~ Chapter 14: Going Through It Alone ~
[ Justin’s POV: ]
I stormed out of the house, the chilly air that hit my face matching my cold, icy emotions. If I were to shed a tear now, it’d freeze before it reached the bottom of my chin.
My heart felt so empty yet it hurt me immensely. I haven’t had this much pain in my poor, broken heart ever since my break up with Alicia. I guess I should just give up on girls and love in general. I mean, think about it… If I fall in love with someone else, I’ll only end up leaving them because I care about them. I don’t want this life for them so it’s best I stay away from all relationships so that every girl in the world is happier and can live much easier lives.
I’ll have to become a loner, and continue my life whilst my mind is elsewhere. I’ll be here physically but not mentally. I’m officially utterly broken.
As I approached the spot I had parked my car in, I heard a male voice yell my name, causing me to turn around immediately.
“Justin!” There was a flash of light that almost blinded me, and I raised my hand to shield my vision before slowly lowering it, blinking a few times to see a paparazzo jogging towards my direction.
“Fuck,” I muttered, a smoke of cold air escaping my lips. I resumed my walk towards the car, trying to keep my cool even though I knew it wouldn’t last long. I slid inside and closed the car door before inserting the keys into the ignition. By now, the paparazzo was tapping on my window, a couple of flashes going off now and then. I ignored his presence and backed the car up, making an abrupt turn to warn the paparazzo to step away.
“Justin, who’s the mystery girl?” his muffled voice came through the closed windows on the car. “Did you just come back from her house? Where does she live? Who is she?”
I made a hand gesture, telling him to back off, slowly moving the car forwards but the little shit didn’t get the memo.
“What’s her name?” He kept asking questions. “When did you two meet?”
I kept the car going forwards, successfully making him progressively take steps backwards until I was able to swerve into the road.
“Come on, Justin, give me something. Who is she?” he repeated his past question.
I simply raised my middle finger in the air, showing it off to him before speeding onto the road, tears stinging my eyes.
I just couldn’t get the thought of her out of my head. The image of Jackie invaded my brain and sooner or later, I was going to get a headache. To make it worse, the image of Alicia was slowly joining the thought of Jackie inside my head. Now I had two problems.
The sad truth is—I’m trying to heal from two heartbreaks at the same time. If just one is unhealthy, imagine how I feel right now. In fact, is it even safe to be driving back 2 hours by myself? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure I’m beginning to feel pretty lightheaded.
[ Jackie’s POV: ]
“It’s alright,” Robin held me tighter, stroking my hair lovingly as I let out a river of tears. I called her 15 minutes after Justin walked away from me, and she’s been bringing me nothing but comfort for the past two hours.
“I miss him,” I sobbed, pulling away from her embrace and curling up on my bed. “I miss him so much.”
“Jackie…” she whispered, a saddened look on her face. “No offense, but… He’s Justin Bieber. Did you honestly think it was going to work out?”
As much as those words hurt me more than anything, I knew she was right.
“I get that he’s your idol but he’s a celebrity. Fame has a way of destroying people and I think that, in his mind, he’s slowly being destroyed and he doesn’t want it to happen to you. He cares, Jackie. At least he cares.”
“I understand the media can be annoying,” I sniffed. “But I also know how far they would go and I honestly think that I’m willing to risk that to be with him. Can’t he understand? I don’t give two flying shits about those other people, I want to be with him. I just can’t forget him like that!”
“It’s what’s best,” a tear slid down Robin’s face. “He’s just looking out for you, Jackie. He told you that you were a normal girl. How guilty do you think he’d feel when one day, you go to him, tears rushing down your face as you tell him what the media had exposed about you? How bad do you think it’ll make him feel when you tell him how you can’t deal with this fame thing anymore and how you want to be able to go to the mall like a normal person without being mobbed? Or how you don’t want people making up false stories about you? Or even how what you and Justin did the other day is none of their business? He wants you to have a boyfriend you can do everyday activities with. Who would go to the park with you and make you feel like it’s just you two, with no one else watching your every move.”
I listened quietly, barely any tears left inside of me to shed. She’s right. And, in a way, so is Justin. But if I’m sure I can handle it, even though I’m not entirely sure, isn’t it worth it? Can’t we get through it together? Isn’t that what it’s all about? I don’t want a normal boyfriend. I want him. And if he’s avoiding me because of the media, it still doesn’t change the fact that he’s already going through all that. The media is already invading his privacy, so I might as well join him so he could at least know he’s not going through it alone. And guess what? I won’t have to either.
[ Justin’s POV: ]
“You’re back pretty early,” Lil Za commented when I arrived back at my hotel room. There was anxiousness in his tone and a worried look plastered across his face.
“You read the article, didn’t you?” I asked solemnly.
“I’m sorry,” he sighed, as if he was just caught disobeying his mother.
“Don’t be,” I took off my jacket and hung it up in the coat hanger. “It’s not like the whole world doesn’t know what goes on in every single day of my life.”
Za was quiet at first, his eyes staring into mine with a curious glow. “Justin…” he trailed off, sucking his teeth. “What happened?”
“What do you mean ‘what happened’?” I left to the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and joined him on the couch.
“I never believe what’s said about you in the media. So what really happened?” he asked. My heart clenched up. I respect Za so much for automatically assuming that every article written about me in a negative light is false. So whenever they’re right, it hurts me to admit it to him.
“Za,” I sighed, taking another sip from the bottle. “They were right.”
His eyebrows raised in confusion before he finally said, “What?”
“Everything you read about in that article with Jackie in it—it’s correct. I did give her a love bite and we did go out for lunch and they’re just right about everything.”
“Really?” a smile lit up in his face before it slowly faded away. “So you and Jackie are a thing now?”
I felt a heavy pain in my heart, as if someone was stabbing it repeatedly before ripping it out from my chest. “No,” I simply replied, lowering the beer bottle to rest on the table in front of me before I stood up, fleeing to my room and locking the door.
I approached my sock drawer and slid it open, dipping my hand to the bottom and feeling a rectangular outline. Grabbing the object, I pulled it out to reveal my music journal and, having gotten what I needed, I closed the sock drawer and pulled out a pen from my back pocket.
I sat on top of the bed, turning the notebook to a new page and staring at it. I remember ripping the song I was working on a few days ago because Za accused me of writing it for Alicia. But only because I had torn the page to pieces, it doesn’t mean I forgot what I wrote. So I rewrote it on a new page:
Oh girl, I got a secret place that we could go
‘Cause girl I really wanna be alone
And baby nobody else gotta know…
I stared at the 3 lines, rereading it over and over inside my head, wondering how to continue it. Whenever my heart’s in misery, whenever I can’t handle something at the moment, whenever I need to vent my feelings, my music journal is always waiting for me, hidden beneath a pile of socks in my sock drawer, waiting to help me out. This thing is like my best friend. It lets me write down my feelings and make it into something positive—something that can help me get through a tough time. Something like a song.
Don’t tell me you’re my heartbreaker,
‘Cause girl my heart’s breaking.
Don’t tell me you’re a love wrecker,
‘Cause girl my heart’s aching.
I looked at the lyrics I had come up with so far and sang them out loud. Not liking the way the last two lines sounded, I quickly erased them, replacing them by repeating the first two lines and deciding I liked it better that way.
Then, I closed my notebook and decided I’ll continue the song another time. I felt too heartbroken to deal with anything at the moment. I’ll just sleep the pain away and hopefully dream about a world where Alicia and I’s relationship actually worked out.
Or maybe… Maybe even a world where Jackie and I could be together.
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You guys probably hate me right now. Lol
But all of this has to happen ya know ;)
What did you guys think about the chapter? Should Justin go back to Jackie? Or try to make it right with Alicia? Is he still right about leaving Jackie or not?
Hmm…
(and sorry, I just had to include Heartbreaker again. LOOL)
- Nina xx