Take Me Home
Sung by Jess Glynne
"Wrapped up, so consumed by all this hurt
If you ask me, don't know where to start
Anger, love, confusion roads that go nowhere"
Micah:
I walk back to the quarters and my bedroom where my wife is waiting for me. My dread grows with each step I take, I know when I return to my bed still damp from the shower Rosy will be awake, hell she will be awake now, before I even reach the building. There will be no words between us, even if I reach out for her the silence will be there between us.
I go through the motions of a shower mechanically, I am loath to wash the scent of my daughter from my skin but if I don't make this small concession to Rosy she will leave the room. I barely wipe the moisture from my body before lifting the sheet and sliding into bed. Rosy is laying on the far edge of the bed with her back to me, I lay with my head turned towards her for a few unbearably long moments before I turn my head to stare at the ceiling. As I lay there I can hear the slightest hitch in her breathing and I squeeze my eyes shut tightly before reaching out blindly to turn the radio on. I don't want to hear the faint telltale sounds of her crying.
The small space between us contains an insurmountable wall, a distance between us I don't know how to close. I lift my left hand, the one that once again wears my wedding band, I want to reach out and touch her. Slowly my hand lowers to the mattress once again as I loose my courage, I don't think I can take the way she holds herself rigid in my arms.
Rosy:
I lay awake long after I begin to hear Micah's odd quiet snore above the soft music playing. Early each morning when he returns from her he turns the radio on, he doesn't speak to me anymore, doesn't offer what comfort he can give me. The emptiness that sits coldly within me aches and I clutch my arms around myself as I carefully ease myself up to sit on the edge of the bed.
The DJ on the radio chats away in a quiet voice and as the notes of a new song begin to drift softly from the radio I turn my head to listen to the tune that seems to echo the sadness inside me. I listen to the words as the songstress sings, it's as if the song is being played for us. The lyrics touch something deep within me and I close my eyes as I let my head lower until my chin rests on my chest. The song comes to an end and another starts, slowly my eyes open and my chin lifts as I listen to the words of the song. I move to sit in the rocking chair that has been pushed back in the corner, I push with one foot until the chair is rocking in a steady rhythm that soothes.
"In that set we had Adele with Love in the Dark followed by Jess Glynne and Take Me Home and Sugarland with Stay. On a more upbeat note we had ..."
I block out the drone of the DJ's voice as I close my eyes and loose myself in the gentle rocking motion of the chair.
"Turn here!" I demand as I lean forward as I point at a dirt road to the left. I hear Sam grumble beneath his breath in the back seat as Malcolm chuckles behind the wheel before slowing abruptly to take the corner safely.
"Where the heck are we?" Steven demands from behind me. I can hear the traces of sleep in his voice as he says something to my brother but I am too enthralled with the bush that flits by as the vehicle travels up the dirt road.
The knowledge we are drawing closer fills me, it soothes something inside of me while feeding some wild need. I jerk around to stare out the driver's side for a bit before squirming in my seat to look out my own window.
"There! Go off there and park the other side of that clump of Teatree!" I order as my inner cat paces restlessly.
"Stay on the road!" Sam orders from the backseat but Malcolm chuckles and I catch his quick sidelong glance my way.
"Better yet get back on the bitumen road," Steven growls. He then starts cursing as the vehicle bumps over the rough ground of the shoulder of the road. I can't help the feral smile that has my teeth showing as I glance back at the two protesting toms. What had started out as a simple trip into town had been diverted under my directions towards my mountain.
The hairs on my arms and legs stand on end as does the hair on the back of my neck as the vehicle comes to a halt. I have my door open and am a good ten metres away from the vehicle before the engine is turned off. I pause to glance back at the others who are watching me with various expressions on their faces.
"Get back here!" Sam demands but I laugh with the unrestrained joy that is flowing from the ground beneath my sneakers up into me.
"Come on," I call out to him, "It'll do you good."
"We don't have time for this," Sam says tightly. I feel my smile fade as I stand looking at my brother. He is pale and still weak from his injuries that just aren't healing the way they should, injuries he should never been able to survive.
"You need this as much as I do," I don't know where the knowledge comes from but I realise it is true as it leaves my lips. I turn my head to take a look at the mountain behind me before turning my attention back to my brother.
"I can't make you come if you don't want to but you can't stop me from going," I say calmly and evenly before turning away from them and setting off for my mountain. Something guides my steps, a memory? An instinct? I'm not sure, I only know when I have to change direction slightly to find a path that is waiting there for me.
Upwards ever upwards I travel, now and then I pause to glance behind me. I can no longer see the three forms following me but something inside me, something wild and frightened can feel them following me ...
The bush around me wavers as if from heat and transforms into a different kind of vegetation. The ominous smell of a coming storm hangs heavy in the air and I pause on a rocky ridge to look back over my sleek shoulder. My fur glints copper and black in the late evening sun, the rising wind ruffles my fur along the top of my back parting the strands to caress the skin beneath. I can't see my pursuers but I can feel them behind me, dogging my steps. It's strange, I know fear drives me, fear of being caught, fear of what they will do to me ...but yet ...
I fall to my knees with a gasp, one hand clutches the rough bark of the tree beside me while my other hand cups the side of my head. The pain in my head quickly lessens and I concentrate on my breathing as the memory swirls in my mind as if looking for a place to stay. Tears of pain dry on my cheeks as I get to my feet shakily and glance back over my shoulder slightly surprised to find myself in human form not cat. My head throbs dully but I shake it off, shake off the fact Micah isn't here to hold me through the agony.
I begin walking up the slope once again as I turn the memory over and over in my mind examining it. I know I had been afraid, more than afraid, I had been terrified. No lingering trace of it remains just the knowledge that is how I had felt at that time, even my memory doesn't contain the sensation. I pause for a moment and look up the rocky incline, my eyes are drawn to the faintest of scratch marks in a rock. I feel one corner of my mouth lift slightly in a half smile as I recognise them. I had made them on one of my many treks up this slope, maybe it had been one of the times I had been returning from Nimbin. I turn and look out across my country in the direction of that small country town.
How many times had I paused in this very spot before starting the final leg of the hike up to the shack? It couldn't have been many, this was a rarely used route because of how easy it was. I frown as I look back behind me, this was the easiest way, I had known it when I picked it because of Sam. The few memories that I have succeeded in retaining are curiously colourless, they have only the knowledge of emotion not the sensation. The feel.
The urge to strip off my clothes and proceed on four paws swamps me but I stubbornly turn around and sit facing down the mountain. I watch for the three who are following me, I can feel them getting closer. I find myself picking some leaves and stems from a small plant at the base of a tree, I study them for a moment before nibbling on the base of the stems. The sweet but tangy flavour hits my tongue and I close my eyes as memories dance in my mind. All too soon the unnatural sound of human voices pulls me from my journey down memory lane and I open my eyes to see Malcolm and Steven half supporting Sam as they trudge up the trail. I wait until they nearly reach me before standing up making them hiss startled.
"Change, it's easier as a cat from here on," I say firmly.
"No." Steven says in a hard tone. "We are returning to the vehicle and going home. All of us."
I don't miss the way he stresses the word and I cock my head to the side as I eye him thoughtfully. The knowledge rises within me that there is no way he can force me to do as he has just said.
"You have children to look after," Sam says breathlessly and I glance at him taking in his pale strained face, the sheen of sweat on his skin. I feel the pulse deep within me and glance back over my shoulder towards the tower of stone behind me. The feel of my brother's skin is cold and clammy as I grasp one of his hands, forcing him to his knees as I push his hand flat to the ground. Something tingles up my arm to my shoulder and I lift my head to look into his startled eyes, Steven and Malcolm's protests in my ears.
"Feel it?" I ask whisper soft. "It's stronger further up,"
"That's it!" Steven yells pulling me upright from where I had been crouched. "You have children to look after, a young kitt to get to know,"
"What good am I to them?" I ask evenly. "I ... I ... I'm not their mother ... I don't know who I was ..."
My words trail off as I look towards my mountain. I can almost hear it calling my name as I close my eyes as a light cool breeze brushes against my face. I can smell rain coming, images flit behind my closed lids ... I open my eyes slowly and look down to where Sam sits with both hands pressed flat to the ground.
"Go back and tell Micah we will be home when my sister is ready," Sam says lifting his head. I don't need to look at him to know his colour is better, the exhaustion in his face less noticeable.
I turn away from them as I begin peeling my clothes off, I kick them under a bush and out of sight before dropping to my hands and knees. Startled voices surround me as I change quickly into my cat form, a strong arm attempts to catch me across my chest but I growl and twist away stretching as I move.
"Hey!" Steven yells behind me and I pause as I look back over my shoulder. Sam and Malcolm are pulling their shirts off over their heads so I turn back towards my mountain as much as I long to race forwards I am aware that Sam would be unable to move fast, resigned I take my time walking forward.
I stand at the edge of the clearing looking out at the large pond in front of me. Green grass reaches to the very edge of the water, a flock of green and yellow budgerigars cluster around an old fallen sapling as they take turns bathing in the water. Bellbirds call from the shadows in the trees, a family of Kookaburras starts laughing on the far side of the pond and I take a step out into the open. I turn my head this way and that watching the flurry of colours as birds take off startled, I bound into the water enjoying the coolness as I leap forward launching myself well out into the still water.
I strike out strongly as I swim across the pond. I trail my muzzle low and snort bubbles as I go, I realise how much I have missed this place. I soon feel rock under my paws and walk to the bank, to the large slab of rock that provides the perfect place to sunbathe. I stretch out leisurely on the warm rock, I groom myself carefully working the moisture from my fur before I close my eyes and let myself doze in the sun.
The indignant scolding of a will wagtail wakes me and I lift my head to see Malcolm and Sam walking around the edge of the pond as the little bird dances from grass clump to grass clump near them. I watch as Malcolm drinks his fill but Sam only takes a few laps before lying on the cool grass tiredly. His scared sides are heaving as he rests his chin on his outstretched front legs. I walk over and run the leather of my nose over his ears before lying down beside him and gently grooming an unmarked area of his shoulder.
The shadows are starting to get long when I get to my feet and chuff at the two toms to follow me. I trot off up the steep path that is hidden by a healthy growth of grass. I walk between two trees at the end of a lantana patch and turn to look at the hunting shack barely visible in the tangle of undergrowth. I eye the rough building with suspicion, I lower my head and press my ears back as I curl my top lip in a silent snarl. I glance back the way I came and see Malcolm come into sight, he pauses as he looks behind him and I swivel my ears as I hear the faint sounds of my brothers exhausted steps.
I turn my head back towards the shack, my nostrils flare as I search for whatever it is that has the hair along my spine rising up. Ears forward and top lip curled silently I drop until my belly almost touches the ground before I flow forward in silence. I haven't made it halfway to the front porch when the front door swings open and a large form moves to the edge of the porch. I almost don't see the second feline form move to stand beside the first as I drop motionless into a patch of shadow. Fury fills me as I watch the two large cats step off the porch and into a patch of late evening sunshine. I feel every hair on my body literally stand on end as the large Golden Tiger stands on it's hind legs to scratch up as high as it can reach on a tree while the smaller grey and white creature spray marks a bush.
Outrage ignites my fury and before I am aware of my own intentions I have crossed the distance to the tiger and launched myself with an outraged shriek up at the startled creature to sink claws and teeth deep into it's huge front shoulder. The force of my charge combined with my weight sends us both rolling toward the front of the shack. I twist before I hit the ground, my feet beneath me as I continue my attack on this stranger who has dared to invade my sanctuary. I bite and swipe with my claws before backing off as my larger opponent turns to face me with a defensive hiss.
I swivel my ears and hear the smaller cat some distance away calling to the tiger in front of me. I snarl in outrage and rush in to deliver several lightning swift rakes of my right front claws as I dodge the large paw that swipes with a blow meant to connect with my head. I am aware of Malcolm's roar and I can hear him charging towards us as I stalk my prey. My sense of smell tells me both intruders are female and I shriek my outrage at their invasion of my land. I can also tell they are both werecats and this coupled with their gender has me ready to defend this area. The tiger raises her head and sniffs towards me, she swipes her nose with her tongue before sniffing again.
I hear Malcolm grunting urgently just behind the tiger and I snarl at her as she glances his way. I watch her suspiciously as she lowers her head but keeps weary eyes on me. Malcolm moves past her quickly and rubs his head along my neck as he purrs loudly, he tries to get me to turn away from the tiger but I growl loudly. I watch silently as the tiger begins her change to human form, I glance away from her long enough to check on the smaller cat that is also changing to human form. I stand silently watching the two human women as Malcolm finishes his change before I take two steps closer to the tall statuesque auburn haired woman I had attacked. I yawn in her face exposing my teeth before forcing myself through a fast change.
"Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my home?" I demand as I glare at the petite coffee brown woman who moves to stand by the other woman.
"I am Annushka, this is Ceskia," The small woman answers softly.
"We is sorry we not know this hut is claim," Ceskia says in an unusual accent. "We knows Malcolm 'n' Zamuel no your."
"It's okay Rosy, Ceskia and Annushka are friends," Malcolm says soothingly as he tries to grasp my upper arm but I shrug him off with a low sound of annoyance.
"Zia, Annush, this is Rosy Micah's wife and sister of Sam and Mitchell," Malcolm says with a slight movement of a hand towards me. "Rosy, these are Ceskia and Annushka. They immigrated from Europe,"
"Well this area belongs to me!" I say in a snarl as I take in their names.
Zia is about my height but where I am trim and sleek her body is well filled out and curvy but her most striking feature is the mane of hair that matches her pelt colour exactly, a vibrant mix of different tones of golden orange and cream.
"We just visitin," Ceskia says in a soothing voice.
"Yes we bush walking and find this house," Annush says with an animated nod.
I glance at her taking in her petite form, the shiny black hair cut short in almost a pixie bob that accents her large silver grey eyes. My anger and aggression is quickly calming down, I can see they mean no threat but still their presence here does not sit well. I give an annoyed grumble and head for the shack eager to see inside of it.
The interior of the shack is cool in the noon heat, the slight breeze that stirs the leaves of the trees always seems to blow in through the front door and out the back door. Light filters in through the small windows with their slightly cloudy glass, I have them propped open slightly to encourage airflow without the doors being left open. Dust motes dance above the chest of drawers that holds my few changes of clothing I keep here and the small shelves on the wall are packed with tins to store any food I want to keep here. The radio crackles with static and it is hard to make out the music playing, I reach over to turn it off and my hand brushes the piece of paper sitting next to it ...
I give a start as I find myself reaching for something that is no longer there, I take a deep breath to steady myself at the unexpected memories.
This is my sanctuary, the thought flits through my mind as I look around the interior of the shack.
There's the bed with the mattress I restuffed with wild cotton, the chest of drawers, the small table and old wooden crate I used as a chair. I open the top drawer out of curiosity and smile as I see a couple of small lengths of Camphor Laurel twigs sitting on top of folded clothing. I lift the top item out to find it is a top and a pair of shorts folded together as one, the top is snug over my breasts while the shorts firm around my hips.
"I've been gone too long," I whisper softly to myself.
"We always wondered where you went," Malcolm's voice surprises me and I turn around to find him standing just inside the doorway looking around with interest.
The image of the pond I had swum in and napped by flits through my thoughts as I follow Malcolm's example and glance around the interior of the shack. A comforting sense of rightness, of welcome fills me as I stand there, barefooted on the dirt floor. I can feel the power and strength of the land flowing into me as my mountain welcomes me home.