// The song I used is Ruin by Shawn Mendes and you should really go listen to it because it's an amazing song. //
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Somehow, you ended up in the same building as Lauren Jauregui where there are about a hundred people staring at you with lurking eyes and close to a million more watching you from their tv screens. Each and everyone of them wants the answers to the questions that have been asked over and over again and you know that's why you are here. This show wants the right to be able to say they were the first to get the answers out of you, but you aren't so sure you can give them that.
Ever since you and Lauren bickered back and forth over Tumblr a few weeks ago, your names have been popping up all over the media again. Management immediately saw and opportunity to schedule an interview and they urged you to make an appearance, but you had no idea you would be forced to answer questions about that subject.
You tried to fight your way out of it because your normally strong willed heart was more fragile at the moment, but they were not having any of it. You begged and pleaded and only managed to persuade a little over half of your crew. Unwillingly, they decided on a compromise. If you would still appear on the show, they would allow you to sing a song instead. You agreed in defeat.
So here you stand in front of a tv screen positioned behind stage, watching as Lauren takes her seat on the small couch in front of the interviewer. She is smiling widely out at the crowd as they cheer in her presence. You can honestly say, for the first time in a long time, you feel yourself cracking under the pressure.
Looking at her and knowing she is just a few feet away is just too much to bare. Knowing that she is much happier without you is like ripping off a fresh bandaid. Even though it's only been a few months, she has changed. She has not changed much, but it is almost as if the whole situation has matured her. Her jawline is more defined, though not extremely chiseled. Her hair is shorter and almost reaches the tips of her shoulders, but it still matches her personality. Her body has its curves here and there and they complement her so well.
Overall, she is still the beautiful woman you fell in love with months ago and the sight of her still leaves your stomach in knots.
Her beautiful black waves are cascaded over her shoulders were she is wearing a strapless black dress. Her hair is pulled over her left shoulder, enabling you to barely see her tattoo peeking out on the back of her neck. Her sparkling green eyes are vibrant under all the studio light, resembling an almost blue color. Her skin is still a creamy pale color and it complements her dress so well that you find yourself almost drooling.
The thing you notice most is her intellect. Normally Lauren would not hesitate to give an elongated answer to a questions she is passionate about, but you have noticed she is lacking that today. The interviewer is giving her question after question that she would normally reply with paragraphs of knowledge to. She had not even let but a few sentences slip her lips. However, she still seems to be quite happy.
"So Lauren," the interviewer says, "tell us how you've been lately."
You watch as a broad smile crosses her face effortlessly and you wish you were the one to put it there. Once upon a time, you were.
"I've actually been really great," she nods, looking over to the well dressed man on the couch. "I think I've pushed past all that darkness and finally moved on into being happy for once."
"Well that's good to hear," he smiles, shifting in his seat slightly to face the stunning woman across from him. "Now does that have something to do with this hidden Tumblr interactions with Y/N or... what people assume to be you two's new way of communication?"
Your eyes widen as you watch hers stay completely calm. She has never been one to fold under pressure in tight situations unless she is really stressed. That's your first signal that she has moved on.
"Well," she carries off, turning to look down at her hands, "I feel like that's played a part in it. Even though we had a falling out, it's still nice to patch up something that significant. Even if it's just one step at a time."
He nods, while a wicked smirk plays at his lips.
"Now tell me Lauren, what was this 'falling out' you two had? Neither of you have ever elaborated."
She chuckles softly as you bite your lip hesitantly, waiting to see if she gives up the deadly response or if she plays it cool.
"Um... I'd like to tell you. I really would, but sometimes things happen between two people and it's best if it stays between just those two people."
You take a sigh of relief, grateful that she decided to keep it on the down low, but you know that the interviewer wont buy that line. He knows exactly what he is doing.
The interviewer laughs softly, clearly unsatisfied with the answer he received, but content nonetheless as he says, "Ah... I didn't think we were gonna get it out of you."
"Yeah," Lauren laughs, shifting in her seat lightly. Anyone with eyes could tell she was uncomfortable.
"However," he says, holding up a finger, looking frantically over to the crowd, "Y/N is in the building."
He stops as he crowd cheers softly, but you watch as Lauren's face falls in an instant. Almost as if she wasn't aware of this information. You begin to wonder if she even cares about it at all.
"If there is anything you want to say to her..." he trails off, motioning with his hand to the camera.
Lauren turns her head and looks around at the crowd, watching them with the most intense look she could give off. They were hungry for an answer and you could tell just by looking at them. You could also tell Lauren's face was beginning to turn pink near her cheeks, but you could not place just why they had done so.
"Well," she sighed nervously, her gaze falling to the floor where her feet were tangled together, "I don't really know what to say on the spot like this, but I'm just gonna go for it."
She purses her lips together, afraid to continue, but ready to say something out in the open. She has been at a standstill too long and it seems like nobody knows how she feels in the situation. Her actual feelings have been covered by the blanket of management. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she continues on with her words, "Its been awhile since we actually talked and that's neither of our faults. It's just... I miss you, okay?"
At this, the audience gasps loudly, turning their heads towards each other to see if they had just made this up. You do the same. You look around backstage at everyone around you and see they have come to a complete stop. No one is believing what they are hearing. Lauren is not even sure she is is hearing herself correctly.
"I really, really miss you. I miss my best friend who used to be there by my side constantly, being the big dork that she is. I know we never really decided to stop being friends. It just kinda happened with everything going on... but if you could, I'd like to talk to you sometime soon. I still care and I hope you do too."
Lauren wraps up her confession with a small smile as the rest of America stands flabbergasted with their mouths agape. You are no exception because you have not moved since she took the stage. Hell, you don't know if you will move again.
However, you do not get an option because the next thing you know, two hands are on your shoulders, alerting you that you are needed in your position on the stage. Now you have to sing a song you wrote during that dreadful time of depression and you are not sure you can do it after her confession. The song you had chosen was very angsty and basically pushed Lauren away further. After what just happened, you know you cannot do that.
As a last second decision, you change the song to one that fits the situation to a tee. If Lauren's happy, you will let her know just how you feel about her while she is in a good mood. You just hope she takes it the right way.
So now you sit behind some curtains, waiting for your cue to start singing a song you specifically wrote for one person in particular. It would not be so bad if the person you wrote the song about was not in the building, but she is. Even though you have yet to lay eyes on the love of your life, you know that she will hear it and if she is still as smart as she once was, she will pick up rather quickly.
You wrote it during the month of April. It was about four months after you and Lauren spilt, so your emotions were still all over the place. Out of all the things you could have written about in the moment, you are grateful you wrote from your heart and not your mind because there is no telling what would have come out.
"Okay guys," you hear the interviewer say to the crowd as they being settle down, "I know you might need a few moments after that interview, but I have you something that will do you even better."
The crowd begins to clap softly, a whistle heard here and there as the man continues, "Today we have Y/N here to perform a song never before heard on live tv."
You suddenly began to feel anxious as the crowd begins to cheer abruptly. The first thing you do is look for something to hold onto because you truly feel like you might faint. Sitting on your lap is your guitar and you grab it firmly, pulling it into your stomach as you take a deep breath.
"Here she is performing 'Ruin,' Y/N," you hear him say as the curtains open, revealing quite a few people.
You do not look them in the eye, instead you close them and let the music run through your head. You try as much as possible to let your mind take you back to that very moment to further help your performance because you do not think you could do it solidly without a little help.
And just like that, you are in a whole other world as you begin strumming away on your guitar and the words flow effortlessly from your lips.
"Do ya... do you think about me," you start, nodding your head to the beat softly.
"And do ya... do you feel the same way? Yeah," asking these questions through the song somehow feels more intimate than actually going back stage and asking her about it then. It feels thought out and heartfelt rather than a spur of the moment kinda thing.
"And do ya... do you remember how we felt," you cannot help but call upon yourself here and ask the same thing. Do you really still feel the same way after everything?
'"Cause I do," you open your eyes and stare softly into the crowd, "so listen to me, baby."
"And I'm not tryna ruin your happiness, but darling, don't you know that I'm the only one for ya," your start strumming to the pumped up beat and your feet start tapping on the stool your sitting on.
"And I'm not tryna ruin your happiness, baby, but darling, don't you know that I'm the only one? Yeah," and you mean every word in this exact moment.
"And do ya... do you think about me at all," your voice much quieter and weak now, "and do you... do you feel the same way?"
"Oh, tell me, babe," you say, pleading for an answer the only way you think you will get it.
"And do ya... do you remember how we felt? 'Cause I do. So listen to me now. Oh oh."
"And I'm not tryna ruin your happiness, but darling, don't you know that I'm the only one for ya," you fall into your rhythm again. Your eyes fall shut and you body starts to move at any easy pace to the melody that is leaving your lips.
"And I'm not tryna ruin your happiness, baby, but darling, don't you know that I'm the only one," and you mean every word.
"Do I ever cross your mind," you hum softly, your tone less demanding.
"Do I ever cross your mind," you say a little louder, adding more force into your words.
"Do I ever cross your mind," your voice begins to gain ground now as you strum a little harder on the strings of the guitar.
"Do I ever cross your mind," you say loud enough for anyone around to know that your heart is breaking and you really are pleading for her to answer you.
"Whoa oh oh," you sing out, closing your eyes and letting the song finally take over.
"And I'm not tryna ruin your happiness, but darling, don't you know that I'm the only one for ya?"
"And I don't wanna, I don't wanna ruin your happiness, baby, but darling, don't you know that I'm the only one? Yeah," you sing at the top of your lungs, portraying every last feeling into the song.
"Oh oh do I ever said-ah... do I ever said-ah... do I," you sing, lowering your tone to the soft melody of the guitar in the background.
"Do I ever said-ah... do I ever said-ah? Oh oh oh oh," you say at the lowest tone you could muster as you fight back the tears in your eyes.
"Do I ever... do I ever cross your mind," you open your eyes and look right into the camera, knowing exactly who you are directing that too.
"Not tryna ruin your happiness at all," you conclude softly, strumming the last cord on the guitar with so much care. You really want them to know just how much that song means to you. You have a general idea that they are well aware.
As you come to a close, you let your eyes stay shut for the last few cords of the melody, really getting a feel for the music. The sound around you is silent until the crowds chants pull you back and you open your eyes to see smiles on all their faces. You cannot help but wonder if they are figuring out just who you wrote that song about.
Just to your left is the interviewer himself, one of the biggest talk show host in America, calling you to come stand next to him.
You immediately jump up from your spot, place the guitar on the stand next to the seat and walk over to available spot that is being offered to you.
You feel weak in the knees knowing that the girl you live is standing just behind the stage, watching intently as you basically confess your feelings for her on live tv.
"Alright," the man says as he claps his hands together, "that song was absolutely astounding Y/N. I think everyone can agree on that one."
The crowds cheers loudly once more, causing you to smile bashfully towards the ground.
"Okay, okay," he says, settling them down, "now tell me, what's was your inspiration for this song."
"Well," you say, turning to look at the camera, knowing you are staring right at Lauren, "there's this girl who has had my heart since day one and well, she's still got it. It's never left her once and even though times have changed, I want to remind her of that. I just wanna make sure she knows that nothing will ever change that."
The crowd and the interviewer exchange a few knowing looks and you know they have put the pieces together.
"Do you wanna tell us who," he asks, causing you to stop momentarily, unaware of how to answer the question.
All this time, you have been okay with distance between you two, but now it is like it hurts all over again. Maybe it is because you know she is here and you may not get to see her or maybe it is the fact that she still cares. And that is when it hits you like a ton of bricks. She still cares.
"Screw it," you say, turning back towards the camera. Your eyes are pooling with tears as you try to find the courage to say what needs to be said. You just hope it is not crossing a line. "Lauren, if... if I have any chance whatsoever, can you just come out here please?"
You find yourself looking on nervously as you are afraid she will not appear. It has been months and her feelings toward you in that way cold have dissipated. Just as your worries begin to set in, there are thundering footsteps running up from behind you as you assume the girl has already beaten you to it. You want to turn around and make sure for yourself, but you are afraid your legs will not let you.
The crowds faces give it all away as they begin to cheer loudly, standing up from their seats in an instant. They look on with pure excitement and you know that there can only be one person behind you. You turn around to see emerald eyes bursting with tears as the love of your life is pouncing towards you with her arms wide open. It is like one of those slow motion romance scenes except it is moving ten times slower. Everything slows down before your eyes as she makes her way closer to you. It takes an eternity for everything to piece together in that moment.
It does not make sense how this girl was over you ten seconds ago, but now she is willing running into your arms. You stop questioning everything when the air is stolen from your lungs as her beauty comes into full effect, but you do not get long to admire it. She jumps, more like sails, into your arms and you wrap your arms around her waists, hugging her tightly to your chest. Feeling her warmth up against your body is one of those feelings you did not know you needed until it was actually happening.
Her nose buries into the crook of your neck as you begin to feel the tears prickle up to your eyes. Everything you have been craving since the dreadful day is happening all at once and you cannot control how your feeling. She is crying too and you pray those are happy tears. You can feel the wet spot beginning to form on the collar of your shirt, but you do not care. You would take having her in your arms any day. No matter if she is a crying mess or not.
Her hands are clinging onto the back of your shirt for dear life and you cannot help but think about how much you missed this, about how much you missed her entirely.
This is the very first time you have seen her in person for months and it feels oh so good. Nothing could have prepared you for this moment and you cannot bring yourself to care that it had to happen on live tv.
"I m-missed you so much," she mumbles into your neck, barely getting it out through the multiple sobs that left her lips.
"Oh my god," you whisper into her hair, pulling her even tighter into your chest. "You have no idea..."
The crowd continues cheering, as the shippers at home are going crazy all over social media. The ones in the building, however, cannot hold back their cries of happiness as they jump up and down excitedly with the people next to them.
Lauren pulls out of your neck, still hugging you tightly, but making sure you two can make eye contact for the first time. When you do, more tears make their way down your cheeks as the last breath gets stolen from your lungs. Her green eyes stare at you intensely as they scream just how sorry she is for everything that has happened and you suck up every single second of it.
"I love you," she whispers, and for a second, your mind flashes back to that moment a few months ago where this all started. "I'm ready if you are."
"I've been ready for so long," you respond, flickering your eyes down to her lips for approval and then back up to her beautiful eyes. You long for the answer you've been dying to receive for months now and just as if she has read your mind, she nods slowly, allowing you to make the next move.
You move forward and connect your lips, allowing you to get lost in the feeling of having her back in your arms and possibly... forever. She is clawing at your shirt, almost as if she is trying to make sure you will not slip away. You reciprocate by pulling her closer, letting her know you are right here and are not going anywhere anytime soon.
She pulls away slowly, pulling you into a tight, bone crushing hug.
"You have to say it back," she laughs, tucking her face back into your neck bashfully.
You laugh, kissing her temple softly as you whisper for only her to hear, "I told you I'd never in a million years stop loving you... and I meant every word."
Needless to say, you and Lauren continued on very good terms with each other. Some might even go as far to say amazing. Slowly but surely you repaired all your broken pieces and it finally became clear that the first mistake you ever made was not choosing her over managements. Because now that you have her in your arms, you would not want her to be anywhere else.
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