*Author's Note To Readers: In the journal entries and letters which help to tell this story set in 1660's England, some words appear to be spelled or written incorrectly. But these are all intentional changes. Few people were able to read or write in this time period, so standard spelling didn't exist yet. Even well-educated, intelligent people would spell phonetically or hyphenate some words. So, these changes strive to be historically accurate. Thank you.*
Part I: Winter
"We know what we are, but know not what we may be." -- William Shakespeare, Hamlet
Chapter 1: Prospect
December, 1665
On the seventh night of Christmas, the air was cool and still. The sky was clear, lit by a full white moon and dotted with bright stars. The English countryside was quiet and snug under a thick blanket of snow.
Yet the dreary weather didn't faze Will. On that chilly December night, Augustus's green eyes made Will feel the warmth of a pleasant spring day, even while surrounded by snow and ice.
Something potent coursed through Will when he saw him again. It seemed to hit every vein.
Despite the rush, he couldn't detect the source of this sudden feeling.
Weeks later, Will finally knew what this strange sensation was, and upon its discovery, this feeling was as agonizing as it was enticing: he was completely and utterly smitten with Augustus.
~*~
Augustus stepped into the Garnetts' home, his family in tow. Will shook his head slightly as he closed his eyes; why had he been staring at Augustus just now? He straightened out his sky-blue jacket and tried to seem nonchalant. Augustus didn't look this different when they were twelve. How much could three years really change a person?
But this strange feeling subsided when he realized something much more concerning:
Augustus looked absolutely miserable.
He was pale and anxious, shuffling uncomfortably under his scarlet red-and-gold jacket. Not even the cheery holiday atmosphere seemed to ease his mood.
This wasn't surprising, of course. It had been a rough few weeks for their family-friends. The children had been invited to stay after London's Plague had taken sweet little Susan, the Blacks' youngest. Now their parents were determined to save the two, no matter the emotional cost of living apart temporarily.
As they moved through Will's home, what was familiar to him seemed to be overwhelming for Augustus. His eyes were glued to the shining black-and-white tiles of their Entrance Hall. A half-dozen servants buzzed around Augustus's family, acquiring their luggage, and directing towards the feast awaiting them in the dining room.
"There we are, Sir." Marcus said cheerfully, taking Augustus's satchel from him to bring it upstairs.
"Thank you." was his immediate reply,"but...you needn't call me Sir." he quietly objected.
Marcus, though he towered over Augustus at just under six foot, was gentle as a lamb by nature. He merely smiled at him cordially. "Think nothing of it; it's part of my role."
Augustus silently nodded and moved on.
Their sisters were chatting as they continued down the hallway.
"It's so splendid you get to stay here now!" Will's sister Lily said, prancing about in her brilliant gold dress, brocade pattern flickering in the light.
Mary, with her short black hair and round face, was elated. She agreed, and clasped her hands in delight. As the younger girl came to the dining room, she did her best to look sophisticated in her new home. She carefully smoothed out her baby pink dress with long sleeves and fur accents.
The splendor of high society was everywhere: the clatter of shiny dishes and the smells of a hearty feast. The bright twinkling of at least a dozen candles, complementing the ornate tapestries. Even the napkins were fancy: the dinner plates hosted a bevy of crisp white linens folded in the shape of a swan for the seventh day of Christmas.
Will's parents were the last to come in, Francis leading his wife to strut through the room. The dominant click of his fine buckled shoes struck against the wooden floor. Margaret kept an air of elegance about her. The posh matriarch glided through in pearls and velvet, layers of a royal blue and black gown sweeping behind her. Francis properly seated his wife and took his place at the head of the rectangular table.
Will sat next to Augustus, hoping he could help him relax. Francis led everyone in saying Grace, which prompted Will to roll his eyes, and thus their meal began.
Augustus didn't seem any more relaxed yet. He was visibly underweight, as his thin frame was so small under his jacket, but he had taken little food and was barely eating.
His lack of appetite was a surprise given the chance to eat such a decadent meal.
The spread lay before Augustus, luscious scents filling the air: roasted chicken and glazed ham, leeks, carrots, fresh milk, steamed cabbage, three kinds of cheese, roasted potatoes, newly baked bread, jellied cranberries, winter squash, fresh butter, pressed apple cider, hot tea for after dessert, plus mead and French wine for the adults. Desserts included a fresh lemon custard torte, Christmas pudding, and a large cake for everyone to share.
At home, this was more food than Augustus would have in a month. Yet he stared at the array of cuisine in silence. He took a small slice of bread and buttered it as he tried to think of something to say.
"Are you all right?" Will asked before taking a bite of his chicken, face contorted with worry.
"Um, yes. I'm sorry." Augustus put down his knife and turned to Will to apologize.
"Will...I don't mean to be so rude." he locked eyes with Will, then swiftly broke away. It hit Will again: what felt different about Augustus?
Augustus chose a slice of ham and cut it as he continued to apologize. "I'm tired; it was a long trip."
"I understand, and you're not being rude." he agreed and paused for a moment. He had to do something...
"Don't look so gloomy!" he said with a playful nudge. "Staying with me can't be that bad!" and grinned to cheer him up.
For the very first time in his visit, Augustus smiled, just for a second. Will saw that small flicker of happiness and knew that somewhere inside, he was still the same person.
"Now that you're at my house for more than a few days," Lily said to Mary, between another bite of her roasted potato. "What would you like to do?"
"Well, what do you usually do?" the younger girl asked, then slowly sipped her milk.
"We don't really go out in winter, but we do feed the animals year-round. We feed horses and ponies, hens with their cute baby chicks and our milking cow Bess. If we go by the edge of the woods in springtime, there are patches of wildflowers everywhere. Remember the flower-picking last time?" she asked, then drank her cider.
"Yes!" Mary cheerfully replied after wiping her face. "We made the daisy crowns. I'd love to go again!"
"Also sometimes we have tea in the garden or swim in the river." Lily replied as she leaned over, patiently cutting little Elizabeth's carrots for her.
After dinner, they all relocated to the music room. It was alight with conversation; fitting the merry scene. Everyone took their tea while Lily played the harpsichord to entertain as they socialized.
Augustus didn't speak very much, and kept close to his parents. He was still exhausted and didn't drink much of his tea. The light, tinkling music and friendly conversation did nothing to ease his mood. He sat on a red velvet chair, leaning against his mother. His head was draped on her shoulder, his eyes closing now and again.
He didn't want her to leave yet.
~*~
"Our room is on the left," Lily reminded Mary almost two hours later. She bounded up the dark wood stairs, her sister and Mary close behind.
"Come on in." she said, opening the door for Elizabeth and Mary.
The three girls filed inside. Lily's usual attendant Missy had brought Mary's luggage upstairs and was almost done making the smaller of the two beds. The comforting scent of a warm fire filled the room. Mary relaxed a bit, admiring the glow from the huge fireplace. The Garnetts' home was much warmer than anyplace she'd stayed in London.
The room was large, larger than Mary had remembered. The walls were a soft cream color, and silver tapestries shimmered against them. The hardwood floor had a thick Oriental rug under the beds. Mary couldn't believe this was just one bedroom. It was half the size of her entire home!
"Lizzie can share with me. And you get her bed. Is that all right?" Lily asked, placing an extra satin pillow on the bed for Mary. She was happy to share and wanted to keep her comfortable.
She looked at Lily, her black eyes wide with shock. "An entire bed to myself?" the child marveled aloud, clutching her satchel.
"Well, of course!" Lily exclaimed with a slight chuckle. "You're a guest."
"Thank you! At home we all shared one. But after the other family moved out, there was an extra bed. We decided my parents would have one and us children had one. It worked out because later Susan needed a separate one." she frowned, still unsettled by her sister's absence. She put herself in the present moment by peering around the room, looking for something to change the subject.
She spotted a small porcelain doll on Lily's vanity. Mary vaguely remembered she'd started a collection of such items. "I love these trinkets!"
She sauntered up to the vanity, with its oval-shaped mirror gleaming before her with an ornate gold trim. She felt self-conscious seeing her reflection in such a fancy room. But she felt better remembering she was among friends. "Where are these all from?"
"Oh, they're from all over. My Uncle Amadeus--you remember him, don't you?--got them from France, Germany, even a place in Africa called the Gold Coast. There's a lot of trading going on with different countries. Since we've been trading so much, I can get more!"
They chit-chatted as they helped Mary unpack. She didn't mention her sister again, but the thought returned to her mind when her parents came in to wish her goodnight. Now worried, she asked them for advice.
"But if I miss her, and you're not here, what do I do?" she looked up at her mother, her small face tightened with anxiety.
"Think about your new life here and remember her fondly. You were a wonderful big sister, and she had a happy life." Caroline reassured her daughter, stroking her hair gently. "You and Augustus are safe now. We'll find time to visit you, and we might be away, but we're going to work as hard as we can to find us someplace better. We're going to visit as often as we can. Think about the future, not the past." her mother kissed her cheek and her father gave her a reassuring hug.
Mary followed them to the door and they bid each other good night.
She turned from the door and approached the other girls. Her smile had melted into disappointment.
"I'm really going to miss them." she whispered, a tear escaping her eye.
"Don't cry." Elizabeth said, toddling towards her friend, giving her a hug.
"Mary." Lily patiently began, leading the younger girl from the door to sit comfortably on the bed again. "I know this is hard, but we're going to help you however we can." she wiped away another tear and hugged her.
Caroline and Richard also went to say goodnight to Augustus before they retired to the guest room for the night. They were leaving tomorrow, and wanted to comfort their children. They were a close-knit family, so this change was a serious departure from how they normally lived.
"Will you be alright?" Augustus asked his mother in concern. "I could only try to understand. I love you."
Will looked up from his desk, a bit shocked. Even when Augustus was this unhappy, he didn't seem to care about his own feelings, only his parents.
"We love you too. And, well..." Caroline paused as she looked at her husband for consensus on a particular matter, "we didn't want to tell you this so soon, but...Augustus, this isn't the first time it's happened." she confessed.
"What?! When?" his eyes widened as he gaped at his mother. He slowly sank onto the edge of Will's bed.
"Before you were born. You would have had an older brother, but he didn't stay."
"How long?" he asked before he could stop himself. He didn't mean to pry.
"A day." she replied, sitting across from him on a nearby chair. "Maybe two."
"But how did you move past it?" he asked, nervously twisting on the edge of his shift.
"We mourned." his father explained, sitting beside his son. "But then we focused on our future."
"Yes. And when the time was right, we had you." Caroline explained, smiling as joyful memories returned.
"When you were born," Caroline began, smiling at her son, "we were nervous, because of what had happened last time. We didn't want anything to happen to you. You had just taken eight hours to arrive, and I was very tired. But when we finally saw you, I knew we were ready for you. The midwife took one look at you, handed you to me and she said: 'This one's a fighter.'"
Caroline recalled it so well: her midwife's thick Irish accent, her new baby's resolve as he was wrapped in a soft blanket, new to the world and full of potential.
"And that's never changed." Richard added optimistically. He squeezed his son's shoulder affectionately.
"Thank you." Augustus was grateful for their encouragement, but his eyes fell from their gaze.
His mother knew he was still upset. She knelt down on the plush white rug and gazed up at him. Her forest green wool dress was as comforting and familiar as her voice. She saw the reflection of Will's hearty fireplace in her son's eyes. But this was the only light she saw there, and she had to change that.
She perked up his chin and spoke again. "Augustus, I know you don't think you're strong. But you are." she gently caressed his cheek.
"That's how we chose your name. It means 'greatness'." Richard agreed with a reassuring nod. "We just knew."
"And sorrow won't last forever." Caroline reminded him, brushing back a lock of his dark hair. "Remember her fondly and appreciate what you do have. I know you'll miss us, but sometimes loving someone means making a sacrifice. We won't be gone forever, and we will visit. I promise."
"Thank you." he said in a small voice. His parents each hugged him, wished the boys good night, and left.
"You don't mind sharing, do you?" Will asked Augustus as he rose from the bed once his parents left. Will leaned back in his chair, smoothing out the feather in his newest quill pen, watching his friend intently. Given his parents' advice, he wanted to keep Augustus focused on the present moment.
"Oh, of course not." Augustus replied, now sorting through his clothes. "Always sharing with my sisters. We shared our house with an entire other family. Only one bed for all of us. So this is nothing."
"Good. That's good." Will tried to keep a conversation going, but his attempts fell flat. It just seemed like nothing could change Augustus's mindset.
Shortly thereafter, they went to bed. Will asked Augustus if he needed anything else, and he politely assured him that he did not. But somehow, in some way, Will didn't believe him.
67a27d41e8f5e27e36d6708182c7ae71I'm serializing this work on Webnovel. Head over to Webnovel for the other chapter updates! https://www.webnovel.com