn't do anything to fight back, I just laid there in his grip while trembling like crazy. "I can't wait to do it all over again tomorrow." He whispered in my ear as I flinched and whimpered. "Next time I'll make sure to make it longer. Cuz I know how much you'd enjoy that baby." He smirked as he squeezed my waist, making me jump a bit and whimper loudly.
"My shirt looks great on you." He hummed in my ear before leaving kisses all over my face. His other hand wrapped under neath me, bringing me even closer to him. Both his arms were wrapped around my stomach as he pressed himself against me.
"Does it still hurt?" He asked as one of his hands slowly trailed down to my thigh. I whimpered and let out a pathetic scream as I pulled my leg away, causing him to chuckle amusingly. "I'll take that as a yes." He grinned, placing his hand back on my thigh and rubbing it soothingly.
I laid there trembling uncomfortably as tears ran down my cheeks. He kept leaving kisses all along my neck and collarbone, making me remember the flashbacks even more. I then let out a gasp as he gripped me tightly on the thigh, causing pain to shoot through me. "Jackson- P-please L-let go. I-it hurts." I begged softly.
My voice wasn't strong anymore. It was weak and more feminine. I sounded 5 years younger than myself. I didn't even recognize the voice. I was shocked to know it belonged to me. "You're voice is so gentle babe. I love it." He grinned against my cheek before he removed his hand and brought it back towards my waist.
"I want you to take a shower before you go to bed alright?" He asked, instantly getting a nod from me. "Good girl." He grinned, running his hands down my waist. I whimpered loudly as I allowed him to do that. "Good girl." He purred again, this time in my ear. He then leaned down and kissed my sore lips before he leaned away and held me closer to him.
I just laid there, not able to do anything but allow everything to happen. Because I was simply just too weak to do anything. I was too hurt, too damaged. And having him here made it even worse.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
••••••••••••••••••••••••••
"So you think it'll be done before the dead line? You sure........ Well alright. I'll trust you on that one then." He said through the phone as he sat in his chair and slowly spun side to side. "Yes we do need it by then. If it comes later I will be very upset with you."
I looked down at my nails and picked at them, not knowing what else to do. There was noises coming from the other line on the phone and I yet felt like silence was closing in the room.
But then again, I'm silent. I don't speak anymore. Not unless someone wants an answer from me.
"We'll get it done then. I have something to do, I'll call you later tonight, bye." His voice came out a bit harsh before he put the corded phone down where it belonged and adjusted it a bit. His eyes then landed on me and he sighed while the room fell quiet.
I didn't bother looking up at him because I simply had no reason to. I was just there. "Works getting a little frustrating, but you wouldn't know anything about that because you never had a job huh?" He laughed lowly as I just stared at his desk and played with my hands.
He swallowed hard before he scooted his chair closer to the desk till his stomach pressed against it. He cleared his throat before speaking, "So Jackson told me some news." I flinched and whimpered softly as I closed my eyes, trying so hard to block out the memories.
"I'm glad he did what he needed to do. But how do you feel about it? You're awfully quiet." Darson asked as he folded his hands together and placed them on his desk. I opened my eyes and breathed out to calm myself before I went back to playing with my hands.
He sighed, realizing he wasn't getting anything from me. "Allie." He sung before my ears perked and I slowly looked up at him. "Your head was bowed down for so long I didn't recognize the big bruise on your face." He chuckled a bit as if that would cheer me up. I just kept a straight face as I stared at him with no life in my eyes.
"That's a pretty nasty looking bruise, did you do anything to deserve it?" He asked, making my body shake a bit. I just simply shook my head no. Jackson just abused me to make me weak while he raped me.... That's all.
"Hmm, that's surprising. So Jackson did it huh? He finally raped you?" He asked, causing me to grip my hands tightly and tremble. "Allie, I asked you a question." He said as tears filled in my eyes.
I nodded my head as I looked down at my hands. "I want to hear you. You haven't spoken since you came in here." He said. He's doing this to me on purpose. He's trying to get a reaction out of me but there's nothing left in me. I'm not strong or defensive anymore. I failed at that already.
"Yes." I whispered. I hated hearing my voice. It wasn't me at all. It was way to soft and squeaky. Too overly feminine. I then slowly looked back up at him once I realized silence overcame the room again. I was surprised to see him smiling down at me when our eyes met.
"Wow....... He was right you did change. You didn't even defend yourself nor get mad. You're broken aren't you little girl? I can see it in your eyes, you look gone." He said as he pointed at my eyes while I blinked.
"Yes." I replied again but softer. "I knew it could be done." He smirked as I just looked down, not really caring anymore. Everything's gone. Why should I care what they think anymore? "I wish I felt bad for you honey but I don't. My intention all along was for my son to rape you. And it was his too. And it's been accomplished. And I'm very happy. I can't wait to give your dad the news." He smiled happily as I looked up at him with wide eyes at the mention of my father.
"Daddy?" I whispered as I glared at him with glossy eyes. "Yes your dad. I want him to live with the thought of knowing that his own precious daughter has been raped by my son and that it will continue for the rest of your life." He spoke like this was the best news ever.
"When are you going to tell him?" I whispered as I now gained interest in our conversation while I leaned closer to the desk. He chuckled darkly before he moved even closer to me.
"When he gets here." He said clearly as I felt my heart beat quicken for the first time all day.
////////////
Ohhhhh snap!
I've been dropping these plot twists.
Hope you guys liked this one!!
Thanks for all the comments and votes!