this is pretty shit, it took me like a month as well. i dunno, distractions and stuff. i'll put a lot of work into the next one. promise. and also if you want to see anything happen with this story, just give me a message and i'll see what i can do. xxx
It had been 11 days since we found out John Storm was still alive. And those 11 days had been the worst. It had been hard to concentrate on anything; school, myself, Mom, Chris, anything apart from Hunter.
I spent most of my time fussing over him, well, mentally at least. I couldn't show how concerned I was really because then I would never shut up. It was hard for me to control myself really. All that I wanted to do was hold him, make him feel better, talk to him, and really I could do all that. It was like being with a brick wall though. Well, a collapsing brick wall.
Hunter had spent the past days in physical and mental agony. He'd worked himself up to the point where he was actually sick with fear. The first few days had been the hardest. There'd been panic attacks around the clock, nightmares, flashbacks, hallucinations. I'd never seen Hunter hallucinate but Chris had told me how horrible it was. And now, I knew for myself. He was curled up on the bathroom floor, screaming, crying, struggling, saying horrific things that I could only imagine John used to say to him.
That only happened once though, and after that one time, things calmed down a little bit. The panic attacks were rare, once a day maybe, normally at night or when Hunter let his mind wander. He was eating, not a lot, but a few slices of toast was better than nothing. He was scratching at his wrists when no one was holding his hand, so hard that blood was drawing and he had the advantage of making the cut deeper. Now, I barely let go of his hand.
Chris had tried speaking to me about the kiss he saw me and Hunter share in that heated moment. Mom was more pissed off and refused to be in the same room as me for a while. I didn't care though. Hunter was my priority. I explained to Chris that it calmed Hunter, even calmed me. He felt different when he was with me, he liked hugging me at night and kissing me and holding my hand, even showering with me occassionally. It was a struggle for him to accept at first.
Chris couldn't really say shit about it. And after learning that there was nothing sexual about me and Hunter, he accepted it. He told my Mom everything about the situation but she was still pissed. She didn't speak to Hunter, barely spoke to me, and only spoke to Chris when necessary. I didn't understand really. It'd be different if we were related, but we weren't. So what was bad about making him feel better?
"Kat," a voice murmured from beside me.
I turned around on the bed to face Hunter who was curled up in my blankets. His face was red with a fever and his eyes all puffy. It was the first time I'd ever seen him where he wasn't as pale as a Tim Burton character and it was a little weird. But he still looked as beautiful as always.
"Yeah?"
"Wanna fag,"
I laughed a little, shaking my head. "You're ill, no."
"But-"
"No,"
"Need it,"
"No you don't,"
"Need it so bad,"
I rolled my eyes. "No. You know what you need?"
His eyes lit up a little. "Yeah?"
"More painkillers, back in a second."
I heard him whimper pathetically as I pulled myself up from the bed and headed out of the door. I walked past my Mom's room, knowing that she wasn't going to come out until dinner and go straight back once it was over. She was being a bitch and I couldn't stand it. So I cut her out.
"Painkillers?" Chris guessed as I strolled into the kitchen. He was sat at the table, a cup of coffee in his hands. He'd taken all of his vacation days off now just so that he could be home in case Hunter needed him. It was actually really amazing how much he sacrificed for Hunter and yet Hunter still had extreme difficulty believing that Chris wanted anything to do with him.
"Yeah, got any left?"
"Here," he tossed me the half empty tub and I flipped 2 out. "How is he?"
"He's crying for a fag," I murmured, sitting down to face him. "Today's actually been good. He didn't have any nightmares last night and not needed his inhaler once. Think he's getting out of the shock?"
"Hope so," Chris said. "I can't stand seeing him like this,"
"I know. He doesn't talk about how he feels though. The only time he mentions John is when he's too scared to realize what he's talking about,"
"I think it's good if he doesn't talk too much about John," he admitted. "Not until he goes back to therapy, at least. It'll just be too painful for him, without any decent coping strategies."
"Guess so," I agreed.
Chris nodded in agreement. "Yeah, why don't you go back through? I need to make a call anyway,"
"Sure,"
I pulled myself up from the chair, heading back towards the bedroom where I found Hunter fidgeting impatiently. He'd sat up now, legs crossed and eyes sinking down.
"Still upset about that fag?"
I laughed a little but Hunter didn't respond. Instead, he turned his head, looking up to face me. It was the way he looked at me, his eyes staring directly into mine. There seemed to be no emotion in his face at all but I'd never felt so insecure.
"What?"
"Wanna talk," he murmured. "To you. About stuff,"
I nodded, making my way over to the bed and pulling down the blankets, revealing Hunter's long, pale legs. He curled up a little bit, and dropped his eyes from mine once I was seated comfortably next to him.
"Stuff?"
"Dad stuff,"
"John stuff," I corrected. Hunter just shot me a confused glance. "He's John. You shouldn't call him your Dad."
"Can't help it,"
"I know, try though, yeah?" He nodded briefly, sitting up more so that he was looking down at me. "What is it you wanna talk about?"
"Dunno," he admitted. "Well, I do. But, fuck, I dunno. He's alive. And y'know in Alaska, I used to get scared cause I thought I'd seen him? What if that was actually him? And he's been there the whole time. Cause if he saw me there, then he could know where I am now, and I can't, I can't see him. I'm so fucking scared, I can't see him-"
"Slow down," I whispered; taking Hunter's hand and waiting until his breathing had calmed down. I turned a little, looking up into his eyes, and saw the urgent desperation in them. "I'm not gonna lie to you Hunter, it could have been him. But it might not be. He's on the run, he probably got as far away from that place as possible. And even if it was him, he didn't do anything. It's been 2 years and he hasn't done anything. But even if he tried to find you here, it wouldn't work. Police know him, Hunter. They wouldn't let him near you,"
"Maybe," he murmured. "Just, I dunno. I'm scared. Don't want you to leave me,"
"I'm not gonna," I promised in all seriousness. I laughed a little, shaking my head. "You don't know how much I care about you, do you?"
He shrugged modestly, maybe blushing a little.
"I care about you a lot. I don't know what it is that we've got going on here but I don't care. You make me happy, and hopefully I make you happy too."
"Yeah, you do," he said, a hint of a smile creeping through.
"Good," I smiled back. I reached to the floor and passed Hunter the water, placing the painkillers down in front of him. "Now take them, I'm tired."
"But I haven't had my fag,"
"Shut up," I chuckled and turned around to lay on my side. I heard Hunter laugh from behind me and not long after felt his arms wrap around my waist, his face bury into the crook of my neck, sighing into me. I normally tried to stay up until Hunter was sleeping but something about his embrace, made me feel so completely safe and secure that I drifted off quicker than I had in months.
*
The next day, Hunter was in the shower and I was getting myself ready to go and meet Cassie. I guess it felt kind of weird. I'd been trapped inside the flat for 12 days straight and had been dodging all the calls and texts from my only friend. She phoned in the morning, wanting to speak to me about what happened at her party. I'd actually forgotten about it, but now I remembered. She kissed Hunter.
At first I'd been hesitant. I wasn't holding a grudge against her, it was just that I didn't feel like I could leave Hunter. He was so vulnerable and scared right now. I felt like I was abandoning him in his darkest time and it made me feel like shit.
He'd heard me on the phone though and practically forced me to say yes. Then he'd got Chris to back him up, and eventually I was agreeing.
We were gonna go to Starbucks, have a few drinks and go our seperate ways. I was trying to be strong, not wanting to break down and tell her about everything that had happened recently. Maybe I needed therapy as well.
"Call me if anything happens?" I asked Chris, pulling on my hoodie and slipping into my shoes. He barely looked up from his laptop but I knew he was rolling his eyes.
"Kat, it's gonna be fine. Will you be back for dinner?"
"Yeah,"
"Then just make sure you get home on time, don't worry about anything else, ok?"
I forced a smile and lied through my teeth. "Sure,"
*
Cassie was overly generous when she felt bad. I had brought my own money but she insisted that she needed to make it up for me and bought me the biggest caramel frappucino I'd ever seen. We were sat in a booth near the widow, and I was swirling my straw around the plastic cup, pretending to be extremely interested in everything Cassie was fretting on about.
"You were drunk, I get it." I stopped her, taking a sip and watching as she tried to catch her breath. She pushed her hair back, leaning over the table so that she was closer to me.
"I just feel bad. I mean, the whole reason you and Lucy aren't talking is because of what she did with Hunter-"
"She said shit about personal things though, all you did was drunkenly kiss him."
"I know, but I pretty much forced myself onto him. He was walking and I saw him and I thought he was lost or something so I started talking to him. And I dunno, I just saw him for, being really goodlooking and I couldn't stop myself. I didn't upset him, right?"
"You kissed him. He's a guy. You hardly upset him," I reassured her. Sure, I was lying. But if I said that she had upset him, that would only lead to more questions and even more lying.
"No, Kat..I don't mean it like that," she said quietly, looking awkwardly at her feet.
"What do you mean?"
She sighed, fidgeting with her hands and breathing unevenly. "There's been talk, about Hunter. I mean, at school, when he used to go, I guess people got kinda curious. I know Lucy tried to find him on facebook. She googled his name and..some of the stuff that came up..it's-" she stopped herself, shaking her head and pulling a face. "It's horrible. And if it is true-"
"Stop," I muttered, barely able to find my breath. I tightened my hands around the cup, trying to breathe through it. How could this happen? Why would people even be curious? It was none of their fucking business. It was between me and my family. Nothing to do with anyone else so why couldn't people just stay the fuck out of it?
"Kat, I'm so sorry-"
"You don't even know if it's true," I snapped.
She reached forwards, taking my hand from the cup and holding it in her own. The way she looked at me, so sympathetic and intimidating, made me realise why Hunter hated it so much. Whenver I gave him that look, I didn't realise just how horrible it was. I didn't need it. Why did she have to feel sorry for me? Nothing happened to me.
"Your face says it is," she murmured. "It's ok. I swear, I'm not going to tell anyone. I've just been so worried. I know we haven't really been friends for long but I like you, and Hunter's grown on me a little and I just want you to know that you've got a friend outside all of it. Ok?"
"Yeah," I whispered, barely able to get my voice about a croak.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No," I shook my head. "I can't,"
"No go zone, right?"
"Right," I said, a laugh unexpectedly falling from my mouth. "Can we just, try have a good time today? I've got a few hours to get away from it all, and I really need it."
"Yeah," she smiled, squeezing my hand slightly before letting go. "So what actually happened between you and Josh because one minute you were cute and the next-"
*
Cassie had actually been a good distraction. After we had a few more coffees, we hugged goodbye and promised to do something soon. She said that she'd text me, and I could phone her if I needed to, and above all she swore that everything would stay between us. I was hesitant, getting worried that she was going to go and say shit to everyone else. But I had to stop thinking like that, had to stop thinking like Hunter.
When I got home, Hunter and Chris were already sat at the kitchen table. I thought that I was late for dinner, but there was no food in sight. Hunter was sitting quietly, completely were blank, slightly watering.
"What's going on?" I asked, pulling out the chair next to Hunter and sitting at his side. I looked back and forth from him and Chirs, trying to understand what all of this was about.
"Hunter?"
He didn't look up at me, just stared down at the table. It took a few moments for Chris to finally cut in, taking a steady breath and looking at me with the same emotionless expression written over him. He was pale, hand shaking on his cup of coffee. What the fuck was up with them?
"Something's happened back in Alaska," he murmured. "Something to do with Hunter,"
I nodded, letting my hand slip over to take Hunter's. I squeezed it gently, trying to reassure myself and him before we got any more worked up.
"What's happened?"
"I told you I had to make a call earlier, remember?"
"Yeah,"
"I called Hunter's old therapist, Doctor Wiles and asked if he could send me a copy of Hunter's files. Y'know, to try and give his new therapists an idea of what they're dealing with. Anyway, Wiles said that he'd let me know when he had a copy ready. But when he went to go get it from his office, it'd been broken into. Every single file on Hunter is gone. I don't even know how it happened. There's so much security. It makes me think that someone even helped him-"
"Him," I said quietly, understanding it all more than I wanted to. Hunter whimpered unintentionally at the side of me and I exhaled nervously. "You think it was him, don't you? You think John took the files,"
"Kat, who else would do it?"
"Those files..they have everything. Our old address, our new address. Fuck, if it's him then he knows where we are and-"
"Shut up," Hunter hissed from the side of me, dropping my hand at once. "We already fucking know that,"
"Hunter-"
"You don't fucking get it!" He yelled, turning to glare at me. "He's fucking coming,"
"Hunter, the Police are looking for him right now." Chris assured him. "There's no way that if it was him, he'd be able to get all the way here."
"You said someone was helping him,"
"It's a possibility. It's also a possibility that it wasn't even him,"
"Who the fuck else would wanna take shit about me?!"
"Hunter, you're safe." Chris said sternly. "Police here are informed about it. They know what sort of men to look out for. We're gonna look after you, ok? You don't even have to leave the apartment until all of this has blown over. I promise you, nothing's gonna happen."
"What if it does?" He mumbled, his voice getting weaker and eyes suddenly watering. "I can't..Chris..fuck. I can't go back to him. Please don't let him find me. I promise I'll be good and I'll stop saying shit to Lisa and fuck, just-"
"Hunter you don't have to do anything differently," I promised, reaching back to take his shaking hand. "He's not gonna find you. We're never gonna let him take you, no matter what, ok?"
"Ok," he whispered, pulling at his lip ring with his teeth. "Ok,"
"Why don't you go lie down? I'll be through in a minute,"
He nodded, pulling himself up and unsteadily walking out of the room. Once I heard the door close, I turned to face Chris and instantly let go of the my false actions, him doing the same.
"What the fuck are we gonna do?"
"Nothing," he replied. "We just have to be there for Hunter,"
"You think it was him, don't you?"
"I don't think it was him, I know it was. John took those files and now he knows where we are. Trust me, this man is a psychopath. If he's anything like how he used to be then there's nothing that we can do apart from wait for him to be caught,"
"And if he doesn't? Hunter can't live his life like this,"
"I know,"
"I guess moving isn't an option?"
"I don't know right now," Chris admitted. He sighed, rubbing his eyes before looking down warily at me. "Go through to see him. I need to phone the Police back, see if there's anything that we can do to help ourselves."
"Ok," I nodded, trying to keep myself as calm as possible as I walked through the hallway and faced the door to my room. Placing my fingers around the handle, I braced myself for whatever state I would find Hunter it, not realising just how much of a long night this was going to be.