I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
And I wanna come home to you
But home is just a room full of my safest sounds
Cause you know that I can't trust myself with my 3AM shadow
I'd rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone
I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
So come over now and talk me down
-Troye Sivan
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Chapter Thirty Three
Running away from the problem was the only thing I was good at. That was the only thing I ever did. I mean I was very much aware that I had to face him at some point no matter how much I ran. But I still had the balls to run away from my problems. He was there. That means that he wanted to talk to me and justify his mistakes... no – more like justifying him cheating on me.
I slid down and sat down by the wall. I had locked the door already. Oh....yes I was at the Ellie's house, in my room and locked myself in. So professional for a runner like me.
It had already been a few hours since I locked myself. Ellie came by once and asked me if I was okay. It was really kind and generous of her and her father for dealing with all this for no reason.
They were home already.
After some time, Ellie knocked on my door and I opened it.
"God! Faith...you look awful"
"Thanks" I smiled.
She looked at me with pity in her eyes.
"Darling...come sit" she led me to take a seat on the bed.
"You should eat something first and we will talk after that."
"No I am not really hungry."
"No I don't care. You are eating."
"No seriously Ellie I can't. I am not feeling well."
It took me exactly ten minutes to convince her.
"What do you want to talk about...I know all this incident must be not what you want. And I am very sorry and I will leave if you want."
"Holy bullocks Faith! That's not what I meant. It's nothing like that okay! We have no problem... stay as long as you want."
"Thanks but I am really sorry for everything."
"It's alright. Trust me."
She hugged me and it felt nice knowing that someone was there for me.
"What is it now? Tell me?" I insisted.
"I just....Zayn...he asked if you could at least listen to him once."
"Is he still here?" I stood up abruptly.
"No! Faith....sit down. You are safe and he is not here. Look I don't know what happened exactly in between you two but you should listen to him. And I am not saying go right now. Whenever you are ready okay? It's just my opinion. He can wait... take your time. And if you don't want to its totally okay too."
"Did you tell him that I am here?"
"I did..." she let out a sigh. "Look he was very worried... I am sorry"
"Its okay."
"You rest then. Good night love."
"Good night"
I locked the room and walked over to the window and there he was. It was very far from the house but I was able to recognize him.
I knew the exact moment when Ellie told me that when he finds out where I lived, he would definitely come here. And I was right.
He was smoking as he stood by his car alone. Just gazing by the house, he noticed me. He kept on looking at me but didn't make any move to come close by the house.
I thought about the weather, it was pretty cold and he was just smoking out there; won't he ever learn?
I still remembered my first snowfall in his house and how he was smoking just like that in his backyard. And he made me hot chocolate for the first time and moreover he opened up to me; I still remember that day. I would never forget that day. I loved him even back then and I still do.
I didn't even notice but I was crying.
Before my brain could argue with my heart I was going downstairs to tell him to go and it was not safe out there to stand in the cold.
Ellie's father was still awake. I told him about going out to talk to Zayn and he nodded with a smile.
I noticed him being all attentive when I came out.
I crossed the road and it was freezing outside. I didn't even take my overcoat and there I was going to lecture him about cold weather. Very smooth Faith.
He stayed by his car and had tossed his cigarette already. I stood few feet away from him. My heart was beating so fast that I couldn't even speak let alone look at him. But I felt his eyes were on me. He was very intimidating
"You—you" very bloody nice Faith.
I took a deep breath.
"You should go the weather—the weather is cold and it's not healthy for you."
"I want to be near you. I hope it's not problem with you or Ellie's Family."
I couldn't take it. His voice was like a drug to me. He was just too much for me. I couldn't argue with him.
"I am perfectly fine. Go please. There must be some nice hotel you can stay. You will become ill."
I was looking anywhere but him and it was frustrating.
"Faith...I will not leave until you will listen to me. Please. And I don't care about myself." But I do.
"Please Faith...just listen to me once." He came closer to me. Very close.
"No!" I backed away.
"No! There is nothing to talk about. You should go please. You did what you feel is right and please let me deal with the consequences."
I dared to look at him and oh my god! He looked devastated.
"Faith please. I will explain to you about everything." As he was speaking and fog was coming out of his mouth, I couldn't notice anything else.
"No please leave." My tears were blurring my vision.
"I will not." He punched on his car. And I instantly yelled.
He winced in pain.
"What is wrong with you?!" I yelled at him, taking his hand in mine and rubbing his knuckles.
"I don't know Faith but I am a mess without you." He whispered. He was so close, I could feel his breathe.
"Me too! Do you think I am doing just fine without you? No I am not. I can't sleep because when I do I have nightmares! And I can only think of how you betrayed me." I started punching him in his chest and crying.
He let me do that and I saw him crying along with me. I stopped when I noticed how pathetic this was.
My hands were clutching on his coat.
He very slowly put his arms around me and hugged me. My hands were still there. I didn't hug him back. But it felt so good and like home.
"I am so sorry" he kept murmuring that.
I slowly released myself against my will. Because I know this was not right. No matter how much I want it; it was not right. Moreover I couldn't forgive him. He ditched me, cheated on me. I can't be with him.
"Faith?"
"You should go please." I said rubbing my face. "We will talk tomorrow is that okay?"
"Yes—yes." He looked so impatient.
"But I am not leaving. I will stay here." He said looking me dead straight. He was so stubborn.
"No you have to leave."
"No I already lost you once I can't do that again."
something really flipped inside that I just want to go and hug him but I couldn't. I was very confused.
"I am not leaving" I sigh.
"Are you stupid? It's not safe here!"
"I don't care!" he yelled and I flinched.
What should I do now??
I sat on the road and started crying. Yes pathetic me. And it was very cold.
"Faith..." he sat in front of me and I covered my face.
"Look I can't leave even if I want to. Please just go back. I will not disturb you."
Would he ever listen?
"What's happening here?" Ellie father also joined us.
My god! He would surely throw me out now.
"Nothing" I said getting up and rubbing my face furiously.
"Faith you want to come back inside?" he said, eyeing Zayn.
"Yes. He is just leaving."
"No I am not. I will just stay here. I will not disturb you sir." I closed my eyes.
"No please you will catch fever." I said without even looking at him.
"I will not."
"You both are mature enough to make good decisions."
I did the most unexpected thing next. I wasn't even sure why I said that.
"Can he stay with me? For the night. I don't want him to be on streets. Please."
Ellie's dad looked at me and then at him.
"You sure you want that. He is not harmful?"
"No—no I am not. I will be quiet. I just don't want her to make any bad moves if I leave."
"Aren't we taking care of you Faith?"
"No sir, it's not about you. She is scared right now. And I can't leave her." I just looked at him.
"Okay. But one move on her and I will call the police." He nods.
We got back to the house and Ellie's father stopped me outside.
"Look kiddo I don't know what exactly you are going through but you are like my daughter. And if he even tries to make any kind of move on you just yell I will be there...okay? And if you want I will keep him in my room."
"No I know him. I will be fine. And thank you so much. It means a lot." I hugged him and it actually made me cry about how genuine people could be.
We went inside and Zayn was marching impatiently; Ellie was eyeing him from the kitchen.
"Faith? You okay?"
"Yes yes I am. " Ellie walked over to me.
"He did something to you? Why he is here?"
"No he didn't." I smiled slightly at her. "He will stay here for the night."
She gave me confusing look.
His father takes her and let us go.
We went upstairs to my room. There was only a single bed, a chair and drawer filled with some of Ellie's stuff – nothing else.
I looked at him and he was already looking at me. He looked very calm.
"I will just sit on the chair... you can go and take some rest."
"No. How will you manage sitting on a chair for the rest of the night?"
"I will be fine. Go and sleep."
I gave him the extra duvet and pillow.
"I wish I could let you share the bed but I am— I just can't do that right now." I said, avoiding his eyes.
"I understand." He nodded.
"I will be right back" I said and he looked confused.
I went to Ellie's room and asked her for her chair. I carried it back to my room and placed it opposite to the chair which was already in my room.
"Here, you can stretch your legs." I smiled.
"Thank you Faith." He sighed. "I wish I could explain to you about everything right now." He looked sad.
"I am not ready." I said, turning away from him.
"I know."
"Good Night."
"Good night Faith." I switched off the light and he removed his shoes, overcoat and suit.
I turned away from him.
But we both couldn't sleep the whole night.
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Author's note; hi guys please vote and comment. hope you like it. And i made this GIF for the chapter :D i really like it :)
love you all xxx