C.39 || Just Say Something
August
"I don't want any more water August. It's makin' me have to pee."
"Do you still wanna kiss me?"
She bit her bottom lip as she hesitated."..Yes."
"Then you can't stop drinkin' this water."
"Uuuugh."
It's goin' on two o'clock in the mawnin' and I'm still up with Hazel drunk ass tryin' to get her to sober up befo' later on today.
Afta' having her vent and admit her true feelings towards me about an hour ago, I been able to do a lil heart to mind thinkin' of my own. I'm already knowing she would neva' admit these things again when she was sober until she felt like she was ready but what I wasn't too sho' on is how this would affect me.
I do know that ova' time I've grown to feel somethin' for her cause if I didn't I wouldn't put up with half the shit she says to me or even be up at this time of night tryna help her sober up.
"At least let me sit in your lap."
I sighed."As soon as you sober up."
She frowned."But I am sober."
"No you not."I chuckled."Finish drinkin' the water."
She rolled her eyes but finished the bottle off like I told her to. She shook it sarcastically to show me she finished and I took it from her to throw away.
"Whea' you goin'?"I asked as I noticed her walkin' off.
"I have to pee."
I let her go to the bathroom while I laid myself out across the couch. Placin' one arm behind my head and lettin' the otha' fall to my stomach I yawned in exhaustion. Thea' was no way I would be able to get enough sleep to hop back up for when the yacht docked in Florida.
Somehow I found myself dozing off to sleep. It was only a short period of time though befo' I felt Hazel lay right on top of me.
"You finally ready to go to bed?"I asked with my eyes still closed as I gently rubbed her back.
"No."She yawned."I thought you ordered us dessert."
"I did but it has alcohol in it and we don't need you gettin' any mo' drunk than you already is."
"I'm not gonna get more drunk."She chuckled."I'm not even drunk no more."
"Is dat right?"
"Mhm. I'm fine."I felt her raise up off my chest before she kissed my lips softly."Now can I please have dessert?"
I stood silent for a lil minute, hoping she would just give up and go to sleep, but she didn't so I sighed and sat up.
"Aight c'mon but afta' this we goin' to bed."
"Straight to bed."She nodded and got up, headin' towards the fridge.
Scratching my head I opened a drawer and pulled out two spoons.
"It looks so good."She smiled as she took the dessert outta the fridge.
She walked to the couch and took a seat on it while I did the same. I started to hand her her spoon but she took the initiative to sit in my lap first.
"Comfortable?"I chuckled.
"Very."She nodded and took her spoon.
We ate in silence for all of two seconds befo' she started talkin' again.
"Wanna know somethin'?"She sat her spoon down.
"What?"I rubbed up and down her thighs.
"Sometimes...I think about how it would be if we had another baby."
I stopped and tilted my head."Yeah?"
"Mhm."She smiled a lil."I want a little boy. You know, so you can grow up with him and teach him how to be successful like you."
"And how long you been thinkin' bout this?"I questioned.
It felt a lil wrong to pick with her brain like this while she intoxicated but I've always wondered what goes on in that head of hers. She not a open book at all and to see that she only can be an open book through intoxication is kinda sad.
"Not long."She shook her head and scooped up more ice cream."I just figured it would work out good because you didn't get that chance with Treasure like I know you wanted."
Which was true. I did feel bad about not having the chance to experience Treasure's growth and witness milestones in her life, but I neva' really thought about havin' anotha' baybeh.
Then again, if I did have to think about havin' another baybeh I couldn't imagine it's mother bein' anyone else but Hazel.
"You say you want a boy?"
"Mhm."She nodded."So he can grow up to be handsome and smart just like his daddy."
"Oh really?"I smirked."Well if you think I'm smart, why you always callin' me a dumb ass?"
She chuckled and shook her head."That has nothin' to do with that. I call you dumb ass because sometimes I don't feel like you're livin' through you."
"Whatchu' mean?"I scrunched my eyebrows.
"August,"She rolled her eyes and brought one arm around my neck,"I started liking you because of you're personality but sometimes it's like you don't think for yourself."
"Don't think for myself?"
"Yeah. Like the whole party thing. I know you meant well from the beginnin' with Treasure but the minute you let somebody else talk you into it, you went in."
"But-"
"Or like when I first told you Treasure was yours and you left the damn state. You said you took some advice that you shouldn't have, which was true, and you let that advice from someone else lead your decision–a dumb ass decision."
I stared at her for a minute, a lil grin to my face."How come even when you drunk you still could go in on me?"
"Because I care about you sometimes stupid."She softly played with the small curls in the back of my head.
"Callin' me stupid right afta' dumb ass?"I chuckled."Yeah you definitely sobering up."
"I know."She frowned."But I don't want to."
"Why not?"
"Because I like talkin' to you like this."She leaned into me more."And kissin' you."
Her lips softly brushed against mine."Well why you can't talk like this and kiss me when you sober?"
Instead of answering me, she pulled me closer and placed her lips on mine. She bit my bottom lip so I slightly creaked my mouth open, giving her access to smoothly slip her tongue in.
I took the cake from her hand and sat it down on the table, lettin' her bring her legs ova' to straddle me. I placed my hands on eitha' side of her face to guide her head how I wanted to as she continuously overlapped her tongue with mine. She moaned and wrapped both of her arms around my neck, slowly grindin' her lower half against me.
"H-Hazel.."I tried to stop her. I didn't want this to go too far considerin' she was still under the influence.
She tugged at the back of my hair, makin' my head lean back as she repeatedly kissed me. "Shh.."
"We gotta stop love."I said through kisses, even though I really, really didn't want to.
"Why?"She moved from my lips to my neck."I thought you liked to."
"I-I do..but see the way my respect fa' you set up-"
"You would rather me be sober."She finished, lookin' back to my face."I know, I know."
I sighed in relief."Good."
"But I gotta warn you,"She leaned closer to whisper in my ear,"sober Hazel's no fun."
"Sometimes, but I rather hea' you fussin' at me to stop while sober than fussin' at me in the mawnin' cause you don't remember what happened."
She pouted and tilted her head."Aww, that's so cute."
"C'mon bruh.."I groaned.
"What?"She giggled."It is."
"Look, is you ti'ed yet?"
"No but I'll lay down if you want me to."
"I do."I nodded tiredly.
"Okay."She shrugged.
I situated myself on the couch first while she grabbed the throw blanket to cover up. As expected she laid on my chest and wrapped her arms around me.
"Can you at least rememba' not to hit me in the mawnin' for lettin' you lay on me like this?"
She giggled to herself and kissed my neck tattoo."I'll try. Night August."
"Night Hazel."
***
Wakin' up the next mawnin', or maybe a few hours later, I didn't feel Hazel's warm body on my chest anymore.
I sat up as I heard the toilet flushin' from the bathroom then the sink.
A beat or two later Treasure came walkin' in with Hazel followin' behind her.
"You don't feel good mama?"
"No baby."
"You wanna lay down?"
"Yes baby."Hazel sighed and rubbed her forehead.
"Okay. You'ca lay down afta' you fix my cereal."
I watched Treasure take a seat at the island while Hazel took the cereal from the cupboard and the milk from the fridge.
I stretched myself and scratched my head as I stood up from the couch. I could feel my back pop a lil as I walked towards the room to get to the bathroom.
"Good mornin' daddy."
I yawned and smiled,"Mawnin' Tink."
I grabbed my toothbrush from my suitcase and did what I had to do in the bathroom for a minute.
Even though I knew Hazel wasn't feelin' her best this mawnin', especially afta' takin' champagne like she did last night, I also knew we needed to have a talk–a serious talk.
'Cause if she feelin' me how she explained last night then I need to know. Otherwise it's gon' be like the shit with Miracle all ova' again, only this time it's gon' really bother me cause our child is involved.
I walked back into the kitchen afta' finishin' up in the bathroom, seeing Hazel drying a bowl she washed off.
"Hazel can I talk to you fa' a second?"
"About what?"She poured cereal into the bowl.
"Last night. I feel like you have somethin' you wanna get off ya' chest."
She looked up at me strangely."No. Not that I know of."
"Hazel c'mon now. This not the time for games, I wanna have a serious discussion witchu'."I stuffed my hands into my sweatpants pockets.
She agitatedly sat the box of cereal down and poked the side of her cheek with her tongue.
I asked Treasure to give us a minute alone so that we could discuss whateva' it is we needed to discuss.
"At least lemme finish her cereal first."She rubbed her forehead.
"Nah I got it. You go take a seat on the couch or somethin'."
Probably not in the mood to argue she went and did as I said. I continued to fix Treasure's cereal and sent her off to eat it in the room.
I turned the tv on for her and turned the volume up befo' shuttin' the door behind myself as I left out to keep her from hearin' anything.
"So whatchu' wanna talk about?"She sighed.
"Last night."
"Okay? What about last night?"She shrugged.
"You said...some stuff that I feel like you might wanna try and repeat now for clarity."
She gave me a look."August what? What the hell are you-"
"Rememba' the second time we kissed?"
"No, it's July and no doubt that was probably early June."She rubbed her temple.
"Well it was fa' your birthday, at the hotel I was stayin' in."
"Okay."She shrugged.
"And I asked you why you was actin' the way you was actin' and you said it's cause you not used to bein' intimate with anybody."
"Yeah, so what?"
"Not only that but you have this kinda attitude towards me and probably a few otha' niggas like you'on want shit to do with us. You kinda timid yet angry as hell."
"August we went ova' this already."She sighed heavily."I don't know why I act like that. I just do."
"And I would believe dat if you didn't tell me whatchu' told me last night."
"...What'd I tell you last night?"
I played with my fingers."You uh..You told me about the shit that the niggas used to do to you at the club. Touchin' you inappropriately and shit."
She cleared her throat and rubbed her arms."Oh. Um....you know that was a long time ago ion really think about it as much. I don't know why I brought it up-"
"Hazel it's aight to still think about it. You was young so maybe it fucked you up a lil, I understand."
"And that's cool and all but I'm fine."She lied."It's in the past and I'm ova' it."
I shook my head with a groan."Why you always do that shit?"
"What?"
"Down play whatchu' went through. Lie about how you feelin'. How many times I gotta tell you it's aight to tell me how you feelin'?"
She stood quiet, pickin' with her nails.
"The girl I seen last night was hurtin'. She was real and she wasn't scared to tell me what she was goin' through. Whatchu' so damn scared of?"
"Nothin'."She rolled her eyes as she folded her arms across her chest.
"I can't tell. The girl I held last night cried to me about hurt from years ago. She told me shit that even made me feel some typa' way."I folded my arms across my chest."You know you told me about your parents too right?"
"August-"
"You said you begged them to take you back and they refused to."
Lookin' away from me she crossed her shakin' legs.
"You wanna talk about dat?"
"Not really. It's ova', I told you and now you know why I can't stand them."
"And dassit? Das' all you gotta say?"I rose my eyebrows."Nothin' bout the men and nothin' bout ya' parents."
"What the fuck do you want me to say?"
"Something!"I shot up from my seat."Somethin' dat tell me you actually have fuckin' emotions and you not just blamin' yourself on the inside!"
"Why can't I just be ova' it already? I'm done with that part of my life and I just wanna move forward!"
"But how can you wanna move forward if you can't even talk about it without bein' fuckin' drunk? How can you move on from somethin' that obviously hurt you and changed you?"
"I just....."She shook her head.
"You just what? Talk to me."
"Why are we even talkin' about this?"She looked up as tears rolled down her cheeks."I just don't wanna talk about it no more August, damn."
Sighing, I walked up to her and knelt down in front of her."Because I wantchu' to start acknowledging ya' worth. Yeah you hurtin' but who not? At least be proud dat you came this far with all the shit you been through."
"But how am I gonna be proud of all that shit August? I feel like it all fucked over me."She cried.
"And what I said? That's okay if it did. I even admitted somethin' to you last night. It's betta' to talk about it like you doin' now and did last night cause if not you just gon' always feel like this. Do you always wanna feel like this?"
She shook her head no.
"Aight then you think you'ca actually start tellin' me how you feel sometimes, honestly? Cause if I'm bein' honest ion think I could take seeing you like that again."
She bit her bottom lip."It was that bad?"
I nodded slowly."But it was coo' cause I knew it was mostly the champagne that made you cry as hard as you did."
"I still cried though."She rolled her eyes.
I reached up to gently rid her face of tears,"Dat don't bother me. Like I said, you had a moment of weakness and the champagne got to you."
She sighed."Sorry for even makin' you put up with that."
I smacked my lips."What I just told you? I wantchu to talk to me about shit like that–even if you breakin' down in tears."
"Why?"She shook her head at me.
"Make me feel like you trust me."I shrugged.
I watched her eyes look all around my face, probably to see whetha' or not I was jokin', but I wasn't. I was bein' as honest and sincere as I could be. Seeing her like that last night really did somethin' to me and I want her to break outta that habit of buildin' up her emotions so that when she does decide to talk about it, it doesn't come out as hard as it did last night.
And speakin' of last night and emotions, I knew now wasn't the time to bring up her sayin' she liked me.
I didn't wanna trigger her again or confuse her any mo' than she already was. When she's ready to tell me she'll tell me. If by chance I get a lil impatient then I'll bring it up to her at a convenient time, but this was definitely not the time.
She sighed heavily again."Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah."She nodded."I'll come to you if I'm feelin' like that again."
"Or if you just wanna talk."I shrugged."I'm always hea' with open ears."
She rolled her eyes playfully."Alright Dr.Phil."
***
Hazel
"Mista' Bourbon!"Treasure smiled and took off down the walkway towards Bourbon.
"Baby stop runnin'!"I shouted behind her."Ouch, shit."
"What's wrong?"August asked from behind me.
"My headache, it's fuckin' botherin' me."I rubbed my forehead.
"We'ca stop and getchu' somethin'."
"No, I'll be alright. I think I just need to lay down. I've probably just been on the boat for too long."
He touched my forehead."You sho'?"
"Mhm."
When my feet finally hit the ground I sighed in relief. The yacht was nice and all but the swayin' was definitely not helpin' this damn hangova'. I honestly didn't even remember drinkin' enough to get drunk.
Then again, I couldn't remember much about last night.
"Thank you Bourbon."I smiled as he took my luggage to put in the car.
"No problem Ms.Langston, nice to see you and the little one again."
"You too."
After he finished loadin' the car with all of our things he let all of us climb in the back of the car before he shut the doors and went around to drive us to the resort.
"What time do we have to check in?"I asked August.
"Uh, I think one o'clock."
"We might just get thea' right on time then."I cleared my throat.
"Yup."He continued to focus on his phone.
I pursed my lips and played with Treasure's hand that sat in my lap.
I was honestly tryin' my hardest to forget about the conversation from this mornin'. I probably made a damn fool of myself last night and that's one reason why I try not to drink too much. I hate bringin' up old shit because it takes me back to a place I hate. I would rather just pretend it neva' even happened.
But I see I couldn't pull that with August. I could tell by the way he spoke to me that he actually meant every word he said. All that talk about bein' open with him and tellin' him when I feel a certain way.
I don't know why he cares this much anyways.
It could be because we have a daughta' together but I don't know. It was just somethin' about the way he was expressing himself earlier that made it seem like more than just that. Somethin' else must've happened last night that he ain't tellin' me about. Now what that somethin' may be? I have no clue.
God forbid I tried to have sex with him.
"Mama?"
"Yes Treasure?"I looked down at her.
"Are you okay?"
Her question took me by surprise."Uh, yeah. Why you ask that?"
She shrugged."You look sad."
"I'm not sad baby, mama's just tired. Once I take a nap I might look happier, okay?"
"Okay."She said but didn't look convinced.
"C'mon."I pulled her so she could sit on my lap."I'm fine baby. I really am."
"Okay. Is daddy sad?"
I looked to August who was still all into his phone."No daddy's not sad. Why do you think we're sad baby?"
"Because y'all not talkin' to each other like yesterday."
"Like yesterday?"
"Mhm."She nodded."Y'all was happy yesterday."
Not knowin' how to respond to that I shrugged."Well today's a different day so we probably look a different happy."
She frowned a lil."I don't like this happy look."
I laughed."Okay, maybe it'll get betta' when we go to Disney World."
"Ouuu, I wanna ride a big ride!"She shouted excitedly."Mista' Bourbon you wanna ride the big ride with me?"
And just like that she forgot about what she was previously talkin' about. I sighed and sat all the way back against the seat, foldin' my arms across my chest.
Somehow I managed to doze off durin' the hour long ride to Orlando. When I woke up we were pulling into the lot of one of the Disney Resorts.
Treasure was asleep in August's lap while he stroked her hair as he dozed off himself.
"We're here Mister Alsina."Bourbon announced as he parked the car.
August opened his eyes and yawned, stretching his arms as best as he could.
"I'll take her."I reached for Treasure since August needed to go to the front desk.
He kissed her forehead befo' handing her over to me and gettin' out to handle what needed to be handled at the front desk.
"You drove all the way hea' to pick us up Bourbon?"
"Yes ma'am."He nodded."Did you all have a nice time?"
"Uh, I guess you could say that."I shrugged."I think Treasure enjoyed herself."
"Hm. Troubles between the two of you?"
"No, we good..I think."I shook my head and shrugged again."I honestly can't even remember last night Bourbon so I don't know what to tell you."
And even though he didn't know the situation, he nodded again.
"So, and I apologize if I'm over stepping any boundaries, but are you two-"
"No."I answered immediately."No, we're not together."
"Oh. Well I just figured because..well,"He shrugged.
"What?"
"Nothing. It's just that I've known Mr.Alsina for quite some time now and I've never seen him look at a women the way he looks at you. Especially not in her sleep."
"He looks at me in my sleep?"
"Yes, I know it sounds quite peculiar."He chuckled."But it's not really about the staring. It's about the way he stares at you."
Amused with the conversation I asked,"And in what way does he stare at me?"
"Like he just realized you're the best thing that's ever happened to him."
I scoffed, still amused that he could think that about August of all people.
"But that's just my outtake. I could be wrong. He could just be a, what do they call it, weirdo?"
I laughed."Yeah Bourbon, maybe it's that."
We sat in silence other than Treasure's light snores until August came back to the car to say it was okay for us to go in.
"Thanks for the ride Bourbon."I said as August talked to the bellhop about our luggage.
"No problem. Anything for the family of Mr.Alsina."He lightly touched Treasure's curls."I hope you all manage to have a good trip time. One that you will remember."
"Hopefully."I smiled.
"Hazel!"August called me over.
"Well, that's my cue."I sighed."Bye Bourbon."
"Goodbye."He waved shortly.
I turned around with Treasure still asleep in my arms as I followed behind August into the hotel.
He pressed the button for the elevator to come down while I sighed and swayed a bit.
"Guess dis' mean we leavin' out later?"He chuckled as he pointed to Treasure.
"Yeah. I'm tired anyway and could really go for a nap."
"Coo' with me."He stretched a lil.
The doors finally slid open and we stepped on. He pressed the button for our floor and I continued to sway as we went up.
"Made it right on time."August chuckled as soon as the doors slid open. The bellhop had just made it to our room door.
We walked all the way down and opened the door with the key, allowing the bellhop to roll our luggage in.
"Thanks bruh."August tipped him.
"No, thank you."The boy chuckled, lookin' at the wad of cash August handed to him in disbelief.
I walked to the room we'd be stayin' in to lay Treasure down comfortably while checkin' the place out. Once she was in securely I went into the bathroom.
In the middle of lookin' at myself in the mirror, August unexpectedly walked in
"You like it?"
"Uh yeah. Treasure's gonna like the park view they gave us."
"Mhm. I figured dat."
I pulled my hair back from my face to put it in a ponytail.
"You know Treasure said the weirdest thing in the car."
"Oh yeah? What she say?"
"That I looked sad. That we looked sad."
"I mean, we was up all night and you was cryin' so maybe das' it."
"Yeah but it was still weird."I shrugged."And you."
"What about me?"
"I don't know. I mean, I know I feel a lil weird about the conversation from this mornin' but you just...... I feel like you not tellin' me somethin'."
He sighed."Uh, look..Maybe anotha' time. I thought you said you had a headache?"
"I do but if you not tellin' me somethin' I feel like I should know then that's mo' important that a lil headache."
"Can you just trust me enough to say it don't matter? It'll pop back up soon."
"No, so get to talkin' cause if you tryna hold off on it then it must be important. Was it somethin' I said last night?"
He hesitated a bit but nodded.
"Okay, so why didn't you say it when you said everything else?"I questioned. See, this is why I don't like drinkin' cause I say a lot of shit that I'm not supposed to.
What he said I said last night wasn't even the worst I've been through.
"Because it really don't have nothin' to do with that and ion wanna talk about it right now. It might ruin the whole trip."
"It can't really ruin it afta' all that happened last night."
"Ion know."He shook his head.
Now he's worryin' me.
"August just tell me what happened."
He sighed and scratched the back of his neck."You just drank too much champagne and wasn't yourself."
"With the cryin' and stuff?"
"Nah, not just that.."He coughed a lil."You was...kissin' on me stuff."
I stared at him befo' I smacked my lips."Just that? You actin' like we neva' kissed before."
"Yeah I know, it was just a lil different."He chuckled nervously.
"And that was it?"
"..Yeah.....Nah."He sighed.
"Well come on August shit, you takin' all damn day."
"Cause it don't matter."
"And if it doesn't matter then it shouldn't matter if you tell me or not."
He looked around the bathroom for a minute,"You really want me to tell you?"
"Uh, yeah. I said it so I would like to know what I said."
"Aight fine then."He shrugged."Last night you told me you have feelings for me."
...What?
"And you said you was scared to tell me because you'on trust me."He shrugged again."I didn't wanna say nothin' because I didn't wanna confuse you."
| okay, so short and a lil unnecessary yet a lil necessary. I don't know, lmao. It was just something to write since I didn't have school today because of the possibly flooding. So, sorry for mistakes and hopefully I can update sooner with a longer chapter. Bye, bye. |