Chapter 44 (second update today!)
"Go to your room" she said, quite softly. I opened my eyes only to see that she went away with her phone. I sighed and went over to my room, lying down on the bed. I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand why I needed to be here. I grabbed some clothes and made my way over to the shower. I turned the shower on, already used to it and stepped in it, letting the hot water burn my skin. It made me feel so good, so clean. I took a deep breath, smelling in the scent of the shampoo. It made me forget about the horrible smell of the hole that held so many memories.
I went out of the shower dressed and made my way over to the room. The bright light hit my eyes. That was something I still wasn't used to. I grabbed the brush and wanted to let Savannah brush my hair when the door opened. I looked up, seeing the one person I had been dying to meet. He looked different. He looked clean. His hair was different and his face too. I almost didn't recognize him. He was smiling at me, and I returned the same expression.
"Gorgeous" he said, looking away. I walked closer to him.
"You look different" I said. He looked back at me and smiled while nodding.
"I shaved my beard and cut my hair. How are you?" he asked me. I just nodded, not being able to speak. I never knew I would be able to see him again.
"I was searching for you. Nobody was telling me anything till I got a call today. Savannah told me that I could see you. She said that it was the best for us to not see each other for a few months. I don't agree with that but I can understand if you want everything that reminds you of then out of your life" he said, sitting down on my bed. I walked over and sat down next to him too.
"You smell really nice. You don't smell like the hole anymore" I said, fidgeting with my hands. I could always recognize his smell. He smelled exactly like how he did when he first came to the hole. I remember how that same scent made me have a good sleep. It had calmed me down without me realizing.
"You smell nice too" he said. We were both silent after that. It wasn't uncomfortable. I really wanted to ask him a lot, tell him a lot. I wanted to tell him about Richard, about the people that asked me so many questions but I couldn't. It was like my voice was gone and I could do nothing to get it back.
"I don't want to be away from you" I don't feel safe, I wanted to add. Something inside of me told me not to tell him, so I couldn't. I didn't want to get punished.
"Beau, I understand, especially since he is still out there. I really want to help you and keep you safe, but I can't. I need to be with my family for now. They thought that I had died. I need to catch up with my Lord. I promise, I will speak to you every now and then but you need the help you are getting. When you feel a lot better, we can keep in touch again" he said, making my eyes tear. I looked away, feeling like I shouldn't show him. I didn't understand him. I didn't get any help. I didn't feel better. I was just the same. Every day was the same. Wake up. Go to the hospital, if not to the police station. Eat, shower and sleep. It made me even more restless and tired each day. How was it supposed to help me? I let the tears fall, not caring anymore. I heard him turn towards me.
"Come on, don't be like this. I know for now it looks like it isn't the best option, but trust me, we need time" he said and I nodded, knowing that he was putting me out of his life. I started to feel anxious. I couldn't think of a life without him, but I knew that if that was what he wanted, I had to do that.
"You promised me" I said, remembering the times he had promised me all these things. He didn't reply, so I took it that he didn't understand it.
"You promised me all these things, yet now you are saying that you can't fulfill them. I kept my promise. I ran when you told me to. Now you are not keeping them. I don't understand it" I said, thinking of the times where he had promised to teach me a lot of things. He had promised that everything was going to be okay. He had promised to find my family, even though I still didn't understand what that meant.
"I'm not. I just tell you that we shouldn't see each other for a few months. After that, I promise I will fulfill them. Why don't you understand me?" because I don't want you out of my life..
"Okay" I replied, not wanting to make him mad. I knew that it was no use. I knew I had to listen to him.
"Just try to do your best at the therapy and know that not everyone is bad like him. There are people like me too that will help you" he said. Therapy? What did Savannah tell him?
"Okay, can you go now?" I said, not being able to hold it any longer. He looked at me, confusion written all over his face.
"I- I thought tha"
"No, I want to be alone" I interrupted. I didn't want him to go, but I knew that him staying wasn't a good choice either.
"Really now? I don't want to separate while being in a fight" he said in a tone that I had never heard him use. It was different. It was fierce, spicy. It wasn't nice.
"What do you want now?" I asked him. Did he want to go, or stay? I gave him a last chance to answer that.
"I want you to recover without me. I don't want you to be reminded of what happened there. Forget it and then we will meet again. We both aren't in a state to help each other. I am now going to walk out of the door and you will hold no grudges. I will come and find you when the time is right, understood?" he said while standing up. I looked him in the eyes, maybe for the last time. His almost black eyes were staring into mine. I knew I wasn't going to see that anymore so I just looked at him for what felt like hours. I slowly nodded, that made him walk out of the door and closing it behind. I still stared at the door, letting the tears fall..
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I am so pissed. I went to school for a few questions that I had but there was no teacher. Then I decided that I would grab coffee with my friend and she was okay with it so I waited and NOW SHE JUST TOLD ME SHE CANT WHY DID I EVEN COME TO SCHOOL?! ugh, at least it got you two updates..