I don't think I understood what being an adult was. I figured it meant playing calm, cool, responsible, and saying the rights things so people didn’t put you in a judgmental box. I always felt like socialising meant how well you could play the game and how many toes you could avoid stepping on. Some people were bold enough to be a verbal renegade, saying whatever they wanted to whomever they wanted. It didn’t make them different, but rather annoying and perhaps hated. Then there are a few people in the world that could charm people and still get away with their conceited opinions and sarcasm. But for me, I was neither charming nor strived to be the rebel in conversations. I just bumbled along, laughing whenever others laughed, or pretended to know something when in reality I had been having an imaginative conversation with myself. And then I knew it was polite to agree on whatever question was thrown at me upon my returning.
Whenever I did have a talk, I tried to limit the amount of tasteless jokes I made and the number of times I mentioned zombies. It was something that couldn't be harnessed. I would find myself quiet half-way through a conversation before blaring out the question, "If a zombie was to attack us right now, what object in this room would you use?" Didn't win any friends after that. But that was all I talked about because that was all I was good at. I really didn't find myself comfortable when politics or stocks rose up in conversations, in fact, I would avoid it all completely by leaving the group or making my way to wherever the food was. I know I'm not the only one when I say this, but when you live life around people who’ve cared enough about their lives to make something out of it, you feel somewhat like a loser when you haven't done anything except dream about a good life.
I'm sure you're wondering if I've ever made an effort to change. Well, I did, finally. And that leads us to a very funny lady who I stumbled upon by accident. It was she who picked me up out of my quagmire and showed me something better than the summaries on the back of my favourite movies. She rescued me from the dull life of driving the lorries all up and down the London streets. What she showed me instead was life, love, and a twist of zombie-obsession.
This is my story, it doesn't sound like much, and maybe it isn’t, but it's a good story.
Sincerely,
Benji Dore