Avery
It's been a week since everything happened with me and Colton. He's been here everyday knocking on the door, asking my mom or dad- whoever opened the door for him- to talk to me, to let him in, but I've warned them not to.
After I told my mom what happened, she was surprised to say the least but still told me to try to talk to him, or to see what's going on with us. I told her I don't want to though. My dad found out about our fight through my mom, and he also told me a brief sentence during dinner. He said 'don't give up on something you want' and that's it. Nothing else.
It made me remember my parents story and it made me see why my father said that to me, because he didn't give up on my mom.
All that said, I can't see him. It's too hard. I don't even want him coming here to talk to me. I don't even know why he would upload the video, did someone else upload it, did he do it as a prank to see my reaction. I don't know. Nothing seems clear.
Every time I took a shower I would cry looking at my tattoo, usually looking at it I'd smile but now I just can't seem to do that. It's not because I regret or anything like that, no. It's because every time I look at it I remember all the good times we had before all this, and I wonder if it's ever gonna get fixed because I want it back more than anything but at the same time I can't be best buddies with him again just like that.
Today he didn't come at his usual time at four p.m. I felt disappointed for some reason, but still relieved. I was starving and suggested pizza to my parents, they agreed so I picked up the phone and ordered.
I heard the doorbell ring ten minutes later, and was surprised the pizza got here that fast. Opening the door I had the shock of my life.
Instead of a guy wearing a red shirt, holding a bag with pizza boxes, Colton stood there. His hair was a mess, his eyes had slight dark circles under them, and he was dressed in sweatpants and an under shirt. When he put his head up and our eyes connected, his eyes went wide with surprise.
"Avery" he said his mouth slightly open too. Probably because he was expecting my parents to open the door just like the whole week that passed. Hearing his voice brought me back to reality and made me realize I was awake and that this was real.
I quickly backed up and started shutting the door. It all happened so fast he had no time to stop the door or push it open as I quickly locked it. He slammed his palms on the door and called out again. "Avery, please!" He said. I wanted to open the door, I did so bad. I was just sparing my heart for any more damage. I didn't know what to do. All of this was killing me.
His voice was begging me, and not noticing that a tear slowly leaked out of my eye. I left the door with no word back to Colton, and as I was walking to the stairs I saw my mom. "What happened out there? Are you okay?" She asked worried. "Colton is outside" I said wiping the only tear from my face as I went upstairs to my room.
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Colton
Everyday I go to her house wanting to see her, but she never answers the door or any of my phone calls and messages. She's not giving us the chance to work anything out. I get why she's doing this but I can't help but feel so mad at how things have turned out.
I see Liam when I go downstairs to eat. He tries to make conversation, or tells me a funny story that happened at the gym but I never answer back or show any emotion. Then after eating I just go back to my room, or sit in the garden swing my mom asked my dad to put. I haven't told my parents anything about what has happened. Although I know that they know because my mom most likely asked Liam about everything.
Today when I went to see her as usual even though she doesn't come to the door, I expected her one of her parents to come as usual and tell me "she's busy at the moment"' or "I'm sorry Colton, I really am but she doesn't want to talk to you", or "I'm telling her to see you, but she's being stubborn", or the blunt one "she doesn't want to see you".
Now I admit they do sound rude but her parents where anything but. They would spend two minutes talking to me about stuff before they gave a reason or excuse. The whole thing was kind of funny because we both knew while talking to each other that those reasons were bullshït, but Avery probably really doesn't want to see me, and her mom isn't gonna force her if she's in a bad state.
Sometimes Avery doesn't close her window curtains so I get to see her, but then she realizes and closes it so fast I haven't even blinked yet. I hear her crying sometimes. It's not constant, but sometimes she cries so hard I can hear it and it hurts me so much that I kind of go crazy. In the span of this fight I've punched the wall leaving a small dent -my parents don't know about yet-, Once I pushed off everything that was on my work desk onto the floor, and last but not least I threw a comb onto my bathroom mirror which caused a small crack.
I sound crazy but it's the only way I can let out my anger. When I searched in google it told me to meditate, and I'm not the time of person to meditate. Especially with the memory of our health teacher who forced us to meditate in his class because it was 'a necessity to life' as she said. Ruining things is not what I have planned, it just happens because my mind is on a roll with all the stuff that has happened.
As of my YouTube account, I haven't uploaded anything. And I'm not until I resolve things with Avery. She's the soul of my videos, she helps me come up with them, gives ideas on editing, and she's the reason I love making videos. Because her laugh is what I want to see, and my videos put her in that mood.
My fans are going crazy on social media. They've been tweeting and posting stuff on Instagram all about me being M.I.A, but I haven't answered. You could say it's a like a short break from social media. I've got so many views on my recent video, so I guess I should thank Liam for something.
I talked to him today morning for the first time since our awkward stage and thanked him for posting the video which weirded him out, cause even though he caused me and Avery to fight, at least now she knows. He told me that I should keep my hopes up and that Avery will confess too, but I told him that was a bit over, so right now me and him are on good terms. At the moment all I want is Avery to talk to me and for us to gain our friendship back. About my dream relationship with her though, I honestly don't know what's gonna happen with that.
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It's been two weeks, and everything has been the same. Except for myself. I feel like I'm officially insane, detached from the world. Even after going to her house for all this time she doesn't come to see me. I honestly am done.
It's ten right now, I just woke up and ate breakfast, something I didn't do for the first few days of our fight. Once I finished I got up and left the house.
It was a Saturday, so I knew that her parents would be home and awake at this time, but I was done with knocking and ringing doorbells.
We are just gonna have to be bring my old friend back, barging.
And that's exactly what I did. I know her mom has the door open because she gardens early in the morning. She wasn't in the front porch, so she was probably in the backyard.
I walked up to the door, and just straight up opened it. It's not like I haven't done this before, but I was done with being respectful at the moment. Avery's dad wasn't home judging by the gardening tools I saw by the door leading to the backyard, because if her mom was at home he would be grocery shopping at the moment. I memorized their ritual. I heard the sink open in the kitchen, so that's where I walked to.
Just like I was expecting Avery was washing a plate and a cup. Probably from when she just ate breakfast. I stood by the kitchen door, waiting for her to notice me because I wasn't just gonna say 'hi' so casually like everything is fine.
A few seconds later she turned around drying her hands, but once she saw me the towel in her hands dropped to the ground, and so did her mouth. Another few seconds later, she finally came back to her senses.
"What are you doing here?- I-uh-you" she said sighing at the end. "Please leave" she said picking the towel from off the floor and putting it back on the counter top.
"No" I said. "I'm not leaving until I explain everything, I have tried everyday for the past three weeks to talk to you, but I couldn't because you didn't want to see me."
"There is a reason as to why I didn't want to see you" she said glaring and walked to the kitchen door wanting to leave. I stood in front of it blocking her way, and now she was facing me. "Avery, your gonna stay right here, and listen to me. I don't care if you don't want to, because you are." I said almost loosing it. She backed up a bit and sat on a stool.
"What you heard that day when I was talking to Liam in my room, wasn't true. I just said that so Liam could stop interfering with my life, cause he's the one that posted the video and it caused all this. He uploaded it without me knowing, and I know you saw the whole thing.
"Avery you mean everything to me, and I wouldn't lie about that. I just needed to say that so Liam doesn't do any more damage." I said, taking a breathe to continue.
"The video isn't a lie though as well. I filmed it a year ago because I needed to let my feelings out, but not to you. Avery I have always told you that I loved you, but it was not in a friend way as you may have believed, because there was nothing friendly about it. I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember, and I think now is the time that things should change. I don't know if it's for the better though." I said taking a few steps closer to where she was sitting. By now I noticed she was tearing up, and looking at me through this emotion, but I couldn't decipher what it was.
"Avery I need to know now, if you don't love me back I will walk out of that door and will never bother you again. Coming here, my plan was to get us as friends again and do this later on, but I don't think I can do that anymore. Loving someone for years and not getting it back is heartbreak, and I don't want to live through that anymore. I will always love you, but I just can't be around you because it's torture." The tears building up fell down now, and even though I hated seeing her beautiful face cry, I needed to finish what I was saying.
"If you love me the same way though by any chance, please tell me I- just- please..." I said rubbing the back of my neck as I blushed. Almost a minute passed and no word was spoken between us. I was waiting for a verbal answer, a 'leave', or a 'no', or something. I just took that as my cue to leave though.
Her silence was my answer.
"Ok" I said getting up and walking towards the door. I held it open ready to leave and have it close back by itself, but her voice stopped me in my tracks. "Colton!" She called out, causing me turn back around.
"I love you too"