"I'm getting married!"
Emma holds up her left hand and a shiny diamond ring catches the light of the fire. It twinkles as much as her eyes in the light, almost blinding me with how expensive it looks. Her smile is joyous and carefree.
I plaster a fake grin onto my lips. "Wow, I'm so proud of you, Emma! That's great!"
Nite sits next to me with his hands awkwardly folded in his lap. His knee bumps mine when he hears the forced, sickly sweet tone in my voice, and looks at me with startled eyes like he's trying to make sure that I'm okay. He's never heard me pretend to be happy before, so I guess I don't blame him for being a little concerned.
Of course, though; I'm not happy at all. I didn't even know my sister had a boyfriend, let alone a guy that she liked. And then she shows up at my little cabin after years of not visiting with her makeup all done up and her cheeks rosy just to tell me that she got engaged. It pisses me off.
Plus, her looks have just changed so much that it's almost fake. She's no longer the sad girl with dirty hair that I knew before, but a jubilant woman who looks like she belongs in NFL cheerleading. I don't care what the bull crap Disney movies tell you; love can't fix things that were that broken.
"I know," my sister squeals. "We've only been dating a couple of months but when he asked me I just couldn't say no!"
I blink. "A couple of months? As in, two?"
"Well, yeah! But we're so in love that we couldn't wait to get married!"
I furrow my brows and drift my eyes down to her stomach. She used to be so skinny; so much so that I could probably wrap my hands all the way around her middle. It was the effects of depression, but she was very skinny even before my parents passed away. But now, she looks suspiciously bigger. Not just health wise, but I think I can also detect quite a large bump in her lower abdominal...
"You're pregnant, aren't you?"
The television static returns to my ears as the room goes silent. Emma's lips part slightly and the pink from her cheeks grows red and crawls all the way down and up to her neck and ears. She twirls the ring on her finger nervously, looking down at her lap.
"You know, Tawny," she says quietly. "I know my appearance has changed quite a lot since you last saw me, but, after being stuck in a world of crippling depression, a small thing like love can change someone greatly. You've been alone for so long that you probably don't understand, but being around people you love can completely change your mindset."
My hand balls into a fist, causing my nails to bite into my skin and leave behind crescent-shaped marks.
"How long have you been pregnant, Emma?" The words taste sour in my mouth, knowing that from her appearance, it's been way longer than two months.
She presses her lips together in a straight, white line; obviously growing angry at my saltiness of the situation. She swallows visibly, like she's trying to get a pill down, and turns her gaze over to the black-eyed boy sitting next to me, whom has been silent this entire time. Nite tenses under her glare.
"You have no right to be judging me right now, Tawny." She says, obviously still trying her hardest to sound sweet and happy. "You've obviously been having your own share of affairs with mysterious boys."
My face burns red hot, not with embarrassment, but with anger. Nite senses this and rests his hand on my knee, trying to make me feel better not doing any good to the situation whatsoever because my sister's eyes flicker directly down to where his skin is touching mine. It's clear that the fact that I'm allowing him to comfort me is just making her all the more suspicious.
Nite opens his mouth to say something, but my eyes pierce daggers at him and he closes it again quickly. His fingers slide off my leg to rest on the couch behind us, still touching my back for comfort, but to where my sister can't see it. I am grateful for that.
"I wouldn't call it an affair, and much less a relationship." I say, choosing my words wisely because Nite just happens to be listening. "Nite is here to keep me company, and while he can make me happy at some times, I doubt his presents will ever cure me. I am too far gone and broken for bullshit like that."
His hand tenses on my back. I've hurt him already.
Bile rises in my throat as his hand begins to stroke shakily up and down my back, trying to calm me, but the movements are cautious. He's trying to make me feel better even though he's afraid. He's afraid that I'm going to hurt him.
You're an inconvenience to everyone.
You're better off alone.
You only think about yourself.
You're going to kill me too.
I think about the scar on my hand, the one caused by the old lady's wine glass long ago. I think about my blood dripping on her couch while she yells at me about what an inconvenience I am to her and everyone around me. I think about how happy I was standing in front of her tombstone.
"Stop pushing everyone away!" My sister pleads, thrusting a finger at Nite. "I don't care that I don't know who the hell he is, or how he wound up out here in the middle of nowhere, but if he's trying to help you then let him! Love can fix everything."
The last sentence she speaks is just so incredibly naive and stupid that I shoot up from my seat and instantly consider punching the only family member I have left square in the face. But, with the old lady's words swirling in my mind, the only thing I can do is focus on my breathing as it goes in my mouth and out my nose.
Emma looks afraid of me too.
With hot eyes, I spin on my heel and quickly make my way to my small bedroom and slam the door. I turn the lock and push Widget, who was resting silently on my bed, to the floor so I can bury my face into my cat-fur filled pillow. I hear Emma calling my name from outside the door, but after a few times of helplessly turning the doorknob, my room grows silent.
I won't cry; I know I won't. Worse things than this have happened in my life to cause me to cry. This is just my delusional, crazy depressed mind telling me that I need to be alone and get away from my sister before something bad happens. Before the scar on my hand starts to tingle and give me the nightmares again.
Wash, rinse, repeat...
It's been awhile since those words have entered my mind.
I hate them.
But they've come to grant me nightmares anyway.
And I fall asleep anyway.
...
Just like the first night Nite came along, it's frantic pounding on my door that wakes me up. But this time, instead of the noises resonating from outside my house, it's inside my house instead.
I already know who is making the sounds, so my hands are not shaking from fear, but from a lurid dream that I must've just had and immediately forgotten about. My skin is sticky and beads of sweat have collected at my hairline from over the night. And with fat, furry Widget lying on my chest, she's not making my warm situation any cooler.
Carefully, with my limbs feeling weak and wobbly, I make my way to my bedroom door and turn the lock. And I just have to say, no matter how many times I've seen the colors of Nite's eyes change into that mystic galaxy, I have a feeling that I'll never quite get used to them.
Beautiful...
I don't even have time to catch my breath before a shivering body slams into me and my head is being nestled between a soft shoulder and a firm chest. Nite's arms wrap around mine to cradle my head in his hands to push me closer to him, and his heartbeat is pounding so fast that I can almost hear it through his shirt. His breath is warm in my hair, but his skin is cool with goosebumps against mine.
"N-Nite..." I stutter, startled. "Wha-What are you doing?"
I press my hand against his stomach in an attempt to push him away, but his arms only guide me closer. I can almost taste the urgency in his glittering breath.
"No," he whispers, pushing my hand away. "Just let me hold you for a little bit. Please."
My chest feels tight as I attentively place my hands on his back, giving him more room to pull me in so there's absolutely no space between us. It feels like we're back in the igloo or under the weeping willow tree, but I don't have an excuse for our closeness this time. My face feels hot.
I want to push him away.
But then I think about what happened in the living room, and how I told my sister that Nite was only here to keep me company, and I know that I can't do that. I'll let him comfort me, even if it's just for a little bit.
"Tell me about Ms. Flora, Tawny."
My heart thuds to the floor.
Wash, rinse, repeat...