Waking up with Dade's arm flung across my chest and his right leg over my hip, feels so familiar to me now. Even though we haven't had sex, we are just as intimate as any couple that does. The intimacy we share is strong and true, even though we still haven't crossed that line. Sex doesn't define what Dade and I have. What we have is something worth so much more than just that. Our connection is so deep and honestly raw, it doesn't need to be cemented by the final act of sex. I can leave this place tomorrow, knowing that I have been touched by a faultless man who respected me enough to not fuck me.
There is that damn word again, leave. How I hate that fucking word. I stretch out trying to shake off the nauseous dread that has also woken up with me. My heart beats sluggishly within my weighted chest, while my mind wishes it could avoid what is to come.
Our last day together has indeed arrived. My emotions are all over the place. Inside, I am trying to hold it altogether. I cannot allow myself to fall apart on our last day. Dade has special plans for us. I have to keep a tight lid on things. I simply have to suppress everything I feel. Not only for my sake but for Dade's as well.
This past week really has been wonderful. I literally have had the best time of my entire life. Sharing it all with the most special and enigmatic person I have ever met; who just so happens to be sweetly lying across me now. I lie here, just soaking up this moment. My mind is storing every single curve and contour of Dade's beautiful face. I place it somewhere I shall never forget . . . forever a beautiful memory.
When I feel a choking lump forming low in my throat. I know I must do something before all hell breaks loose within me. I slide across the bed, trying to quietly slip into the bathroom.
"Are you okay?" Dade groggily asks.
I look across at his gorgeous sleepy face. "Yes . . . I'm fine," I quickly respond, pulling my dressing gown up over my shoulders.
He turns onto his side, placing his hands underneath the pillow that he's cuddling. "Don't lie to me, Georgie."
My downward gaze doesn't hide my hurt while I'm tying up my dressing gown. "I'm sorry. I can't help but feel sad today," I explain in a weak voice, forcing myself to look across at him.
Dade gives me a long pained look in return. "I know. I feel the same, but we have to make the most of today."
I force a smile. "I know," replying more cheerfully.
Dade stares at me with a mixture of sympathy and affection. How can I feel so sad when I have those soulful eyes looking back at me in that way? I give myself a good internal dressing down. No feeling sorry for yourself today, Georgina Harris! Go and have some bloody fun!
I lightly pad across the cabin floor, sitting beside Dade on the bed. "Anyway, I can't be a miserable cow. I have your surprise to look forward to, don't I?" I kiss his naked shoulder, breathing him in.
Dade grins. "Yes, you do."
I run my fingers through his tousled light brown hair, bending down to kiss his parted mouth. "I'm going to make a start on my packing, then I'm all yours."
He kisses me hard, tugging gently on my bottom lip as our mouths part. "Lucky me," he says in a raspy, just woken up voice, with a glorious lop-sided grin.
I open the wardrobe door, lifting out my suitcase. "What are we doing this morning?" I ask, needing to occupy my thoughts whilst I'm in the act of my dreaded packing.
Dade sits up, rubbing his still sleepy eyes. "I'm taking some new guests on a ride this morning, so you can either come or finish your packing."
I know I should be packing but I want to enjoy my last ride with Dade. "I think I will do a little bit now. Then I will join you for a ride. I can get some more done before we go out later," I tell him, hastily throwing clothes and shoes into my suitcase.
"Are you taking a shower first?" Dade asks.
I shake my head. "You can have one first . . . you need to show your face in the stables."
Crossing his hands behind his head, he smirks. "You're a big distraction from my work."
"Not for much longer, I won't be." Although I say it in jest, the pain hits me hard in the chest. My stomach tightens into a tormented twisted knot. I quickly need to turn away. Absentmindedly folding the first piece of clothing I can find, anything to stop myself from crying. Dade's arms are soon lovingly wrapped around me, rocking me with his chest against my back, soothing me with kisses to my cheek.
"Shhh . . . It's going to be okay, Georgie." He hushes me like an inconsolable child, swaddling me in his strong and secure arms.
I bring my arms up to embrace his. "I'll be fine. Go and have that shower," I reassure him, tilting my head back onto his shoulder. Dade tenderly kisses my neck before reluctantly going into the bathroom. Once he's out of sight, I bring my fingers up to where his lips last were, resting them on the invisible imprint of his cherishing mouth.
***
In a daydream, I rock to the motion of the horse I am riding. It is soothingly relaxing. I feel the tightness in my chest lifting. The prairie is like a lullaby to my restless soul. I'm trying to enjoy every little last thing I do here, in this breathtaking place. I want to take in every sound, scent, and picturesque scene. Engraving it in my mind, so I can revisit this memory whenever I need to.
"You're one of the guests, aren't you?" A pretty brunette, riding with the group, abruptly interrupts my saving of treasured sweet memories. She has purposely slowed down in order to talk to me.
"Yes, I am," I politely reply.
She's very friendly, flashing me a big smile, showing off her perfectly straight teeth. Her long brown hair is swishing against her straight back as she rides. "How long have you been here?" she asks.
"Nearly two weeks. I leave tomorrow," I say it quickly. I really do hate that leave word.
The personable brunette nods with a slight smile, her overly plucked brows pinch inwards with a frown. "Oh, right. I wasn't sure if you were a guest or not because you seem pretty close with our escort." Her eyes dart forwards, fixing on Dade up ahead.
I trail my eyes slowly back to her. "I suppose I am," I say with a non-committal shrug of the shoulders.
"So you have been seeing him?" she asks without hesitation.
I start to feel uncomfortable with her directness. I really am not liking her nosiness, at all.
I feel guarded now . . . defensive. "Yes," I offishly reply.
"Shit . . . you lucky girl. He is HOT!" I look past the people in front of me, to see Dade slowly riding in the distance. He looks so damn handsome in his cowboy attire with the horizon as his beautiful backdrop. No wonder Miss No Brows wants to get her manicured claws into him.
At first, I didn't really want to divulge with her that I am, in fact, with Dade. Now, I just want to rub her bloody interfering nose right in it. "Yes, he is. I'm very lucky to have him in my life . . . in more ways than one, if you get my drift." I smugly tell her. Have some of that, Miss Never Gonna Happen!
The persistent and very annoying brunette just gives me a fake smile with her approving nod. She seems immune to my smutty sarcasm. "Well, you can tell your cute cowboy, if he has a just as cute brother, he can find me in cabin number three! Shit, if I can hook myself up with someone just like him, I'm going to be one very happy lady on this holiday!"
I throw her a dismayed look, as my jealously rages through me like an unforgiving tornado. I can't believe her audacity. How fucking rude!
Throwing her a very unimpressed look, I mutter under my incensed breath. "I have to go." I squeeze my knees hard, cantering off in the direction of Dade; wishing Miss No Brows a terrible ordeal with a pair of possessed tweezers.
My emotions are on high alert. I don't need some horny hussy, telling me that she has the hots for my fucking man. All that inner calmness is now gone; dissipated into the angry air that now surrounds me. The burning sensation that is rising from my stomach is now running amok inside of me. I have this growing desire to ride my ass back to that bitch, to swing the pencil-browed brunette around by her shiny hair, just to see if she bounces or not.
She has chosen the wrong fucking day to piss me off. My breathing is coarse and rapid, as I battle to control my relentless jealousy. It's not only irrational and unrepentant; it's childish and immature. Every doubt, fear and insecurity hits me all at once. I need to be near Dade. I need to be near him now! He's the only one who can reassure my pathetic inner turmoil.
I sullenly ride up beside him, sulking like a fucked off brat.
Dade can see something is bothering me straightaway. "What's up?" he asks.
"Nothing," I snap.
He rides closer, looking me straight in my despondent eyes. "Tell me what's wrong," he demands.
Knowing that I now have to articulate how I am feeling makes me feel even worse. I'm acting like a jealous bitch, an immature and childish jealous bitch. Jealously is never a good look on anyone, and damn, I don't wear it well at all!
"I'm sorry for snapping at you. I really am feeling stupid now." I frantically try to back track. If I could press rewind, I'd be pressing that sucker right now.
"Georgie, please just spit it out. Tell me what's pissed you off!" Dade now looks annoyed.
I swallow before answering. "Some stupid cow at the back has just fucked me off, that's all." I feel too ashamed to look at him, so keep my eyes forward.
"What did she do?" Dade asks.
Deep down, I know she hasn't really done anything wrong. The gobby brunette was merely throwing around some girlie banter, that's all. Frankly, I'm appalled by my reaction to it. I look sideways at Dade, who still awaits my awful answer.
I sigh loudly, preparing to purge myself of my unfounded jealousy. "She was just asking me some questions about us. She thinks you're really hot and wonders if your brother looks like you and is available," I begrudgingly tell him with my jealousy just managing to be kept at bay. Rationality is no longer a friend of mine. All I keep thinking is that as soon as I have gone, she's going to try and get her jewelled claws into him.
Dade rests one hand on his thigh, his eyebrow arched. "Tell me you're not jealous, Georgie?" he asks with a knowing smile. He knows full well that I'm fucking jealous. He just wants to prolong my agony a little more.
I know I could try to deny it but that would be pointless. I defiantly lift my chin, sticking my nose high up in the air. "Yes, I am. I admit it. My feelings are all over the place today. So, yes . . . I'm feeling jealous!" I confidently confess, blinking hard at him.
Dade brings his horse even closer to mine. So close, our knees knock against one another. With his one hand holding the horn of his saddle, he leans across to me, sealing his sensuous lips around mine. I'm immersed in sweet relief. My jealously is being forced down by the power of his mouth, my insecure lips enjoy savouring this spontaneous taste of him.
Dade ends our kiss by lovingly stroking my cheek. "I think she'll get the message that I'm not available." He playfully winks.
I coyly smile, dropping my eyes to the ground. The lightness in my heart has returned. My jealousy has been battled. Dade has somehow managed to destroy it all with the power of his words and his kiss.