Will now.
I go to the cinema with Tai, Jordon, Avril and Cherice on Saturday. Avril continuously speaks to me about annoying, stupid things and giggles all the time. We watch a horror film – it has parts in it that make you jump ten metres, and in one part Tai swears considerably loudly when something appears out of a wall, making some guy behind us kick his chair and everyone to look around at us. Then I look to my other side half way through the film to see Jordon kissing Cherice.
The cinema is awful really when I’m thinking about Alyssa.
Thank God I haven’t seen her – I would probably just grab her and kiss her and not be able to do anything to control myself. She would probably scream and accuse me of assault and everything would go awfully wrong.
I get home at around three and just go up to my room and lie down. No one else is home – my dad’s working, and my mum and sister are probably out shopping. It’s better that way – they always question me about what I do when I go out.
My phone buzzes suddenly and Tai’s name flashes up. I grope for it and then press answer, putting it to my ear.
“A-huh?”
“Hey, man,” he says. He sounds strangely relaxed and quiet.
I sit up. “Uh . . . You OK?”
“Yeah, yeah,” comes the reply. “I was just . . . wondering . . . about the whole Alyssa thing.”
I frown. “OK . . .”
He pauses. “Do you like her?”
“Why is this so important to you?” I ask exasperatedly.
He laughs. “I dunno. Maybe I just wanna see a happy ending for once.”
I stare into space. “Tai. Are you feeling OK?”
“Yeah . . .”
I need to get rid of him.
“OK, dad!” I yell. “Sorry, gotta go. My dad’s calling me.”
“Oh.” He sounds . . . disappointed. The world has gone mad. Tai never talks about girl feelings and everything. “Right. Bye.”
I switch off the phone then and then stand up and walk out into the garden. I start shooting a basketball in the net on the garage randomly. My chest, heart, whatever it is, is actually freezing cold even thought the sun is shining brightly, and I feel really depressed. I want to just go back to that day when I kissed her and not kiss her. None of this would have happened.
I’m now chucking the ball at the wall and then catching it. If I hadn’t have kissed her, I’d be hanging out with her normally right now. There’d be no awkwardness or complicated discussions or anything like that . . .
I almost jump out of my skin when I hear a soft banging , creaking, banging. I turn around, my heart beating fast.
Then my heart stops pounding and cold rushes through me. Alyssa is stood there, in front of the hole in the fence, in a white skirt and black vest top, her eyes wide and staring right at me.
She looks terrified.
I turn away from her and start bouncing the basketball.
“Will?” Her voice is timid.
I can’t turn around. I’ll lose my mind.
“Hmm.”
I stand there, with my back to her, staring at the wall.
“I just . . .” her voice trails off. “I wanted to say . . . I’m sorry, Will . . .”
I sigh painfully and run a hand through my hair. “Alyssa, you’re killing me here.”
She doesn’t answer straight away.
I still have my back to her.
“It’s not easy talking to someone who isn’t looking at you, you know,” I hear her say. I still don’t turn around.
“Why are you here?” I ask to the wall.
I hear her sigh. “I can’t . . . I can’t knock you out of my head.”
I don’t say anything.
“I’m sorry,” she says finally.
There’s silence again between us.
I stand there, thinking. I want to tell her what she told me. That I can’t stop thinking about her. And I’m sorry too. Because I made everything so complicated and made her cry and now we’re both heavily depressed.
“Look at me.” Her voice seems nearer now.
Despite myself, I turn around. For a split second, I see her, right there, a few inches away from me. Then all I know is that she’s pulling my t-shirt and I’m kissing her and my hands are on her waist and in her hair and her hands are on my chest and she tastes like she did before – sweet and delicious. Heat spreads across my whole face from where her lips touch mine, and heat fills my chest, getting rid of the cold.
She pulls away suddenly, and we stand there, gasping for breath.
I kiss her again, and again, holding her against me tightly and she kisses me back, her arms around my neck.
“Should we be doing this?” she murmurs against my mouth, but she isn’t stopping kissing me.
I brush a strand of hair off her face back behind her ear. “Not if you don’t want to,” I whisper between kisses.
She pulls away with what feels like difficulty and her eyes flicker around my face. “I’m sorry Will. I can’t keep away from you . . . I can’t not be around you.”
I smile, inhaling her scent. “It’s the same here. What are you gonna do about your parents though?”
She sighs. “I’ll have to just keep my mouth shut.”
I sigh.
Some things you just can’t control. I guess what we have going on here is one of them.
I put my forehead and nose against hers, and we sink to the ground. I sit back against the wall and Alyssa sits on my lap facing me, her legs around my waist.
“What are we going to do?” she says quietly.
“About what?” I ask, caressing her cheek.
She sighs. “Everything. Everyone. Are we gonna . . . tell people?”
I tilt my head back and look at her. Her green eyes are watching mine intensely, shining and wide.
“Do you want to?” I ask her quietly.
She bites her lip. “I don’t know. Myra will go mad . . . and – and Zara, she um . . .” her voice trails off, and she shakes her head slightly.
I frown, watching her. “What about Zara?”
“Nothing,” she says quickly.
“I think if we’re gonna tell people we should wait,” I tell her.
She nods slowly.
I smile, and lean forward to kiss her softly. I feel her tense ever so slightly – that’s when I realise fully how sensitive she is, and how new all this must be to her.
I pull back, and she gives me a small smile.
I scan her face, almost drinking in her features, and she stares back at me, while both of us breathe heavily, leaning against each other.
“Don’t be afraid of me,” I hear myself say, and colour rushes to her face, making me grin.
“I’m not,” she whispers, as I loop my arms around her.
Suddenly, I hear a car behind me through the fence, on my driveway. Alyssa leaps up, and I stand up too.
“Can you meet me tonight?” I ask her, letting go of her hand slowly.
She bites her lip. “Tonight? Where?”
“At the pond,” I say quickly, as I hear footsteps and my mum’s and sister’s voices. “At eleven.”
She looks at me nervously. “OK. I’ll see you at eleven.”
I grin, and she grins back. I step forward and kiss her, one hand on her neck, the other in her hair. I could stand there all day, her lips are so soft, but my mum and Leila are home.
“Bye,” she whispers.
I smile. “See you.”