―thirtytwo―
the first snow
THE FIRST SNOW fell the following day.
It was belated than the previous winter. Where before it began on mid-November, it came down this year as December swooped in. And when Paige woke up this morning later than how she normally would, she realized what made her far slothful than the past few days.
She padded to the sliding doors of her balcony, gazing up at the snowflakes filling up the ground outside, on the branches that were peppered and salted with white crystals, and then at the fog diffusing on the glass each time she gave off a sign of life as the snowfall continued to adorn everything there was in the background.
"Paige?"
Turning around, she pulled up a smile when Aoife slimly lifted a tray with a cup of hot chocolate, marshmallows floating atop. She'd still been helping pulling her up the bed because her stitches were still a little bit sore and then she'd immediately offered coffee, seeing the weather outside.
She refused it and, despite the flashes of memories, she opted for a hot chocolate instead. As she reached for it, the warmth seeping through the pads of her fingers and the length of them, she couldn't help but stare down at it as the nostalgia immediately hit her.
I wonder how Martha is doing, or her cafe. Or Saturn's Camp. Does Arthur remember that night, at least? One that's so special to me?
Funny how even as simple as a beverage could bring so much meaning. So why she'd chosen this instead of coffee, she couldn't tell. It was the instinct that had kicked in, perhaps. She didn't think it was some sort of a tailspin, really.
For some same strange reason, she liked to relish the pain. Not only because it was a beautiful sign that she was still coming through. But because in pain, he was still here. In her heart and mind, she could grasp onto him; no matter how silly that sounded.
She didn't want to let him go. At least, not in her memory. And now, even if they weren't together anymore, she knew she couldn't just dust him off as if he never happened. After all, she cherished people significantly the same; in spite of everything they'd done to her.
"Do you need anything?" Aoife asked quietly, eyeing her in a somewhat timid fashion.
"No. That's all, Aiofe. Thank you," she said, as she clasped the cup tighter in her hands. She carefully reeled back to the pane of glass and took in the picturesque scene before her once again.
"Alright. I'll prepare the tub for you, then."
Once she was alone again, she let out a quiet breath. A deep, long one this time. Then she sopped herself up with chocolate, fully immersing in its rich texture and sweetness. She gulped one marshmallow and as she did all of this, she thought of the first snowfall being first love and first heartbreak. Both had shifted her from one dimension to another. Like a pleasant warmth as those of yesterdays to the beautiful, nipping coldness of today.
Both seasons were special in their own way.
So who was to say that changes weren't graceful in the cold?
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Paige mounted towards the Henson King Academic Building where it housed the College of Business. The snow was practically raining down on the students up and about the university, the flakes crumbling beneath her boots as she took the flights of granite stairs.
She tugged her beanie further down her head, clamping her laptop and other paperwork in her arm while slithering against one body to another. People were swarming the halls as usual. But now everyone was crowding themselves in since it was those times were there were reports that had to be made, tests to ace, grades to recover, and flights waiting to be booked.
They had more or less three weeks before Christmas break and she'd been thinking where to spend the holiday; if alone or with her family. Besides, her parents could hardly sit together with her without having to answer calls and turn to their desks, notwithstanding the season. Her parents were seeing more of others and less of their own daughter.
With a slight struggle, she writhed her way among the chaos, seeing to it that the feasibility study she had with her could reach to Ms Smith in one piece and in pristine condition.
But life wasn't always all rainbows and fireworks.
Not that the documents themselves were spifflicated. But someone had accidentally displaced her beanie which then cockled atop her head. When she turned to see the one who'd touched it, she was anticipating a faint apology.
Not those piercing green gazes that widened in faint surprise.
His dark-blonds weren't falling into his eyes today as he'd slicked them back up so that his forehead was exposed. In this image, his bruises were very much visible. It didn't help that their distance was mere inches off, her eyes perfunctorily passing on the cut on his lips.
She quaffed the painful nub down her throat. Looking at him this close, the waves of emotions began to overwhelm her−the startling truth about how she'd wanted to reach up to his face and kiss his pain away, and just how much she sincerely and excruciatingly missed him.
"I−" His chin sunk into his black cashmere scarf when he'd tipped down his head as he cleared his throat. "How're you?"
The question only made a stunned silence on her part, despite the hall being fairly wild. Paige missed his voice too, everything of him. But she couldn't stand the question.
Sometimes, words were profoundly different from actions. So when Arthur's finally registered to her, the displeasure was instantaneous. This wasn't good because then she'd start to hate him and that wasn't part of the plan.
But she got the monopoly on all of this righteous anger. She had every right to be mad this time.
The balefulness on her face was irrepressible as she calmly but boldly replied, "You've got the audacity to ask me that." If Arthur was usually impassive, his surprise didn't go unnoticed now; albeit evanescent. "But if the interest still stands, I'm fine and even better off not talking to you. Thank you very much."
She then whisked away and not even seconds later when another hit came, only to keel in pain. The sting spread out across her stomach and she bit back a sob as she placed a hand on it.
"Shit." Arthur hastily sidled next to her, fingers instinctively pressing around her elbow. "Are you okay?"
She cast him an appalled look. "Was that concern coming from you, Huxley?" Paige concealed a wince, undoing her elbow from his hand. "I'm fine."
"But your stitches−"
"I said I'm fine." Her tone turned high at the biggest lie she'd ever made in her life. No doubt they were getting curious stares now but she hardly even cared.
Arthur pressed his lips into a drab line, her outburst spurring the clench in his jaw. He took two careful steps away from her and nodded. "Good."
She couldn't answer to that any longer. What was flaming good in pretending to look fine? When she'd chanced a glance down at her torso, she realized there were red spots seeping through her white sweater before her face twisted in pain.
Paige then turned and walked away from him to save her dignity. The distance should've made her feel better. But as she took three more steps and then several more, the distance had never felt so unbearable.
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The day was almost over at the university. Paige swiftly slung her leather backpack over her shoulder, and then headed to Lynch's Center for Visual and Performing Arts where her friend spent most of her time.
She didn't think she'd have one in the form of Jouwee Chang, all things considered the varying degrees. Cain was taking Accountancy, Marketing being Arthur's major, while she was on Business Management, so their meeting was very much possible as they were all in one department, even if Business had seven buildings all in all.
Jude's words had suddenly flooded her mind about the universe plotting events to make them happen for you. So Jouwee happened. She couldn't turn a blind eye to that.
The path to the Arts Department was relatively long, if only because the university was all but astronomical in size. Jouwee had refused for her to do so but she didn't want to idle around. That shot in the arm was necessary for things to get off her mind for a short while.
The funny thing, though, was that before one could get to their side of the campus, they had to walk by the back lawn at where the school theater was stood. The very same one where Arthur and her had frequented before.
Out of mind, she took the path less traveled and soon caught sight of the lawn, except the area was covered in snow. The foliage was at its best when her relationship with Arthur had been in full bloom before−low trees provided them a cozy shade, shrubs landscaping the area.
She sighed and gazed out far ahead. But midway through, she froze in her tracks when she caught sight on the both of them. One wouldn't notice them, but if one were to strain their eyes at the furthest part of the lawn, like really looked, they'd find two familiar figures standing chest to chest.
Cain's clutches were at the collar of Arthur's overcoat, leather gloves around Cain's wrists in return. Arthur's face was fixed and casual as of those of normal days, while Cain was practically turning red.
Paige hastily hid herself on a blind curve before peeking at them in curiosity. When was she ever nosey? In the more truer words, when did she ever stop?
"...you just made yourself a foe, Art." Cain's tone was seething as he darted him a look.
Arthur snorted. "Oh, trust me, Cain, I've made quite a lot already. She has too many watchdogs, I'd have to say."
"Including me."
"Oh, I know," Arthur retorted, shoving Cain on his chest. "Shame."
Cain scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Arthur shrugged and took out a cigarette, lighting it up. "I don't know. You're underestimating, Paige." Paige perked up at the mention of her name. Cain deepened the frown as Arthur continued in a lax tone, "You all are, actually."
"It's not a matter of underestimation, Art," Cain argued quickly. "I'm trying to protect her."
"Protect?" Arthur repeated rather sarcastically. "Why? Because you all fucking think she's weak to a fault?"
"No, it's..."
"See?" Arthur's lips quirked up into tiny smirk. "Let her fight her own battles, pal. She's stronger than you might think, take it from me."
Paige frowned. For someone who'd betrayed her, Arthur surprisingly had so much faith there. And for a split-second, she felt−glad. Glad because even at the shortest time, Arthur had known her pretty well. He believed in her when no one else did.
She hastily scuffled with the surge of hope rising in her. It's all over and done with. You can't make him love you now, can you?
"You sound so sure."
"Well..." Arthur, exhaling a rich smoke from his lips, gave off a shrug of nonchalance. "You could say that again. She's probably even stronger than I am. But then again, I could be saying these things to cut back the guilt, you know−"
Cain had him by the collar again, slamming him onto the wall that Arthur's stick effectively fell down. It was a good thing that the lawn was dusted with snow. The whole place would've been in complete wildfire had his cigarette came in close contact with the grasses.
Gritting his teeth, Cain buried his face into Arthur's in stark fury. So close she could practically see their frosty breaths mingling together. Cain looked like he was out for blood now that Paige couldn't stand seeing herself not doing anything. The last thing she would want was to see their friendship being broken off just because of some girl.
She stepped out, looking at them unsurely when heads turned to her. Then they froze.
"Paige?" asked Cain in surprise.
"Cain, let him go," she said, and she would've missed Arthur's expression fractionally wavering had she not been staring at him. "It's not worth it."
Both fixed their eyes to the other in a measured stare, the tension so thick that one could cut it with a knife. It took Cain a good five seconds before reluctantly extricating his hands away. Arthur slowly tilted his chin up, his eyes never leaving Cain's for a second as a bone ticked in his jaw.
Paige remained still from where she was. She wanted to be sure that they were truly and well off each other's backs. Arthur might had been beaten up already but he seemed to be relatively sport to make a flying fist just as much.
Cain swiftly spun his heel and aimed for her direction. But while she thought of their safety, not any of them was she ready to talk to. So she made elongated strides away from them, only to be stopped by the wrist.
A slow flicker of apology dawned in Cain's azure eyes. "I'm sorry."
Her gazes marginally swept to Arthur's direction at the far back before she looked up at Cain again with a look of hurt on her face. Like the reality had just sunk in.
"You knew."
His words sewn shut then and turned a cheek. Paige tried to calm her breathing but it was difficult to get a good clamp at the rising fury within her.
She shivered, not just because of the weather. The truth was a lot more biting than it would ever be. "You knew and you just stood there not doing anything. All this time, Cain," she paused and shook her head in disbelief, "you know, you're not any better than him."
"I tried to warn him, okay?" he said with conviction.
She shook her head again and stalked away. The conversation alone didn't matter much any longer. Betrayal was betrayal. There was no other way to put it.
But Cain was stepping behind her with haste before the view of where she was going disappeared, only to see a broad plane of a chest.
"Look, I didn't believe it at first. He swore her off so, of course, I'd be doubtful at first and it made me think that it's not worth telling you, anyway. Because I thought I knew my best friend enough, Paige. And it turned out to be a mistake. I'm sorry. Really, I didn't think he was serious about dating Lola again just to fuck with me. I hope you know that you can trust me."
"Too late, Cain," she said quietly. "It's over. How can I trust a cheater's best friend?"
"I'm not him!"
She eyed him. "Close."
"Paige, you have to believe me."
Paige crossed her arms in exasperation and gave him a flat look. "Why?"
He swallowed, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "Remember what I said that I didn't believe it at first?" She pulled her eyebrows together. "Because that's how I know Arthur. He's not one to cheat, Paige. It's what got his family destroyed in the first place. I didn't think he'd want a repeat of that."
His words brought her to a standstill.
She couldn't answer to that. He had a point. But still, Cain hadn't been fully honest with her. How could she be so sure that he wasn't still trying to say in defense for Arthur, one way or another? He was still his best friend. Cain was still going to have to save him if only so his cover wouldn't get blown.
Ignoring his statement that she was sure would swarm her thoughts in days to come, she sidestepped him. The man didn't budge.
"Will you please let me through? I have a practice to catch up."
When Cain was sure she was decisive in getting away, he finally sighed in resignation. Quickly, Paige ran off. But Cain's words lingered before he faded from her earshot.
"You guys might be over. But we're not, Paige."