Sherlocks POV
I walk up to the house, taking a deep breath. My cheek stung a little bit, (Y/N) can really punch hard. I ring the doorbell, and the intercom comes on. I stare into the camera, trying my best to look distressed.
"Ooh! Um, sorry to disturb you. Um, I've just been attacked, um, and, um, I think they ... they took my wallet and, um, and my phone. Umm, please could you help me?"
"D'you want me to phone the police?" A woman voice came over the intercom.
"Thank you! Thank you! Could you please?" I cry, "Oh, would you ... would you mind if I just waited here, just until they come? Thank you. Thank you so much." I cry, holding a handkerchief to my cheek and fake sob.
The door opens and I walk in. "Thank you!" I said, as John and (Y/N) walk in.
"I saw it all happen, I'm a doctor." John said, a little dazed.
"I saw it to, I was just standing by..." (Y/N) said awkwardly. John looks at her weirdly.
"Have you got a first aid kit?"
"In the kitchen." Said the woman, gesturing me towards the front room.
"Oh thank you!" I said, still in character. We walked into the front room. I sat on the couch and (Y/N) followed. I take off my coat and put it next to me.
"Hello. Sorry to hear that you've been hurt. I don't think Kate caught your name." A woman's voice said in another room. Kate, that was her name.
"I'm so sorry! I'm..." I said, still in character, but then she walked into the room. (Y/N)'s eyes widened. My jaw dropped a little. Besides for high heels, she was completely naked.
"Oh, it's always hard to remember an alias when you've had a fright, isn't it?" She said. She was beautiful, brown hair, red lipstick; blood red. She walks into the room, straddling my legs and half kneeling on the couch. She takes my 'dogs collar' off of my shirt. "Now there - we're both defrocked.... Mr. Holmes."
"Miss Adler I presume..." I said in my normal voice. I looked over at (Y/N), who was looking Irene up and down, a look of confusion came over her face.
"Look at those cheekbones. I could cut myself slapping that face. Would you like me to try?" (Y/N) smirked, looking at me. She bites down on the dog collar, (Y/N)'s jaw dropped. John walked into the room, carrying a first aid kit and a bowl.
"Here, this should do it." He said, then stopped in this tracks when he saw Irene. "I've... missed something, haven't I?"
"Please... sit down." She said, walking over to the chair on the other side of the room. I shifted uncomfortably when she sat down, somehow covering everything. (Y/N) moved towards me to get a closer look at her. Her (Y/E/C) eyes, looked her up and down.
I looked her up and down, but she confused the hell out of me. I couldn't find anything. Neither could she. I turn to John, making deductions on him.
Two day shirt; date tonight; hasn't phoned sister; new toothbrush; night out with Stamford.
Relieved that I haven't had a brain embolism, I turn back to Irene, but still nothing.
"D'you know what the problem with a disguise is?" I raise my eyebrow at her, "However hard you try, it's always a self-portrait."
"You think I'm a vicar with a bleeding face?"
"No, I think you're damaged, delusional and believe in a higher power. In your case, it's yourself." I start to unbutton the top to buttons of my shirt, she leans forwards. (Y/N) stares at me. "Oh, and somebody loves you. Why, if I had to punch that face, I'd avoid your nose and teeth too."
She looks at (Y/N), who uncomfortably laughs. Her cheeks turn a bright shade of red, so do mine.
"Could you put something on please? A napkin?" John blurts out, holding up a napkin.
"Why, are you feeling exposed?"
"I don't think he knows where to look." Says (Y/N), pushing my coat towards me. I pick it up and walk towards Irene, letting my eyes wander lower for a split second.
"No, I think he knows exactly where." Irene took the coat from me and threw it around herself. "I'm not sure about you."
"If I wanted to look at naked women, I'd borrow John's laptop." (Y/N) snickers, covering her mouth with her hand.
"You do borrow my laptop."
"I confiscate it!" I said, walking towards the sofa.
"Tell me... I need to know. How was it done?"
"What?"
"The hiker with the bashed in head. How was he killed?"
"That's not why I'm here." I said, looking at her confused.
"No, no, no, you're here for the photographs but that's never gonna happen, and since we're here just chatting anyway..."
"It's not even on the news, how do you know that?" I said.
"I know one of the police men... well... I know what he likes."
"And you like policemen?" I ask, as John sits beside her.
"I like detectives stories - and detectives. Brainy's the new sexy." I stand up abruptly.
"Positionofthecar." (Y/N) looks at me, a concerned look on her face as I begin to pace. "Er, the position of the car relative to the hiker at the time of the backfire. That and the fact that the death blow was to the back of the head. That's all you need to know."
"Okay, tell me: how was he murdered." (Y/N) smirked at me slightly, as I launched into a full conversation about the case.