Destroying Myself (Myself #3)

By Aquila_Lyn

50.3K 2.5K 789

"I'm not your brother." A devil smile played on his lips. Elevating the right brow, I asked, "What do you me... More

Destroying Myself
1. Turning Lives
2. Mourning in Pain
3. Lost Relations
4. Dangerous Lives
5. Marry me, Baby
6. Spoil Brat
7. Leave me Alone
8. Crossing the Paths
9. The Forever I had
10. The Man I Trusted
11. The Hatred I Had
12. The Anger I Have
13. The Death I Invited
Pre-Order (Breaking Myself)
14. The Evil I Breed
15. The Wound I Suture
16. The Feelings I Developed
17. The Brother I Lost Again
New Book (Always is not Forever)
19. The Friend I Lost
20. The Confessions We Make
21. The Sister I Love
22. The Love I Deserve
23. The Destroyer I Loved
24. The Day I Deserve
25. The Truth I Denied
26. The Danger I Reckoned
27. The Reality I Discovered
28. The Death I Hated
29. The Nightmare I Lived
30. The Love I Lost
Epilogue
BC 1.1 - The Girl I Destroyed
BC 1.2 - The Brother I Betrayed
BC 1.3 - The Girl I Held
BC 1.4 - The Nightmare I Had
B.C. 2.1 - The Shame I Brought
BC 2.2 - The Girl I Slapped
BC 2.3 - The Confessions I Heard
BC 2.4 - The Family I Despised
2.5 The Family I Deserve
BC 2.6 - The Start I Have
3.1. Talk To Me, Love
3.2. Share with me, Love
BC 3.3 - Walk Away, Love
BC 3.4. Come to Me, Love
BC 4.1 - When I Be A Jealous Cat
Bonus Chapter 5 : 'The Start of a New Kingdom'
[ U D I S H A ' S P O V ]
The Things We Love and Lose
[ Y U V R A J ' S P O V ]

18. The Family I Have

906 50 8
By Aquila_Lyn

*I love this song and I think it goes perfectly on Rahul and Kabir!

 [ R A H U L ' S     P O V ] 

Words. It held the power to change someone's views for you. Words gave us the power to place our feelings in front of others, words helped us to communicate. But sometimes words could be a lethal weapon; a weapon to destroy your life and kill your thinking. Sometimes words were better if they weren't utter out.

The desire to convey this to Nisha was splashing in my head, but I controlled myself and stuck myself to the chair. Why was it so hard to stay away from her? I didn't want to stay away from her. I wanted to go near her, defy the demons of my head, defy the people who held me back from her, and most of all, I wanted to change the whole of my past and wished I didn't came from a fucked up family. Why it had to be me? Why couldn't they chose someone else?

My phone rang from the other side, and few glances turned to my fucked up face. Quickly, I took out my phone and answered.

"Mr. Sinha." My grip tightened around the phone, eyes squeezed hearing the same old name. I had cut off all my relationship to this name. I was no longer a Sinha, but a Khanna even if I never felt like a family among them.

"What do you want?" I bit out.

"Time is ticking, Rahul, tick-tok tick-tok," He sang on the other side. I could hear the groaning from the back, and in an instant, all my insides squeezed up.

"A week is left," I mumbled. "I remember my promise."

"I wonder why you don't report us to police," He acted to think but answered, "Opps because you know I've people all around India and your precious--"

"Shut up!" I hissed. "Don't take her name from your fucking tongue."

He did a cruel laugh, cooling and scaring the parts of me I never knew I had. "You're impulsive like your father, but you did a smart move of joining us."

"Go to hell." I rolled my eyes, trying to act cool but from inside I was scared. Scared of what my future held for me, scared I would never be able to see my friends again, scared I wouldn't recognise myself again, and most of all, scared if I would ever get a chance to say my heart.

"Oh, I'm going," He snarled. "Don't try to over smart me, Rahul. You're well aware of the consequences."

I could hear the warning lying behind his voice. He would go after the people I loved the most, and I had the clear picture of what he would do to them. The words were imprinted in my head, and no matter how much I try I couldn't shake them off. I had to save them, most of all, I had to save her.

"Why me?" I asked. "Why me of all the people?"

"I just want my money back, and every task you'll do for me will lower your debt or we've a better choice. Nisha Oberoi." I gulped loudly as the horrors happening to her flashed across my eyes. Nisha was a fire, but at some point, a line had to be drawn and it was that line.

"She won't fetch you good."

"Who said fetch good? I need something for myself," He laughed, and I was about to fucking reply him to fuck off and never contact me again when I remembered he had all the ties to my background, my friends and family. He tracked their daily movements, their work place, their families and what not.

And I stayed silent as he insulted her in front of me, I stayed silent like my father, who stayed silent when someone would insult mom.

"Her brother will kill you," I stated, rolled the salt bottle in my hands to divert me out of the topic.

"I did digging on him as well. Kabir Oberoi, owner of Oberoi Hotels at a very young age. No scope of family. He's engaged to Alina Gupta, daughter of a leading business tycoon. Both of them your best friends. He stays late at office. I wonder what will happen if one day a tragedy happens. His fiancé is mostly alone at home. Tragedy happens any time, any place and any moment."

"Stay away from them!" I yelled, but later realised I was sitting in the lunch area and people had started staring at me with weird glances. "You'll get whatever you want, just stay away from all of them."

"I am staying away. I'm the man of my words. It's time you show me that." He cut the call with his last words, but left in a deep world of thinking and tragedies.

I cupped my face with my hands, trying to hold the desperation and helplessness between them. If I didn't do what they want, I would put all my friends happiness on stake because of what my father did. My past was looming over all of us, gripping us to a thread and I couldn't those threads in his hands. He would do what he told me and they would be no going back.

But if I escaped, maybe everything would be solved. I would get my freedom.

What about your friends?

They would manage.

"Rahul." Imagining, I heard his voice, I dodged it and paid attention to my messy thoughts and dilemma. "Buddy?"

Shocked, I slid my hands from my face and levitate my gaze to be met by pair of hazel eyes, looking at me with confusion and a grin.

"Where have you been?" Kabir slid to the chair opposite to me and drummed his fingers on the table top.

"What are you doing here?" A smile spread across my face, but then I remembered the reason for his visit. His sister was here, being moody and looking for space.

"Business meeting." He called the waiter and ordered a cup of latte for himself and faced me again. "It's tomorrow but I had to come today to look if the proposal was right."

"What proposal?" I asked to divert myself from the demons of my head, but nothing helped. A week. That's what I was left with. After a week, I wouldn't see my friends, hang out with them, laugh with them, do pranks with them, and most of all, I wouldn't see her.

"To open a hotel in Singapore. Dad wanted to gift me the whole deal on my wedding, but--" He stopped his words and passed me a small smile which I returned back. "I need to convince the investors to invest in the project."

Seeing the double look on his face, I said, "You'll do it, don't you worry. You've good convincing skills. How's Alina?" I asked, concerned if she was alright after what Nisha had said to her. Alina didn't have any intention of telling me, but she needed to vent out her feelings, and at that moment, only I was available or maybe I was the only who cared enough to check on her when Kabir was too busy being angry on her for letting Nisha go.

He eyed with a suspicious look, before dodging it away and continued, "Don't know." He sounded bitter. "Sometimes I think she doesn't love me at all, and what am I holding on will tumble down."

"Have sex then. It solves things."

Passing me a dirty look, he slapped my arm and laughed. "You, my friend, is a very dirty man."

"What?" I grinned. "Sex is the best way two persons can communicate especially the ones who are in love. You're stupid because she loves you. She does too much." Because if she wouldn't, she would've left you a long time ago. No girl would stand the things she stood from a long time ago.

He smiled a bit, took a sip from his latte and nodded along with it.

"When are you leaving?"

"I was thinking of staying a bit longer, but now, the situation demands I go as soon as the meeting ends."

I eyed him with carefulness, waiting for him to expose that he met Nisha and they solved the problems going between them but he was such a closed person that it became harder to see behind the surface.

"When are you coming back?"

"Why?"

A grin spread across his face. "Got school reunion letters yesterday. You must've gotten yours as well but since you're not at home." Nobody cared to inform me about it. "It's next week."

"I'll be back soon." Hope so. "Did you meet Nisha?" I asked quickly to get over my doubts.

His grip tightened around the mug, actions halted and a fire blazed through his eyes. He did meet her and from the look of his face, it didn't sound like a pleasant meeting. What had you done this time Nisha? Did you tell him about the things you said to Alina because none of us had told him. We all thought it was better if it stayed away from Kabir. Nisha was the only family he was left with and Alina couldn't take that away from him.

Some days, Nisha could be as childish and stupid she wants to be.

"Just don't talk about her right now," He gritted his teeth together. "Forget about her, tell me why are you here? You didn't tell anyone, just a message I'm going to Goa."

"I can use a vacation once an year."

He nodded his head, looked around the dining hotel and chuckled darkly, but before he could say anything, the manager joined us. He was sweating again. I never understood why he sweat too much in front of Nisha and Kabir, and in front of others, he was as confident as anyone can be. Kabir nodded his head to his words and waved him off in a minute. Some of the business man attitude was coming to him.

"Where are you staying?" He asked. "I mean which room?"

I hesitated before saying, "I'm not staying here."

"What?" He asked in shock. "Then where are you staying?"

I licked my lower lip and said, "Don't feel bad, but the prices are too high for me. You know how my house is."

I couldn't ask them for money all the time because I didn't have right on them. They may have adopted me, but it didn't change the fact that they didn't like my presence and they had to handle the person who reminded them of their dark moments and the betrayal. They weren't family, and they gave me what they thought was sufficient for me to survive on.

He stayed silent for moments before calling the manager again. I tried to protest but he glared my all protests, and asked the manager to give me a suite.

"Kabir, I don't need your charity," I said as soon as the manager fled from the scene.

"I'm not doing any charity," He bit out. "I know you, Rahul. I know you've enough money but you stay at those type of hotels because you think you deserve it. Whatever happened in your childhood was wrong, and I'm not gonna let my friend going through it for the rest of his life. You're out of that hell hole and you need to own it." He stopped to catch a breath, stood up and buttoned his coat. "Never say I'm doing charity on you. I'm doing what family do. You're family. You're my brother."

Tears bricked at the back of my eyes, but I gulped it down and waved the feelings off.

"Now don't go all emotional on me," I mumbled, and this to my surprise, brought a smile on his face and he patted my back. "Whatever."

"Sometimes you're as childish as Nisha."

"And you act like everyone's big brother," I joked.

He rolled his eyes, "I've some business. I catch up with you later."

He turned around, but I called him and faced me again. "Nisha is in a very messy position right now. What she said to Alina wasn't intentional. You know her. She's your sister, and the only family you're left with. Help her or else she'll be like any of us." Broken beyond repair. It did something to Kabir whose anger melted down a little. "She's lost and scared. You're the only person in this whole world who can understand her position." Because you were going through the same.

"Do you think I love it?" He said helplessly. "I came here to get my sister back, and my own sister gave me a surprise. I just need my sister back. I don't need a person sitting there in that suite. And I know no matter what she does and says to Alina, I'll forgive her because she's my sister and I love her too much."

With his last words, he parted and marched out of the dining room. Weird were these siblings. Cared too much but each held back by their rules. I smiled, knowing where Kabir tonight visit would be. I knew him, and I knew, no matter what Nisha did, he always forgive her because that was what he knew and because he couldn't stay away from the people he love.

The rest of the day, I got my things from the nearby hotel and shifted them back to Kabir's suite, who remained locked in his laptop and mobile, working and shouting at the people on the other side. He would pass me a apologetic look, but I would dodge it off, walked into the room and fell into a sleep after feeling tired from the wound.

The next day, I stayed in the room, controlling myself to not go and see Nisha and get over the feelings I had for her, but it was impossible. I wanted to be with her for once and forever. I was waiting for Kabir to come, but his meeting prolonged too long, making me annoyed.

When the night descended upon, I had woken up and marched to the swimming pool and I wasn't surprised to see Nisha there, wearing her swim suit and dipping her legs in the water. I joined her, but her eyes didn't wander from the shimmering water, highlighted by the LED lights. At last, she sighed and changed her gaze to mine.

"What are you doing here? Make fun of me how I latched myself on you?" I chuckled. "See, now you're laughing at me."

"Did you mean it?" I gazed into her eyes. "That you've feelings for me?" She nodded. "Why? I thought you hated me."

"I still do, but I just can't stop being worried about you. It feels stronger than anything I've ever felt."

My gaze fell on her hand, staying between both of us and I inched forward mine and placed it on top of her. For a week, I wanted to be in a lie that their was something happening between us. For a week, I wanted one thing I had dreamt of since a long time and shaded with hate. For a week, I wanted to be hers and then break her heart again.

"Why is that I can't keep myself to stay away from you?" I asked. "My brother loves you." Raghuvir would kill me if he gets the whiff of anything happening between me and Nisha. He had liked her since he first saw her in his college on his first day.

"But I don't love him," She whispered between the small distance.

"What about Harshit?" I lent forward.

"I used to think I love him, but I don't. It's ruined." I breathed between the space left between us, scolded my brain to stay from her and do something else but I couldn't as I saw her eyes bewitching me again and I'm falling into them further and further. "But you don't want to work upon your feelings."

"I was stupid." Just a week. A life of just a week I wanted. "Plain stupid."

"Oh that you are," She replied.

"Shut up," I grinned. "You're no less. Do you really want me to kiss you in here, in front of all the staff?"

"Yes. I need confirmation you aren't scared of saying I' m something to you."

What a stupid person I would be then. I hover my lips over her but from the corner of my eyes, I saw Kabir approaching us and quickly, I stood up and backed away. She stared at me in confusion, and followed the trail of my gaze and they halted at Kabir, who stood at the distance.

Bro code. Never go near my sister.

"Can I talk to you alone?" His question was directed to Nisha. He didn't see what was happening before. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, I excused myself and ran out of the place but not before gazing at the back as her scared gaze met mine before she blinked them away and smiled.

Would this week be worth it? Would I be able to escape from the cage I was inviting myself to?

[ N I S H A 'S     P O V]

As I saw Rahul's disappearing figure, my heart felt a bit heavier than before. Was it worth it? Risking my heart for one person I hated for all my life, and suddenly out of nowhere, I started feeling for him. Was it worth to listen to my heart again after it nearly destroyed the whole of me? Was anything worth at all?

Kabir coughed from the side, pulling my attention to me.

"If you're here to scold me more, then go to hell," I spat venomously.

He was unaffected by my voice, pulled his jeans upwards to his knees and joined me, dipping his legs in the water. For few seconds, he moved his head to the music.

Why was he here again? Did he want to insult me again or hurt me for the things I had done? I knew I was wrong and I regret for ever saying those to her. I never had an intention of hurting her but I was too desperate that I forgot what was I doing. I wasn't just taking my brother's happiness, but hurting my best friend along with it. I was ruining the family I was left with. Alina was family. Everyone wished their best friends to be their sister, and it was getting real for me, but I was too much insecure.

How could I forget Kabir too lost his parents? How could I forget he was in pain too? How could I he was the only one who supported me whenever I was alone?

"Nisha, how are you?"

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"I never asked. How are you after their death?"

Everything squeezed like before, everything seemed dark like before and everything was lost again.

"They're really dead, aren't they?" He nodded sadly. I took a big gallop of breath as suddenly I was enclosing within it. "It's hard, accepting and moving on. They're damn selfish, Kabir. They left me alone in this world. They told me they would be there for me forever. They're selfish because they didn't give me a chance to say goodbye. I deserved the good bye and to part with them with happiness, not fights. So, they're damn selfish for dying and taking away something I deserved. I'll never forgive them."

I placed my hand against my heart, trying to catch the breath but I couldn't get the sufficient air anymore. Everything seemed lost, painful and heart breaking. Each breath hurt like if I did another, I would fall on this very place and would never get up.

Kabir placed his hand on my shoulder, but it couldn't change the fact that they were dead; everyone we loved have been taken away from us, and in the end, we were the only two left to handle the broken pieces of our families. Why life was so cruel? Why was it so hard to survive some days?

I placed my head against his shoulder, and cried again as if they would come back, but they weren't and that was the reality and nothing could be changed. Not even me or he could change it. They were gone. Dead people remain dead, and their was no regret, love, sadness or anything in this would that could bring them back. All you are left with is their memories.

Memories I wanted to hold on but they were just acting as pain.

"Kabir, they're dead. Why everyone leave us?" I cried into his chest, and after a moment, I heard him taking deep breaths but it was too late, I could hear him crying and it made me cry harder as if the emotions couldn't be held within me any longer.

I had held too longer within my frustration, anger and insecurities, but I was just scared of accepting that they were gone and I was alone and their was too much pain in me that needed to be felt, that needed to be let out.

No words us could change the reality, no words of us could change the pain because in the end, we both were hiding to feel the pain.

When my tears were empty, I didn't pull my head from his shoulder because I knew he was there for me. My brother was there for me, and things would get better as long as he was with me. But everything from inside me felt empty, but it felt like a huge weight had been taken away from me.

"I'm sorry for what I said to Alina. I never meant to hurt her." I was much more disgusted at my own self for defending a rapist. "I was too much mean to everyone."

Grief make a monster out of all of us. And I was a monster, I was a bad person who started destroying everyone's life bit by bit, making my darkness fell over them and ruined the things that weren't meant to be destroyed.

"It's okay," He said from top of mine. "Everything will be alright."

I nodded. His phone rang, disturbing our silence. Excusing himself, he took the call and said, "Misha, don't you think it's too late to call me?"

Something was said on the other side, and it didn't seem like a good thing, because instantly Kabir stood up and yelled, "Has she gone stupid?"

"Kabir." Alarmed, I stood up.

"Damn it, damn it. How's she now? I'll be there soon." He cut the call, ran his hands through his hair in frustration and yelled in frustration.

"Kabir, what happened?"

"We're going back to Delhi now."

"Why?"

"It's Alina. Her grandmother died last night." I still didn't understand the meaning of his frustration. "Her mother forced her to go there. Rishi was there."

____________________________________________________

How was the chapter? Do comment below and tell me what you think will happen in future?


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