Chapter 10
-Katniss-
As soon as my lips are onto Peetas I feel this warmth spreading through my whole body. And I just want more and more. Everything feels just perfect. Peetas lips feels so good against mine, like they always should have been with mine.
But than I hear the audience gasps and I return to reality. Suddenly I feel scared.
I pull away from Peeta and run backstage.
I can't believe I did that. In front of whole Panem. Oh why did I do that to Peeta? He has to be really mad at me. Although he did kiss me back ... But that doesn't mean anything.
I run and sit down in a corner. I cry with my head on the wall, and closed eyes.
I hear footsteps, but I don't look up.
Someone sits down beside me. I don't know who it is, I just hope that it's not Haymitch, because I really don't feel like talking to him right now. I don't need him to tell me what to do, or anything.
The person just sits here, letting me cry.
I still have my eyes closed. The person wraps his arms around me and I immediately know who it is. Peeta.
"Peeta?" I look up at him.
"Hey", he says.
"I'm sorry", I say.
"Don't say that", he says.
"I just got caught up in the moment", I say.
But I'm so lying. I wasn't. I did it completely on purpose because I wanted to. I wanted to feel his lips. I wanted to know if his lips felt the same as they did before.
But still we're only nineteen. We have time to make things right between us, much time, now that the Games are no more. Even though the memories will hunt us down one way or another. Does Peeta still have nightmares? He knows I do, but I don't know if he does.
"You don't have to explain anything", Peeta says, but it's something with his voice, I don't really know what it is.
"Now everyone will think that we're together", I say, looking down.
"Let them, they would anyway", Peeta says and I know it's true, with or without a kiss, this would have ended with everyone believing that Peeta and I are a couple.
But we're not. I haven't had any time to think this through. Nothing of it. I mean I talked to Peeta one night and one day before we had to go here. I want to talk to him more, get to know him again.
We can't get together. We just can't. Even if I wanted to... And I don't know what I want honestly.
"But I know we're not", Peeta adds, almost sounding a bit sad. Could he be sad? Can he read my thoughts.
Suddenly it feels like I used Peeta like a doll. Kissing him on stage and not wanting to be a couple.
That's not fair to him. I'm sending him all the wrong signals.
"I'm sorry", I mumble.
Peeta chuckles.
"I told you not to say that", he chuckle.
I smile a small smile. Peeta is so understanding, so nice and friendly. I love everything about him, about his personality. He has changed so much, and I don't mean the hijacking, that haven't really made him into a different person, other than the flashbacks, I mean that he seem to have grown so much more than he would have without everything that has happened, including the hijacking.
"But I want to, because I am, I truly am sorry Peeta", I say.
Effie comes up to us and tells us that she understands but that the others wants me and Peeta to go up on stage again.
I sigh, as well as Peeta.
Peeta stands up and reaches me his hand, and when I grab it he pull me up so I'm only one milimeter apart from his face. Our noses actually touches.
I look Peeta deep in his eyes. They're so beautiful. They look so pure and innocent, so kind and understanding. And even bluer than the ocean itself. And his eyelashes, so blond and so long. I've always been fascinated about Peetas eyelashes.
I swallow hard and turn my eyes away as I start walking towards the stage and Peeta walks behind me.
We come out on the stage again and I see Annie hold her arms open to me. I don't hesitate to walk straight into the opening of her arms. She strokes my hair.
Of course she's still mentally unstable, but she is coping with it pretty well, and she's so much better now. It can have something to do with the fact that she's pregnant and about to be a mother, but she really do cope with it better then I do. I mean I'm not mentally unstable, even though one would think I am, like I behave myself, and that's not good.
"Katniss you sang really beautifully", Caesar says. "And when everyone joined you on stage, I can't say that I wasn't deeply touched, because I truly was, I had to work hard not to cry. But I don't think that anyone could miss the little part after you finished the song".
I sigh. I glance at Peeta and he just smiles at me.
"It was just a kiss", I say. "Nothing more than that".
The audience seems disappointed.
"Just a kiss?" Caesar insists.
"Yes", I say.
Caesar also seems disappointed.
I take Peetas hand. He's still the most important person in my life, now that ... She's gone. Before I had two most important people in my life, now I have only Peeta. Of course I have the others as well, but Peeta and I have a bond that can't be explained or compared with, we have gone through so much with each other, so many things we can't share with others, not even Haymitch who has been with us through everything.
I suddenly feel a bit guilty about threatening Haymitch that I would make his big head fit in a bottle. But still at that time, he really did deserve it. But I can't deny that he's like a father to me.
Caesar continue the interview with the others still on stage, no one wants them to leave.
"So Katniss, who have been important for you during these months, you know to help you cope?" Caesar asks after a while.
"Well, I didn't have Peeta, he returned only three days ago, so I gotta say Haymitch", I say and Haymitch looks surprised as he looks at me. "Yeah, he's been through everything with me and Peeta, and honestly I wouldn't blame him for leaving me behind when we got home, but he didn't, he still insisted on annoy me, which made me really angry with him, I know that he did that just because he cares about me, and Peeta, we have been through too much together the three of us to stop caring about each other, and Haymitch ... He is not only my old mentor, the drunk of District 12, he's like a father to me, and that won't change no matter how annoying he is".
Everyone fell silent during my little speech. Haymitch just stares at me.
"You mean that?" He asks.
I laugh.
"I actually do, weird huh?" I say looking at him.
He laughs and pulls me into a hug and I hear the audience goes: "Awww..."
I ignore them and just enjoy this moment. But this hug isn't complete. Not without Peeta. He has to be here as well.
I pull away from Haymitch and looks at Peeta as I reach him my hand. He raises his eyebrows but takes my and and I pull him into the hug.
"Now I have both my boys here", I say, causing both Peeta and Haymitch to laugh low.
I laugh as well, realizing how much I really mean it.
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