The clock read midnight when I was awoken by Sam and Dean walking through the door, trying to be quiet by stifling their laughter but failing miserably. I was too tired to move, but my mind was fully awake as I heard Castiel stand up and move towards the boys, probably getting ready to leave.
"Cas?"
"Yes, Dean?"
"Personal space."
"Right."
I almost snorted but held it back because I wanted to eavesdrop further.
"How was she?" Dean asked, his voice a little lower than usual.
Cas responded in a blank and emotionless voice. "She was just as she normally is. You could have just left and she would have slept the entire time, you know. She fell asleep two hours after you guys left."
"But Dean said she was asleep all day. Right, Dean?" Sam said.
"I did, yeah. But she did just come back from the dead. That tends to tire a person out. We both know that... But that's not why I wanted you to watch over her. I just want to make sure she's safe, you know?" There was an intense honesty I rarely heard in Dean's voice as he said that, like he thought there were more people, or things, after me.
"Yeah."
It was quiet for a few seconds. I could feel the tension slightly growing each second, and soon it was so uncomfortable I had to switch my position.
Dean decided to break the silence. "You know, I was thinking... Maybe we should give Jules's dad's memory back. Maybe we could have them see eachother again. Just for a few minutes, not to too long. Only for closure for Jules, because even though she hasn't said anything about it, I know she misses him. Then we can take it away again."
My eyes squinted open. Cas's back was blocking my view from Dean, but Sam was fully in my view. His features were stony and he shifted his body a bit backwards, as if trying to hide himself.
He said in a wary tone, "How would you know she's missing him? She just got back yesterday."
"She always has, even before she left." His voice cracked on 'left'. He coughed to cover it up.
"That's not a good idea," Cas responded without missing a beat. "I don't like that idea."
"Why not?"
"For several reasons, actually. For one, we don't know what kind of things are after her, or where they are. A second reason is that she is fine right now. Is she completely happy with her situation right now? No, I don't think so. But she's dealing. She needs protection, not sympathy, and sometimes those things can come hand in hand."
Sam's head bobbed up and down, agreeing with Cas. My heart burned.
Dean got defensive. "She can have both. It's not like I'm going to just drop her off and tell her I'll see her in a week. I'll be right there next to her. Don't be stupid."
"No, Dean," Cas growled. "You don't be stupid. You're thinking of dragging her to somewhere that already has a huge possibility of danger. Why do you think that's a good idea?"
Their banter went back and forth for several minutes until Sam, who had backed up against the wall, groaned and said, "Dean, I'm sorry, man. But I think Cas is right. We don't have the time or security to do that. I'm sorry, Dean. I know you want to make her happy, but what she needs is to be alive. I'm sorry."
Dean, who had previously been practically yelling, stopped and froze. He had been leaning forward in anger, but suddenly he stepped back. In such a quiet voice that I had to strain my ears to hear, he said, "Can we at least give her the choice?"
"No," Cas and Sam said simultaneously.
I saw through the dim lighting Dean's shoulders slump down at the same time as my heart.
"Fine," he said exhaustedly. He turned to walk to his bed but stopped in the middle of a stride. His head turned slightly to the side but he avoiced eye contact as he said to Cas, "You can go."
Within a blink of an eye, Cas had disappeared. Sam took a step towards Dean, who was now taking off his socks and shoes. "Dean, I-"
"Don't."
The word was so final that I saw Sam's jaw clamp shut. This time it was Sam's turn to hunch his wide, tall shoulders over. I could feel the mixture of guilt, sorrow, relief radiate off of him onto me, and I felt the same. He took off his jacket and went to the bathroom to change.
Within minutes Dean was asleep on the bed and Sam was laying on the floor.
I waited until their breathing was deep and slow before I left.
The night winter air was chilly, but it wasn't too cold. I guessed we weren't too far north. Maybe Texas, I imagined. Against a gust of wind, I turned my jacket hood over my head to keep the cold at least simi-at-bay. When my body started to warm up a bit, I could think, and I thought about the possibiility of seeing my dad again.
And the possibility came from Dean, no lesss! He could be harsh, and annoying, and flat out rude, but I was starting to think that most of the things he had done for me were things that really helped me. Sam taught me to shoot, but it was Dean's idea, wasn't it? He always seemed to know when it was best to comfort me and what I neede before even I knew. He held me as I died and missed me the most. He seemed to know what was best for me...
So why wouldn't the others listen to him?
"- last I heard."
I paused. The voice was soft but deep and gravely. Somebody else, in a higher voice, said, "Are you sure she's here?"
Who? I thought, even the the hair on my arms and neck were standing up, like I knew the answer but didn't want to admit it.
"Well, no," The deep voiced man said. "I just said nobody knows for sure. But last I heard, she was here. And I'm willing to try my hardest to find her because I want to be the one to turn her in." He chuckled.
"If I help, we get to turn her in toghether. We both get credit."
"Of course, dear friend."
It was quiet for several seconds, and I tried to hold my heavy breathing back, until the one with the higher voice said, "Why does she want her, Dan?"
Dan replied, "Apparenlty she can hold her. She's strong, the girl. According to Boss, she killed a demon by reciting half an exorcism. Kill. Not just send back to hell. She said something about a fallen angel, too, but I don't remember it all."
"Damn."
"Yeah. And I'll be the first to turned her in, because, really, who doesn't want that gun?"
"Right?" They both started laughing.
Dan said, "Then I'll be strong enough to kill angels, too. Becuause what could be stronger than an angel? An angel and a demon together."
More laughter.
I tried to hold it back because I knew it was coming anyway, but my breath escaped my body as if I had been punched in the chest, and I stepped back a bit, trying to get my barings together, but I tripped over a hole in the ground and fellt into a small splash of puddle, right into the two men's views.
The taller one, who had a clean shaven face and dark brown hair, whipped his head towards me and said, "What he hell?"
I stared in horror as the two men started sauntering towards me. Surprise and excitment lit their eyes up.
"Well, as luck would have it," he continued..
Dan, who was the shorter one with the deeper voice, had blonde hair, and huge muscles. He might have been the shorter of the two, however, but he was taller than me. "The little princes is here," he said. "Look at her, Bane. Came just for us."
My body wasn't working, and even though I kept telling myself to run, get out of there, save yourself, my muscles were locked up.
Bane got to me first, picked me up by my shirt like I was a rag doll, and slammed me against the concrete wall behind me. My vision went fuzzy as my head slammed against it. "Oh," I managed to gasp out.
They both laughed.
For the first few seconds, my vision and mind was muddled and I couldn't think, but it quickly cleared up. I was able to really think, and use my body. I needed to think quick, to be the one in control of the situation, and as my brain thought of a plan, I realized I needed to buy some time. Timing would be my only savior here. Bane was close to my face, grinning slightly. Dan was a few feet away, and although he was smiling, his eyes were light up so bight, and mischeviously that I was frightened.
"What do you want?" I spat out.
Bane answered, his nose inches from my own. "We want you, miss Julia, to help us."
"By 'help' do you mean buy toothpaste? Because I'll gladly help with that."
He growled and slammed me against the wall again. It hurt, my cleared my mind more. I could deal with this. I had felt much worse. "Okay, fine," I said, trying to make my voice as nonchalant as possible. "What do you want me to do?"
Bane started to say something, but Dan cut him off. "I need you..." He stepped closer. "To be..." Even closer. "A... saving grace, I could say..." He was right in my face. Bane had back up, but was still holding me a foot higher than I usually stood.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I said.
"You will say yes to where I bring you. You said no one too many times, and she is pissed, just like the rest of us. This war is taking too long."
I paused. War? "Why me? What does she want me for?"
Dan grinned and slapped my face lightly. "You already heard, dearie. You already know."
"I know you're an asshat that's lying to this lump." I nodded towards Bane, even though my head was already pounding. "But that's pretty much it."
Bane paused. "He's not lying to me. We made a deal. Demons keep their deals. You know that."
"Okay," I said condescendingly. "Whatever you say... But really, Dan. Why me? What war?"
Dan's face went white, but that was the only thing that changed about his countenence. "I didn't say anything about a war."
"Yes, you did," I responded factually. "Don't lie to me. I know when someone's lying. And when do Demons ever tell the truth? You're disgusting, just like most," I looked pointedly at Bane, although I wasn't sure why, "other demons. The lowest scum of the earth."
He got pissed. In a voice that sounded like he was trying to keep control but was failing, he said, "Bane. Put Julia down, please. I need to teach her a lessong about scum and then we can leave." Bane did as he was told, and set me on the ground, rather lighter than I would have expected.
Perfect.
In one fluid motion, I pulled out the knife from my pocket and stabbed Dan. It didn't stop him, or kill him in the slightest, but it slowed him down for just the right amount of time I needed. I pushed myself against the wall behind me and, using that power, I jumped onto Dan and sent him falling to the ground, me on top of him. As we fell, I held out my knife, and put it in his chest, thinking it would kill him.
I was wrong. I also quickly found out that I grabbed the wrong knife before I left. It was just a normal knife and had no qualities to kill a demon.
Dan was simply pissed. There was blood oozing from his chest, but he stood up, with me still on top of him, and threw me to the ground to the back of the alleyway. I rolled across the entire ground until I hit the edge of the wall, and I realized that I could hardly move because my breathe had been knocked out of me. I was facing the two men, Bane was just standing at the other end, not doing anything, but Dan was angry, and he charged himself towards me. As he got closer, I realized that even though he must be centuries old, he wasn't controlled like he liked to think. He was going to kill me, and he was going to enjoy it.
I couldn't do anything as Dan crouched down right in front of me. I just layed there and looked at him, my heart sinking. I bet I looked weak and lifeless to him, even though my eyes were open, because that's how I felt.
He said, "Oh my, my, my. Julia, you aren't as strong as my leader described you as." He grabbed me by the shoulder and pushed me against the wall, his fingernails digging into my shoulders, making them bleed. "You're weak," he spat out, finally letting ot the anger, and he pushed his fingers harder into my shoulders. My skin was breaking open deeper and it made it more painful. "You don't deserve to help my leader, because someday, she will be the leader of you."
I could see it. As soon as he said the last word, he was going to kill me. He paused and grabbed the knife that was a few feet away. I didn't have enough energy to fight back, so I just lay there, waiting for it to happen. He sliced open my shirt, exposing me in my sports bra. Then he flicked the knife twice, over my heart, forming an 'x'. I got teary from the pain, but used my last remaining efforts to hold it back.
I closed my eyes, not wanting to see his hateful face any longer. I waited for the stab.
But it never came.
I opened my eyes after another few seconds. I was, quite frankly, shocked at what I saw.
Bane was standing a few feet away from me, his back facing the other way. And Dan was just laying on the ground, not moving. I coughed.
He turned around and looked at me like he just remembered I was there. In a dead voice, he said, "He's dead." His breathing started becoming ragged and I just looked at him in silence, wondering why he would do that. He was staring at me, a mixture of different emotions in his eyes. I didn't say anything and looked at him without fear, because I didn't feel any towards him. Finally, he said, "I just didn't want him to kill you. I don't know why."
The speed of my heart slowed down and all I said was, "Thank you."
He looked far off for a moment and then turned around. "I'm leaving. Don't let anyone know what happened. You owe me, Julia." He started to walk away.
Without knowing why, I said, "It's Jules. My friends call me Jules." He turned around for just a second. I smiled at him, and then he was gone.
I stared at the empty corner he turned for a long time, and before I knew it, the pain in my shoulders and chest intensely returned. I realized I really needed to get up and go back to the motel.
So I did. I walked half as fast as I had walked to where I had been, so it took about 45 minutes to get back. I was freezing because my shirt had been cut open, and it was hard for me to keep it shut, because it took so much energy. I opened the door with my key and without a problem and closed the door behind me. I was very grateful that the lights were still off and neither of the boys were awake.
I tiptoed over to the dresser, pulled out some clean clothes, and then took a shower. After that, I went to bed, hoping I would look normal when I woke up in the morning.
Unfortunately, I didn't. I was the first one to wake up, and I went into the bathroom to make sure I looked okay. Bruises were splattered across my entire body and I had dreadful looking scabs on my shoulders and chest. I dressed in a long sleeved shirt, sweatpants, socks, and I brushed my slightly wet hair to cover the sides of my face, but that didn't hide the one on my left cheek or the one on my right hand. There was definitely going to be some questions from the boys.
I sighed and decided not to try to hide it any further because there was no way I would be able to.
I left the bathroom and decided I would try to get something to eat. I grabbed some money from Dean's jean's pocket and left a little note saying that I would be back in twenty minutes.
There was a coffee shop across the street, so I walked over there and bought some things for breakfast. When I got back to the hotel, the boys were already up.
"You do realize that it's like 7 in the morning, right?" Dean said, obviously exhausted.
"Yeah," I replied.
I handed Dean some coffee and doughnuts, and handed Sam a smoothie and coffee, and I had a doughtnut and a smoothie. Very contradictory, I know.
"Thanks, Jules," Dean said.
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "This is awesome. Thanks."
"No problemo."
Everything was normal and fine for five minutes and I started to think that maybe the boys wouldn't notice. I was so wrong though.
Sam had just finished his smoothie when he turned to me to say something and he froze. So did I. "Jules? Why is there a bruise on your cheek? It wasn't there last night."
Dean turned and looked at my face. A fire burned in his eyes, and I bet I looked like a deer in headlights as he said in an angry voice, "Son of a bitch, what now?"
I sighed, and acted like it was nothing. "It wasn't too bad."
Sam growled, "Don't lie to me, Jules. That's not fair."
"It isn't, though!"
"What happened?"
I didn't say anything. Dean still stood on the other side of the room, but Sam ran his hands through his hair and sat on the bed right next to me. He put his hands on my shoulders, ready to talk to me, but I winced. I had tried so hard not to, but I couldn't help it. It was so small that if someone had just been looking at me, they wouldn't have even seen it, but Sam felt my body move, and he stopped mid-sentence. "Show me your shoulders."
"No," I said curtley.
"Jules, show me your shoulders now."
"I'm not going to show you my shoulders."
"Damnit, Jules. Now!"
"Fine." I ripped off my long sleeved shirt, and sat there in my black tank top and sweatpants. The boys just stared at me. I rolled my eyes. "It's not that bad, I swear. I don't feel that much pain."
"That's bull, and you know it. What happened?" said Dean.
I groaned. "You know what? Fine. Fine. I'll tell you. Last night I woke up when you guys came home and I heard you ask if I could go see my dad. I just wanted some air so I went for a walk after you guys fell asleep. I heard..." I paused, suddenly not wanting to mention Bane. "I heard a demon talking on the phone with someone else. He was talking about me. He said something about a war and that I was going to help out his leader or something. I don't know. But he saw me and blah blah blah and I killed him and I am fine, I promise you."
There was utter silence as I finished the last word. Sam and Dean just looked at me. Not even Sam wash showing me what he was thinking. I was worried.
"So, let me get this straight," said Sam, "You heard everything that we said, about how we wanted you to be safe, how we would be with you so you wouldn't get hurt, after you died and you still left us without letting us know?"
My heart started to pound. He was pissed. Sam doesn't get angry with me. "I- I wasn't thinking of it like that."
"No, you weren't! If fact, you weren't thinking at all! What do you think that could have accomplished? Hmm? Did you think we didn't matter in this?"
"No, of course not!" I wasn't thinking! You were right. I wasn't. I wasn't trying to scare you guys. I wasn't planning on getting hurt. It just happened. I'm so sorry." My eyes burned with supressed tears.
Sam growled. "I'm going out. I'll be back later."
"Wait, Sam. Don't go."
"I'll be back." He didn't say anything else. He just grabbed the keys and left, slamming the door behind him. I flinched.
Dean just stared at me, still not saying anything.
"Dean, I-"
"Don't." He laughed, but the kind of laugh that people do when they feel helpless, and my heart pulled against my chest. "Did you really think that that wasn't going to end bad?"
"I wasn't planning on getting hurt."
"Of course you weren't! But you weren't planning on being safe, either! Dammit, Jules. What if you had died? Huh?" He looked at me like he was expecting an answer, but I chose to think of it as a rhetorical question. "It would have been my fault," he said with empty eyes. "Just like the first time."
Oh. "Dean that wasn't your fault. I promise."
"Don't lie to me. I know what I do to people. Yeah, sure I save some people, but really, I lose others almost everyone I love... Don't you ever, ever do that again. I don't know how I could live with myself if you died. Again."
He didn't move the whole time he spoke. He just looked at me. I started to cry.
"I'm so sorry. I promise. I won't let myself be so stupid. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
I put my head in my hands and tried to hide my face away from Dean's broken look. He seemed to change his mind about being hurt and angry with me, though, because he said, "Where are you hurt?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
oh snap... i updated for the first time in twelve years. Sorry abuot that, by the way.
holidays happened. I moved. i got depressed. blah blah blah blah let me insert all the excuses
but i really am sorry like dang
i hope this long chapter makes up for it <3 I love you guys and i'm very grateful to you guys for reading! i hope you enjoyed it, lovelies.
ps i feel like i should add that im not trying to make sam seem like an "eh" kind of guy"
i love my sammy 100000000%