Chapter Eight- Confusion
Julian's Pov
I liked waking up with her with me, it was something I could get used to, she was still asleep as I laid there, I didn't think there was anything wrong with watching her sleep, she was tired and I wasn't going to wake her up. Yesterday we made a promise to tell one thing a day, and I was going to hold her to that, I was just afraid of what I would say to her.
I wouldn't lie to her, that's not productive; though I didn't believe in that shit a few days ago. A few days ago I was content in resisting all of this. I didn't want to admit things and I didn't want to think about things, but mostly I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back to my old life, my old life is what exposed me to it, and I don't want to go through all of this to end up back here.
I admit to myself and Robert that I'm scared, I'm terrified to face all of this, terrified to fail, and terrified to get better. It's easier to be addicted and resentful because then I have an excuse for being the way that I am in my mind.
But if I get better and recover and mess up, it's all on me. There will be no addiction to blame or fall back on, and I don't think I'm ready for that.
I looked down at her again and sighed. I don't know what I was getting myself into at all with this one.
I don't know why I felt the need to talk to her, I don't know why I felt the need to be near her, and I sure as hell don't know why I felt the need for her to be right here in my arms. I didn't even know her, but I trusted her and that was another thing that terrified me.
I liked that she treated me like anyone else, she didn't see me as famous or the guy in the movies or the guy who sings, none of that mattered to her at all, all that mattered was that I had pissed her off and she wanted to put me in my place.
Seeing her so weak and fragile and vulnerable made me want to be the opposite.
I had no idea why I felt this need to be strong for her and help her get past this, I don't know why I felt so protective of her, and I don't know why I was breaking rules and opening up to her, I've repeated all of this in my head so many different ways, and it always ends the same.
With me confused.
When she woke up I was already running late to therapy, and I knew I couldn't skip today's too.
"Hey" I said as soon as her eyes were open.
"Hey" her voice was thick with sleep and her eyes were drooping again.
"I have to go to therapy, I'll be back in an hour, do you want me to bring you some food?" I asked
"I think I'm going to go take a bath." She mumbled and her eyes opened again and this time they were much more awake,
"Okay, let me help you." I told her and I slid out of bed before picking her up and bringing her to the bathroom, much to her protest. I set her on the counter and took the bandages off her feet to look at them, they were healing, and I think she could walk and take a bath without harming herself.
"They're looking better. I can leave you to your bath this time." I told her and her face flushed, probably thinking of last time when I saw her naked.
Honestly it wasn't in any sexual way, so I really didn't look at her body or check her out, she was going through enough and that would have been a low move and extremely disrespectful, I simply helped her out of her clothes and into the bath, nothing more nothing less.
"Thanks" she said and I helped her down from the counter and left the room, but I stayed nearby just in case. I waited a minute or two before I heard her cursing.
"Do you need help?" I asked her and she groaned
"Yes" she mumbled reluctantly. So I came in and she was standing there in her pants and bra and had her arms crossed in frustration.
"I can't pull them off without it hurting either my knee, my hands, or my feet." She said and I nodded in understanding.
I walked up to her and undid the tie of her pajama pants and pulled those down partially before I put my hands on her waist and lifted her up on the counter so I could pull them the rest of the way off her legs.
"Anything else?" I asked, making sure to keep my eyes on hers.
"I can't get my bra off." she looked away embarrassed, I felt for her, this was hard and I was a stranger, and knowing how innocent she was, this made it even more difficult for her to ask. I didn't want her to feel embarrassed but I reached around and popped the clasp of her bra and it fell down her shoulders but I didn't pay attention to that.
Her eyes were gorgeous and captivating and I couldn't look away, I felt the urge to lean in and kiss her but I knew I couldn't.
"I can help you out when I get back." I told her and she nodded and I left before I could do anything stupid.
I was suddenly grateful that I had therapy so that maybe Robert could help me figure all this shit out.
I got there and he was waiting for me with disapproval written all over his face, and I could understand why.
"I missed for a good reason!" I said as I walked through the door and he closed it behind us and looked over at me.
"Well than, let's hear it." he told me, clearly not believing that I actually did have a good reason.
"I was with Bailey." Said and his face went from irritated to intrigued and I wasn't quite sure if I liked that look or not, when he was curious it rarely meant good things, but I was the one who wanted to talk about her and everything, but suddenly I wasn't so sure.
What if I didn't like the answer?
"Why?"
"She still isn't feeling well and I went and got her food and made sure she was okay since she can't walk much right now."
"Interesting" he said as he sat down and I groaned, that is pretty much the worst work you could hear him say.