—twentythree—
the villainous switch
ALL THE WAY through Finance on Wednesday, Paige would steal glances from Arthur who'd sat next to her. His eyebrows were furrowed, poring on his notes before staring back at the whiteboard while their professor was lecturing. She'd be amused, if only he wasn't in such a grave mood.
On most occasions, Arthur would whisper sweet nothings to her in between classes and she'd keep a straight face as if he was invisible. It didn't help herself from stopping the blush that would blossom across her cheeks when he'd prod her arm with his pen. And she'd glare at the doofus, scowling all the more when he'd simply smile in that usual lazy fashion of his, before sobering up into a more somber expression like nothing happened.
Perhaps that was his charm, something that he'd developed through the years, that made her drawn to him. He had this internal switch−on when pleased, off when he wasn't impressed. But those two had been constantly flipped over by him that it got to a point where he'd change his mood in just a snap of one's fingers at that single moment she'd think she just had a whiplash injury.
Because she never knew when it was coming.
None of that mattered to her before. In fact, he'd captured her attention all the more−like a conundrum she had to sit down to and try to unriddle; only to realize that that was just the way he was.
Today, though, and yesterday, and then the day before that−she'd come to see that her worries had begun to resurface. Because this was another matter altogether. She suddenly felt−afraid. Something wasn't adding up and her overthinking side had instantly taken the forefront of her consciousness.
"Arthur?" She gathered her courage, at last, gingerly reaching for his forearm sitting atop his armrest. Paige didn't want to set him off as if detonating a bomb. "Do we have a problem?" Her voice was small, so small she hated how much this was taking a toll on her. He didn't look at her yet, but his muscles had tensed up when she held him. "I just−I don't understand. Is there something you're not telling me? Please, talk to me."
He'd paused.
She waited.
Tick tock, tick tock, the wall clock above their professor's head screamed. Then, he dragged a deep, quiet breath before letting it all out slowly like he needed to take his time before he would open his mouth. To her surprise, the dark clouds that seemed to loom over his head parted aside, softening his features, before he slipped his fingers to hers in a manner so smooth.
He tightened his grip on her, just as how much she'd never want to let go.
"I'm sorry," he said under his breath, turning to her. "I'm not mad at you, alright? It's not you, you have to believe this."
Paige tucked her lip between her teeth when he reached up for her cheek for a split-second, then nodded. "Okay. I just don't feel too good when I see you like this. I know we've been holding things up but...I'm sorry, Arthur, I can't take this anymore. If you want this to work out, you have to let me in. We shouldn't even be doing this. People don't do this, Art."
He stifled a breath, before looking away, nodding. "Alright. I will tell you. Soon."
"Soon? Why soon? Why not now?" She was genuinely curious, but she'd hoped she didn't sound too demanding.
Arthur cast her a side glance, barely shifting his head. "I need more time," he breathed. "Back lawn after this?"
Paige sighed. "Alright."
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Her lips tugged up into an affectionate smile when Arthur eased his head onto her lap. They comforted themselves on the grass, her back against the wall. While Arthur randomly picked the blades of grass, Paige ran her fingers through his locks out of habit as stray hairs naturally fell into his eyes.
"Do you want to talk about it now?" she finally asked.
He stilled.
Paige didn't want to ruin the silence, the moment. But it had been several minutes now since they made it here, with Arthur seemingly bilking at the prospect of having 'the talk'. But she needed to get that question off her chest.
"I'm just wondering..." he mused, not quite answering her question after a lengthy pause. He looked up, not directly staring at her but at the clouds above, the flecks of sunlight reflecting in his eyes, "what if what you think is real isn't actually the truth, Paige? What if that person you trust turned out to be a horrible person?"
She frowned, quite stunned by this, and to be frank, she wasn't feeling too good about it. I'm probably overthinking again, she thought. Waiting for him to latch his eyes to hers, she cradled his face with one hand when he did and his chest rose high then fell deeply.
"Then I can only blame myself for believing," she said, at last, after moments of contemplation. "Trust−we give that to someone out of faith, Art. It's not entirely that person's fault when they turned out to be not what they seemed to be. Sometimes, we let our feelings make the decision for us and, yes, that might not be the wisest way of handling things. You're running a risk at that point but," she shrugged, "we could only hope, you know? Wishing they won't turn out to be the bad guy in our story."
Arthur clenched his jaw then swiftly lifted himself up from her lap. He turned back to her, threading his fingers through his hair out of what seemed like frustration.
"What if..." Arthur pursed his lips, a flicker of emotion in his eyes. His head angled slightly like he wanted to just get away. Just anywhere but here in front of her. Paige weaved her eyebrows together when he braved his eyes into hers. A stare so full of nothings and everythings and Paige pondered what that was like inside him. "What if I turned out to be the villain in your story all along, Paige?"
Her chest began to tighten.
Blinking, she stared at him, her eyes curiously dry. It was as though her tears welled up behind their sockets but she couldn't cry. "What d'you mean?"
Arthur dragged his tongue across his lip. "I just−what if this is all a lie?"
Her eyes fluttered close. Then her thoughts flashed the memory of her grandfather. It probably looked odd to Arthur because her lips flitted into a smile. Staring back at him, she replied, "I would ask myself: what would my grandfather do at a time like this?, and I think what he wants me to remember is that−my perception is not your reality. No matter how much we've been good, we'd still be the villain in someone else's story, Art. We aren't the person we are in our own reality. We are the way we are because of certain circumstances."
Silence heavily sunk between them. Muffled voices of other students were heard from a distance but she never heard so much quietness like this before. This just boded ill and it was all she could do not to run away from the situation.
Perhaps she was scared; afraid that she might be wrong about the way she always thought of Arthur.
After what seemed like forever, his expression started to change. It was as if he was relishing his time to do the switch.
And there.
The door finally opened a fraction wider, letting her see a piece of what his soul was really like.
He shook his head, unable to stifle a smirk. It turned out to be sardonic but Paige quickly ignored it, even if her mind couldn't shut up.
Please don't make him the bad guy.
Please.
Just please don't break my heart. Because I know now. I am certain now. I love you, Arthur. I love you so please don't turn out to be like everybody else.
"You always find the good in the bad, Paige," his voice was low. Her heart incessantly knocked the walls of her chest. He sounded like a different person now. This was dangerous and dark and sinister. Or was it, really? "You know that that would be your ultimate downfall, right?"
This was really it. The one she was so afraid of.
The switch.
Her nails dug into her palms as she curled her fists tightly. "I know. But it's my choice, Arthur. My choice to believe in you." Paige took a deep breath. "Show yourself."
His eyes flickered back to her, and he was everything from cold to ruthless. "You're not going to like it."
"I don't care."
Arthur simply arched an eyebrow, the stubbornness in plain view as he folded his arms across his chest. "Not so soon, love."
She faltered at his term of endearment. Arthur had never called her that way. And this was really bad. Really, really alarming. Because while it sounded like it came out of a lips of a devil, she couldn't help but fall a little more.
"This is all so strange to me," she couldn't help but say, confused. "Why're you so different all of a sudden?"
He curled up a cold, wicked smirk, angling his chin down while staring at her through hooded lids. "I've always been like this, Paige."
Paige wanted to drown herself, hoping things would go back to normal once she lifts her head up from the water. She wasn't normal.
Because she found him her danger and safety all at once.
She didn't even think. Paige leaned in and kissed him, and she could feel him frozen under her touch when her hands landed on his shoulders. His lips were stiff, indicating that he was astounded at the sudden contact, just how much her impulses surprised her.
But she wanted to know what his response would be, now that he'd shown her this other side of him. Nothing like the princely, modest, and enigmatic figure she'd always portrayed him as. She craved for him, she longed for that side of him she'd always wanted to see, wondering if he'd like her just the same.
Her heart filled with triumph when he slowly gave in as he reached up, one on the back of her head and one on the contour of her cheek. Instinctively, her arms locked around his neck as they both angled to deepen the kiss.
Even his kiss was different now. This was pure hunger, every trail of his tongue across her lip and further into the depths of her being, she felt like he was dragging her into his hellfire. Arthur bit her lip so hard she thought blood would come out of it, and even with the pain, she let out a whimper of pleasure.
He was punishing her. And for whatever reason, she wasn't too sure. She didn't really care anyway. She wanted to cry for joy, and out of sadness too. Because this was self-destruction right here.
Better than him not talking to me anyway.
It was Arthur who let go first, and Paige's eyes widened a bit in surprise because he'd done it a little too quickly. Like he was disgusted, if the sneer tugging at his lips was any indication.
He clenched his jaw, eyebrows pinched together. "You're going to fucking regret this, Cadwyn."
And then he left, the grass making sounds from the trails of his premonition.
While she stared emptily at the space where his face had once been, wondering if he cared at all.
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"Hey," greeted Paige when Cain opened the door. His eyes shifted for awhile at the guards that had followed her inside the hospital. Even if she normally drove her own car, they always trailed about wherever she went. Eventually, there was no other way but to give up and she'd just ignore them, although politely. "Can I come in?"
Cain's blue eyes finally turned back to hers. "Of course," he replied, opening the door a fraction wider, just as the two guards followed. "Where do you think you're going?"
Paige smiled at them. "It's alright. They're my friends. Just wait for me outside."
They nodded and backed out.
Once she was inside, her lips tightened into a sad smile, seeing that Jude was sound asleep in his bed while Robin was curled against him. Sighing, she placed the takeaways on his bedside table, some healthy choices for Jude and burgers and fries for Robin and Cain.
"I'll just let them know that you dropped by once they wake up," Cain said quietly behind her.
"Cain?" She turned to him; his eyes were shifty, randomly placing his hands on his lower back, even if his stance seemed casual like on normal days. He waited with an expectant face. "For how long does he have to stay here?"
"Oh−um, two to three more days," he paused, as if calculating, "I think."
The room filled with silence and, even though they weren't that close, she walked closer to him with hesitant steps. Curling her stray hairs behind her ear, she blinked up at him. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize how hard it must've been for you, you know, going to college while your father's here. I admire your courage, I really do. Not all people can do something like what you're doing. As if you're doing fine, even when you're not feeling okay. Just stay strong, Cain," she said, clasping her hand to his. He stiffened, then spared a quick glance at their hands. "You can count on me."
He let out a breathy, dejected chuckle. "Thanks, Paige. Really appreciate it. Just...no words to add." In an awkward fashion, he toppled his other hand over hers but immediately placed it back on his side. Like he didn't know what to do with his hand so it came out odd. "And right, thank you for the takeaways. I admit, I'm kind of hungry so..."
Paige slapped a hand on her mouth to stifle a laugh. "Yeah, you can eat now. I don't mind at all."
Pretty soon, they were seated on a couch just placed across the bed. They sat there in a companionable silence as Cain started to work on the wrapper. "Here," he said, revealing the burger to her, "we can cut it in half. Although I'd have to use any means 'cos I got no knife here."
She smiled. "No, thanks. I'm actually not allowed to eat that. I just had a surgery and I really have to eat a lot healthier now."
"Oh." He looked down at the burger sadly, and she couldn't help but be amused. Shrugging, he muttered his words of agreement before wolfing down his food.
Paige chuckled. Then widened her eyes when he started coughing as he was eating too fast. "Oh, my god. Hang on." She practically dashed towards the bedside table and undid one drink from its carrier. "Here," she handed it to him quickly. Cain reached for it, making a long, shameless sip. Paige rubbed his back in concern. "Oh, gosh. Are you okay?"
When he recovered, he simply lifted a thumb. Paige snorted a laugh.
He'd finished not even a second later after the little incident, then he eased his back against the couch. "That was good."
"Err, yeah." She jerked her eyebrows together with a sheepish smile. "I can tell."
Not helping it, his lips curled at the corners. "So stupid."
"No, you're not."
He snorted. "I didn't say me."
"Right."
Cain slung one arm on the top edge of the couch, his eyes out front. "I'll just pretend that didn't happen. That you weren't here to see the hottest guy in Hackett, only to witness him choking ungracefully from a burger that was given to him by one of the prettiest girls in the university."
She rolled her eyes, grinning in sheer mirthfulness. "You're a phenomenal eater."
"Surely am." He nodded owlishly. "And?"
Paige looked at him like he was being ridiculous, but smiling anyway. "You are the most gorgeous guy I've ever laid my eyes on."
He made a victorious fist and dramatically whispered, "Yes."
Paige chuckled. "I think I just said the words I might regret later."
He deadpanned. "You're no fun. Anyways, how are things? Like your stomach, and stuff, and Arthur..."
"Stomach's okay," she said with a shrug. "I'm taking medicines to control the pain and inflammation, stuff like that. I can't get up all on my own, though, for now; so...with Arthur? Yeah. Yeah, I think we're doing good with this thing."
"That thing?" He arched his eyebrow, a hint of confusion on his face.
Paige nodded, averting her eyes from him. "Yeah. This...relationship we have."
Her chest started to swell in a not-so-romantic manner. This one felt heavy and painful and she could only hold back her tears from remembering what had happened at the back lawn. She had to see Jouwee; she somehow knew her way around these things.
He hummed a nod. "Did he say anything?"
"About what?"
Something flickered in his eyes, and he quickly shook his head. "Nothing. Just, you know, like what his plans are after college? Or his favorite positions−"
"Cain."
"−for a job," he shot her a dry look, "geezus, Cadwyn. What were you thinking?"
Paige flushed, whacking his arm, and he warded off with a half-chuckle. "That reminds me...I haven't really asked him about his life after college. I'm gonna ask him one of these days, then. How about you?"
He let out a sigh like he genuinely didn't know what to say. "I don't know yet, to be honest. I'd probably travel or something. But right, I'd still have to watch over them so...I'll just stay in Bradbury for a little while until my dad gets better, I think. Your turn. Are you going to finally wear the crown and spread pink glitters everywhere?"
She gave off an unamused stare. "If I get to bury you there, sure."
He flattened his palm on his chest. "So mean," he said in a girly voice, smirking a fraction wider when Paige's shoulders shook with mirth. "You know, you're cool, Cadwyn."
"I am?"
"Yup," he said, nodding dramatically. "If you weren't dating my best friend, I'd surely take you out on a date and we'd slide down from a rainbow and sing a Disney song and do some other fairy tale shit like that."
She shook her head and chuckled. "I'm not sure if I could talk to you seriously."
"Oh, you don't wanna talk to me when I'm serious. I'm straightforward as hell and you don't want any of that."
Something clicked inside her head, and she instinctively reached for his arm, making him scowl in equal parts of surprise and bewilderment. "You know something, do you?"
He reared back in defense. "I hope you're aware you're making me feel harassed, Cadwyn. I'd like that but there're other people here."
"I'm being serious."
Staring back at her for awhile, Cain's eyes shifted back and forth on hers, gauging if she really wasn't joking. "Serious about what?"
She let out a quick, frustrated sigh. "Something's going on with Arthur. He seems distant lately. He's like a completely different person now, Cain. I want to know if there's something I should know about. And I know you know something too because you guys are best friends."
He stilled, seemingly deliberating. But his reply was, "Yes, I'm his best friend. But you're his girlfriend. I mean, you must know something, at least."
She squinted at him. "Still doesn't answer my question."
"Okay, look. Let me rephrase that," he said, blinking. "I'm his best friend. And that's annoying because even I don't know what's going on. And I'm not sure what you're talking about. But I think he's changed, Paige. Shit, I don't know. I wish I knew, sorry."
A lengthy breath escape her lips, closing her eyes in frustration.
"I need to tell you one thing, though."
Her eyes peeled open. "What?"
Cain latched his eyes to hers intently, not betraying any emotion. But when he spoke, his voice was the most quiet yet spine-chilling tone she'd hoped she could unhear.
"Be careful."