I made my way downstairs, only stumbling a few times. My mother was at the bottom of them holding a small package. I was confused at first. And I didn't know at the time but it's contents, would change me forever. I took the package, and went back to my room. I sat on my bed, and carefully ripped it open. Inside there was a small wrinkled piece of paper. I began with that. I slowly began reading it, about midway I dropped it. Confusion spread throughout me. Memories flooded thoroughly. Her laughing face, the way she looked at me with that sparkle in her eyes, the way the sun shone down on her pale skin, or the way her hand would accidentally touch mine. Or the way I craved to have her lips pressed against mine.
She was gone...I could no longer imagine a future to where we could be together. Guilt claimed it's way to the darkest depths of my mind. Why didn't I do anything? I saw the signs...but I did nothing..
I lifted the small notebook that held her very existence. This was one of the last things I had of her, other than my memories, other than that small photograph of us sitting in a tree laughing, unaware we were being photographed. I lifted the cover open, and read each word. I vowed to finish her last words that very night.
I don't know how many tears were shed as I read through her bunched up writing. It was almost too much too handle, down to the very last word.
There was so many things that I could have done to help her, so many. But I didn't. And that makes me a failure. I failed the only girl I ever cared about.
I will always love you, Mattie
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