Well hello there! xx
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Chapter Fifteen- Fear
"Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide"
I was bitter, sickened with ill resentment.
Shaking with unleashed rage, I acted without thought and found myself standing in front of Eric Hook.
I felt my stomach twist with an onslaught of emotions as his body stirred at the sound my footsteps. Dried blood speckled the walls and floor, and the metallic smell filled my nose upon my entrance.
I felt my body seize as he lifted his head, his cold eyes meeting my own. A demonic laugh fell from his lips, and I considered running from the room, as I done just the other day.
"Well, well, well, back so soon? I'm beginning to think you might like me, Miss Summers."
And instantly, I regretted my decision on coming back to the devil himself.
+++++
His body was slumped against the wall, a simple yet effective chain holding him hostage within the room.
My heart was pounding, almost threatening to fall from my chest. I was dizzy, nauseous, and my breathing was much to unsteady for my liking.
"Why?" Though my voice was a mere whisper, it echoed through my head as if I had screamed it.
His dark green eyes peered up at me, as a sickeningly twisted smirk danced across his lips.
"Why what?" He asked, although it was clear he knew what I was asking.
I growled lowly, tightening my hands into fists. "Why did you not shoot me? Why would you think I have nothing to live for? Who are you to be the judge of me? Huh?"
My voice was shaky, and uncontrollable. I was fighting to mask my emotions, but it seemed almost impossible at that moment.
Eric chuckled; his beaten and bruised faced taking on a sardonic expression.
I felt as though I was going to pass out at any second.
"Your eyes," he hissed, "your eyes said it all."
I felt myself freeze as I processed his words.
Could it be true? For one second there, did I drop the veil and reveal myself for who I really was?
Nonsense.
"Ah, ah, ah," he tutted, "denial is only natural at this moment, but you should know one thing."
I waited impatiently, and motioned for him to continue.
Smirking, he spoke loudly and clearly, "My entire gang was killed, because of you. If I wanted to get revenge, I would have just killed you, as I would have done to any other person. But you see, death brings the end of life, and it is the most miserable thing one can encounter."
"What are you saying?" I snapped, fed up with him dancing around his point, like it was some game to him.
His smirk deepened and he stared straight into my eyes as he spoke. "I wanted to ruin you, to take the one thing you valued; life, and bring upon eternal misery. The thing is, letting you live, that's greater than any kind of punishment I, or anyone, could have ever dealt to you."
I choked on air as he spoke, and quite literally felt the color drain from my face.
"You're a tortured soul, Evelyn Claire Summers, and I've never seen someone as miserable as you."
I gaped at him, blood rushing through my ears and clouding my senses. Black spots began invading my vision, and I stumbled backwards.
With one last look, I turned and fled.
Away from Eric, away from his sinister smirk, and demonic eyes.
Away from his words.
And away from the truth.
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"So what brings you, my love?" The sarcasm that dripped off his words made me grit my teeth in anger.
In a voice unfamiliar to myself, I spat my words out at him. "You know exactly why."
Though I wasn't so sure that he actually did.
As if to prove my inner thoughts, there was a flash of confusion that crossed Eric's expression before it was quickly replaced by an arrogant look.
"Of course," he murmured, "it all makes sense now."
I frowned at his vague response. The frustration was igniting within me and I was well aware that it would only be moments before I completely lost it.
"And what," I snarled out, unable to control myself, "makes sense now?"
Eric grinned at my irritation. He shifted his body so that he could sit up straighter, despite the obvious amount of pain it brought him to do so. As the echo of his chain finally came to an end, I raised my eyes to meet his once again.
"Little Evie Summers has a crush on Eric Hook."
To be honest, I was unsure of what emotions washed over me as I listened to his statement.
At first it was relief. With Eric, I was never sure of what to expect from him. Shortly after relief came confusion. As usual, what he had said had thrown my off guard. Like I said, he was unpredictable with his words. Finally, the aching frustration and anger that had pained me for ages overcame the flurry of emotions I felt.
"You've got be kidding me." Mocking laughter bubbled through my throat and echoed throughout the room. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."
My fists clenched while I watched Eric grin and shrug. For a moment there, if Eric wasn't beaten and chained to the wall, and I wasn't brewing with rage, we would have looked like friends. But his grin was a decoy, and I had to remind myself of who I was and who he was.
"Fine then, if that's not it, then why have you decided to grace me with your presence once again?"
I couldn't find it in myself to reply immediately. Instead, I remained motionless, and allowed my eyes to settle on his. My mind was elsewhere, working hard to form one thought, or even a statement, that would answer his question.
Deep down I was well aware of what I wanted to say to him, but the nerves were holding me back.
Eric rolled his eyes and let out an annoyed puff of air. "For the love of-"
"What you said," I blurted out suddenly. My heart took off in my chest the second I said those words. Nerves exploded within my stomach and I felt my face heat up. "Yesterday."
For fuck's sake.
I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep breath.
"When you said all that shit about me being a 'tortured soul,' and all that crap," I took another deep breath and blink rapidly. I must have looked like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, that or a cardiac arrest.
"Go on," Eric said, a smirk ghosting across his lips.
Digging my fingernails into the palms of my hands, I forced myself to focus on my brewing anger and frustration that I directed towards Eric.
And it worked.
"When you were going on about why you saved me, and all that," I gestured widely, "Yeah well, I know."
There was a flicker of confusion that across Eric's face before I instantly began to speak again, knowing that what I said had made absolutely no sense at all.
"I know that I'm a 'tortured soul' as you said, and that maybe- yes, you know what, at times it seems that death would almost be too merciful for a heartless girl like me. And I know that."
Eric was now studying me. His previous smirk and look of contempt had vanished, and now the look he was giving me was indescribable.
It was safe to say that I felt pretty damn uncomfortable.
"My question," I paused to make sure we were holding eye contact, which we were, "is how, how on earth did you know all that about me? Huh?"
He remained silent, which only fueled to my fire of raging curiosity.
No one, not even my own brother, could see how destroyed I was. How over the years, my entire life has been demolished and shattered.
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Shattered.
They say when something is broken; there is still a chance it can be fixed. But you never hear about what happens to something that's been shattered.
I'll tell you what happens.
Hypothetically speaking, this thing that has been shattered is a person. Hypothetically speaking. Well this person is forced to grow up much sooner than the rest. She lacks self-worth and feeds on the misery of others in attempt to soothe her own. She grows up in a torturous and twisted world, always knowing that there is no bright side, and things won't get better.
But she adjusts.
Some of her shattered pieces are left behind, forgotten, and unimportant to her. Because these pieces have no value to a girl who can't be fixed.
Unfortunately, there is a time and place where these pieces run out, and then there is nothing.
That's what happens to something, or in this case, someone, that shatters.
They become nothing.
They are left behind.
They are forgotten.
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"You're a smart girl."
"I know that."
I watched as a smirk spread across his lips. Amusement danced in his eyes as he watched me closely.
My heart was still racing within my chest, but my signature cold exterior was intact and unbreakable at the moment. I wasn't going to torture myself this much unless I got answers.
"I must admit I had expected you to put two and two together earlier."
I narrowed my eyes at Eric's words, millions of thoughts flooding my brain at once. This was a game to him.
This was all a fucking game.
I opened my mouth, but was quickly cut off.
"I can't tell you exactly how I know everything about you- your dark secrets for that matter."
I stared at him blankly, numb to his words. Then the frustration settled in along with the urge to strangle Eric.
"You son of a-" I spewed out while marching towards him. I yanked him up rather roughly, ignoring the way he groaned and hissed in pain.
It almost brought me joy to know that he was hurt.
"Now, now, you know what they say," he wheezed out.
I spat out a bitter chuckle, the venom burning my tongue. "What are you talking about?"
Eric managed a weak smile before taking a deep breath. "Don't shoot the messenger."
Without thinking, I wrapped my hands around his neck, the fury taking over me. "Oh yeah, well what about choking the messenger? Is that okay? I sure hope-"
My jaw lowered, and a slight gasp of surprise left my lips. My chest was heaving rapidly from my deep breaths and I was well aware of the crazed look that my eyes held.
"Messenger?"
My hands dropped to my sides, and Eric quickly gasped for air, his body crumbling to the ground as he did so.
"You're a smart girl, Evelyn, come on."
My eyes shut instinctively, and I analyzed everything that he had ever said to me, every bit of information that I knew about him, and then it hit me.
"It was all a decoy."
There was an eerie silence that settled upon us as Eric stared up at me through squinted eyes, a piteous look crossing his expression.
"A low life gang all of a sudden gains a powerful leader and with that begins to rise in ranks? Surely you must have seen the faults in that story."
I stumbled back a step or two, my eyes lowering to the floor as his words hit me hard.
"I never meant to harm you, in fact I never had any intention to be your undoing."
Undoing?
My eyes snapped up to his, and I could practically feel his pity for me.
"Unfortunately, it doesn't matter what I want, but only what he wants." Eric spoke slowly, as if he were trying to send me a coded message through his words.
But it was hopeless. With the strength I had, I found myself shaking my head at him, not wanting to hear him say anything else.
I was overwhelmed, and I don't handle being overwhelmed very well.
"You were right to question how I knew so much about you, but like I said before, I'm afraid I can't answer that. I do not know, nor will I ever, how he came about to know anything about you."
"Who?" My voice had returned. Fear wrenched my gut as I spoke, but I was determined to not back down now.
"I can not-"
"Who?" I repeated, though it came out more as a demand.
Eric slumped back into the wall, as if he were telling me that my attempts to withdraw information from him were futile.
After staring at him in silence for a few minutes, I let out a noise that sounded like an animal being strangled.
Going against my ideas to not back down and find out who it was or at least what Eric was talking about, I turned on my heel and exited it the room.
It seemed as if Eric was one to favor the dramatics, for when I started to shut the door behind me, he decided to speak.
"I will tell you this, Miss Summers; you are in danger, and I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about it."
At that moment I wanted to keel over from fear, anxiety, and dread, but I remained standing. Taking a deep breath, I turned my head and spoke only loudly enough so that he would have to strain to hear me.
"We'll see about that."
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Tap, tap, tap...
A large hand grabbed my knee, forcing it to still, preventing my foot to discontinue its tap routine.
"What's wrong with you today?" Mason looked irritated, but his eyes held the slightest bit of worry.
I forced a smile and shrugged, my smile slipping from my face moments after. Needless to say, Eric's words were haunting me.
It's as if they were pushing me closer and closer to brink of insanity.
"Hello love," my eyes snapped up to meet his dark brown ones.
All the thoughts and nerves came to a halt when Sebastian entered the room, with his signature smirk intact.
I became a statue, and couldn't find myself to even blink.
"Evie?" I heard Mason call out from next to me, but it was useless. I was in a trance of some sort. My eyes were glazing over and I felt my blood pressure drop significantly, instantly becoming light-headed and faint.
"Whoa, whoa," Sebastian said quickly, crouching down in front of me as my body lurched forwards from the couch.
Callum, who had been standing silently by Sebastian, shot me a concerned look as Sebastian sat me upright.
"Should I get the doctor?"
"Yes."
"No."
I had managed to break out of my trance, and just in time for that matter. I felt my heart begin to regain its steady pace and it felt as if life was beginning to seep back into me.
Sebastian was watching me carefully as I took a deep breath and shook my head repeatedly.
"No, no, I'm fine, I promise." A weak smile rose to my lips, but the anxiety and nerves had me frowning seconds later. My stomach clenched while Sebastian studied my features, his dark brown eyes searching me.
"Are you sure?" He asked gently, his hands holding onto my own- something I had just noticed.
"Y-yes," I told him, awkwardly pulling my hands away.
The doubt was clear as day on all of their faces, but I pretended to be oblivious and not acknowledge it.
"So what's up with the meeting?" I said, looking around the room in question. In all truthfulness, it was just another sad attempt to change the subject. Fortunately, Sebastian's pity for me seemed to allow it to happen.
"Yes well," Sebastian stood up, "I know the whole case with Eric Hook-"
My body froze and my throat tightened, which thankfully went unnoticed by the boys.
"-has taken a toll on all of us, so I thought tonight we could work on a smaller job, just to relax."
I inwardly scoffed at his suggestion. As relaxation we would take on a "smaller job," one in which a person would end up dead, yet it would somehow be relaxing for us.
I guess for them it would serve its purpose, though as for me, I knew it would only intensify the emotional torture brewing within me.
"Do you need all of us?" I couldn't help but ask. It was pathetic, the lingering hope that held onto my words. I knew that hope was pointless, but it was inevitable.
Sebastian turned to face me, as did Callum and Mason.
Normally, I would have stared them down daringly, my cold exterior up and ready to go. But right now, I was gripping the ends of my shirt tightly in my hands, breathing unevenly, and on the verge of breaking down in front of them. But that was something I couldn't do. It was against my rules to let myself lose it- because once I did, I was unsure if I'd ever recover.
But sometimes I think about how great it would feel to just have a complete breakdown. Not the one where you just cry pitifully, but one where you could let out all of your pain, and just feel like nothing was restraining you from doing so.
It's you. You're restraining yourself.
"Is there something wrong?" Mason asked slowly, "Do you not feel well?"
I shrugged at his words, before shaking my head against my better judgment. "I'm fine. I'm sorry, I just- forget it. Yeah I'll go, can't wait."
My pursed my lips closed, hoping to put an end to my treacherous word vomit. With one last forced, maniacal looking smile, I exited the room without another word.
I was surprised when no one stopped me, for I was aware that only through Sebastian's orders could one just leave a meeting, whether or not it was important.
Maybe I had just gotten lucky.
"Hey, Evie, wait a second."
Or not.
I stopped at the foot of the stairs. Contemplating if I was fast enough to get to my room before he caught up to me.
When I felt his hands turn me around, I knew I had lost my chance.
"Hey," Sebastian said softly, cupping my face with his hands, "Ev, you're scaring me."
I let out an unladylike snort as I processed his words, surprising the both of it.
It was ironic.
I scared him.
"I'm fine."
"Yeah, so I've heard." Sebastian muttered, dropping his hands to his sides. The loss of warmth and comfort left me cold and empty, though I masked my sadness instantly, unwilling to let him know his effect on me.
"What are you going to do with Eric?" I held my breath after I asked this, anticipating the series of answers he could give me.
Sebastian looked confused for a mere second, before he took a step back and sighed.
I watched him closely, ignoring the painful tug on my heart as he distanced himself from me.
I didn't know why I cared, I just did.
"I, I don't know yet," he responded tiredly, rubbing his hand across his forehead in an attempt to soothe himself.
I watched him as the wrinkles from his forehead slowly relaxed, though the exhaustion and stress remained evident in his eyes. It was then that I took a good look at Sebastian, and noticed how drained he looked.
"Why?"
His question threw me off guard, and I immediately felt a rush of heat flow to my cheeks as I attempted to form a reasonable answer.
"Well, you see-"
"What?" Sebastian cut me off, a bitter tone leaking into his voice. "You want to spend some quality time with him?"
Sebastian's sudden implication made me drop my jaw with surprise. In contrast to his fatigued form only moments ago, he looked frankly pissed off right now.
"What the hell has gotten into you?" I questioned, folding my arms tightly across my chest.
I thought about the way I had reacted when he had walked into the room, and how now, I wanted nothing more than to deck him across the head.
Sebastian's eyes narrowed, and a sneer crossed his lips. "I've been so fucking nice to you lately."
I mimicked his actions and narrowed my eyes in return, annoyance sparking within myself.
"Your point?"
Sebastian grew red and didn't hesitate to get right in my face. "My point? Did you actually think I wouldn't find out about you visiting out little prisoner? Huh? I thought that you were smarter than that, but I guess not."
I frustrated noise left my mouth and my arms dropped from my chest, my hands curling into fists.
"And what's so wrong with that, King?"
"What happened down there?" He shot back, ignoring my question.
"Why do you care?"
"Listen here," he gripped my upper arms tightly and yanked me into his chest, his eyes glinting with anger. "I don't care what you think, but I won't allow you to be by yourself in a room with a guy who tried to kill you."
"That's rich," I spat out sarcastically, "Especially coming from you."
I saw the rush of fury in Sebastian's eyes before I felt it. The next thing I knew, I was being held to the wall by neck, which wasn't a first with him. The surprise had taken my breath away; I instantly began clawing at his hand in a weak attempt to pull him away.
"What the-" The commotion must have warned Callum and Mason that something was wrong, because I was immediately released as the two boys dragged Sebastian away from me.
I felt my lungs expand painfully as I took a large intake of air, while the black spots that had invaded my vision began to slowly go away. My hand was delicately pressed against my neck, and as I finally regained my breath, I threw Sebastian a hateful glare.
"What the fuck, man?" Callum asked, placing himself in front of Sebastian, as if he would be a barrier in case he attacked again.
"What do you mean?" Sebastian snarled, "Obviously Evelyn likes to be in dangerous situations, yet it seems as though she hasn't grown accustomed with how to deal with them."
His reference to my visit to Eric made my blood boil and I was on m feet in seconds.
"He's chained to a wall- let it go!" I threw my hands in the air for emphasis, and over Callum's shoulder Sebastian sent me a deadly look. I brushed it off easily, uncaring as to whether or not I upset him. In my defense, he upset me first.
I suppose I could have explained to him right then what had really happened during my visit, what I found out, and the danger I was in, but as usual, I wasn't thinking properly. I was enraged at his accusations and his mood swings- what the hell was up with that? Unless he was a hormonal teenage girl, he had no reason to be acting this way.
"And besides," I snapped, "if anyone has put me in danger, it's you. You have no right to be saying anything right now."
My eyes widened slightly as Sebastian shoved Mason and Callum away, his murderous glare making me slightly regret my decision to say anything.
But then again, I am Evelyn Claire Summers, and I regret nothing.
"You're defending him now?" His tone was eerily calm, despite the fact that his chest was rising and falling dramatically while his hands formed tight fists.
I rolled my eyes at his statement, "For the love of god, if this is some way of you showing me your jealous and possessive side, I don't care. You're being unreasonable and quite immature. Is that really any way a gang leader should act?"
Sebastian looked as if he were about to yell something at me, but instead took a step back, a smirk quirking at his lips.
"You're right, I'm not acting like a gang leader right now." His smirk was growing deeper and fuller, making my stomach twist under the anxiety his newfound amusement brought me.
I looked around the room, feeling uncomfortable as silence fell over us.
"But," Sebastian began to speak again, "as I recall, you haven't been acting much like the heartless, ruthless baiter that is praised and adored by so many. In fact, I must say that you've been a disappointment. If I had known there would be so many tears and pathetic emotional breakdowns, I would have never offered your brother that deal."
Talk about a low blow.
I stared at Sebastian, my lips sealed shut. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had upset me. No, I couldn't do that.
With a tight smile, I turned on my heel and went up the stairs soundly, not followed by any of the boys.
Though I had put enough distance between Sebastian and myself, I could hear his words repeat inside of my head, as if they were mocking me.
It was weird though- because I wasn't hurt by what he said, no... I was frustrated. I was irritated beyond belief and I could feel myself growing more annoyed by the second.
It sucked, it all sucked because he was right.
I had a reputation, had being the key word. During my time with the Kings I had lost in a matter of days, and now I was going to have to work to get it back.
"You are Evelyn fucking Summers," I said quietly, staring hard at the floor. "Get your shit together right this instant."
I walked into the bathroom, my breathing becoming more natural and even as I calmed down. Placing my hands onto the marble counter, I welcomed the harsh coldness that practically radiated from the counter. I focused on the welcoming numbness that had practically raised me like a child.
As my breathing finally regulated, I felt everything inside of myself shut down. It was as if I had flicked a switch off, and effectively turned off my emotions without a second thought.
Because for this, I didn't need one.
Being emotionless Evelyn was right, not only for me but for the gang.
If this is what Sebastian wanted, then it's what he is going to get.
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We stood at the entrance of the club, the deafening music sending vibrations through our bodies.
I could feel Sebastian's warmth radiating from him onto me, and I couldn't help but shift uncomfortably, easily catching Sebastian's attention.
"Are you done being an emotional baby?" He asked done at me, sneer forming on his lips.
I dug my nails into the palms of my hands and glared at him. "Yes. And are you done being a bi-polar bitch?"
I smirked as Sebastian narrowed his eyes at me and roughly grabbed my arm and led me into the club and towards the upstairs bar. In order to not draw attention to us, I allowed him to drag me, though it was growing increasingly hard to not turn around a punch him.
A pained gasp left my lips as he pushed me against the railing, trapping me in place with his hands on either side of me.
From where we stood, and how we stood, anyone would have thought that we were a young couple, enjoying our blooming romance and youth. But the harsh bite of the railing against my stomach and Sebastian's unmoving body pinning me to the spot was a harsh slap of reality.
"Listen Evelyn," he whispered in my ear, "I've thought about the way I acted earlier today and you were right- I shouldn't have reacted that way."
I was unable to hold back the gasp of surprise that left my lips as he leaned further into me while I processed his words. I felt my stomach tighten and a satisfied smirk crossed my lips.
"Of course I was." I said, twisting my body so that I was now facing him. I ignored the feeling of the railing digging into my lower back, and I felt my eyes darken with a mischievous look.
Sebastian looked slightly taken aback by the new look in my eyes, one he hadn't seen for quite a while.
"Before you get too ahead of yourself, I should remind you that I am not a patient man," he said in a warning tone.
In a teasing manner, I cocked my head to the side and deepened my smirk. There was an icy feeling in my chest, something I hadn't felt in a while, yet it was something I had felt ever since I started working for London's Eyes.
I wasn't sure whether I should be happy or sad, that the numbness was returning. It brought out the worst in me, but sometimes I thought that it might be for the best.
The gang life, as utterly stupid as it sounds, was far from easy.
It's for that reason, that I never understood why families participated in gangs. I remember how confused I was when I was younger, unable to understand the full concept of gangs. It was then that I realized how bad gangs were- how they could, and eventually would, tear families apart.
Being numb and emotionless was so much better than feeling the pain.
"So-" Sebastian said, drawing my attention back to him, "you can see why I may not have been the happiest person when I found out you were seeing Eric."
I rolled my eyes at his words, yet there was the nagging reminder of Eric's words that still haunted me.
I wasn't sure if I should tell Sebastian what Eric had said, because deep down, I was determined that if I didn't say it aloud, it wouldn't be really.
"Well maybe you should work on controlling your emotions." I said stiffly, the sarcastic edge now long gone as a bitter tone settled in as a replacement.
Sebastian's eyes narrowed at my change in attitude and sent me a harsh glare before continuing to speak. "I like you, and you know that. I am not patient, so the time for you to accept that, it's running out. So if you're in a room with a guy, yes, I will be jealous, and angry- two things you do not want me to be."
"Are you apologizing or are you trying to justify your actions?" I had a hard edge to my voice, and my look was hateful.
"For fuck's sake Evie," Sebastian muttered, rubbing his forehead. He grinded his hips down on mine, causing a flare of heat to spread throughout my lower stomach.
I glared up at him, remembering the way he insulted me, mocking my 'emotional breakdowns' as he so politely and kindly called them. Nevertheless, I've always been one to hold grudges.
"You're making me crazy," he groaned into my neck, his lips fluttering over my heated skin.
I stood there motionlessly as his hands roamed my body, his lips peppering kisses across my neck and my jaw line, edging towards my lips.
I placed my hands firmly against his chest, and gave him a quick shove, though there wasn't much of an effect.
Sebastian glowered down at me, and I noticed his eyes had darkened with lust. He gripped my hips firmly while I continuously tried to push him away, yet my attempts were futile.
He easily overpowered me, which made him give me a smirk of contempt. I felt the annoyance build up.
I was upset.
I was sick of him being stronger than me and using it to his advantage.
I was sick of being controlled.
I closed my eyes briefly and gritted my teeth, before gathering the strength to push Sebastian away from myself.
My own smirk of contempt crossed my lips as he stumbled backwards from the force I had thrown on to him. There was a look of surprise that crossed his face, before he reached for me again.
"Would you stop?" I hissed out, slapping his hands away.
I walked quickly away from him, relieved that he hadn't chosen to follow me. I felt as though a thick, overheated blanket had been lifted from my body, sending a wave of chilling freedom over my entire being.
I let out a breath as I relaxed, smirking to myself as the crowd of people parted like the red sea as I made my way to the bar.
I quickly ordered myself a beer, unable to stand some fruity drink at the moment. My eyes scanned my surroundings as the bartender placed an opened bottle of beer in front of me.
My eyes stopped when I noticed Mason talking to the same brunette I had seen him talking to previously, and a frown crossed my expression.
His eyes shone brightly as he spoke animatedly to her, and I felt a twinge of jealousy burst through my veins.
Okay, okay, more than a twinge.
But then I remembered.
I remembered that I wasn't allowed to feel this way, because love was stupid. It was reckless and careless, and guaranteed pain.
My frown twisted into a grimace, and I rolled my eyes at the sight before me.
You're only going to get hurt, I warned him as I took a swig of my beer, downing nearly a fourth of the bottle.
I felt my eyes roll again, almost instinctively as I noticed Sebastian approaching me. What caught my attention was the frustrated expression he now wore.
I tensed as he stood next to me, ordering himself a beer.
"The guy isn't coming tonight," Sebastian muttered, gulping down the contents of his beer as he glared out into the crowded club.
I nodded my head, unsure if I was meant to offer any solace, though I wasn't about to any time soon.
"I get it," he spoke, "I pissed you off and now you're going to act all uncaring and bratty, just to prove that you're not some emotional baby."
I shrugged in response, although I frowned a bit at his statement.
"Why don't we just forget what I said earlier, and go back to how it used to be?" He offered. Staring into his eyes, I could clearly see that something was wrong. Alarms went off in my head, and a conclusion to his behavior crossed my mind.
"But I haven't even started yet." I drawled out, testing him for a reaction.
Sebastian only scowled at him and roughly gripped my wrist, pulling me to him. I could tell he was annoyed, but that was about all I was getting from him at the moment.
"Let me guess," I lowered my voice, forcing him to strain to hear me, "this isn't the first time a guy hasn't shown up? In fact, it's been happening a lot lately, hasn't it?"
The second I finished speaking; Sebastian took on a look of fury. "How the hell did you know that?" His stare was murderous, almost accusing.
I stared at him for a moment, before a feeling of satisfaction took over. "I didn't, it was merely a guess, and one that you just confirmed to be true."
Sebastian stared down at me, his sharp features looking darker than ever. But his eyes, they held so much more than anger. There was worry. And with worry came fear.
Sebastian King was scared.
He's scared to lose control, and so he went to me, the one constant in his fight for control.
I felt my insides twist as I stared up at him.
Had I really been right? Had it only been a game?
I blinked rapidly, and quickly finished off my beer, which unfortunately had no effects on me.
"You're a bastard."
I moved away from him, and walking down the stairs onto the main floor, distancing myself as much as possible.
I was mad at Sebastian, there was no doubt about that, but I found myself hating myself even more.
Sebastian was using his power to make me his submissive, yet something was telling me that it had been myself- I gave him that power.
I wasn't thinking straight; in fact, I haven't been able to have a clear thought ever since I left London's Eyes.
My eyes connected with the exit, and without a second thought, I began pushing my way towards my new destination.
Once outside, I could actually breathe again. My head was clear as I gulped in the fresh air. I didn't mind goose bumps that began to appear all over my skin, proving to be a weak force against the harsh winter winds that bit at me.
My body lurched forwards as a hand grasped my elbow. Turning around, I let out a sigh of disappointment as I made eye contact with Sebastian, who had Callum directly behind him.
"And where do you think you're going?" Sebastian questioned, anger bubbling to the surface of his tone.
I refused to respond, and only stared at him dully.
"I swear to-" Sebastian began, until he was cut off by a muffled scream that came from a nearby alleyway.
I couldn't help myself, and found my feet moving on their own accord, in the direction of the sound. It's times like these that I wish I wasn't so curious, or nosy as some would put it.
The man had the woman pinned to wall by her neck, which made me think back to all the times Sebastian's done that to me.
And why? For control.
Rage burst within me, and I began running to the man, only to be held back by Sebastian.
"Let me go!" I screamed out, catching the attention of the strangers in the alleyway. My stomach lurched as a flicker of hope shot through the desperate woman's eyes. It was as if she was pleading me to help her.
"This is not your fight," Sebastian said quietly, ignoring the way the man stared at us silently, as if he didn't care that he had witnesses to his abuse.
"Not my!-" I broke free from Sebastian and whirled around to face him, a lethal look contorting my features. "Not my fight?" My voice was shrill as I practically screeched at Sebastian.
I turned quickly to face the man, "Let go of her right now." I snarled, my hands curling into tight fists.
The man, who was clearly incompetent, looked to Sebastian before saying, "Control yer bitch."
That was enough.
The demons within had been released and there was nothing that could stop me from lunging at the man. Fortunately, I caught him off guard and even threw in a few good punches before Sebastian pulled me away.
The man had collapsed on the group, and was fighting for consciousness as Sebastian separated us.
I felt blood run down my knuckles, and whether or not it was his, or mine I couldn't care less. It brought me a sickening satisfaction to know that I had been able to hurt him.
"What has gotten into you?" Sebastian barked into me ear, but I hardly noticed that. My eyes remained on the woman, who was know looking at me and then back at the man, as if she was unsure of what to do.
"What are you waiting for?" I asked loudly to the woman, "Go! Leave that piece of shit to die here."
My own words surprised me. For a girl who had always feared inflicting death upon others, it came all too naturally for me to tell the woman to abandon the man and leave him to die.
"No..." Her soft word sent me into a frozen state, and I stared at her in horror as she began to walk towards the man.
For the second time, I broke out of Sebastian's grip and rushed to the woman, yanking her away from the man.
"What are you doing?" I nearly screamed at her, "Why can't you see that he's a bad person? Huh? Why are you going back to him? What is wrong with you?"
Up close, I was able to see things I hadn't noticed before. Like for instance, the incoherent expression she wore, paired with her glazed, bloodshot eyes.
I pulled my hand away as if she has burned it.
"Listen," I spoke calmly, "the drugs are messing with you. You need to get away from him. He's not good for you." I pointed a shaking finger to the man, hoping that somehow she would be able to understand me.
"I..." She breathed out, and I tensed. I knew what was coming. I had heard it hundreds of times before.
"I love him."
I felt my insides shatter, though I remained expressionless. I felt bile rise in my throat as I turned on my heel and pushed past the confused Sebastian and Callum, past Mason who had just arrived.
"What did I miss?" He asked, his brows furrowing with surprise as he took in my state.
I didn't respond.
I physically couldn't.
I just stood there while Callum got the car for us, and sat silently the entire way home.
Cautious eyes regarded my every movement, but I remained blank.
As we arrived home, I walked upstairs without another word, and entered my room, then my bathroom.
I felt my knees give out as I vomited weakly, the acid burning my throat. With a feeble hand, I flushed the toilet and washed out my mouth. My lips quivered for a fraction of a second, and I felt as though I was going to break down.
Like actually break down.
When I left the woman, a piece of myself was left behind in that alleyway.
I stripped quickly, and climbed into the shower, allowing the scorching water to burn my skin.
I caught sight of my reflection in the small mirror that had been placed against the wall in the shower, and found myself letting out a sarcastic snort.
How ironic—putting a mirror where you're most vulnerable, and bare. Maybe it was placed there with the intention that you would be able to see your own vulnerability.
I felt life drain from me as I looked into my eyes. The blue orbs were tinted gray, with almost black flecks.
There were monsters inside of me, according to my eyes, and even I knew it to be true.
+++++
Tonight, I left a piece of myself in the alleyway, as I had done throughout my childhood, whenever I caught my parents in the same state.
I saw my mother in that woman, especially when it came to the glazed over eyes. My dad said it was the drugs that had destroyed her, but I knew that wasn't the truth.
It had been my father.
He was a cruel man, which is something not a lot of people knew, or even had the chance of finding out.
He was angry, and so he took it out on my mother.
It made her sad, so she abused drugs.
It broke my heart, so I became heartless.
Tonight, when I saw that woman look at me, I don't actually think there was a flicker of hope. I don't think there was any desperation. I don't think there was anything that implied that she needed to be saved.
I think I had just imagined it all, like I had done with my mother.
As I exited the shower and entered my bed, I felt my body quake with pain.
I was being haunting by my screams, my desperate pleas that I had memorized as a child, whenever I attempted to help my mother.
But I couldn't.
I was weak.
And now, because of Sebastian King, I am weak again.
Don't worry, Evie, I thought comfortingly, you've got few more pieces left in you.
You haven't run out yet.
And those words gave me something my mother never had---
Hope.
++++++