Authors Note: Sorry, I skipped this chapter at first... oops...☺️
Emma came into work, the hospital walls covered in Christmas decorations and drawings done by the children. The last few days, she had helped decorate for the party and the large Christmas tree with presents that were donated for the kids. Some of the gifts, Emma had gotten with Killian a few weeks ago. Every year they would make donations to the homeless shelter and buy toys for the kids at the adoption agency and the hospital. It was something they always did together.
"So, is Killian coming to the Christams party tonight? Or are you still not talking to him?" Ruby asked Emma as they walked down the halls with Elsa after they had changed into their scrubs.
"No, I told you. We're taking a break until we hook up with other people."
"Emma, why do you always do this? Killian is like the perfect guy with the biggest heart and you keep shutting him out," Elsa told her.
Emma's features fell at that.
"I know, I just... after he left, I just felt too ashamed to face him. Besides, he's much better off with someone whose not going to hurt him."
"Yeah, remember the last time you pushed him toward another woman? He ended up with a broken heart," Ruby reminded her.
"Of course she does. She's the one who picked up the pieces," Elsa added.
"Okay, guys, no need to gang up on me. Besides, Milah made him happy."
"Emma, you need to wake up and smell the freaking roses. You make him happy. Don't you get it?" Elsa asked her.
"I make him happy as a friend, okay? We're better off as friends. I'm not good at relationship stuff, you know that. I'd just end up with a broken heart and a bunch of his old t-shirts."
"Emma, we're talking about Killian. Your best friend who would die for you a million times over before he would ever hurt you."
"Yeah, and that's the problem. I don't deserve him. And I would just push him away and then I would lose him for good."
Elsa sighed. "Emma, have you ever thought that maybe your insecurities are what's holding you back? And maybe if you stopped letting your fears control you, you could be the person that Killian deserves?"
Emma was silent after that as she considered what her friends were saying.
"I know, but this is who I am. Even if I knew how to change, I don't know that I can."
"Why don't you start by just wanting to?" Elsa asked her and they left it at that as they split up to start their rounds.
*****
Six months ago...
"So, um we probably shouldn't tell anyone about this. It's just better that way," Emma said as she stood in front of him, putting on her bra and panties as he pulled on his boxers and pants. He gave her an appreciative look that made her blush as a small smirk curved her lips from the orgasm she had just experienced with her best friend. It was something she would never forget. She always knew that he had a nice body, but being able to experience it pressed against hers with mind-blowing pleasure coursing through her body was something that she would always keep cataloged in her memory.
"As you wish, love."
She retrieved his shirt and cell phone and handed them to him.
"Thank you," he said as he set his phone on the bed and put on his shirt.
"Here, let me help you." She stepped closer to him and started to button his shirt up.
Just touching him created sparks throughout her body and she had to keep reminding herself that he was her best friend and not a guy she just had sex with. She adjusted his collar and threaded her fingers through his disheveled hair to tame it and made the mistake of looking into his eyes. Those familiar ocean-deep eyes that were now looking at her in a different way. Those eyes that had seen parts of her that they had never seen before. It was like their friendship was somehow more special now that they had experienced the one thing they had never done together. She snapped out of her gaze and started to turn around before he put his hand on her arm to stop her.
"You look too obvious, love," he said with a smirk as he reached a hand to run his fingers through her locks to straighten them.
"Better? Can you still tell I just had an explosive orgasm?"
Killian gave her a quirky grin as he grazed his thumb over her cheek. "Considering your cheeks are still quite pink, I would say yes. But I think you look more lovely like this."
His compliments didn't help with the color of her face as she smiled at him. "We should probably go now."
Before they turned to leave, she didn't know how to say goodbye; whether she should hug him or kiss him. Apparently he had the same struggle because she went for a hug and he went for a kiss and then they alternated, so they both decided on a kiss on the cheek. Turns out, that was a bad idea, because when her lips touched his warm skin and his touched hers, her whole body ignited like it did when he touched her thigh for the first time.
"Emma, time to go!" she heard Elsa call from outside the door.
She finally broke apart from Killian and turned to leave as he followed her out. Her body was still buzzing long afterwards.
*****
After Emma was done with her shift, she went into the locker room to shower and change into her dark purple, strapless dress she had brought with her for the party. When she had put it on, she frowned as she looked into the mirror when she realized that Killian wouldn't be there to see her in it. She bought the dress because he had always said that purple was his favorite color on her. In fact a lot of the items, including most of her lingerie, were purple for that very same reason.
"Emma, you coming?" Ruby asked her from the locker room doorway, pulling her out of her thoughts.
She turned around and grabbed her clutch, walking with Ruby to the party downstairs. They met Liam and Elsa, sitting at one of the tables. Emma had decided to work extra hours and be with her patients rather than go home just to sit around feeling bad about how she hurt Killian. It didn't really work though. All of her patients knew Killian because he came to visit with them once and a while.
Emma sat next Liam because he was the closest thing to Killian there was other than her.
"Hey, how's Killian doing?" she asked him nonchalantly.
"Emma, if you want to know how he is then why don't you call him and ask him yourself, lass."
"I know. I just feel too ashamed."
"Why did you do it then? You know you hurt him."
"I know. Things were just getting too intense."
"And you were scared. I get that, Emma. I've known you for a long time. Being in a relationship is hard, but believe me, when you've found the right person, it's all worth it," Liam assured her as he smiled at Elsa and took her hand. He then turned back to Emma. "Just do me a favor, lass..."
"What's that?"
"If you're going to be with him, be with him. And this may sound a bit harsh, but I care for my brother and don't like to see him hurt... Killian is not some toy you can use whenever you feel in the mood to play with, so please don't treat him as such."
"Liam, I don't see him like that. I love Killian," she said defensively.
"I know you do, Emma. That's why you need to choose. You need to either be his friend or his lover. There is no in-between; not with Killian."
Emma nodded silently, staring down at the table as Liam and Elsa stood up. Elsa put a soothing hand on her shoulder.
"He only means well, Emma."
"I know," she said with a weak smile.
She watched as Liam and Elsa went to the dance floor. They looked so happy as they danced. Liam twirled her around and they were both smiling and she wanted that. She wanted to be happy and the only person who could do that was Killian. That's when she realized that she didn't care about anything else at this point. She just needed to see him.
Emma stood up, grabbing her clutch as she headed for the door and reached for her phone to call a cab. She had came there in Ruby's car and she knew that Ruby wasn't going to leave the party or let Emma leave for that matter.
"Emma, where are you going?" Ruby asked her as she approached.
"I'm uh... just stepping out for some fresh air," she lied.
Ruby took the phone, putting it back in her purse and grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the dance floor. "You are not ditching me, Emma. Come on. Let's dance."
"Fine, one dance," Emma sighed as she put her purse on the table. They joined Liam and Elsa, dancing to an up-beat song.
As the song ended, she became extremely anxious. She had to see Killian.
Emma snuck away as Ruby started dancing with Dr. Whale and she went to the table, grabbing her clutch. She took out her phone and looked online for taxi numbers. Before she hit the call button, she received a picture message.
When she opened it, her mouth dropped at what she saw. It was a picture from Killian and he was with two women. They had their hands all over him.
Emma started to panic, tears starting to form in her eyes. This was all her fault. She told him to hook up with other people. Why did she have to ruin the one amazing thing in her life?
Still, she didn't think he would throw it in her face by sending her a photo of not only one, but two women. She threw the phone back into her purse as she felt jealousy boil inside of her.
"Emma, you okay?"
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Neal's voice and she wiped her tears as she pushed her feelings down. She turned around and before she even knew what she was doing, she put her arms around the back of his neck and smashed her lips into Neal's, taking him off guard. She thought maybe it would at least take away the pain and everything else inside of her that hurt. But it wasn't enough, so she thought something else might quell the ache. She broke the kiss and whispered in his ear, "Want to get out of here?"
Neal was still in shock, but didn't hesitate to answer. "Yeah. Let me get my jacket."
As he walked away, still in bewilderment, her phone started ringing. She quickly answered it without seeing who it was.
"Killian, don't fuck one of those girls. Please, I was wrong-"
"What? Emma?"
"Lilly?"
"Where are you? What are you doing?"
"I'm at the Christmas party at the hospital."
"You're still coming tomorrow to help me pick out a wedding dress, right? And no excuses this time."
"Yeah, I'll be there. I promise." She had almost forgot that they had moved it to that weekend since she had told Lily she was too sick to come last time. The truth was, she wasn't in the mood after she had kicked Killian out of her apartment. She had felt completely miserable after that and wanted to call him several times, but just couldn't conjur the courage after what she did to him.
"Good. We're going to lunch afterward with Lance."
"Who's Lance?"
"Oh... he's Mom's boyfriend. I actually wasn't supposed to tell you."
"Why didn't she tell me?"
"Because, Emma. You're always so good at being alone. Mom and I aren't like that."
"I'm not alone," Emma said defensively.
"I'm talking about being in an actually relationship. Most people need that."
As Lily continued to talk to her, she looked up and saw Neal walking towards her with his jacket.
What the hell was she doing? She didn't want to be alone anymore and she surely didn't want to be with Neal. She only wanted to be with Killian... her Killian.
"Lily, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow."
She hung up the phone and before Neal saw her, she darted out the doors into the cold, night air, not even bothering with a jacket.
"Taxi!"
She hailed down a cab and ran as fast as her high heels would take her. She got in and gave the driver Killian's address.
*****
All day at work, she couldn't stop thinking about her best friend. She couldn't stop thinking about his toned body in between her legs and his soft lips on hers. The smell of his skin and the feeling of his prickly stubble against her lips as she tasted him. The way his blue eyes pierced into her soul in a new, exciting way that made her melt on the spot. The feeling of him inside of her as he took her into oblivion.
Her body quivered as she thought of her best friend in the naughtiest way possible. And she was at work... at a Children's hospital, for crying out loud. Why couldn't she get him out of her head?
If that wasn't enough, he came in when she was on her lunch break in the cafeteria. Her heart actually fluttered in her chest when she saw him.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" She asked him as he came to sit with her.
"I came to visit the kids."
"Oh really?" she asked doubtfully.
A slow smirk crept over his lips.
"Well then you should wipe that look of your face," she said with a playful smile.
"What look?"
"That look that says that you just had amazing sex."
He leaned closer to whisper in her ear. "Well, love, I'm afraid you have that look too."
She blushed as he stood up and walked away.
Damn him. She thought that they could have a one-time thing and that would be it, but for some reason her body was craving him like a drug. One hit was all it took and she wanted more. So much more. And that feeling wasn't going away until she satisfied her craving. When she got out of work, she decided to give in to her body's needs and before she knew what she was doing, she was texting him.
E: Your place in thirty minutes?
*****
Emma ran up Killian's doorstep and turned the knob, but it was locked so she knocked loudly on the door, hoping she wasn't too late. She left in such a panic that she forget that her keys were in her jacket at the hospital.
"Killian! Killian Brenan Jones! Open this door!"
It was quickly opened and Killian had an apologetic look on his face as he stepped out. "Emma, it's not what it looks like. Robin brought them over here and sent that picture. I tried to get them to leave but-"
"Killian, I don't care. I'm so sorry. I should have never-"
Before she could finish, the door opened wider and the two girls from the picture came to stand next to Killian.
"What is she doing here? We don't need her, make her leave," Lisa said, pointing her finger at Emma.
Emma gave them a taunting smile as her blood started to boil inside of her. "No, I think you two need to leave." She shoved past them to the door and grabbed Killian's arm. "This man is already taken." She pulled him and slammed the door in the girls' faces, locking it behind them.
"Hey what about our purses!" they shouted through the door. "We left them inside!"
Emma practically ran over to the couch to get the damn things and opened the door, throwing them clear into the front yard.
"What the hell?! You are so mean!" They both yelled and ran after their purses as Emma went back inside, slamming the door shut.
"Love, they're drunk. Should we just leave them out there?"
"They'll be fine. I paid the cab driver to take them home."
With that, she approached Killian and wrapped her fingers around the collar of his button-up shirt, pressing her forehead to his.
"I should have never pushed you away. I just felt so ashamed, I couldn't face you. Can you forgive this idiot?"
Killian flashed her a weak smile as he cupped her face with one hand and moved a stray stand of hair behind her ear. His eyes were dark with need as he answered.
"You aren't an idiot, love. And I forgave you the moment I saw you on my doorstep."
She smiled and pulled his mouth to hers as a tear escaped her eye. She was so afraid that she had lost him and now that he was there in front of her, she never wanted to let him go.
Killan's thumb moved to wipe her tear as their lips moved softly against one another.
"I missed you so much," she breathed, the words getting caught in her throat.
"God, I missed you love. And I don't care if you were with anyone else. I'm just glad you're with me now."
Emma quickly shook her head. "I wasn't. I don't want anyone else. I only want you."
Killian smiled in relief. "That's good to hear... because I only want you too."
Her lips met his again and the need for him became urgent as she deepened the kiss, finding his tongue. She felt fire burning inside of her as her hands went to his buttons, quickly undoing them, exposing his chest. Her fingers sifted through his hair and god... how she missed him... every part of him.
His hands moved to the back of her dress, pulling down the zipper. as she saw desire in his dark, hooded eyes.
She put her hands on his shoulders, sliding off his shirt as he pulled her dress down, exposing her purple strapless bra and panties.
A slow smirk crept over Killian's face as his eyes spanned her figure like he was seeing it for the first time.
"Have I ever told you how much I loved you in purple?"
Emma flashed him a playful smile. "Why do you think I always wear it?"
Killian growled as he backed her against the nearest wall and smashed his lips into hers. He curled his tongue around hers as the passion started to build. She pulled him in deeper, not being able to get enough of him.
Once they shed the rest of their clothes off, their hands were all over one another; pulling and kneading and caressing and stroking every delectable part of each other.
She sucked in a breath when his lips and teeth replaced his touches, starting with her neck; nipping and kissing and sucking as he worked his way down. When he reached her nub, he parted her legs and ran the flat of his tongue along her clit. His tongue was so soft and warm, she almost didn't want him to stop, but she needed him... needed to feel him inside of her.
"Killian, I need you inside of me. Please."
He growled as he gave her one last lick before he came back to her. He wrapped his arms around her and grabbed her butt, lifting her feet off of the ground. She waisted no time hugging his hips with her legs while her fingers wound in his hair and she found his lips again, kissing him passionately. She felt his chest hair against her stiffened nipples as he pinned her to the wall. He nudged her entrance and plunged into her with desperate need.
She gasped as he filled her up completely and her hips moved to greet his as he took her slowly and passionately. She nipped and sucked at his neck as he buried his face into the crook of hers, groaning against her skin. They moved quicker as pleasure started to build. He lifted his face to kiss her swollen lips as they moaned with each thrust until they were screaming eachother's names. Her walls fluttered as his seed spilled inside of her, both of them panting. They were boneless and sated, but they somehow managed to make it to the bed.
"Don't ever leave me again, Killian," she breathed as they laid on their sides, facing each other.
"You told me to, love. I thought that was what you wanted," he murmured as he grabbed her hip, pulling her closer to him.
"You shouldn't listen to me."
"Fine, I won't," he said with a smirk.
She bit his bottom lip with her teeth, tugging on it playfully.
"Can I ask you something, love?" he asked when she released him.
"You can ask me anything."
"You said you were too ashamed to face me. What changed your mind? Was it the picture?"
"No, actually I was about to leave before I got it because I just missed you too much and I wished you were there. Then, when I saw the picture, I was so upset that I almost didn't come."
"Is that so?" he asked, quirking a brow.
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
"Because now I have more reason for kicking Robin's arse for bringing those girls over and sending that bloody picture."
Emma laughed. "I'll help."
"Okay, love." He smiled and carressed her cheek with his thumb as he looked deeply into her eyes.
She nuzzled his nose with hers and found his mouth again, savoring the taste of him as she bit and sucked on his lip.
They made love again before they fell into a peaceful slumber in each others' arms.
*****
"Wow, Emma, I didn't know you were so flexible," Killian said breathlessly as he pulled the covers over their naked bodies and laid his head into the pillow next to her.
Emma laughed lazily. "And I never knew you were so good in bed. We should have done this years ago."
"Agreed, love. Agreed." He turned on his side to face her and she did the same. "So... what now?"
She smiled at the question because it was a damn good one. What the hell did they do now? Normally with the guys she slept with, she'd either be rushing out their door or kicking them out of her bed, but this was Killian, her best friend. The guy she never had to lie to, and even if she did, he could always see right through her.
She searched his eyes as she complemplated their next move. She wanted him, there was no more denying it. Even if she didn't want a relationship or everything else that came along with dating, her body had other ideas in mind.
"Do you wanna do this?"
He looked at her like she was crazy because of course he wanted to.
"I mean, use eachother for sex?"
Killian looked at her hard, trying to figure out if she was actually serious or not. "Is that what you want, love?"
"What I want is someone who is going to be in my bed at two in the morning, who I don't have to lie to or eat breakfast with. I mean, with you, I don't have to make up some lame excuse because I don't want to stay in bed and cuddle."
"But you cuddle with me all the time," he reminded her.
"Yeah, but that's different. It's you. And besides, we always cuddle with our clothes on."
"And now?"
"Well, now, if we were to do this, then yes, I would cuddle with you naked.
"So, you're saying if I have sex with you, I'd get to cuddle with you naked instead with our clothes on?" he asked with a wicked smirk.
She laughed. "Yes. But, only if you're okay with just staying friends. The last thing I would want to do is hurt you."
He lifted a hand to stroke her hair as he grew serious. "Love, the only way you'd hurt me is if you left me."
"You know I'd never leave you, Killian. I've told you before, I'm yours always and forever."