n o t e
yes, you're not dreaming at all. i wrote the whole chapter after i've posted the previous chapter. literally after posting it, i immediately started writing this. i was on a roll, you know.
this chapter is very important to the whole story. although it may not answer some of the book's biggest questions, it will definitely clear up a huge chunk of mystery on the plot. but not all of it.
i hope you like it as much i enjoyed writing it. x
sky
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shameless cast posting again
[ arthur; paige; owen; cain ]
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—thirtyseven—
the untouchable
PAIGE SAID HER thank you to the waiter as he placed down the pizza between her and Jouwee.
"Wow, this looks good," Jouwee mumbled, rubbing her hands together in absolute anticipation.
She couldn't stop talking about the new pizza place which she only saw on Instagram a few days ago, and the hype seemed to live up to its loud reputation. They went for their best seller, which had four types of cheese, steak shavings, fried onion rings, pineapple, barbecue and chili meat sauce among others, and it was as big as a tire of a ten-wheeler truck.
And although Paige was trying to eat healthy, it wouldn't hurt to indulge herself with the ones she'd normally frown upon. But this one was morbidly unhealthy, but looked so tempting at the same time.
Paige groaned. "Holy moly, it does. And it smells amazing! This looks like a slow death, though."
"Oh, shush. Just dig in." So they did, and after a couple of mouth-grappling and oily struggles, Jouwee talked between a filled mouth, "So, what're your plans for Christmas? Other than staring at Malcolm's hot ass?"
Paige choked on her pizza, and stared at her in horror. "I wasn't staring at his butt! And he's, like, twenty-eight or nine. He's practically an older brother. Wait, why're we even having this Malcolm-conversation?" She sighed when Jouwee winked, just as she placed her half-eaten pizza on her plate, licking her thumb. "I don't know, yet. Always went for a vacation in the past, sometimes to somewhere warmer, but now–I don't think that's possible. My training's on-going and I can't just abandon my work, you know?"
Jouwee rolled her eyes. "There's this thing called vacation."
"Yeah, I know, but...like, even the thought of filing for a leave makes me feel apprehensive."
"What? Paige, you're just going to ask for an excuse for a couple of days, or a week's worth of time-off. It's Christmas, hello..."
"Sorry, miss, but your friend's an introvert," she said, mouth twitching when Jouwee tossed her a flat stare. "Besides, you can't just ask for a leave when you're new at your workplace, you know?"
"You're a Cadwyn," said Jouwee matter-of-factly, as if she couldn't believe about the words she'd just spoken. "Your family owns the business. Of course, they'd allow you to."
But Paige thought otherwise. Scrunching her nose in disagreement, she peeled her pizza from her plate and resumed chomping on it. "Well, this isn't a matter of exclusive rights. I want to earn something because I deserve it, not because I have the prerogative to."
"I figured. I finally booked a ticket to Thailand. Can't wait to see the elephants and the countryside. I'd be participating in this volunteering project; a couple of foreigners would join me there." Jouwee huffed. "But just in case you'd change your mind, where would you go?"
"I probably won't go far," Paige replied, and suddenly thought of a closer place but still would make her feel like she was out of the country. And private, most especially. "Oh, I haven't seen Lakewood, yet. Owen's dad bought a huge piece of land there years ago, he told me. That would be a good place to start."
Jouwee's eyes brightened, much to Paige's confusion. "Really? Dude, you have to go! The place is absolutely stunning. I'm sure Senator Callaghan had a couple of rustic or log cabins there, with inground pools and Jacuzzis. Oh, and it would be an amazing time to skate through the frozen lake," her eyes were all glimmering and distant as if her head was up in the clouds, "and then you'd stay there for a couple of days and nights with Owen–"
"Jouwee!"
"What?" the idealist drawled innocently; and as she ate again, her mouth twisted into what seemed like a sly smirk, "It's romantic; just a silly imagination. And why're you blushing?"
"I am not." Paige cradled her forehead with her hand rather weakly. "That's a silly imagination, indeed. Hey, are you finally going to see some monks?"
"Changing the topic, I see."
"Whatever. That's not gonna happen, anyway."
Jouwee almost snorted her eaten pizza out of her nose. "So you were entertaining the idea?" She doubled over in laughter–when Paige squirmed in discomfort–hardly uncaring about the curious stares.
"Oh, shut up," Paige sulked, only to undo her crossed arms when two young girls approached them, both wearing bashful expressions, "Yes?"
"Hi!" The Korean girl greeted. "I'm Hye Jin, and this is my friend," she gestured to a brunette, "Rosie. We're freshmen at Hackett. Can we take a picture with you?"
In the background, Jouwee snorted as if to stop a laugh. Paige deadpanned at her before smiling at the two. "Sure." And when she extended Hye Jin's phone herself to Jouwee, the latter sobered up and gave her an unamused look. "Do the honor, please."
Without a word, although faintly aggravated, Jouwee obliged and tapped the shutter for a couple of shots. Right after, she slowly lowered the phone as she stared at the screen, and her eyebrows marginally wrinkled. Then she tilted her head up to look at the girls, silently giving the mobile back to Hye Jin, shooting them a small smile.
The girls said their gratitude and went back to their table. And Paige immediately turned to Jouwee with a slightly confused mask down her face.
"Are you alright?"
Jouwee blinked, her mouth closing and opening. "I..."
"Jouwee?"
"No, I–" she shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair, and then half-engaged with picking up tissues to help herself with pizza again, "Nothing. One of the girls just look familiar to me. I can't remember where I've seen her."
"Which one? Hye Jin?"
"Um–no. The Rosie girl."
"Oh, okay. That's frustrating, isn't it? When you see someone familiar and you can't remember where you've seen them. Or how you guys met. It's honestly annoying."
Jouwee nodded. "Sure, it is." She sighed and pulled the sleeve of her jacket to glance at her wristwatch. "You know what, I think we should go. I have to get to back to campus. I'm trying to finish a report."
"Wait, we've barely eaten two slices."
"Don't worry, we'll take halves each for takeaways."
Paige shrugged. "Okay, then. Sounds good.
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Arthur quickly hid behind the swinging doors to the kitchen, but he stayed there for a moment with his hand wedged between the leaves of the doors a fraction wider while he looked back at Jouwee. She was quickly thanking the waiter who'd boxed their orders and practically dragged Paige out of the diner.
But before they could go out of the exit, she let Paige out first just so she could glance back inside the restaurant. Jouwee was nothing but a figure of utter puzzlement and they were staring at each other for a couple of moments. Arthur swallowed and nodded at her, the plead in his eyes, hoping Jouwee would get the message across.
Jouwee's eyes were curiously dry, and then, slowly, she nodded in understanding. Then hurried out of the door.
And when she did, Arthur let out a huge breath.
"Hey, man. Endorsement time..." It was James. He just got back to work after his wife, Sarah, gave birth to twins. "I've finished writing on the day dots, you just have to put the label on the products. Heard it's food inspection tomorrow so I'm sure you can take care of it. Oh, and we're running out of tomato and chili meat sauce. Can you please make another back-up? Maybe like, one more casserole."
"No problem. Shift's done?"
"Yeah," his workmate said, pulling out his gloves and washed his hands on the sink provided for the employees'. "Everything alright? You know I hate that look on you."
Arthur shook his head, letting out a smile. "Been better. That's not good. Sarah just gave you twins and now you're balding and I think you've just gotten a poor eyesight right about now."
"Oh, fuck you. I'm not that bald," James said, and touched the top of his head with non-existent hairs after he'd washed his hands. "And please, my vision's 20/20. Anyway, are you gonna carry on with the drop-out thing?"
"Yeah."
James sighed as he untie his apron. "Not tryna' oppose you on this or something but have you thought twice about it? You're about to graduate, man. Closer to freedom; closer to getting that diploma. I think you should just go for it."
Arthur scratched his head. "It's not that simple."
James shrugged in resignation and finally got off his shift minutes later. Arthur thought about everything throughout the whole shift and until he walked under the snow hours later, tucking his hands across his chest in a way that would safeguard him from the cold. His breath was swirling before his face as he heaved a tired breath, trudging all the way to Cain's apartment.
It was more or less half an hour by foot, but his truck was worked over so he had to let it be repaired at a car shop. Riding a cab was out of the question here. He was trying to save a heap of amount for everything.
Reaching a well-lit sidewalk, with people passing back and forth through the cold night, he rubbed his hands together and blew a breath on them. He halted in his tracks when he stumbled upon an appliances shop, and on the TV screens were a recap of the royal ball as they flashed Paige's face, as well as the news about her possible romance with Owen.
He couldn't bear to look away but he really missed her. Really fucking missed everything about her. The clips transitioned to the last dance, and his face crumpled, before he clenched his jaw and finally averted his eyes.
She's waiting.
Then he continued to walk away like she didn't mean the world to him. As if she never resided his mind every single fucking day. As if breaking her heart didn't mean breaking his own, too.
Like he never really loved her all along.
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Arthur knocked on the door of Cain's apartment. He then heard quick successive footsteps, seeing her when she opened the door after a couple of days of not visiting.
"Arthur!"
He chuckled when Robin leaped into his arms and he returned a bear hug, twirling themselves around. When he bent back down so that she was now on the floor, she tugged his hand and led themselves inside.
"I've missed you!" she gushed as he watched him undoing his coat.
"I've missed you, too, princess," he replied, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "Where's Cain?"
"He's washing the dishes."
By the time his jacket was already hooked on the wall near the door, they both plopped on the couch and he ruffled her hair. "I have a surprise for you."
She gasped. "You do?"
He nodded in amusement and took out something from his backpack, revealing a box of cookies. There was a woman who'd pre-ordered a bunch of cookies from the diner, only to give half of them away to all of them employees as an early Christmas gift.
Robin's eyes widened. A pang suddenly made its way into his chest. Even at the simplest things, Robin never failed to smile like everything she had was a luxury all on its own.
"Arthur, thank you!"
He rubbed his hand down her back when she crossed the distance to give him another hug. "You're welcome, squirt." They were still in an embrace when Cain emerged from the hall, crossing his arms as he leaned against the wall, watching them silently. Arthur shot him an apologetic look and his friend sighed, only to finally tilt up his lips in a small smirk.
Cain and him sat together in silence right after Robin left to go to the bedroom where Jude was. The TV was on, but the volume was minimized until it was closer to a distant hum. They both stared at it but not watching the ongoing show.
It was Cain who couldn't help it any longer. "Where're you staying?"
"Somewhere I can sleep."
Cain turned to look at him incredulously. "You know you can always come back here, you know?"
"It's fine," Arthur acted coolly, even if he knew he was feeling beside himself all the time, "I can manage. It's you guys I'm worried about. Here..." he slotted his hand into his back pocket and took out his wallet, before pulling out a couple of bills, "It's not much at the moment but I'll be sure to come back on payday."
Cain shook his head and pushed his hand away. "I can handle this, don't worry."
"Cain," his voice had a warning in it, a sense of finality.
His friend sighed and reluctantly took the cash. Cain placed the folded bills on the table and then leaned himself against the backrest. "Have you seen it?"
Arthur stilled in his seat, but he willed a nod after heaving a quiet, slow breath. "Everywhere."
"Are you alright?"
"I feel fucking grand," Arthur tipped his head back atop the couch and blinked at the ceiling, "I've made a choice. Of course, I have to feel fine."
"Even if there's the possibility of them dating?"
Arthur shrugged. "I don't care, Cain. I haven't given a fuck a long time ago. It's better this way."
"You're still the embodiment of a terrible liar, Art. Just don't let me see you pissing and moaning about it by the time the worst thing happens, or I will really fucking beat you up for real this time."
Arthur let out a chuckle. But he was sure it came out sardonic in Cain's ears. "The worst already happened, man, and you haven't heard me complaining at all."
After another silence had spanned which seemed to linger forever, Cain cleared his throat. "How's Lola and the baby?"
"They're good," he said, a smile tugging at his lips as the flashes of a gummy giggle relived in his thoughts again, "Willow has her mother's eyes. Her hair's growing now. Just like Lola's. You have to see her. She's incredibly adorable."
"I will."
Arthur shifted his head to Cain, the rough texture of the couch brushing against his cheek. "Where's he?"
"He's in the bedroom. He's been asking me about you. Go," Cain backhanded his arm, "make him a happy man."
Arthur stood up and smirked at him. "I'm on it, sir."
Seconds later, he knocked against the open door and the two people in the room looked at him. "Hey."
"Arthur," Jude said weakly, his hand reaching out as Arthur gradually furthered into the room. "Where have you been? I haven't seen you for days."
He positioned himself near Jude, sitting by his bed and met his outstretched hand, clinging onto him like he hadn't seen the man for a very long time. His face was sunken now, his shoulders barely holding up his shirt, and his hair was falling off little by little.
"I'm here now, old man."
Jude laughed, only to stop when a cough wracked his frail figure. Arthur had to fight a wince as he looked at him struggling, holding his hand tighter in his.
"Robin?" Arthur called, and just turned to the girl when she hummed a question. "Can you give us a minute alone, please?"
"Okay."
Arthur smiled and pulled her in for a forehead kiss. He made sure that she'd closed the door firmly shut behind her first, then pivoted back to him. He froze when Jude creased his eyebrows together.
He knew that look all too well. Whatever he had to say, Jude wouldn't believe it.
"Tell me what happened."
He shook his head and tried to look away, but Jude held his hand tightly to stop him from evading the question. They were silent for awhile, simply staring at each other–the man firm in getting it out of him, and the younger one attempting to bury his pain away.
"Arthur, you know that I don't like it when someone lies to me. You know that very well."
Shivers suddenly ran through his veins and his chest compressed so much that he felt like he couldn't breathe. And then, his eyes turned sore before he buried his face in his bed while holding Jude's hand like it was his key to survival.
"Dad, I'm sorry."
He felt Jude's hand atop the back of his head as he cried all of the emotions he'd been trying to bottle up. It was too much now. He'd been avoiding his own sister and father because he couldn't afford to let them see him like this.
"Let it all out, son."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." His throat closed up, and he bit his lip when his sobs cracked his voice, "I'm just so ashamed for what I did. I've done some things that go against what you believe in. What I believed in. I hated mom for doing what she did and now, look at me."
"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Arthur," he said softly, ruffling his hair, and managed to pull him up. When he was fully up, he met Jude's face who had no hint of judgment. "I am your father. You're my blood. There's nothing that can make me unlove you and Robin."
"But I broke her heart, Dad. And I didn't regret a thing. Does that make me a bad person?"
"Of course not. It's the circumstances we're in, but it doesn't define who you really are. That–" he pointed at Arthur's chest, "is you. And that is good. Your heart has always been in the right place. You've never failed me and your sister. I am proud to be your father."
"Dad," Arthur groaned in pain, leaning his forehead against their laced hands as if praying to all of the gods, "please stay."
"Arthur," Jude said, making him look up, sniffing like a little boy. The one who'd been abandoned by his own mother, "You've worked so hard for all of us. I want us now to take a rest, do you understand? I've decided to go for a palliative care."
Arthur stilled, and let go of his hand in disbelief. "No. You can't."
"Son, hear me out, please."
"I'm sorry, dad. I can't agree with what you want. I can do all kinds of job for you guys but this I can't take. No," he said firmly, pounding his fist on the bed, "You fight for me and Robin. You don't get to leave us. Mom abandoned us. Please," he was nothing now but a broken boy and if everyone couldn't see him like this, then his father was a different story, "don't do this to us."
Jude kept silent, knowing that he was practically incorrigible in this state; so, excruciatingly slow, he finally nodded in defeat.
"Good." Arthur heaved a breathy, quiet chuckle, capturing Jude's hand again as he placed their hands in his chest. It was as if he was afraid he'd let go. "I'll be busy again but I'll come back tomorrow probably."
"What have you been doing?"
Arthur shook his head. "Just things. Don't worry about me. I've left some money with Cain. He'll take care of everything you need, alright? I'll buy you medicines tomorrow on the way here from work. They're still the ones you need, right?"
Jude sighed. "Yes."
"Dad," Arthur let out a broken smile, but he attempted to sound lively, "Stay strong. Okay? I'm doing everything to make you well. I need your cooperation. That's all I need from you."
He chuckled, but Jude didn't. Arthur simply turned a blind eye to it like he always did. Maybe he was being delusional to others, but he had faith that not even the love he held in his heart could even destroy. He was indestructible.
At least, he tried to be.
When it was time for him to leave, he tucked Robin and Jude to bed and watched them sleeping for a moment. He quickly pinched the tears that sprung from his eyes and lifted up a small smile, sniffing. His sister was all curled up in Jude's chest like a real daughter of his own. Robin might not be their flesh and blood, but he and his dad accepted her when their neighbor abandoned her to them.
Like Cain, they brought her in with open arms. Because they were the abandoned, and with the four of them together, they were all a family.
Kissing their heads, he then turned off the lights and stood by the doorway. A shadow fell from behind him, and a hand landed on his shoulder.
"I can sleep on the couch. You can have my room. You look tired as fuck, man."
Arthur turned and refused with a sloppy hand. "Nah. Tired is not in my dictionary," he responded quietly, pulling the door by the knob and closed it softly. "Take care of them while I'm not around, you hear?"
Cain pulled up a tight smile. "As always. Will you be at the university tomorrow?"
"Not sure. If my sched's not full, I'll probably go."
"Alright. You sure you won't be sleeping here again?" Cain asked as he followed behind Arthur, trudging towards the hall.
"I'll be damned if I would," replied Arthur as he snatched his backpack from the couch, then aimed for the coat hanging on the wall. He turned the doorknob when he reached it. Coming face to face with the chilling snow outside when he'd stepped out of the apartment, he slung his bag higher up his shoulder and shifted to Cain. "See you soon?"
"Arthur," Cain hurried when he was about to leave, and he footed on the brakes with a questioning expression, "Not trying to be a bitch, but I wanna be realistic. You let time and money take over your life and everything's gone. Art, you have to be here and not there, wherever the fuck you're staying or working. Can't you see it? You're putting your attention on the wrong things. The more time you spend on others which you think is the right thing to do, the less time you have with what's more important. Do it before it's too late."
Arthur clamped his jaw shut and averted his eyes. Words were a convoluted mess inside his head, but he wouldn't stop now. "I'm not being a slave."
Cain scoffed. "You bet your ass you're being a slave."
His words were simply falling on deaf ears, as Arthur blinked back the truth. But there wasn't anything wrong in hoping against hope. Before he finally rounded the street, he looked back at Cain's building as he tightened the coat around him under this harsh weather.
At least they were safe and warm. That was all that mattered to him.
He rubbed his hands together and dragged a deep, shuddering breath. As if readying himself to embark on another journey.
And so on a journey he was. He embraced his arms around his shaking body, trying to stop his lips from trembling and continued like nothing could stop him.
As if he was untouchable.