"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win."
[ N I S H A ' S P O V ]
One last time. I owed her this much in our on and off friendship. But for past fifteen minutes, I had been rooted on my seat, staring ahead and gathering nerves to see Alina for one last time. The deepest corner of my heart desired to vomit out all the plans I had thought of, but the rational part knocked the sense into me. She was my brother's girlfriend, and without any doubt, she wouldn't be able to swallow the secrets.
The security guard darted at me with an annoyed look through the small window cut into his booth. I liked the last one better for the nature he carried but time wasn't his friend and he had to part this world with cold lips. This new security guard was pain in the ass. Spoke rudely, demanded all the details and never let anyone in unless someone from the house confirms it. For a moment, I knew it was security details for the safety of Alina.
Passing him an overly lit smile, I tipped my head down to my phone screen, tapping my fingers and then deleting the text.
A knock took me out of my dilemma. The security guard was looking at me with a sneer. Fumbling, I pressed the button, and as the window rolled down, his stinky breath framed my cheek and I suppressed a shiver.
"Girl, you wanna go in or not?"
"I'll go when I desire."
"You've been here for an hour. It's late night. Either you go in or I call Alina ma'am." I heaved a relentless breath and nodded my head. Unbuckling the seat belt, I hopped off the car and passed the car keys to him.
"One scratch and you're out of your job." All the arrogance washed through him as fear set in and he nodded. Alina had told me about his driving skills. Let's just say her brand new car had a scratch within a week.
Gulping, I veered inside the Gupta's mansion, ignoring the stillness and coldness that never changed in this house. My gaze struck on Mr. Gupta, sitting in the living room with a book in his hand. As if sensing my presence, his gaze uplifted to mine and a warm smile took his face but confusion resided in his eyes.
Taking a look at his watch, he said, "Aren't you little late, Nisha?"
Biting my lower lip, I replied, "Just need my best friend right now." He nodded his head towards the stair, not bothering to meddle in my business. Maybe that's from where Alina got the habit of respecting other people's space.
Passing him a small smile, I started to run downstairs when her father said from behind, "Be careful. She was peachy today." I waited for him to complete the whole sentence and tell me Kabir was here but he didn't, and instead he continued, "Kabir isn't here."
I relaxed and jogged upstairs to her room. Without bothering to knock on the door, I turned the knob and invaded her room like always. It had been six years since she had changed her room and took another one in the house. Maybe it was for better. Living in the room where too many harsh memories existed was hard to handle.
She was laying on the bed, book in her hand and reading glasses rested on the top of her nose. She didn't bother to lift her head and welcome me. Seeing her behavior, I slapped her ankle, and in return, she chuckled and slammed her book closed.
"How many times do I need to tell you to knock?" She shifted a little, making space for me. Taking her pink teddy bear from the floor, I laid down next to her and embraced the teddy to my chest.
Putting her weight on the right elbow, she peered at me, questioning through her eyes. My eyes bore into her, wondering from where to start and pour my heart out to her like always. I had no idea from where to badmouth about Kabir to her, knowing she would side him like always. I could have gone to Sanchi or Radhika, but Sanchi worked all day, and her nights were busy with Dhruv and Ria. As per for Radhika, she wouldn't understand me the way Alina did.
Breaking our eye contact, I passed my gaze around her room, taking in the floor to ceiling book shelves, pictures adorning the adjacent wall, clothes thrown on the floor, pills bottle smashed to the ground and razors sitting at one corner of the room.
Alarmed, I skidded my gaze to her, but she shook her head and waved her wrist to me. No sign of new cut, only long forgotten faded lines with the scars of the accident that almost took her from me—all of us.
"Do you ever felt angry on Kabir?" I mumbled, stretching the loose thread of my shirt.
"Mostly."
Licking my lips, I looked at the star stickers pasted on the ceiling and switched off the lights to enjoy the glow of them, and little by little chanted all the details of the fight to her. At one point, emotions clogged my throat, but I swallowed it and moved my lips to get the truth and weight out of my heart. As always, she didn't say anything, but nodded her head, letting me know she was listening and trying to understand me.
When it was ended, strands of tear were marking my face and my fingers were digging into the soft fur of the teddy. I waited for her to continue, and defend Kabir like always. Act like his lawyer and tell me where I went wrong, but what she said next made me hitch my breath.
"How was the graveyard?" Her eyes didn't turn from the glowing stars.
"How did--"
She chuckled under her breath. "I'm your best friend since school and now I'm post graduated."
Then why do I sometimes feel that you stuck to Kabir, not me? Then why I hate it whenever Kabir spends time with you, not me? And how much this situation can fuck up?
"You should've slapped him, you know." Her words were as serious as her face. "No matter how much tough business is, he shouldn't have called you a burden. That's not an excuse."
Warmth filled my heart. How easily she solved every conflict of my heart and gave me a rational answer.
"But--" And all the warmth was replaced by the coldness. "You need to see his side too. Kabir--"
I didn't let her complete her sentence and interrupted, "Don't." I wasn't ready to hear any of Kabir excuses.
With a grim face, she nodded but soon it was superseded by a mischievous smile. "You didn't tell me anything about your boyfriend." Excitement dripped down her voice.
Groaning, I pushed my face into the pillow, clenching to avoid the conversation on him but how wrong I was. It was Alina and she wasn't as innocent as I used to thought.
"No, please no," I whined.
She pushed my shoulders and waggled her finger in front of me. "We can talk now and here. How this happened?"
Squinting my eyes, I bumped my shoulder to her, making more space for myself and recited the same old story, "He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. End of the story."
I didn't have to turn my head to see her disappointed and fallen face, and hand ready to kill me if I didn't elaborate more of it. But instead of using her hands, she struck the pillow to my face and kept on doing it until I dodged the pillow to the floor and glared at her.
"That's not fair. You always get all the dirty details from me."
"I don't." I tried to feign innocence.
"You do." She pointed her finger at me. "If Kabir gets to know about the speck of the things I've told you, he would never ever touch me again."
Smirking, ideas flew into my head and as if knowing, what I was thinking, she shook her head and slammed her book on my forehead.
"Don't. You'll only embarrass him."
"Haye, my bhabi cares so much about my brother." Redness coated her face as she pretended to roll her eyes.
For more few minutes, everything was going okay but then like a switch my mood turned sour and all I wanted was for Alina to shut up and let me think. I recited the words of Kabir. I replayed his ignorance for me as Alina talked more and more about him.
Gripping the teddy tightly, I changed my gaze to the window, staring at the branch of the tree and waiting for the night to slip out even if I had a flight to catch on.
But the night stretched more, and the words thrashed faster, rolling and creating a havoc inside me. I was a burden on him. He yelled at me because I was a burden. He left me alone to be with Alina. He chose her over me.
He always chose her over me.
He chose her when I told him to stay one more day with me because I was sick but he flew back to Bangalore. He chose her when I wanted him to spend our birthday together. He chose her when I needed him the most, leaving me alone to handle the pieces.
I wasn't his family. She was.
And as long as she was there, I would never get my brother back.
And I didn't know from where this words came, but I blurted it out, "Leave Kabir."
Her hands stopped mid-air, words caught in her throat and eyes looked at me with confusion. "What?"
I forced the words out, "Leave Kabir. Please, break up with him."
"But why?"
"I can't tell you the reason, but please, break up with him. I mean he needs to work at this point of life, and you're only distracting him." I got up from the bed to avoid looking at her breaking eyes. "We both know as long as Kabir is with you, he wouldn't take a look at his work." And me. "Leave him, it's for his better. Moreover, you have got a career to make--"
"My career is set." She seethed her words. I dared a look and her hands were shaking.
"Writing?" I waved my hand in the air. "You hardly earn anything! Half of your expenses is borne by your dad and Kabir." Closing my eyes, I said the most hurtful words, "And you're not good for him. Mom wanted an independent girl for him, but you're so much dependent on him." I paced back and forth in front of the wooden bed. "Kabir needs happiness after everything that happened. And you only bring bad memories." The lie started forming in my head as I spoke it out to her, "He said to me you bring bad memories on how mom and dad one month before the wedding. And how much he hates to look at your mood swings and your over reacting nature."
Her fingers were digging into her skin. A warning altered in my heart to stop, but my brain didn't. God damn it! I needed to stop.
"Please, don't tell him I told you all of this. He loves you, no doubt but he thinks after what happened something in him died. And he regrets spending time with you in Bangalore."
"He can't—won't say such things." Her eyes were heavy with water, but I was too much consumed by selfishness and pain that I didn't stop and fed more lies to her breaking heart.
"He did. I'm sorry. You need to leave him because one day he'll break your heart." She didn't say anything, staring at the cover of her book. Shaking her head, she rubbed her hands over her face and kicked the blanket to the floor.
"It's pretty late. You should rest," She calmly said. Astonished, I gawked at her as she stood up and braided her hair in a single plait.
Several of emotions passed through me. That wasn't the reaction I was hoping from her. I was looking for a crying girl, who would beg me, to tell the truth but she didn't and only said me to sleep.
"You'll leave him, right?" I asked in a tiny voice. She didn't answer me and patted the bed for me. Maybe she was shocked and had no idea on what to be said. "Alina, answer me. You'll leave him, right? He thinks you're a burden and I want my brother to be happy. If he doesn't find happiness with you, it's better if you leave him. Don't make him as dark and miserable as you. You stayed quiet, but I won't let my brother be a scary cat and carry a relationship he doesn't want at first place."
Her fingers twisted the blanket. "You don't have to worry about it. Sleep." Nodding, I laid next to her, feeling happy on knowing she would leave him and Kabir would pay his attention to me. I would no longer be a burden because in reality someone else was and he had no idea about it.
He thought I was the burden when she was the real one in his life.
In the middle of the night, my eyes had fluttered by some voices. I tried to dodge them away, but couldn't and listened to the conversation.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine," Alina said to someone. I opened my eyes and saw her standing near the window with a man. I was about to scream when I recognized his voice.
It was Kabir.
"You should leave. She'll wake up."
"Breakfast with me?" I didn't hear her reply but I could see her nodding the head. "At my place."
His hand rested on her back, flushing her to him. In a normal situation, I would've gagged at the sight but I was too much overwhelmed with the betrayal. Even after what I told her, she wasn't ready to leave him.
"Now, go. I'll be at your place in the morning, all dolled up." He started walking away in hushed steps, and I pretended to sleep as he left the room.
When I knew, he wouldn't come back, I flew from the bed, and walked to her. She opened her to mouth to say anything but I didn't give her a chance and shook my head in disgust.
"You're so desperate for him. My brother showed you a little pity over your past and you're not ready to let go of him. Or is it his money you're after? Why don't you understand it? You're nothing but a liability he's carrying. You're nothing but a mental person who takes pills to be okay, to be normal. You're sick, Alina. Or maybe you're not. Maybe it's all a plan to gain sympathy from all of us. I never saw you breaking down or having a panic attack. You seem normal to me. Maybe you cut yourself for attention. I think your maternal family is right. Your mom is right. Maybe you lied to all of us."
I didn't let her say anything to me, and without looking back, left her house, walked to the car and departed for the airport. Deep down I knew what I had done was a mistake. What I said was the most terrible things in the entire world. And maybe she would never forgive me.
And maybe, I didn't deserve it anymore.
"Ma'am, do you need anything else?"
My mind wrapped the memory into a tight knot, and swept my gaze to the waiter, wearing a white shirt and black vest. I took note of the filled waffles plate in front of me and shook my head in the answer. He was about to retreat when I halted his steps and said, "One Reno Cocktail."
He nodded with a smile, leaving me alone with the troubling thoughts.
There was no doubt that I had to apologize to her for the venom dipped words, but she wasn't picking my call nor replying to the messages. What I had done was unforgivable. But maybe she would forgive me and see what I said was in sadness. I didn't mean them. I would never hurt my best friend.
But my demons were awakening, and I was loosing my control. It was like I had no control over myself. And I was doing things that would wreck my world entirely.
Looking around, I saw families, couples, group of friends and here I was alone. Lonely on a table with a despair residing in my crumbling heart. I changed my gaze to the view outside the restaurant of the resort, taking in the tall palm trees and a shimmering swimming pool. The sun was at its peak as the bright light made my eyes blind, and I turned my eyes back to my brunch.
Taking the knife, I cut a piece but didn't have the strength to put it in my mouth and placed the cutlery back on the plate. Moving my hands, I got hold of the pamphlets, searching for the places to go. The names of beaches, churches, spice gardens and so on were rushed to my mind. They weren't new for me. I had come to Goa for my school trip, but the memory seemed fogged now and the teenager in me had grown up to something else.
Assessing the name of each, I decided to go to the Salim Ali bird sanctuary and refresh my mind with the long forgotten memories.
The waiter came back and placed my cocktail on the table.
"Anything else, Ms. Oberoi?" It wasn't the waiter but the manager. I flinched from the name, and move my head to him, wearing a fake smile.
"That's enough." Sweat embed in his eyebrow, and he swiped his finger over it and nervously laughed.
"How was the suite?"
"Fantastic." Licking my lips, I said, "Would you mind not to call me Ms. Oberoi? Especially, not meet me personally."
"But--"
"Please, I insist."
He nodded and parted, giving me a breath of relief. I had come here yesterday, after realizing my credit card limit was reached and no money was left on my debit card. The only free place to let me stay was our own hotel. I hated using my name, but I was left with no other option. It was this or go back to Rupika's house and handle Rahul.
After I had left, Rupika called me numerous times, and numerous times I had cut the call, ignoring she ever existed in the first place. I knew why Rahul was here. He wanted to take me back, submit me in front of my brother and make me see how much childish I was sometimes. For him, I was still the same girl who ran away from the house with her school boyfriend by making an excuse of going to Chandigarh. And how much it had cost me in the end.
One whole year wasted of Medical by not clearing my NEET exam.
The chair screeched and a heavy body landed, making me change my gaze to him and gasp in surprise.
"What the hell--"
"Morning," He smirked, drumming his fingers on the top of the table. Without asking, Rahul took the mocktail and sipped. "It's getting boring. Me chasing you, you running away. Why not we settle and talk like adults?" He removed the slice of orange and placed it on the table.
Fisting my hands on my lap, I seethed at him. How did he find me again? How did he find me again and again? Was running away from so tough?
Without giving him any reply, I took my phone and ran away from the restaurant. I didn't care if he was following me, I didn't care that people were staring at us and I didn't care when he snatched my hand, pushing us inside the elevator.
Resting my back against the cold metal, I took deep breaths and glared at him through my disheveled state.
"Why are you following me?"
He pressed a button, leaned against the closed doors and pinned with a bored look. "I know, right? It's getting boring."
"I'm not coming back. I need time and space. Why don't you understand it?"
Crossing his arms against his chest, he bit his lower lip. Without any notice, my eyes went to his stomach, worried about the stitches. Why was he traveling at this stage? Had he done mad?
"I understand." And my head snapped to his, shocked by the statement. "I understand and I have an idea."
"What?" I asked in a small voice.
"You want time. I'm looking for a vacation. What's the best place than Goa? We spend one week together—just you and me—and then you go back and see what you need to do."
"Why would I do that?" I detached myself from the wall. I couldn't even handle for a second, and he was talking about the whole week? Or did he forget about the fight we had before I ran away? How he insulted me in front of the whole restaurant and claimed I was pregnant?
"Because you didn't hear the whole thing." He shook his head in amusement. "After this, I'll leave you for forever. No more me to bother you."
"You're lying!" He denied, pacing back and forth in the small space. His chest heaved up and down to take big gulps of breath.
Concerned, I outward my hands to rest on his chest, but he pushed it away, and gave me a warning look. He hated whenever someone tried to get come near him at that point.
"I'm fine."
"We should go out. We both know you can't stay in elevators for a long time."
"I said I'm fine. I've my pump." He pointed to his jeans pocket. "As I was saying, I got a job in Hyderabad as a finance manager. I'll be moving out after three weeks. Permanently. Just one week with me like a last time between frenemies?"
Was he leaving Delhi? And that for forever? Why didn't I know about this before and why hadn't he told anyone about this?
Just for a second, something happened in my heart like a pinch. But I should be happy. I wouldn't see him anymore lingering around the house, no more meeting him for the sake of the group, no more headaches or anything. Just no more him. It would be peaceful. Didn't I ask this for a long time? But then why when this seemed to be coming true, I didn't like it.
So, I pushed that filthy thought and smiled.
"Wow, forever, right?"
Darkness coated his eyes, and he nodded.
"Then I don't mind. Just a week. But let me tell you, I'm not looking for wasting it."
We shook our hands.
"Neither was I."
At the back of my mind, I knew this would change everything. One week was too much for both of us, but if it meant I wouldn't see him anymore, then I was ready. At least, he wouldn't bother me in future.
At least, he would be gone from my life.
And when he would be gone, I would rest in peace and throw a party.
I nodded my head towards the button, and he pressed it again to start the elevator. He stood next to me, not saying anything but I could hear the ticking of the jaw, breaths heaving up and down.
My phone beeped and I looked at in anticipation, wishing it was from Alina but it was from Kabir.
Do me a favor. Don't ever come back. Stay the hell where you are. I don't need a selfish sister like you in my life.
"Confession, I had a sister and she died."
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Little long chapter, isn't it? But you need to know, this book will have less chapters but longer in length.
Why such a long scene between Nisha and Alina? You must be wondering. Let me tell you, Alina plays a very big role in this book and for the character development of Nisha, who's still amateur. This book may seem bratish and you may hate Nisha at this point, but don't stop reading.
Nisha has the most beautiful character development.
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