Dedicated to one of my lovely fans camrytheawesome! :) Here ya go! :)
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My knees were red, streaming blood out of the wound. My legs just couldn't keep me up. Nothing could keep me up. I was fake. Nina's words was right. I was no one. I've fallen so deep into the identities that my own identity disappeared. I couldn't even hear Emíne's words when she shouted, shaking me. I could see her doing everything, but nothing my ears heard fit in with what should had come out of her mouth.
I am depending on him too much. Everytime something bad happened I thought that he'd come. But of course not. And now that I finally realise it, it feels like needles slowly being pushed into my heart. I can't believe that I was this selfish. I couldn't even do anything by myself.
I needed to come back to my senses. I didn't have time to push me down deeper than I already was. That'd just make it worse. I concentrated on Emíne, and eventually - I could hear her.
"Are you okay?!" she shouted, with eyes full of tears. I nodded.
"I'm okay." I assured her and stood up. "Let's go to the airport."
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"Where do you want to go?" I asked Emíne. The tension in the air was still as big. But this was Emíne, so of course she managed to lighten it up.
"You did mention Asia right? How about Japan, since I went there some months ago? I'm familiar with it so it should be fine right?"
I gave her a plain nod and gave the woman my pass, ordering a ticket.
When I thought about it, it was my first time going overseas, and going somewhere by plane. I thought that the first time I'd be able to go is when I have a big family with a stable economy, not that I don't have a stable economy now. I just thought it would be a happy experience, but seeing it now you could clearly see that the reasons of going has nothing to do with something happy.
"Stop being so gloomy!" Emíne attempted a cheer up when we entered the plane. I was so much more depressed when I passed the checkup and had to take off my glasses. Luckily, no one noticed as I was looking down all the time and hiding my eyes whenever I got the chance.
"I just lost everything." I mumbled. My fans. My home. My friends. And Darrén. I only had Emíne and Ambreal left. Not that I'm unhappy with them. But Darrén. That he'd turn his back to me. I couldn't cheer up no matter how many times I tried; everytime I was at the last stage of cheering up I'd see his back turn around which brought my eyes into tears.
"No you haven't! You have me."
I wanted to stop being all depressed, even if it was true - but it was no use.
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"Wake up!"
It'd be better if I stayed there and just died. I was just running away. But it did feel good because it was like pausing and doing something in middle of the bad things. I didn't want to know how the media will react even if I already did know, but most of all - I didn't want to know my friends reaction. They'd hate me. But to be true, I was only scared of Darrén's reaction.
I opened my eyes and decided to stop thinking about those depressing thoughts, just to stop myself from crying in the middle of the plane ride. I saw Emíne's happy face and looked out the window. We had landed.
I got out from the airport looking around like a tourist. God it was beautiful. And hot. I couldn't stand wearing this wig.
"Off with the disguise." Emíne pulled the wig off and put it inside my bag. "Not many from Japan listen to american music, so they won't recognise you."
I nodded with my usual gloomy self that I had been for days. My hair was a mess and the waves that my stylists has always been flatironed away showed and took me by surprise. Since it got to the media, I've been having reflexes with my true self, always hiding my hair and face to just disappear from people minds. But it felt nice. I could be myself here without being ambushed by people.
While I was standing there in the crowd enjoying my time being all exposed and still free Emíne caught a cab. She shoved me in and she talked to the driver. That was no english and even the driver was taken by surprise. God, Emíne's japanese was good.
We got out of the cab after a long ride and entered a hotel. This country was pretty. I couldn't believe the huge difference between Japan and America. For the past three days I felt so relaxed and just "forgot". Entered the door out of reality. Even if this was the dream country, I couldn't stay here forever.
I walked around and I had actually gotten familiar with the language a bit and could use easy phrases, so I ordered ice cream for us. I walked towards a park and dropped my ice cream when Emíne pulled my arm back.
"What are you doing?" I half snapped and watched my ice cream on the ground.
"You can't go there." she whispered,
"Why?" I asked and looked over there. There was nothing weird with it.
"It's a tourist place."
Oh. I never thought of it. The truth is that for these past days in Japan, I've been taken care of Emíne while she scheduled how we were always going to avoid tourists places and I had just been sitting around doing nothing. I felt bad. She was so far ahead before me. I grabbed her arm and went back to the crowd in the town. I wasn't going to let down my guard.
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"What are you doing?" Emíne asked when she got out of the shower. I played some tones at the piano.
"Making a new song." I took my pen and wrote down some notes. We were living in a pretty good room because it had TV, a jacuzzi and also a piano. Emíne needed a suite and couldn't take having a normal room.
"When are you going to... release it?" she slowly asked me carefully. She was clearly thinking about how I might have never been able to release another song.
"Who knows." I said and continued. I didn't care if it would be released. I needed to get it done and that was it. Sometimes writing songs eat away my bad feelings and put it into my songs instead of being inside my heart. But one song wouldn't be enough if I wanted to get rid of these feelings, I'd probably make more than hundred songs before half would be gone. I looked around the web and found some locals that had music recording rooms and called them. I asked for their help and offered them money so they let me come the next day. Emíne didn't come though and I had serious problems with the communication. Luckily, there was a girl they brought from the room next door that could speak well english.
"Can you translate that I want to record my song with some good piano background?" I asked her. She smiled and told them. "And I want to keep recording until I'm satified, so it might take some time." I said.
I entered the familiar recording room that resembled the recording rooms at my agency's. This looked great, and I knew that I was going to get something good out of it. I grabbed my phone and talked with the staff. I had problems again since the girl left and didn't want to bother her so I used my phones google translate and let them read all the time following with them writing in and letting me read. It was kind of weird how our conversation was going but it was fun how they were so into it, asking me a lot of things about how the instrumental of the song was going to be like. It felt like being back writing my songs and getting good feedback. I belonged to the music world alright.
When I was satisfied by the instrumental I went into the recording room and started singing. It felt great and I was alive again. They stopped me sometimes, writing something into the phone and then trying to read it to me. It was always some comment about how I sang and what I needed to do and not do. I wasn't annoyed about how they directed because I needed someone to boss me around for once and their english sounded funny so it was worth it. I always nodded and started over, doing even better.
I did my best and the song turned out great. The staff had taken a good liking in me too, and I got pretty friendly with them despite the language wall. One of the guys gave me a camera and smiled. He pressed play and I noticed how he had been recording me singing all the time. I saw myself on the screen singing passionately. I smiled and asked him to send it to my e-mail.
After telling them my good bye and that I'd return, I went back to the hotel. I kind of missed California. It didn't matter where I wrote songs, but if I wanted to meet my friends and laugh with them, it mattered since they weren't here.
I opened my e-mail and saw the whole clip. After editing it I clicked in the audio with my song and put the lyrics out too. This was going up. I didn't want this one to go unnoticed.
I made a YouTube account named SarahandKrystal. It was a fit. And then I put up the video. It was my first music video that I made myself. When it was published, there was no turning back. I went to the video page and watched it for minutes, and hours. It felt unreal.
Forgive Me - Sarah/Krystal MV
was on the screen.
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What do you think about this chapter? :) It was kind of sad writing it but I guess I'm a sadist lol
SORRY FOR THE SLOW UPDATES... I've been having problems with the Internet connection, and living on suckass 3G but yeah... Haha enjoying the last chapters? it's been a long long complicated story... And soon I'm going for my sweet vacation so I'll update once every two weeks? It's not slow, but not that fast so it's fine right? But after this story please support my new story, okay?
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