I changed my mind. I'm making this into a new chapter instead of a filler chapter since it has nothing to do with last chapter's title. =.=
Picture on the right side is Raudhah>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Character description <3
Name Raudhah
Cast Anne Hathaway
One of Sakinah's best friend
Wears glasses but is NOT a nerd
Outgoing, funny, likes to play dominant at times
School news reporter
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Chapter Thirteen.....Peer pressure
Me and Hassan were hanging out at our territory which is the playground. It's weird. I hardly see kids play around here. Maybe it's because this is one of the oldest playground around here and kids prefer going to the bigger more improved playground five minutes away from here. I don't know about them, but I personally love it here.
My favourite was the swing. The last broken swing had been fixed. It's a hunch - I never asked of Hassan what happened back then- but I'm guessing it was Ahraqah's doing that got it to broke. That was probably one of her ways back then to try and kill me. Too bad she can't kill me now because of the promise she made with Hassan. I smiled. But it was soon rubbed off of my face the moment guilt clouded my mind.
I try to cover my guilt by distracting myself into conversations. "It's sad that Mr.Izzat left. I mean, I am happy for him. Speaking of which, many teachers seemed to be leaving our school for some weird reasons; too old and getting a retirement, got a better job offer, moving out of town, getting married and even getting a baby!"
"Yeah. But look on the good side of it, we get a break from study."
"I don't see them as good. Study or not, we still have to report to school. It's such a waste sitting around in class and do almost nothing while they strive to get recruitment teachers. Jerk and his gang always like to take over once the teachers are gone as if they are in control. Plus, I still can't believe Mr Izzat is our form teacher from now on. It's all surreal. Urghh, I swear; this year has been the biggest and weirdest misfortunes I've gotten apart from all the other years I've been through"
Hassan looked at me as if he's wondering if he's one of those misfortunes I mentioned. I broke eye contact and stared at the floor instead. "I know that Mr.Izzat is way too uptight and strict for his own good. But in a way, it's good. We are in a critical year right now and will be facing our biggest exams. Then there will be graduation day. It's enough fun for now, we need to concentrate on our studies to come across successful in those results; which will also determined our future." Hassan comforted.
He's right. I guess it wasn't a misfortune after all. We do need a serious teacher to get our head in the game. I don't want to regret later when I depart from this school knowing that I didn't do my best. It was as if it was all planned by a higher being disguised as a misfortune. I wished I had the capabilities as Hassan to see through bad lucks and view the wisdoms and benefits instead. I let myself swing higher stretching my legs higer in the air and enjoying the green air. I can't help but feel over powered by the beauty of Allah and Allah's creations; even to such a small thing as air is so wonderful.
Hassan didn't swing too high. In fact he hardly swinged at all. He just swing ever so lightly back and forth but with with his legs still touching the ground. Yeah- I guess it just fits his character perfectly. I can't imagine him swinging high like me, it will feel too out of place. He seemed to be thinking of something. "Well, at least we know what will still remain."
Still swinging high above with air gushing against my face then against my back, I closed my eyes and asked him, "and what's that?"
He smiled, "our friendship." My grip on the handle of the swings tightened and the air didn't feel as great as before. Guilt overwhelmed me again. "You know, me and my brother discussed about this since it was like breaking the rules to be making friends seeming we don't trust anyone. We're very cynical, you see. We've been through so much hard times. He told me 'she can't be trusted!'"
I smiled sadly at Hassan. He was chuckling as he immitates his brother's voice. Although it was darn funny, my heart felt too heavy to laugh. "And what did you say?" My swinging already coming to a stop, my body tensing up.
"I told him I didn't care. That I still trust you regardless." He smiled as if proudly and it hurts me deeper. I can't hold on to this anymore. I must let this all out. I would rather be dangered then be driven mad by guilt.
"Your brothers right. I'm better off not trusted."
"Relax Sakinah. Let the past be past," he chuckled, "it's not like you would be that stupid enough to my trust and promise twice. I'm sure you of all people would have learned your lesson ESPECIALLY after what you've been through just from breaking the first one."
"I WOULD break your promise TWICE- EVEN after all I've been through from breaking it the first time."
Hassan looked confused and turned to look at me, "what? Then simply don't."
"DON'T?! But I already DID."
"W-What the hell?"
I jumped off the swings and move a few steps away from him. My hand right in front of my face in defensive mode. "NOOO. It's not my fault! I've WARNED you. I told you I can't be trusted, didn't I? But you INSISTED on being friends. So technically, it wasn't my fault!"
"Huh?" Hassan seemed really confused and stood up from his seat not understanding why I moved away.
"Okay okay, I'm sorry! My fault, my fault. You can't hurt me, I'm GUILTY!" Wait... did I get that wrong?
Hassan arched his eyebrow. His head tilted to the side. "Did you mean INNOCENT or guilty?"
"I meant innocent. A little bit guilty. Okay fine BOTH."
"Sakinah. You are not making sense. Please be clear with whatever you are trying to say. You are giving me a painful headache here." Hassan moved a step closer and I freaked out and ran to the opposite side of him from the playground. It was like a game of cat and mouse.
"NOOOO!! Okay, okay! Just don't kill me alright? I think Ahraqah and your brother is right; we should stop being friends after all. I'm telling you, my mouth is CURSED! I just am NOT good at keeping secrets; I can't help it!"
"Sakinah. You are acting way off right now." He walked three steps towards me and again I freaked out. He's gonna kill me. He's gonna kill me! His eyes will turned black again then a woman's voice will come out. She's gonna kill me!!
I hid behind the pole. "No, no, NO! BREATHE! Hassan you NEED to CALM down. You must NOT get MAD. Otherwise, Ahraqah will POSSES you once more...and...and KILL me. Just, just...think gardens a-and flowers and birds! Don't freak out, your mind needs to settle down..."
"SAKINAH. Your'e the one who's hyperventilating. You need to calm down one moment before you talk. THAT'S ENOUGH; let me finish first. No, no buts. Just...relax! I won't kill you. Why would you even think that? I will never dream of laying a hand on you." He made the hand gesture to tell me to calm down.
"Okay, good. Your'e breathing now. Now just tell me- calmly - which secret you told, to whom, when, why and how." He maintained a good distance away from me and that calmed me down a little.
I breathe in. Here goes...
"The first secret. Layla and Raudhah. Yesterday (which by the way I was so guilty I couldn't sleep)..."
I took another breath in. "it was...peer pressure...from my own friends..."
*Flashback*
I didn't realise how long I've been day dreaming in my anger state. The next thing I knew, I was in class with a torn, wet, beaten up paper of a very sad stickman. I don't remember what happened. I THINK I've been interviewed by a book narrator, but that's just impossible. I must be too mad at Jerk for stealing my chocolate slice of cake that I start seeing things. The class looked dull and quiet. No one's here. Time; 10:16 A.M. Oh no, I haven't eaten!"
With that, I ran down the stairs towards the third floor where the school canteen is. I think I've got enough time to grab a couple food. So I bought some really delicious noodles and a packet of Pepsi. And went to search for a seat. I saw Raudhah and Layla talking. They looked like they were discussing something serious. I shrugged my shoulder. Whatever, I thought. They're my friends.
The moment I sat down, their eyes shot daggers at me. Raudhah was first to speak.
"Oh Sakinah. We were just talking about you."
Layla just went berserk and shouted up front as she pulled me by my hijab near my neck closer, " YOU NAIVE DUMBASS GULLIBLE IDIOTIC FOOL!"
My mind just went question mark. Raudhah then spoke up. "LAYLA. Calm down. Just let me handle this," she turned to me next, "WHY THE FREAKING HELL ARE YOU STILL FRIENDS WITH HASSAN, WHO EVIDENTLY BULLIED YOU?! YOU NAIVE DUMBASS GULLIBLE IDIOTIC FOOL!"
It was Layla's turn to calm Raudhah down. I swear Raudhah appeared to be five times more pissed than Layla about this. Looking around, we caught a lot of students attention. They were all eating at their own seats in the canteen but had their eyes fixed on us. Calming down, Layla, Raudhah and me sat down awkwardly.
"I told you. I had a bad feeling about Hassan all this while!"
"Yeah, yeah Raudhah. Your premonition was right, whatever."
"It wasn't a premonition! He freaking hypnotised me..." Layla rolled her eyes at Raudhah.
After getting back to reality from the shock of having two bestfriend of mine shouting at me with a number of cussive words, I realised what it was all about. "Guys, please. I don't need this right now." I pulled the noodles bowl closer towards me.
Snap. A sharp fork rest frighteningly close to my wrist, not letting me pull the mug any closer. It was Raudhah. I stared wide-eyed at the sharp fork resting upside down pressing shar aginst the wooden table. I gulped and realised this wasn't a game. It was serious.
"DID I give permission for you to EAT?!"
*End of flashback*
"Don't tell me they force the secret out of you by threatening to hurt you!" Hassan glared his eyes.
'WORSE. Just let me finish."
*Back to flashback*
In complete fear and panic, I slipped. "NO WAIT! Itwasn'tHassan's faultHedidn'tdoitonpurposeYouseehecamefromfostercare,wasadoptedbyamarriedcouplewhomfatherorstep-fatherforthiscasehappenedtobeabusivewhomarriedjustforthewive'sorHassan'sstepmother'smoneyandhousecauseshewasrichsotheyliveinabuseandconstantfearthenhisfatherdiedbutitleftascaronhimsoinsteadofgettingmadIchosetobeawesomeandforgivehimtheend."
"WHAT?!" Raudhah and Layla synced. "Repeat what you said slowly."
That's when I realised my grave mistake. I widen my shock eyes and shut my mouth with my palms. But it was too late to do that. Worse, there's no turning back now with those two scary looking friends of mine-which I was beginning to doubt.
Dup, dup. Dup dup.
With shaky fingers, I create a distraction not able to look at them in the eyes. "oh, would you look at the time. I got just five minutes to finish this food. Better be fast so I don't get late to class." I laughed awkwardly and put the fork and spoon in the noodles and ready to eat.
Layla slided the bowl towards her. "Hey!" I protested. Then Raudhah snatched my Pepsi. She opened the can and drank it in one breath!
Threatening me was one. But drinking my PEPSI?! Now it gets personal!
I was soo mad. I glared at my two wicked friends with ferocity and rethinking if they really were my friends anymore. Then Layla took a spoonful of soup from the bowl- MY BOWL - and sucked it loudly into her mouth."
*End of Flashback*
Hassan stared at me mouth gaped. "You Told. My Secret. Just. TO SAVE. A. FREAKING. NOODLES?!"
"Hey! She sipped on my noodles! Not once, not twice. FIVE TIMES! As if that wasn't enough, she ATE a good FORKFUL of the noodles. Urghh, just saying that made me mad once again!"
Hassan massaged his temples, "and I thought they were going to hurt you. You really are a naive dumbass gullible idiotic fool."
I blushed. I wanted to protest but no words came out. I stared dumbly at the rubbered playground floor instead as I played with my feet.
"But your'e my idiot.' I widened my eyes and stared at Hassan shocked.
"Oh, boy. You really are something aren't you," he chuckled, "if only Razi knew about this, I wonder what he would say then."
"I'm sorry!"
"Sorry enough that you would give me your noodles?"
"S-sorry enough to give you a g-good f-forkfull of noodles."
Hassan shook his head,amused. "Selfish in a whole nother different level," he mumbled, "well I don't forgive you."
I was at a lost of words and downright embarrassed.
Hassan held out two rectangular tickets from his pocket, "until you come accompany me to Universal Studios."
***
"I can't believe you spent 2 $68 tickets to the most expensive theme park in Singapore!"
"I'm rich, remember? 'rich mom' ? "
"ON a school day!"
"Come on! You said it yourself. We hardly learn anything at school so it's just a waste of time. On weekends, they're just full of crowded people. I don't like that. Besides, it's only for a day. And you OWED me, remember?"
"Yeah, whatever. But I have to be back home around thirty minutes after school dismissal, otherwise my mum would get suspicious. Wow. This place is huge!" I stared wide-eyed after passing through the entrance. Different sets of bright colours hit my eyes. It ranges from marry-go-round to roller coaster to water splash and food stalls.
"It's an upgrade from the playground we always go to. Let's face it, we're too big for the playground." I ignored him in awe of the place. There were many foreigners. Universal studios is one of the tourist attraction I guess.
First, we rode the roller coaster. It didn't seem that scary at first. Heck, I even got the time to snicker at the other cowardly passengers. But ended up, I shouted the loudest amongst them all. Once, it went upside down and my sandals just slipped off from my feet before I got the chance to save it. By the end of the ride, I stood face pale and sandal-less. The other passengers gave me 'the look' and snickered at me as they left me there standing dumbly.
Hassan had no choice but to buy me a new set of sandals which I insisted must look the same. I don't want to get in trouble with my parents. They don't know I skipped school and came here instead. I felt thrilled at this theme park but at the same time heavy hearted for undirectly lying to my parents. Again. The guilt was eating me up but my joyfull face help hide it all.
Next, we stumbled upon a haunted house. Hassan arched an eyebrow at me invitingly with a smirk. Oh, what the hell! I might as well. If I can't handle some fake ghosts, I will have no chance against Ahraqah.
By the time I was out, I was clutching so tightly on my clothes. I had no one but myself to run to for comfort. I can't go hugging Hassan all of a sudden- though I was tempted to as I'd ran halfway towards Hassan's arms before stopping myself. It was just against my religion to do so with a non-mahram. (Non-family member.)
After that, began my whining all over again. It was 1:32 P.M. I had to make my Zuhur prayers. Hassan had not a freaking clue what that was. I took my ablution on the toilets which were full of woman queing to wait their turn; so I took some time. When I was out, I searched for a quiet, clean and secluded place to make my prayers. Hassan just followed quietly.
Next, we ate at McDonalds. I was super-starving after all those reckless shouting. The most delicious of it all wasn't the food, but the plain water that cooled my dry throat. The moment we're done with eating, we only had time for one last ride since I had to reach home early.
Hassan noticed I was terrified enough from the all the previous rides. So he considerately chose the flyer to be our next ride. It was calming and quiet and a ride for two each. Once we're in, and so was all the other passangers at different rooms. I stared at the transparent windows. I was alone with Hassan. I touched the glasses and realised just how beautiful Singapore looks like from up here. tall buildings and a beautiful city.
I thought about my sweet siblings. I wonder what they are doing right now. How nice would it be to share this joy ride alongside them? Suddenly, I felt deathly lonely without them. Though I hate them and may get annoyed at them at times, bonds between sibling and family are the strongest of all bonds. Their faces outlined perfectly on my mind. My eyes glittered with tears but I blinked it away.
I sat down on the seat. Hassan sat down adjacent to me, and a little further away as if he knew I had wanted that. I was grateful to him for that. This will take about forty-five minutes before we down. That's going to be a while from now. We sat quietly for a few minutes.
"Miss your family?"
"A lot."
"You must really love them to miss them so fast."
I smiled sadly, "my life will not be complete without them."
Silence.
"I can't help but notice during the haunted hause you kept avoiding me and stopping yourself from getting closer to me even when you were frightened."
My hands involuntarily slided to where my hijab was, then grasping it tight as if they were my life."What am I doing here? I've betrayed my parents' trust. Escaped school without their permission. And worst of them all. Where was my iman in all of this?! In the thrill to search for fun in this life, I have forgotten the hereafter which is everlasting in compared to this. Have I taken lightly Allah's commands all of a sudden? How will I meet Allah one day? How will I answer when each of my actions will be questioned?
Suddenly the world around me felt so tense and heavy. I felt like I was in my own world trying to hide my guilt. The grief I felt was undeniable. Without realising tears started to stroll down my cheeks uncontrollably.
"Sakinah?"
"Huh?" I was startled from the voice thinking I was alone in this small peaceful room. Hassan was staring my way worriedly with his beautiful wide grey eyes. I looked away embarrassly and wiped my tears. My tears wouldn't stop flowing, I didn't know what to do. I turned my back on Hassan and squated with my face burried in between my arms.
"What if I was unlucky? What if I die today before getting the chance to repent?" Before I knew it, I started to sobered aloud heart-wrenchingly. My cheeks was mist, and my sleeves started to wet. My nose even started to fill. It was as if the whole world didn't matter anymore; not Hassan who was string my way worriedly and helpless, not the quiet murmurs of the crowd outside this sheilded window doors. Nothing. Just the sudden connection I had with Allah, and Allah alone.
After about ten minutes which felt like forever to me, I stopped crying and calmed down.
A mysterious voice sounded in my heart, "it's never too late to repent for as long as one is still breathing on the face of this earth, no matter how big the sin is, god is greater and ever loving and forgiving." That gave me hope and succesfully lightened up my whole heart. My heart felt so cool and minty; it felt overwhelmingly good.
***
(Hassan's P.O.V)
Glitter of tears fell down Sakinah's cheeks and I can't help but feel so troubled by it. What the heck is going on? Was it something I said? Sakinah turned her back on me as if embarassed and started sobbing uncontrollably. I lost count how many times I called her name but she didn't respond and show the slightest sign that she actually heard what I said. It was like she was on her own private world somewhere. Each time my calls went ununswered, the next became more urgent. My heart felt grief and helpless.
"Allah...forgive me...astaghfirullah...astaghfirullah..." Sakinah's voiced quietly to herself. It sounded so weak and vulnerable, my chest started to tighten. I did nothing but watch.
After about ten minutes of sobbing, she seemed to have stopped and calmed down a little. I was anxious. Was she sick? Is she okay? I felt so much at fault and so guilty to have brough her here without asking her if she was okay with it.
Sakinah, after what seemed like forever, looked up and noticed my pressence. She wiped her face with her right sleeve then tapped her palms on her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I must've worried you." She smiled sadly.
"God, I'm such a crybaby!" She snorted.
I was silent. I didn't know what to say.
"Are you okay?" I finally found the courage to ask the question that has been aching me.
"I'm fine! Sorry...thanks. I just felt like such a sinner, you know?"
Not really...But I kept quiet anyways afraid to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I stared on the floor. We were about halfway up the sky. Another few more minutes the ride will be over.
"I'm sorry! You must not understood," Sakinah hit her head and mumbled 'fool'.
"I guess I must explain a little," she touches her headscarf, "you must even been wondering about this piece of cloth I'm wearing on my head since the first time you met me." She smiled a small smile but enough to lit up my heart. I nodded. Just whatever was she hiding beneath that?
"My religion is Islam, and I am a Muslim. Which means I am a firm believer of god which name is Allah and I'm a follower of Islam. I wear this as a form of worship. This veil, is merely a cover fo protect my modesty as comanded by Allah in the holy book Quran al-Karim. It doen't prove me to be better than anyone. It's a sheild from unwanted and frorbidden gaze by men. But at the same time, I have to be pure inside the heart too."
"Others may see this as a form of oppression, I see this as wonderful blessing that I never want to take off. If I ever leave my house without this hijab, I feel so naked and uncomfortable. To me, it's like a warm blanket on my head. This hijab is my Muslim identity. And it signifies that I obey to Allah alone, and shall not bow down to other's commands other than Allah. It is my pride."
It all sounded so weird to my ears hearing all these new stuffs. But the pride I saw in Sakinah just by explaining it to me, made me smile. A part of me look up to Sakinah. If only I could be something that I could be proud of also. Maybe then I could also share the same tad happiness Sakinah felt. All this years life only seemed gloomy in my eyes. Just breathing felt tiresome and pointless to me.
Soon, the ride was over and passengers after passeangers were led out. Then, it was me and Sakinah's turn to leave the ride for the next row of people waiting eagerly for their turns to come. I didn't get to ask Sakinah more questions that I desired.
Sakinah. It isn't fair that you knew almost everything about me. How is it possible that I feel like I know you more day after day, but at the same time feel like I knew way too little all the same?
Next time...I won't stop untill I learned everything about you.
***
(Sakinah's P.O.V)
I felt like such a sinner. But luckily it's never too late to repent. The moment I reach home, I'm going to tell them everything and seek their forgiveness. Life is pointless without the parents' blessings. My heartbeat grew louder and faster with every step nearing home.
Just a few blocks away from reaching home, something else caught my eye. Jerk was standing and resting his back against his car. His arms were crossed and he had a serious deep look on his face. I made it a point to ignore him,pretend like he wasn't there and just walk past him.
"SAKINAH! Where the hell have you been? You were no where in school. I checked at your house, you weren't there either. You ESCAPED school didn't you?!"
I gasped at his boldness. I was rather annoyed, "who cares! It wasn't even your place, so stop acting like your'e my father. Besides, I'm not taking it from someone who's so notorious at school!"
Jerk looked pissed. "It ISN'T about me! Do you know how worried your parents had been over you?!"
My steps halted. My heart sank at the mention of my parents. "What," my voice coming out soft, "They knew?! H-How?"
"D-Duh! F-From the school of course, where else? ME?!Pfft..." Jerk snorted and broke eye contact.
Oh no. I wanted them to hear it from my own mouth at least. Now It's all too late. "Oh snap. Hassan 'perfect scheme' failed then." I mumbled quietly to myself forgetting that Jerk was still there watching and listening me.
That seemed to made Jerk reconnect his outraged mahogany eyes against mine with such intensity and anger. "WHAT?! So not only you ESCAPED school, you've been going out with Hassan?! Oh god, I knew something was suspicious when the both of you were abcent on the very same day."
"YEAH so what Jerk? It's none of your business. Besides, Hassan's a nice kid in compared to you so what's wrong with that?!" I was beyond mad.
Jerk gasped out loud. His eyes glared in misbelief at what I just said. He raised his shaky right hand and pointed it towards my face. "Y-Y-You WHORE!!"
It was my turn to gasp out loud. "EXCUSE ME?! What did you just call me?" THIS Jerk, always know how to press on my nerves and at the worst possible time!
"You heard me. God, have you no shame. How did your parents even live with such an out of control daughter like you anyways? URGHH, WHATEVER!" He walked away unexpectedly walking in the direction to his house. WHAT THE HELL? He's going to leave me at that after all that?!
Weidly, I found myself catching up to him- who was extremely fast- as if I have the need to explain things to him. I am NOT a WHORE! How many times he have to call me that anyways? "HEY, COME BACK HERE!" I yelled. What's his problem anyways?
"Ah SHUT UP! BURN IN HELL YOU SLUT!" I stared wide-eyed and dumb-struck as my body stood awkwardly still at what he said. His figure already dissapearing into the distance.
***
Now I felt more anxious then ever to enter my own house. I felt the burden of a huge rock weighing down my shoulders. However was I going to tell them now? How should I start? I should plan! But it was all too late as I opened the door, I knew I have to react spontaneously from now on.
Dup, dup. Dup, dup.
I walked nervously acrooss the living room searching for my parents. I saw my mum just randomly walking past the dinning room randomly. The moment my eyes laid on my beloved mum, all my worries was as if forgotten and replaced with relief and yearning to just be by her side. "Ummi!! (mum in Arabic)" I ran to embrace her and hugged her tight not wanting to let go. I feel save just by being in her warm arms.
My mum,
My supporter
My love and my comfort,
My source of guidance.
I broke into uncontrolled tears. Tears of relief, of joy and of guilt. "Sakinah. What the heck is wrong here? WOULD YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN?!" The peer pressure came back again.
I'm scared to tell her straight off. I need a distraction, a good excuse to start my conversation before I bombard her with all the truths. I turned my voice and expression serious to capture her attention, which it did.
"Ummi, listened here. I've got something REALLY important tell you beforehand." My mum just stared at me patiently to continue.
Heart: "Sorry, Hassan. Looks like I have to break your promise thrice now. It's your second secret this time. And it's a real emergency- NO JOKE. I have to safe my ass or I'm screwed."
***
Dear Diary,
M.O.T.D= 1)That stupid Jerk tricked me! My parents had knew nothing, they were just shocked at my sudden weird behavior. In a way I'm glad it made me blurt all the truths out. Of course I was lectured and grounded. But they were happy I was honest and have learned my mistakes. Now I can have a normal loving relationship with them again with gilt out of the way.
2) I honestly had a plan and a purpose for telling Hassan's secret besides just my selfish instinct to save myself. This is the real truth this time; I'm not even sorry.
Just you wait Hassan, you'll be glad that I did. I cannot guarantee it, but who knows? Insyaallah help may be on the way...
__________________________________________________________________________
Yawn. So tired...typing for hours and all night now...HAVE. TO. SLEEP!! =.= Yawns. I'll edit 2morow!
Hope you loved this.
Comment and vote !
(You and I know better that you won't though =.= whatever. Just hoped you enjoyed my hardwork at least)