"No light, no light in your bright blue eyes;
I never knew daylight could be so violent."
No Light, No Light - Florence + the Machine
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FALLON JONES USED to think that death did not matter. Before Liam, before Storybrooke, before Adi Morris, she had never been afraid of it. To her, death was the same as not being born. If you ceased to exist, it would be the same as the time before you ever existed in the first place.
Dying, to her, was no more than simply ceasing to exist.
But it was Adi, not Fallon, who watched Henry fall, watched his tearful family rush to his motionless side, watched a victorious Peter Pan rise from the floor as Henry collapsed.
She had realized a long time ago that death did matter. The moment she saw Liam's dreamshade-dark body, she understood how wrong she had been. It had been so long since that day, she'd almost forgotten what it felt like. The longer she looked at Henry – no, Henry's body, she reminded herself – the more she felt like screaming.
Liam hadn't been her fault. This was.
She forced herself to look away, up at the moon through the skull's eye, but that did little to quell the rising guilt.
A searing pain jolted along her right forearm. She pressed a hand to it but was distracted by both the rumble of thunder in the distance and Emma slicing Pan's shoulder with her cutlass before she could begin to wonder where it had come from.
Adi, startled, looked to the sky. For as long as she had been on Neverland, the weather had never once deviated from the same clear sky and warm temperature. Now the sky was black. At first she thought it storm clouds had rolled in, but a closer look told her that the sky was clear – it was just that everything in it was disappearing.
The half-moon was fading into a dull grey, the constellations tangled around it dissipating. The Big Dipper had lost its handle.
There was another tug of pain.
"Adeline," she heard Pan say through the fog that was becoming her vision. He grabbed her by the arm, maybe to teleport with her in tow, but he let go at once as she cried aloud in pain.
He watched in – was that concern? – as she held her arm out in front of her.
"Oh," she whispered.
What had Wendy said? He needs the heart to absorb all the magic in Neverland. He will be immortal. All powerful.
Absorb the all magic in Neverland.
Oh.
Oh.
When Henry shoved his heart into Pan's chest, the magic had begun to flow from the island into him. Neverland's life force was being drained to save Pan.
The heart saved him and the Lost Boys, but condemned his home.
A fair exchange: Neverland for Pan.
Before her memories returned, Adi had poisoned herself with dreamshade. The magical waterfall at Dead Man's Peak had healed her, but now that the magic powering that water was being channeled elsewhere...
Dimly, she understood that the waterfall did not heal. It shielded and bandaged. It had made the cut disappear, but the moment the water lost its power – the same way it had lost its power over Liam when he left the island – the poison returned.
"Oh," she repeated. The gash on her arm was deepening, darkening. Black veins crept over her skin.
Pan registered what was happening at the same time she did. Before she could even begin to panic, he'd already taken her by the uninjured arm. The world was fragmenting into jagged pieces. Adi missed the moment her feet left the ground and didn't realize they were flying until they were already over the ocean, heading for the heart of camp where it was marked by smoke trailing into the starless sky.
This high up, she could see every single tree decaying, leaves withering and leaves curling hungrily into themselves until Pan was carrying her over a sea of dead husks.
Her voice was weak, the words watery in her mouth, and the wind might have stolen any sound, but she had to say it: "You are the most selfish creature I have ever known."
Pan heard, she could tell by the brief glance at her and the slight downturn of his mouth, but did not bother to answer.
She could barely remember what it had felt like to die from dreamshade the first time. Had it been easier? Faster? Surely she had not stayed alive this long after she'd dragged the arrow down her arm. Perhaps the heart was stealing the island's magic at a slower rate than the poison worked. She almost wished she could just get it over with.
Her eyes fluttered shut. The wind was surprisingly gentle on her skin, like an old friend caressing her cheek. The reality of dying outweighed her fear of falling, and she felt herself go limp in Pan's grasp.
"No," she distantly heard him say. "Not just yet, Adeline. Keep your eyes open."
His grip strengthened, and she felt him moving to grab her around the waist instead. When she did open her eyes, it was to see him looking down at her in what was most definitely concern. And for what? What was that concern for? What purpose did she serve for him now that he'd gotten Henry's heart?
"There you are," he said. "We're almost home."
She might have mumbled an answer, but again her brain cut out moments, and when she checked back in he was setting her down. A murmur of voices, then the gentle breeze of him retaking flight.
Felix leaned over her, taking up the whole of her narrowing line of sight. "What happened?" he demanded, dropping to one knee beside her.
Adi propped herself on her elbows. A metallic taste flooded her mouth, and she turned away from him to retch. She felt his hand on her back in an awkward but genuine effort to comfort. She faced him again, wiping her mouth, to say, "The heart saves him, and all of us – except anyone who's been saved by the waterfall. The heart lets him steal all of Neverland's magic. He becomes immortal. Starting with me."
His eyes widened. "And Max. And Slightly. Anyone saved by the water collapsed after that green smoke went everywhere."
"So what do we do?" she asked, turning her head to spit out more blood. "What did Pan say?"
Felix shook his head, an unreadable expression on his face. "He didn't say anything, just asked me to look after you."
"He's such a selfish asshole," Adi spat.
"Adi –"
"Look around, Felix! Half of us dying and all of us are losing our home because he needs to be immortal. I'm sure all of us would have been fine if he'd let the timer run out and died when he was supposed to."
Felix's glance warned her to watch her tone, but she refused to pay respect to the person quite literally poisoning her.
Around them, the things created by magic were disintegrating. Their tree houses were shedding wood plans. Weapons scattered around the compound faded into nothing like the stars. With the island's magic being sapped, there was nothing to hold everything together; it was all unraveling at the seams.
The rest of the boys were crowded around the few who had fallen from dreamshade poisoning. Adi was glad to see that most of them looked fine – and would be no matter what happened to the island. Even if it all fell apart, they could leave Neverland, escape the island Pan would bleed dry to serve himself.
"Wait," said Adi. "Where's Wendy?"
"When we woke up, you and Pan were gone, but the pirate and the fairy were here with her," Felix explained. "But when that...wave of green came through, both of them left. We put Wendy back in her cage."
So that meant that not only were Emma, Neal, and Regina at Skull Rock, Killian and Tink were, too. And, if they had known to go, Snow White and her prince were either there or on their way.
"What do we do?" Adi repeated, trying to sit but regretting it immediately at the wave of darkness that swept over her vision.
"You," Felix said, standing, "are going to stay here and stay alive while I go find Pan and figure out where we go from here."
"What? No! I'm coming with you. You need my help – when was the last time you disagreed with Pan?"
Even as she protested, Adi had to suppress the urge to vomit. It probably wouldn't look good for her case if she puked on Felix's shoes.
"Can you even stand?"
Again she tried, and again she fell back, blinking dark spots from her eyes.
"That's what I thought."
"What are you even going to say to him?" Adi demanded. "Hey, I know I've been helping you this whole time and good for you for getting the heart, but you kind of need to give it back so people don't die and our home doesn't shrivel up into nothing? I don't think he's gonna go for it."
"...Something like that."
"You're an idiot," she informed him, a little fondly.
Felix looked midway between offense and laughter. He waved over his shoulder at someone Adi could not see.
Tootles' voice arrived before the rest of him: "When'd she get here?" Then he appeared over Felix's shoulder, looking down on her prone form.
"Just now," Felix said. "Keep an eye on her, would you? I'll be back soon."
"I do not need a babysitter!" she shouted at his retreating figure.
Tootles settled himself down where Felix had just been. Gingerly, like her skin was glass, he lifted her injured arm.
"Ah, so this comes back to haunt you," he said with a hint of a smirk. "I remember when you did this. You were so confident. I couldn't decide if you were brave or stupid. Probably both."
"Just stupid," she decided for him.
Tootles let go of her wrist. "You're in better shape than Slightly and Max." He jerked his head toward the ring of boys around the other two. "Both of them have stopped talking."
A dull ache settled inside Adi. Given the choice to save Pan or the Lost Ones...well, she knew who she would pick.
"Where are theirs?" she made herself ask.
"Max's is in his leg – real deep. Slightly's is in his stomach."
She twisted around to catch a glimpse, but too many people blocked her view. "I want to see them."
"Whoa, hey." Tootles pushed her back down. "You're not okay either. Just stay there."
"Shut up," Adi tried to snap in reply, but it came out slurred, like Killian after he'd had too much to drink. Her muscles felt tense, lethargic.
Tootles jolted in alarm. She did not anticipate the pure fear in his voice when he called her name. "Adi? Adi! Come on, stay awake."
Her reply was a low, "Hmm?" as the world blurred. She blinked once, slow. There was Tootles, melting into shadow, and the trees behind him wilting, and the fuzzy static sound of his voice getting further away, and then nothing, nothing, nothing.
- - -
Felix found Peter exactly where he expected: his old thinking tree.
A long time ago, when Ace was lieutenant and Felix was new to the island, still discovering its many secrets, he'd been exploring the jungle and came across a collection of trees, taller and thinner than the others. Some branches looked to be sparkling green, but when he had squinted and stepped forward for a better look, Peter had swooped out of nowhere and dragged him away.
Later, when Felix gained real authority, he learned how important the place was not only to Peter, but to the history of the island as a whole. Once, he had been transfixed by the magnificence of what Peter called Pixie Hollow, but now the sight of the place made Felix's despondence grow. The trees weren't beautiful anymore. Now they were dropping leaves like autumn put in fast forward and shedding bark in limp piles over shriveling roots.
It was a steady decay.
Felix supposed it was right to be that way. Instead of his world ending in a bright flash, a burst of flames, it heaved long, rattling, shallow breaths, dragging out the torture as it destroyed that which had destroyed it.
"Did you know?" asked Felix.
Peter turned to face him. Despite his new immortality, he looked...broken. His very being seemed to vibrate with power and energy, but it looked wrong against the sick background of the decomposing island.
Although he seemed to radiate power and energy, Felix felt his own energy dwindling when he took a moment to focus.
"No," Peter said, his voice quiet. "I knew...I knew the heart would make me stronger, it would stop me from dying, and all of you with me, but I didn't know this would happen. Any of it."
"You're going to lose everything," Felix told him. "The island. Those of us not dead of dreamshade poisoning, if we can find a way off. No one wants to stay in the home you destroyed."
Who would Peter be if he had nothing to call himself king of? Felix wasn't sure – he had never known a Peter Pan who didn't reign over Neverland. He could rule the empty island, given that the whole thing didn't collapse into the sea. But it would be with the knowledge that he had driven away the ones he'd dared to call family. Felix preferred to think that Peter wouldn't be able to live with that kind of guilt.
"I tried to use the magic the heart gave me to fix it, but it didn't work. So I suppose I'm not as powerful as I thought I'd be." He said it casually, as if allowing his home to be destroyed alongside several of his brothers and the girl (Felix theorized) he loved was nothing more than an item to check off a list.
This struck a chord in Felix. "It'll be a shame to live by yourself when this is over, knowing you're alone and it's all your fault," he spat. He was starting to understand now why Adi always looked like she wanted to strangle Peter. "You can still fix this, Peter."
Peter wouldn't meet his eyes. "How?"
"You know how, you're just too scared to admit it."
"I –" Peter had difficulty getting the words out.
Felix found it easy. "Return the boy's heart."
Peter looked insulted that the idea had even been suggested, although both of them knew it was the only option. "And lose everything we worked for?"
"If it means saving Neverland? If it means saving Adi? Yes, Peter."
"I'm sorry, Felix." Peter didn't sound it. And didn't look it either, save for the flash of distress in his eyes that lasted until he turned away.
Before he could stop himself, Felix was blurting out exactly what he was thinking, because screw it, everything was falling apart, and he wasn't going to keep biting his tongue like the good soldier he was supposed to be. "Adi was right."
"About what?"
"You are selfish. Everything you know is collapsing in front of you, and you can stop it, but you won't." His voice rose. "Max is dying. Slightly. Adi. You think you only killed some insignificant child, but it's bigger than that, Peter."
"And you're alright with me dying?" Peter demanded, shooting him a look of warning. "Because that's how this ends. It's either them or me."
"I would die for any of them, you know that. You can't say the same?"
Peter spun on his feel to face Felix, looking genuinely terrified. "I can't."
Felix shook his head. "What would you even do, ruling a dead island? You're going to have to spend the rest of your existence knowing that you ruined your home and drove us away and killed the person you love."
"I love nothing and no one."
"That's a lie."
Peter's glare could have set fire to the world. "Do not presume to know —"
"Peter," Felix cut in softly. "Don't pretend you don't care about us, after everything. Just don't. You know we would do anything for you, but if you walk away from us now, you lose that. You'll be king of nothing."
His eyes were bright. For once he looked his age, an ancient soul in an eighteen-year-old body, the sky heavy on his shoulders. Felix wanted so badly to believe Peter had the capacity to be good. He wanted so badly to take the sky from him, give him room to breathe, show him that it did not have to be like this.
"If you return the heart, we will find a way to fix this. We will find a way to save you. But if you keep it, if the island dies, if Max and Slightly and Adi die, you lose all of us. That is a promise."
"There's no fixing this," Peter countered. "If there was a way, I would have found it."
"We will," Felix said, forcing conviction.
"Don't lie to me."
"If you die, at least you will die King of Neverland."
Peter swallowed. "If I remove the heart, I'm not sure how much longer I have."
"When I left camp, Adi couldn't even stand. She might be dead already."
His frame went stiff. He glanced up at the decaying branches, the dull and empty sky. "Felix..."
"Any of us would do it," Felix said softly. "Adi wanted to come, you know. She wanted to be the one to convince you. Would it be different, if it were her here instead of me? Would you be more convinced if she was dying in front of you instead of back at camp? Is that why you left her there, so you wouldn't have to watch?"
"No," Peter said. "It would not have been different. Both of you...I mean, you are both equally important to —" He could not say it. Felix knew he likely never would, but he understood. Peter cleared his throat, summoning his bravado. It was a convincing mask, but Felix could see what laid beneath. "We should probably get moving. If this fails, my blood is on your hands."
Felix smiled, just a little. "Someone once told me that Peter Pan never fails. I am not inclined to disagree."